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carolthespacetraveler · 2 years

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PRAYING FOR JULY.

muriel x gn!reader . . spoilers for muriel's route ahead, proceed with caution !

a/n: this is more of a drabble than anything because i've been putting it off for too long, but i definitely hope to write for him more

muriel had learned to lie in passiveness, back bowed for the devil to give him his lashes. his eyes burned, and he bled—bled and wept with the same raw, warm red that kissed the ground he bore his hands into, searching for a place to rest. he’s bitter—all of him, ash on the tongue that speaks his name as though it was worth being spoken at all—and gods, he feels pathetic clawing at the moss, silently begging to be good enough for someone, anyone, even the earth below. would it take me, if i asked? it’s silly, he thinks he hears a reply rooted in the soil that clots beneath his fingernails, but it’s barely there. he has to wonder if he’s imagined it all as he sits back on his heels, breathing ragged. not yet. not now.

january unfurls like a slow storm, and muriel tries to forget.

he wishes it were as simple for him as it were for you. he almost succumbs to the swarm of the market in his hesitation, glancing over his shoulder at watch you spin round in circles aimlessly. you wouldn’t find him. not that you knew who he was, or would want to anyhow. you could always try, but muriel hates how you try to pick him out, blood-stained, monstrous and all, like the mere sight of him isn’t a curse enough. you weren’t supposed to remember him. what hurts more is that you look relieved to see him again, the brilliance of your smile flickering to a dull shine as you feel his wounds like fruit, patient in how you guide him to sit still, a damp cloth pressed to his skin.

you’ll leave him in february, he tells himself. gone by morning, the memory of him rotting in the far corners of your mind. you hold the myrrh to your chest like you can’t bear the thought of losing it, and muriel pretends like he doesn’t care, even if his heart knows better, clenching once, twice, three times. if you catch his lie, you don’t press it—only wrap the green scarf around him, fingertips smoothing the fabric over his chest in featherlight touches, as if to say “you’re worth it”. you give him every chance to pull away, and muriel takes it more times than he’s proud to admit, but that doesn’t change how every part of him aches in regret.

he can’t take the words back now, but he can try to be better. he wants to be better for you. muriel could be like spring, pure and beautiful, marching sluggishly along under the waning moon, but he’s still not there yet. he can’t force the ugly, loathsome thing trapped between his ribs to settle when you curl up beside him on the floor, not anymore than he can force you to run like he told you to. you don’t need to know that he dreamt of you that night; oil on skin, pinks and yellows bleeding into the sky, your lips molded to the shape of his neck. he doubts you would listen, though you say otherwise.

so when muriel feels april approaching, he starts to trust you; wholly, using every waking moment to pray he won’t be sorry. he could die here, the shadows growing darker behind his eyes as lifetimes whirl past him in a blur, never knowing how grateful you are to share this one with him. maybe it’s just enough that he feels loved in this moment, however often the ghost of himself says it won’t last.

but the hatchet is buried, isn’t it? more than that—he feels clean, mind, body and soul, and if you could hold them all in the palm of your hand, he wouldn’t even flinch. muriel thinks he can understand now, why you cried for him; why it mattered that he wasn’t afraid of you, and what a surprise that was, because how could he ever fear you? how, when you touched him so tenderly, even after all he’d done, murmuring litanies of praise into the spaces where only he could hear, “i love you”s traded between your bodies? muriel can’t remember all the months that passed, but july is always there in the forefront of his mind, a grained photograph of forking roads and lush verdure leading back home.

the pale, wonted blues and grays had turned to gold, veiled thinly in a warm orange glow. against the nearest wall there stands a chair draped in tapestries yet to be hung, and muriel’s free hand reaches out to trace their decorative patterns. his trail stops at the crest of a bear’s head, crowned in flowers, and his lips twitch into a small smile. you grumble incoherently from beneath the weight of his bicep, curled around your head to pull you closer into his hulking form, and muriel chuckles, finally sinking into the bed. the mattress groans weakly as he rolls onto his back, and you take the opportunity to rest your chin on his chest, gazing up at him blearily.

whatever you aim to say in the first few seconds, muriel doesn’t bother trying to translate—with it being nothing more than a string of jumbled garbling, he doesn’t think he’d be able to anyway—but when you manage to gather your senses, it’s well worth the wait.

“i love you.” muriel cranes his neck to look at the ceiling, hoping it will hide his blush, but it’s a poor attempt at best. you hum into his collarbone with amusement, fingers threading through his hair and tugging gently as if to tell him “look at me”. the things you don’t say, muriel finds, speak volumes. he complies eventually, albeit with a pout that is quickly ushered away by your lips on his, the first signs of dawn pouring from your lazy movements.

“i love you,” he whispers in reply, thumbing your cheek before kissing you once more. muriel thinks it could be december by the time he pulls away, flushed and panting softly. then, you hook your leg around his middle to pull him flush against you, sighing into the heat of his mouth and reminding him that summer is just over the bend. inanna grants you both this mercy by keeping to her rug by the fire, and muriel silently gives his thanks while tugging the covers over your bodies. from the corner of the window, he can see the lemon tree flourishing, and it’s just like he dreamt: oil on skin pinks and yellows bleeding into the sky, your lips molded to the shape of his shoulder. morning yawns across the horizon, and muriel lies with you like it’s all he’s ever known, and it’s all it ever should have been.

sleep comes easier in july.

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carolthespacetraveler · 2 years

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Forgive this rambling, but I decided to try and write down my observations on each Arcana LI's fashion style and the common themes/shapes you find in their outfits.

The keywords are what I tend to research when finding inspiration for designing unique outfits.

As these are just my observations, it's not a comprehensive guide and if anything needs clarification, feel free to ask me to elaborate.

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carolthespacetraveler · 2 years

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Cori’s Adventures in Seducing an Emo Nerd MASTERPOST

Chapters:

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8.1 - 8.2 - 8.3 - Extra 1 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15

WEBTOONS

TAPAS

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carolthespacetraveler · 3 years

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Someone’s gotta ask the real questions

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carolthespacetraveler · 3 years

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Can you write Jake comforting MC who is freaking out after that final episode 8 phone call? I am literally still shaking omg

>Episode 8 Spoiler!<

Headcanon

Summary:Jake comforts you / helps you after the call of the man without a face.

A/n: Hi, dear! I hope you are feeling better. Episode 8 was really exciting, especially the end... wow.

So, this isn’t so much, I hope you’ll like it anyway. I’m sorry again for the delay, I hope it wasn’t that bad.

I don’t think I have more to say xD

Excuse the mistakes, have fun, take care of yourselves and stay healthy.❤️🌹🎭

After the phone call, Jake immediately worried the hell out of his mind about you, knowing that was your worst nightmare and it was now coming true.

Putting even more people in even greater danger than they were before was exactly what you were afraid of.

And he knew full well that, if he wasn’t there for you now, you’d lose yourself. You’ll blame yourself and hate yourself.

And he couldn’t let that happen.

He wasn’t feeling well after the call himself. Hearing how your life was threatened let him get hot and cold at the same time. The little hairs of his arms stood on and he immediately felt sick.

Because this was also his greatest fear, his greatest worry. He was always glad you were far enough away from Duskwood, glad you promised him you wouldn’t go there. And yet he was tremendously disturbed by the current course.

No matter if you were at the other end of the world, his concern that something might happen to you broke his heart.

In the group chat, the others still wrote cluelessly, only satisfied that Jessy and Thomas could escape him.

If they knew about it...

But Jake doesn’t have time for that now! Now it was all about you and your well-being.

The call was about 3 minutes ago and you were still online but you hadn’t written a message yet which is why Jake’s taking over.

"MC?"

"I saw it too"

"Don’t worry, we will find a solution"

He didn’t know what the right words would be, he was afraid to say something wrong or not understand you properly.

He waited for two minutes but nothing happened, his concern grew, he had no idea what was happening to you.

"MC? Please answer me"

"I’m really worried about you"

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

The hacker felt like he was going crazy.

Another three minutes later, he still had no answer.

He slipped restlessly on his desk chair. His fingers repeatedly stroked the keyboard, typed words but then deleted them again.

He didn’t know what to do, should he give you time? Should he continue to write to you? What should he do?

He pushed another 5 messages but still no answer came.

And so it happened that he would throw all his principles overboard and call you. The voice distortion and cover his camera should be enough.

But despite the situation, he had to smile. What have you done to him that he is so in love?

He just couldn’t just sit there and wait, he couldn’t, he had to know how you were, if you’re okay, how you’re feeling.

His fingers dialed your number easier than he thought.

He knew them by heart. On his escape, and he doesn’t know how many times, he had thought of contacting you through an old phone booth, but that too was far too dangerous.

With every dull sound that showed that the call was made to you, made him more nervous and nervous.

Not even because he could hear your voice, but because he was afraid of your reaction.

He has to wait, for his taste, too long, until it suddenly crackled at the other end and then a trembling "Hello?" could be heard.

His heart broke, it broke into 10,000 pieces when he heard your whiny and desperate voice, it broke his heart and soul.

"MC" he croaked. His voice broke off, too shocked.

"Jake!" you cry painfully.

The hacker had to swallow before he could answer, fearing his voice would simply give up.

"I - I'm so sorry," he whispered.

And then, you broke out crying, crying terribly, and he listened to you quietly. He listened to you all crying out your grief and frustration, listening to how you were at the end, how sad and broken.

And every sob made him blink away slightly wet in his eyes himself.

You’re his biggest weakness...

Only when you murmured, "What have we done? What have I done?" did he speak again. He can hear so clearly how much you blame yourself.

"No, MC, it’s not your fault. It’s his fault, not yours," he said with a stronger ringing voice. He could only imagine how strange it sounded to you with the computer voice.

"Oh no? isn’t it? ISN'T IT?"

He flinched in front of his computer when your voice suddenly got a strength he hadn’t expected.

A bitter laugh shifted through the line and made him a little nervous.

"IT. IS. MY. FAULT! We should have stayed out of it from the start! We should have given the police everything we have and let them find Hannah!"

"MC, I promise you that we will find a solution!" he assured you, but unfortunately he was unsure about it himself.

"How? If we are all going to be dead?" you shout angrily and the hacker hardly tightens his jaw. What should he do? How best to help in such a situation?

"You’re angry," he murmurs, and makes you laugh bitterly again.

"I think, I have a deja-vu. Oh wait, we had the conversation 24 hours ago already!"

"MC, you have to listen to me," he pleaded.

"You can be angry, you can be angry, sad, afraid, you can scream, cry, anything you want. But don’t turn these emotions against yourself, turn it against the guilty, against the man without a face!"

Your anger rose, rose to the immeasurable, and you knew he was right, you knew it was too late. You knew you couldn’t go back.

"We have to tell the others," you mumble, your quick changes of mood confuse you, but who could blame you?

Unfortunately it was true, you had to tell the others.. you have to tell the others, and then you can keep crying. But the others are in Duskwood. They could be attacked immediately, so they were more important now than anything else.

"I can’t do this alone, Jake," you whisper broken.

And you didn’t have to do it alone.The hacker promised to keep talking to you all the time. He promised you that he would not leave you alone, that he would be there to help you.

He didn’t want to start this topic so quickly, he wanted to give you time and he tried to tell you that. But he also understood that you don’t want to waste time.

It was clear that everyone had to come together immediately; none of the others should let the others out of sight. Everyone has to stay together from now on, not be alone.

And you explain it to them from beginning to end.

An agreement can be reached quickly.

Every time you started crying again when you read the others messages, Jake was there for you. He promised you that everything would be okay, that he wouldn’t go.

He assured you that everything would go well, that he would do anything to keep you safe.

Even if you didn’t know how he wanted to do it, his words calmed you down, because you believe every single one of them. You believe it, you hear it in his voice.

The others were equally shocked and immediately agreed to your plan. The largest apartment of all, was Cleo’s. So they started packing their things and Thomas would pick them up one by one and go to Cleo.

The first shock was overcome, but your body was still shaking.

Of course, the worry was still there, and bigger than ever.

But Jake’s presence, even if it’s only on the phone, helped you.

And even after the others went offline, you don’t stop calling.

Without realizing it, the hacker managed to distract you, and for a few hours he managed to completely take you to another world. You were amazed at it.

At first, you were a little afraid you wouldn’t have enough talking points, but this was the most beautiful conversation you’ve ever had.

The themes came and went, one after the other.

No unpleasant breaks, no stops.

He took you to get something to eat from the small Chinese restaurant.

His voice kept giving you goosebumps, his quiet manner and the stories he told calmed you down. Your heart beat fast, your cheeks hurt from the smile and again and again your cell phone battery called that you need new power.

But none of you cared.

You were in another world, as if he had taken your hand, and you had gone away; for a few hours you were no one, only yourself.

In the beginning Jake still sounded very nervous but with time and little teasing from your side, he also became more open.

His voice became more normal, less nervous and his laughter louder.

And you can swear that his laughter was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard.

As your phone call slowly draws to a close, you two try to keep it up somehow.

But the day was exhausting, you were tired and couldn’t finish a sentence without a yawn.

"Jake?" you ask carefully.

"Yes, MC?"

"I feel bad that I didn’t say it before. But shortly after you called me, the voice distorter stopped working."

Yeah, you could hear his real voice all the time, all the time you could hear him, the real Jake, not the hacker.

A slight laugh leaves his lips, sounds like balm in your ears.

"What brings you to the assumption, that it was by accident?"

Masterlist

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carolthespacetraveler · 3 years

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Heey, I love your headcanons, thanks for giving us such adorable lines! I was wondering if you could go into some angst with happy ending headcanon? Like Mc wants to go to Duskwood and Jake desagrees? Feel free to pick the reasons tho <3 anything you write will be wonderful

Headcanon

Summary: Break a promise and still be lucky that he trusts you anyway.

A/n: So first of all, as always, Hi and thanks for your request. And next, thank you so much for the kind words, I’m really really glad you like it! <3

So here we are, again I don’t know if you can call this a right headcanon but it is a bulleted list xD😅

I hope you’ll like it anyway and it gets to your expectation. At least, a bit.

So, have fun. Take care of yourself and stay healthy.🌹🎭

Again, of course: sorry for the mistakes.

When you decided it was best to go to Duskwood, your biggest concern was the hacker, Jake.

Your feelings for him and your promise stand in your way.

"I promise I won’t go to Duskwood"

But at that moment, you didn’t know that Richy would be attacked so badly a few hours later. And it’s your fault, you think.

How can you just leave your friends, your new friends that you’ve grown fond of, alone there and watch them get attacked because of you. Because you’re a danger to a kidnapper, to a murderer.

You can’t just leave it like that. You have to do something. You have the hope that if you are there yourself, the man without a face will focus on getting you and leaving the others out.

You know what you’re getting into, you saw it on two others who were personally attacked, Cleo was filmed, Phil was arrested. And two of your best friends got hurt.

It’s your duty to go to Duskwood, isn’t it?

But if it weren’t for the feelings for the mysterious hacker, and your promise that you shouldn’t have given him at all.

You should have realized that you’re going to get to the point where you have to go to Duskwood. You should have thought of that and made no promise.

But you did it.

And now you have to live with the consequences that lie ahead, even if you will hurt Jake.

But how was that? How much should one do for one life if the lives of others, of several, also come into danger? And even if you hurt Jake with it, and you don’t want to, you have to put your own wishes down and do the right thing.

And this is: saving your friends.

To find Hannah.

And hope Jake can forgive you.

The fact is, you need a lot of luck.

It’s hard to tell Jake first that you’re going to Duskwood, but if you tell the others first, he’d read it. And then he’d be even more disappointed.

Damn, eyes shut and go for it.

Your bag is packed, you’re ready.

All right, let’s go.

"Jake, are you there?"

"I need to talk to you."

"And please listen to me first"

His answer comes quickly, faster than you thought, faster than you hoped.

"Hello, MC :)"

Oh please not the smiley, please not, this grin that you imagine he’s really smiling when he writes it. And that’s because of you. And you’re about to betray him. Because that’s what you’re doing. A betrayal.

"I’m so sorry, Jake..."

"What are you sorry about?"

With a heavy heart you write the sentence, which takes your breath away.

"I have to go to Duskwood"

Silence, silence, and even more silence, deafening minutes, nothing happens.

You want to ask him if he’s still there, there comes his answer.

"You made a promise," he reminds you, but you remember too well.

"I know" you know it, he doesn’t know how much you still know it, it rings in your head, over and over again.

"You promised me, MC, you said you wouldn’t go to Duskwood, you promised ME."

He insists, you promised him, no matter what, you’re not going there.

But there’s no other way, you have to.

"Jake, it’s my fault the others are in danger. I can’t watch them get hurt, and I, the main person aside from Hannah, sit miles away and watch."

"And I can’t just watch you put yourself in danger. Mc, please don’t do this. Don’t do it for me. Don’t do this to me."

Ouch.

You didn’t expect such a reaction, don’t do that to me. Sit ready with your bag in your apartment and tell the man you’ve developed feelings for that you want to put yourself in danger, breaking your promise.

"Jake, please, understand me, I don’t want this, but I have no choice"

"You have one! One between your safety and my concern and between a kidnapper"

Ok.. wow...Between a kidnapper and him? He makes it look like you’re choosing a killer?

"Don’t say it like that. Don’t say that like I’m going to go against you and choose a kidnapper. I choose the safety of my friends, Jake!"

"And break your promise to me"

You sigh, what shall you do? It is certain that you will go; so it is, and so it will remain.

"I’m sorry, I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry I’m putting myself in danger. I’m sorry to disappoint you"

"I’m really disappointed," he replies.

And again, Ouch.

What’s worse than someone getting mad? If someone’s disappointed, and then it’s Jake, who’s become so important to you. The last one you want to hurt, the one you’re hurting in this moment.

Tears fill your eyes. You try to blink it away but it doesn’t work. Until the first one rolls over your face.

"I’m sorry, I have to do it!"

"I won’t let you do this, MC, I won’t let you go to Duskwood alone"

You swallow, you hurt him, you hurt him, you break what he trusts most, your word, you, the only person he trusts. And it turns out you lied.

"But you can’t stop me either"

He’s offline, he didn’t answer you, you’re already feeling bad enough, is he so angry? So hurt?

Of course he is, and you would be too, if you were him.

Every joy of your journey (the few you had, after all, this is not a fun trip) has passed when you look out of the window of the train and the landscape passes by you.

You’ve been trying to reach him.

Several messages, no response, even calls, but here again, no response, of course not.

One of your messages is clearly different from the others, marked by grief and anger. And in this message, it’s your opinion, why you’re going to Duskwood, you told him why you have to go. Even if he takes everything rationally and without great emotions, you are not.

You’re different, you sent him the comparison.

As much as he fears for you, as much you fear for your friends.

Your heart feels heavy. Too heavy, heavier than it should be. Damn it, you don’t know each other for long, and yet, he trusts you. Only you. Or rather, trusted you. And now, he probably doesn’t trust anyone anymore.

Why does everything have to be so hard? Why does the man without a face have to destroy your life like that? What the fuck do you have to do with all this? You don’t know Hannah at all!

Every second you look at your phone, hoping to get a message from the hacker. Has he seen your messages? Out of your emotions, they have become quite personal. Told him how much you cared about him, how sorry you were for betraying him.

This is the best prerequisite to go to Duskwood and catch a killer.

Yey.

35 minutes until you reach Duskwood, 35 minutes and then you walk into the unknown. You have no idea what’s going to happen, don’t know what could happen to you.

Are you going to get hurt? Maybe you’ll die? Then what? Is Jake right? Is it stupid? So stupid to come here?

The train goes to the station of Colville, a large and anonymous city. These people all have secrets. And no one knows how big and heavy these secrets maybe are.

People get out, other people get in. Families, couples, individuals.

With small bags, with travel bags, with suitcases, or with nothing.

You clear the seat next to you. Someone wants to sit with you. You’d rather be alone, but it’s not that simple.

"Sorry, there I sit"

You’re pulling your eyebrows together. Ready to tell whoever the young man is, the other was there first. But you won’t be able to speak. A tattoo on the hand of the second man.The same motif as the eye of the hacker.

"We are a couple"

It’s the excuse to really sit next to you, and it works. The man gets up and leaves.

Your gaze is still on the tattoo that adorns his hand, then you let your gaze slide into the man’s face, or rather, in Jakes face. A cold look lies on you, a disappointed one, a angry one.

He’s slowly sinking into the square beside you. You just keep staring at him, thinking about what to say.

"Jake" you breathe quietly.

"No, don’t say anything, just don’t say anything," he immediately cuts you off, "Just go ahead with Hannah’s cloud. Then at least we use this time"

You don’t dare to contradict, you don’t dare to do anything at all.

It takes two minutes and a glance from Jake until you dare to open your phone, to move. Much too frightened and stiffened by this whole situation.

The redness that rises in your cheeks as your background image shows up, Jake’s message with a simple smiley face, doesn’t make the situation any better.

And also not the side look of the hacker, who now knows your background image. And who cannot restrain himself from a very light, only indicated smile.

It takes about 20 minutes for a growl to escape you, you just can’t get anywhere. The next part of the cloud simply doesn’t want to be unlocked.

Jake looks at you from the laptop on his lap.

"This shit," you mumble, and he takes your phone away.

"Let me help you," he murmurs quietly and immediately starts decrypting.

Curiously, you lean over to him a little. Your shoulder bumps against his, and at lightning speed he turns his head, just like you, in that direction. Quickly you retreat a bit back and then meet the look of Jake. Your heads are only a few inches apart and you can smell his cologne.

For a minute, none of you move, you’re just staring at each other with uncertainty.

Then Jake clears his throat, and you moved away from him another bit.

"Sorry," you say, and keep your distance while he unlocks the next file in a few minutes. Like as a matter of course, he sends the picture of Hannah, which won’t help, to his chat.

Briefly, his gaze gets stuck on your messages when the chat messenger automatically opens with the sending of the image.

Without a word, he’ll give you back your phone and move on.

For the next few minutes it is quiet between you two, then he clears his throat again.

"I read the messages, MC"

You are freezing up. It’s unpleasant to talk about it sitting next to each other.

He’ll probably tell you now that there’s no point in it, that it can’t be done.

"Sorry," you mumble again, looking out the window.

"I think I got it," he admits against all your expectations.

"I think your comparison with you and me and with you and your friends makes sense"

"Really?" you look confused.

He laughs lightly, "Yes, really, actually, I have no right to forbid you to go to Duskwood. I am not someone who is in a position to tell you this, and my fear is not a reason to be mad at you."

You’re a little perplexed, "Really now?"

"Yes, and I’m sorry. Even if I don’t apologize for my concern for you"

"You don’t have to be sorry, you’re right, it’s dangerous and maybe stupid, but I have to do this. And I’m sorry I’m pulling you into this, you shouldn’t be here at all!"

Now you get panicked, what is he even doing here? Is he crazy? What if his pursuers can find in now.

"MC, I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t sure it was okay," he explains, and you can’t help but roll your eyes.

"I don’t believe you"

"I don’t either, but it doesn’t matter now, it’s about you and Hannah.. and your friends. And I have the feeling that this is what I have to do now," but he still sounds a bit uncertain.

"Nevertheless, you should not be here" you bite yourself, angry at yourself, on the lower lip.

"Just as much as you shouldn’t be here, so I guess we’re even. You’re here to protect your friends, and I’m here to protect you. And together we will save Hannah" He sounds like a hero making a speech. And he is, he putting himself in danger to save you, he is a hero, your hero.

"And I still trust you, MC. You told me before you told the others, you trust me, so I trust you too. Only you, don't forget that"

Masterlist

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