cerriwine

[cerriwine]

The Bridgeport Telegram, Connecticut, August 23, 1955

[cerriwine]

Hi, just want to let you know Indonesia is currently fighting against bills that are overwhemingly anti-abortion, pro-corruption leeway, pro-deforestation for palm oil industry, papua-colonializing etc. And just like Hong Kong, the police are abusing the college-age protesters.

Not to mention, there is huge forest fire in Sumatra which is most likely similar to Amazon case, where it is deliberately lit for corporate's interest.

Please show your support by reblogging and sharing the news.

Thank you.

[cerriwine]

i want that Tim Burton love story with a side of Robbers by the 1975. Also make it forbidden like Hades and Persephone.

[cerriwine]

I’ve spent most of of my times alone. Either its a bright sunny day or even in a rainstorm. I woke up alone I fell asleep with tears on my pillow. I’d rather not have anybody than to be left in the mid of something.

I am done hoping for someone to stay by my side, i’m done reaching out for my friend.

Everytime i need people the most, its where they left. And in the end, I only got myself to hold on to. I only got my own shoulder to rest.

I always felt alone, emotionally, even on crowded places. Or even when we walk in a group on a field trip, or a group project with my school friends. There is this small place in my head where i locked myself in.

Sometimes i just dont want to talk to anybody even my mom. I dont wanna get out of bed. And i let myself drown in tears at midnight.

My mom always said that i used to be a quiet kid, when she saw some noisy kids having tantrum in public places. She said I’ve always being shy and quiet and I dont know what kind of genes or psychological illness i’ve been having since that age.

Even on my darkest days which nothing matters anymore I didnt reach out to anyone. -I did, once. It ended up chaotic, its like i have a ‘suicidal kid’ tattoed on my head for a whole year at middle school.

I kept my problems all to myself, to be cried alone in my room at the end of the day. I even made playlists on spotify with any different titles even the songs is just the same but in random order.

I’d rather dont eat at all than going out to kitchen and see the chaotic family and makes me wanna gag.

I’d punch the wall til my hands hurt then i cried myself to sleep when im mad or when i fucked up.

I felt weird. I think middle school is where i lost this feeling. Sophomore year, it came back i think this is worse than before. I hate myself and I wonder if god hated me too or my parents hate me because one time my mom point me out with a knife and told me how badly she wanted me to die.

I’ve been keeping this straight face everyday for 16 years. I have none to change.

I want to have feelings, either its the butterfly in your stomach like romcom movies i watched. Or maybe, i dont know, anything.

Im so tired of myself i wished i could end things easily. This is not a safe neighborhood it would be bad for my family name.

They have me in their house and i think thats so much i dont want them to feel anything more.

I miss my old friends, i miss basketball game i watched every weekend with my friends. I missed everything that once make me feel alive.

I dont know what to do. Its my senior year in high school and i feel like im missing everything but i cant just go and live my life when i’ve died a long time ago.

[cerriwine]

carry on, rainbow rowell // the lamment of icarus, herbert james draper // apollo to icarus, nikita gill // sunlight, hozier // icarus, oscar wilde.

[cerriwine]

felt so good when some things changed

even better when you’re a part of it

[cerriwine]

Icarus didn’t mind. He didn’t mind flying too high and let the heat burnt him. He didn’t mind feeling the melted wax grazing his skin. He didn’t mind the gravity pulling him closer to death. He didn’t mind everything. Didn’t mind at all. Because He knew, some things are worth to die for. Apollo is worth all the pain. And that’s all that matter.

[cerriwine]

“I haven’t laughed like that in a long time. Thanks.”

“Aah, where were you all my life?”

[cerriwine]

Do not fly too close to the sun, He said. I’m sorry father, I’ve wanted to embrace her for a long time. To be free, is all i want. To be with her, father, is what i really need.

She was shining so bright, so excited to meet the love of her life. As her smile begins to grow, with her arms wide open to welcome him, His wings melted to the radiance of her heat. Its like the universe is jealous of their loves. Before he could even touch her hands, he fall into the deep ocean. He dont regret any second of it. He was happy, He knows that his love will understand. How much he needed to fly high, and how much he needed to see her. Even if the risk is falling into the darkness.

- dear Icarus