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I just watched Semantic Error: The Movie (2022)
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I'm watching Semantic Error: The Movie (2022)
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I have these dreams where I get older, but just never wiser...
midnights become my afternoon
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Alan Ritchson in The Wedding Ringer (2015) dir. Jeremy Garelick
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taking a step back to move forward
sacrifices... sometimes they have to be made. currently, I am doing that... it's funny 'cause somehow my mind would hint to me that I had to start from scratch at some point in my life. even I myself kind of asked for that, because to me I had achieved my peak (at a certain point a few years back), therefore I wanted to start anew. unconsciously I called Saturn to come. so Saturn came and destroyed basically everything. however, that happened when I already had my mind set out to take a new step in my life. I did not want to start anew anymore, but move along with such that new step. too late. Saturn did what it had to do... but, you know, it's fine. nothing happens by chance. there's a purpose behind everything that happens to us, whether good or bad. I believe in that. I am sure that I am rising stronger than ever before, and the things I've been through, that's part of my story. regrets? maybe none. as I often say, I don't regret the things that I did, but the things I didn't do -- and there's nothing that I don't do. I always act, I always respect my thoughts, my feelings, my willingness. I'm going through a phase of changes in my body, mind and soul. thank God I am such a blessed individual and the people and things that matter the most to me are still with me by my side. I hold on to that, set my mind at one point and go for it. that's the way it has always been. that's the way it shall be. rising from the ashes, that's a phoenix.
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so I’ve put a hard stop on twitter and instagram. it’s been a week “clean” lol. just posting this here to let it for the record.
and man, very good things are coming my way. feeling more optimistic than ever 😌
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going back home feels so much different now. it’s not the same Carlos as before. also, during the rip coming back here, it was inevitable remembering that just a couple of months ago I took this very journey with the love of my life by my side. I was so full of hope and dreams… but now the reality is another one. it’s sad, it is so sad, and it hurts so bad, and it breaks my heart. the pain is unbearable. I feel like a part of me has been ripped from me and I can’t stop bleeding: that’s my heart…
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suddenly I feel more… relieved. yesterday, I managed to resolve some things that had been left unresolved for over 10 years (not because of me). and it has brought me some peace that I did not expect, like it did feel great. having a proper closure for any traumatic moment of your life really does help you end that cycle and allow you to move on lightly, peacefully. funny ‘cause… at the same time I am resolving this thing, there another one that has not entirely been resolved. and not because of me (as usual). but that’s it. I’ll leave this burden to the person who has caused it. I have no guilt whatsoever, nor am I being emotionally irresponsible. karma is a bitch and she will bite your back the moment you least expect for it. be prepared. it has happened to me, it is going to happen to you. mark my words…
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yesterday I had THE talk with a friend of mine and, man, what a revelation. sometimes we just need to speak our minds out just to realize that the answers for our questions have always been there. something has definitely shifted yesterday, for the good… and damn l, how great I feel now :)
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well, we’ve had the talk and… yeah, that’s it. then it’s settled I guess… my heart is officially broken. I still love him so so much, but he says he’s in a different moment and wants to focus on himself and some personal goals (I guess none involving me). it’s gonna take time to heal my heart which is severely damaged with so much love that’s left in it, but cannot be given to one and only guy I’ve ever loved in life.
at least, now I can say we ended it in good terms.
I still wanna be friends with him and maybe talk to him every now and then. I don’t want him out of my life. how could I let someone so dear to my heart simply go away? I can’t.
baby, I love and will always love you <3
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