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Title: Adventurer The Curse Of The Midas Box (PG) Year: 2013 Running Time: 100 minutes Director: Jonathan Newman Cast: Aneurin Barnard (Mariah Mundi), Michael Sheen (Charity), Lena Headey (Monica) Notes: None Rating: 8 Thoughts: A hero quests his way through a fantastic world of steam powered wonders and sinister magic. This starts with some nice cyber punk vibes but they quickly fade as the edgy family friendly stuff comes along. It feels like a watered down version of The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen in many ways, hardly full of threat either. The narrative is good if a little safe and I would love to see a darker meaner version. Instead it's made commercially accessible and the nastiness is missing. There are still some nice set plays, a scene with some predictive cards notable, and this is definitely at the scarier end of PG. I'd really like a darker version. I do like this and if I was 12, it would probably be my favourite film. But I'm not. It's hard to forgive the blatant hints at a sequel but I love the end twist that suggest good guys are maybe bad guys. As a silly romp. it's excellent.

#Film Review #Magic

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Title: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (12) Year: 2000 Running Time: 120 minutes Director: Ang Lee Cast: Chow Yun Fat (Master Li Mu Bai), Michelle Yeoh (Yu Shu Lien), Zhang Ziyi (Jiao Long) Notes: Won four Oscars and numerous other awards. Rating: 2 Thoughts: A young Chinese warrior steals a sword and escapes into a world of adventure with a mystical man. Well I left it years to see this - and then wondered why I bothered. The over dubs are absolutely awful, not even close to those that are talking. Add to that a few too many misplaced oohs and aahs, and the dialogue is a mess. All it ends up being is a very polished ninja film. People float about in all sorts of ridiculous ways, and they are all super aloof. The overdubs make it very difficult to judge the acting, and it ends up feeling very wooden. I really have to query the award wins - it's actually very pedestrian and is stuffed with nonsense. Maybe another agenda was in play. The absolute worst poart of this is that the speaking parts aren't overdubs of Chinese, but rather of English. I'd rather it was subtitles. In the end this is empty, predictable and quite dull. It looks very nice but that is no way enough to carry the dry plot.

#Film Review #Historical #Fantasy

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Title: Priest (15) Year: 2011 Running Time: 87 minutes Director: Scott Stewart Cast: Paul Bettany (Priest), Cam Gigandet (Hicks), Maggie Q (Priestess) Notes: Nominated for three awards. Rating: 7 Thoughts: A priest disobeys the church and hunts vampires who kidnapped his neice. The alternative world looks suitably bleak and the characters immediately have an individual presence, just from their look. From the start you are very much in the mood of this world. The titular character is played by the always strong Bettany who just layers on the moody miserable at every turn. The story is good but it plays out in a slightly clunky way, feeling like a script that maybe got cut down with vital parts missed out. The actors do their best but at times aren't actually given much to work with. It ends up being more about the ideas and a lot is left to your imagination - thinking about how this could be a lot better, for one thing. There's a great otherworldy feel, and the leads all have unexpected dimensions but too rarely are these exploited. It's a little frustrating in the end as this could be a lot better and feels like a missed opportunity. The components are there but they just don't come together.

#Film Review #Post Apocalypse

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Title: Outlander (15) Year: 2008 Running Time: 115 minutes Director: Howard McCain Cast: Jim Caviezel (Kainan), Sophia Myles (Freya), Ron Perlman (Gunnar) Notes: Nominated for two awards. Rating: 9 Thoughts: A space ship crash lands on earth during the Viking era, bringing with it an alien creature that kills everything it finds. This ends up being a decent mix of Alien and the Beowulf saga. There's space for Vikings to fight one another before two settlements realise they must come together. The cast is good, with John Hurt also in the ranks. The back stories are believable and the scenes do look good. I enjoyed the performances of the main leads, with each convincing. So far so good. Unfortunately the alien looks a bit too much like some sort of ALien Predator fusion with some extra bits. It also swings too much between stealth intelligence and dumb animal instinct. There are a couple of other things I really don't like. Firstly after Wulfric is immersed in a massive pool of oil set as a trap for the creature he crawls free before the whole thing blows up. So just why isn't he turned into an instant fireball? Secondly the end solution is to forge weapons from space metal. Everything is just made too quickly and I struggle to see how they so easily got the metal to a workable state. In the end it's a film, not a documentary on being burnt alive or how to forge, so I'll forgive them. It's got pace, strong interactions, looks great and ends in a smart way. Overall it's very enjoyable.

#Film Review #Gods #Viking #Fantasy

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Title: The Last Templar Year: 2009 Running Time: 160 minutes Director: Paolo Barzman Cast: Scott Foley (Sean Daley), Mira Sorvino (Tess Chaykin), Victor Garber (Monsignor De Angelis) Notes: Nominated for three awards Rating: 1 Thoughts: An archaeologist researches the lost legacy of the Templars. The picture is the standard online version - I might not have bothered if I had seen that. Instead, my version has four pictures, including a very large one for the front cover, that are very much Knight Templar related. They feature very little here, the premise being that a group of Knights stashed a lost gospel and people in the modern day want to get hold of it as the contents will bring down the Catholic church. The acting is occasionally okay but the storyline is plodding and obvious. Early on the hero, Tess, after seeing four Knights steal some treasures, grabs a centuries' old staff and then grab a horse to go jousting with them. It's preposterous and hammy. The tale dribbles along until the daftest bit of the lot - as a ship flies up and down in massive seas, their camera on the bottom sits calmly to allow the heroes to pick out images of what they seak. Then divers go down serenely (and to what depth???) before the storm is used to force the end scenes. It's nonsense. I was reminded of the equally awful The Hunters and, like that, this is best avoided.

#Film Review #Crusader #Modern #Quest

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Title: Constantine (15) Year: 2005 Running Time: 121 minutes Director: Francis Lawrence Cast: Keanu Reeves (John Constantine), Rachel Weisz (Angela Dodson), Djimon Hounsou (Midnite) Notes: Won two awards, nominated for ten awards. Rating: 9 Thoughts: Constantine is destined for hell but spends his time sending demons on earth back there. Then a detective approaches him for help that could give him his redemption. Reeves plays the role of the washed up terminally ill demon hunter well, dark, brooding and generally miserable. His part works well with the effects that are limited, and thus more believable than they would be if they had gone CGI mad. The supporting cast is good with Weisz as a detective, various other key characters along the way and the wackiest angel ever played by Tilda Swinton. The supernatural world is excellent, the portrayal feeling as reslistic as something made up can be, with a good balance with some mild horror. The devil, when he appears, is interesting but seems a bit too all powerful yet unwilling to use that power. Maybe him having random thoughts is the point! Regardless, this is a well-paced romp and dark when it needs to be without being overwhelming. The roles are all strong and well portrayed, and it's got a nice twist.

#Film Review #Modern #Gods

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Title: Fall Of An Empire (15) Year: 2014 Running Time: 110 minutes Director: Michael Redwood Cast: Nicole Keniheart (Katherine), Peter O'Toole (Gallus), Joss Ackland (Rufus) Notes: Also called Katherine Of Alexandria. Nominated for one award. Rating: 2 Thoughts: Constantine joins the Roman army to find a friend and then prepares for war between East and West. A cast including Edward Fox, Peter O'Toole and Steven Berkoff suggests this will have some quality in the delivery. And that's correct. Unfortunately what they get to deliver is a confused mess. The story jumps from one confused place to another, the dialogue is stale and the film work is poor. They also play too much with the real history, to focus on the story about Katherine of Alexandria, executed in a way to name a firework! There is little to recommend and this is not the film O'Toole would have envisaged as his last. Who knows how much was left in the editing room - presumably it looked so awful they were willing to present this choppy story as is.

#gods #Film Review #Historical #Rome

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Title: Camelot (15) Year: 2011 Running Time: Director: Cast: Joseph Fiennes (Merlin), Jamie Campbell Bower (King Arthur), Tamsin Egerton (Guinevere) Notes: Nominated for one Emmy, nominated for twelve awards. Rating: 8 Thoughts: King Uther dies and the Britons face chaos before Merlin presents the unknown Arthur as King, and against his half-sister Morgan. This is a short series and generally it is pretty decent. The sets look great and the narrative is allowed to really bounce along. Eva Green is excellent and spits evil whilst also suffering for it. Most of the rest are pretty good too. I did find King Arthur a little wet, and some of the Merlin parts are a little effected. What does let this down is that too many people in it are quite stupid, allowing themselves to be killed way too easily. There is some real nonsense and that's a shame as most of the fight scenes seem well thought through. There are also some neat back story ideas, the best of which is the origin of the sword. It's always tough repeating a well-known story but this is generally good and if it wasn't for the lofty cast, I've no doubt it would have been commissioned for a second series. Sadlly I doubt many were available as it deserves more, in particular the further descent of Eva Green's character.

#Fantasy #Magic #Film Review #camelot

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Title: Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (12) Year:2011 Running Time: 105 minutes Director: Rupert Wyatt Cast: James Franco (Will Rodman), Andy Serkis (Caesar), Freida Pinto (Caroline Aranha) Notes: Nominated for one Oscar. Won twenty one awards and nominated for many more. Rating: 10 Thoughts: A substance designed to help the brain self-heal allows a chimpanzee to evolve and lead an ape rising. This starts out as a Michael Crichton style thriller. The actors are all excellent and there is an over arching chill to everything. You do have to suspend belief a little when everyone but Caesar manages to avoid ageing for eight years, but that's tolerable if a little annoying. What is great though is the pace of the narrative. This sits as a story at the very beginning of all Planet Of The Apes tales and is (the non-ageing aside) very convincing. There are also some great nods to the original. The bad guard hoses Caesar down in a mirror of how Charlton Heston's character was treated a very long time ago, before finally Caesar finds his voice with a defiant "No!". Said guard also gets to utter the classic line, "Take your stinking paw off me, you damn dirty ape". Action scenes are well done and there are a couple of characters that you almost cheer as they meet their demise. There is also some real shade such as when Caesar looks defiantly through the cage at his guard's friend and then toys with a pickpocketed knife. Caesar sliding shut the door to his own cage is an immense moment. Considering this risked having so much caught up in comparison with the originals (and in particular Conquest), and then also had the baggage from the Wahlberg reboot, it is especially strong.

#Modern #Film Review

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Title: Arq (15) Year: 2016 Running Time: 88 minutes Director: Tony Elliott Cast: Robbie Amell (Renton), Rachael Taylor (Hannah), Shaun Benson (Sonny) Notes:Won one award, nominated for three awards Rating: 9 Thoughts: A couple are trapped in a lab and a time loop as they fend off masked raiders. The premise is relatively simple, as this aggressive take on the Groundhog Day idea plays out. It's suitably bleak in the near future and we know little more than the characters. As the time loops play out and build, we all find out more. Slowly it pieces together and there is some genuine tension. All of the cast are excellent and for something that is repeating there are also plenty of surprises. Some TV shots aside there are only six cast members and they all do well. The four main leads express the conflict in their own character and it's all very convincing. There's some safe violence, an occasional shot of something more and then they do the great thing of leaving us slightly hanging but realising that the unseen end is probably going to be positive. Overall this is a tight and enjoyable sci-fi thriller.

#Film Review #Post Apocalypse

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Title: Conan The Barbarian (15) Year: 2011 Running Time: 113 minutes Director: Marcus Nispel Cast: Jason Momoa (Conan), Ron Perlman (Corin), Rose McGowan (Marique) Notes: Nominated for two awards Rating: 6 Thoughts: Conan is orphaned and seeks a brutal revenge as he battles the evil warlord responsible. This opens with a very young Conan showing his promise as he kills five enemy raiders single handed. We quickly cut to his village being attacked, a warrior society that suddenly seems to have quite a lot of cavalry men and also appears to have forgotten how to fight. His father is killed, a great (if slightly daft) scene, and the story is set. The enemy warlord responsible for all of this now has the last part of an evil artefact. Fast forward and Conan has become the adult war machine we know, doing vague good but on his own terms. He destroys a slave train as he finds the first of the warlord's henchmen. Fortunately everyone has waited a significant number of years for the whole thing to come together! He works his way through the enemy, a quest of sorts, and it gradually builds to a climax. For fantasy the acting is decent. It all looks good and the script supports the story. But that story is a little wobbly at times and characters just don't always do the obvious. This film also lacks any oomph. The story ends up being generic, plodding quite predictably at times, and whilst we know there is an evil artefact in play there is no real sense of the world, of the milieu and broader setting. It just doesn't feel like Conan. This film has its moments but they are quite spread out.

#Film Review #Quest #Magic #Fantasy #Adaptation #Witches

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Title: Warcraft : The Beginning (12) Year: 2016 Running Time: 123 minutes Director: Duncan Jones Cast: Travis Fimmel (Anduin Lothar), Paula Patton (Garona), Ben Foster (Medivh) Notes: Won two awards, nominated for two awards. Also won "worst film of the year". Rating: 6 Thoughts: An orc horde escapes its own dying world, invading Azeroth. There the humans side with dissenting orcs to take on the evil orc leader. This is a film adaptation from a game and the opening shots really feel like it. It's rammed with cliches, beautiful long shots of fantasy cities, and epic daftness. It also seems to just cut from scene to scene, craving something smoother. A lot of the orc sound is too guttural, and the men are just a little daft really. I get that they have never seen orcs before, but they just seem thick. Magic is nicely handled though and has a powerful yet naturalistic feel. That's just as well as it takes a long time for the story to emerge. Once it does it is just a tad predictable with very typical characters - the true leader in the senior knight who seems to be a better King, the guardian wizard nearing his end, the reluctant wizard apprentice and so forth. The main twist to the story arc has been played out enough times before. The clever part is the near human attitude of the orc who will side with men but the rest is quite obvious. It looks nice, it's generally well acted, and they make the most of the plot. The delivery certainly exceeds the main story to help turn it into something more palatable although I really didn't care what happened to any of them.

#Film Review #Magic #Fantasy #Adaptation

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Title: Planet Of The Apes (2001) (12) Year: 2001 Running Time: 119 minutes Director: Tim Burton Cast: Mark Wahlberg (Captain Leo Davidson), Helena Bonham Carter (Ari), Tim Roth (Thade) Notes: Nominated for two Baftas. Won ten awards and nominated for many more. Rating: 7 Thoughts: In the near future an astronaut crashes on a planet where apes dominate primitive humans. This sees us right back at the start, a reimagining of the first in the series. There's some early inferences that time is awry, and a clear reason for the first ape to arrive that then develops as the story does. The story follows a similar trajectory, the apes now nastier and their strength more in keeping with the animals. There's also an early chance for a gorilla to deliver Heston's classic line. It all looks bleak and forbidding, a world no-one would want to crash land in. And the people can speak, their inability being something that made no sense in the first film. The story progresses well enough but I really don't like the Ari character who feels like Jack Sparrow in an ape suit. And whilst Thade is meant to be aggressive, Roth plays it too hard. I can get his animosity to humans, but doubt his fellow apes would have put up with him. It all looks good as it plays out although when a quest group breaks away the interaction between apes and humans seems ill fitting. But the narrative itself is nicely driven as Leo heads for the almost mythical Calima, with a great reveal when he gets there, and a great conclusion to the on planet action. The ending was controversial for some but it's much closer to the original book. In fact it feels right for me, and helps fill in the gap between today's earth and the ape earth of the future. It looks like it was the apes that destroyed a technological world, and not man. And thumbs up for having Charlton Heston in a small role earlier on. This is a decent enough version and probably gets unfair criticism becasue of the rest of the series, but there are a few holes and convenient plot moments along the way.

#Modern #Post Apocalypse #Film Review #Adaptation

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Title: Gods Of Egypt (12) Year: 2016 Running Time: 127 minutes Director: Alex Proyas Cast: Brenton Thwaites (Bek), Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Horus), Gerard Butler (Set) Notes: Won one award, nominated for eight awards. Nominated for five Razzies and one other negative award, and won one negative award. Rating: 3 Thoughts: Mortal Bek joins the God Horus to fight Set, the latter having usurped power. The opening scenes for Bek are predictable, and those with Horus are so wooden it's a wonder that it's Coster-Waldau on screen. Set/Butler keeps the wood front and centre, although that's probably less surprising. It's an immediate turn off and is followed by the two Gods fighting and leaving their mortal form to turn into awful CGI creations. Set wins and Bek ends up in slavery. Although that appears to be slavery with normal clothes, nice hair and perfect skin. And more lame dialogue. Gods are taller than men, but too often they seem to forget the scaling. It's the sort of thing you can forgive if the script is decent, but it really isn't. And the delivery is often very poor. The words don't sound natural, the tale has too much Disney style safe schlick in it, and there is little to draw you to the characters. It also all feels a bit too nice. There are some good ideas in the background but the execution of it all is generally terrible. It's also a waste of a decent cast and Gerard Butler. I'm just amazed how utterly wrong they got this.

#Film Review #Gods #Fantasy #Magic

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Title: Enchanted Kingdom (PG) Year: 2015 Running Time: 98 minutes Director: Carl Lauten Cast: Drew Seeley (The Good Man), Lindsey Shaw (Girl In Church), Ashley Boettcher (Little Girl) Notes: Also known as The Yellow Day Rating: 1 Thoughts: A young man takes an inspirational journey on the yellow day. This has a very lengthy animated intro that really drags on as it tells the back story. It needs to be briefer, sharper and better. Sadly both the cloying narration and sickly animation pop up through the film. It has nothing much to do with fantasy, despite its claims, and is only really included here to ward you off. It is dripping with Christian themed niceness and it's played out in such a super safe nicey way that it smothers any messages. It is also incredibly slow, with no pace at any time. The script just doesn't sound like anyone I have ever heard speak, and the story is very lacking. They focus too hard on their "message" and they forget to tell much of a tale. It's hard to comment on the acting, as they aren't really allowed to step outside the sickly framework. And they aren't given anything to work with. Instead it just limps along and it's a relief when it ends.

#Film Review #Gods Modern

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Title: The Gaelic King (15) Year: 2017 Running Time: 87 minutes Director: Philip Todd Cast: Alasdair Blair (King Eachdach), Simon De Silva (King Unust), Peter Cosgrove (Fergus) Notes: None Rating: 1 Thoughts: Scotland 800 AD, and during a war the King's brother is captured leading him to hunt the kidnappers in a forest that contains an evil secret. They all look very polished in the opening shots as a voice over is drowned out by some cloying music. A battle ensues and is unconvincing before we jump some years and introduce shadows from the forest. It all feels a little clumsy. The sound is poor as this continues, background noises often smothering spoken parts. Quite a lot of the time that's not a bad thing as the script is generally pedestrian. But underneath this is maybe a decent story. A druid character is played for mild laughs but at least he can deliver his lines in a vaguely convincing way. But some of the lead's work is dire. His interchange with the female Pict is truly awful. And why is her face permanently speckled with mud? Anyway, on with the story. The evil spirits turn out to be fronted by a woman all in white, inexplicably clean in the forest. She is then joined by a whole load of darkly clad spooky guys. Meanwhile the Picts have some very poorly choreographed fights with each other before the questing band is finally formed. They plod on and the inevitable conclusion is drawn. Until the wierd magic bit. It's almost worth waiting for it's so daft! That isn't the end though, there's a final confrontation. Preceded by more badly choreographed fighting amongst themselves - although it's interesting how the untrained villagers fight as well (or as badly) as the Pictish warriors from before! The final, final battle is the epitome of why films like this shouldn't be made. It's just rammed with daftness. And just as it's going badly some more weird magic saves the dismal day. Maybe that story wasn't quite as decent as it threatened!

#Film Review #Magic

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Title: Pilgrimage (18) Year: 2017 Running Time: 96 minutes Director: Brendan Muldowney Cast: Tom Holland (Brother Diarmuid), Richard Armitage (Raymond de Merville), Jon Bernthal (The Mute) Notes: Nominated for two awards. Some parts in French and Gaelic, and even a little in Latin. Rating: 9 Thoughts: In thirteenth century Ireland a group of monks escort a relic across a dangerous land. The premise is familiar and I am immediately reminded of several films such as Viking The Darkest Day and Dark Relic, in general terms of the story. And that story is quite simple - take a relic to somewhere else, try not to get killed in the process. As a result the characters have all the focus and they are well rounded. In addition the various fight scenes are very nicely done with realism ahead of flair. This is fighting, up close and generally brutal. It's a good film example of everyone doing their thing well. It's a shame that some of it was filmed in Belgium as it would have been nice to see more of Ireland on screen. In addition they chop between the languages throughout, with a few moments where the character is surely speaking the least appropriate one. It feels real, there's no fluff, and delivers in all areas. I was surprised to see the 18 certificate as the fighting is no more explicit than many much lower rated films, and the couple of torture elements are not really visible. That will no doubt have limited the viewing. And that's a shame as this is a strong slice of medieval life with a solid and simple tale at its heart.

#Film Review #Historical #Quest #Crusader