captainamsel

[captainamsel]

happy april 30th!

[captainamsel]

You believe me like a god

I betray you like a man

#black sails #ahahahaha. haha

[captainamsel]

endless discourse cycle of "not doing drugs is pathetic loser behaviour" -> "making fun of people for not doing drugs is high school bully behaviour" would be resolved instantly if ppl simply recognised that doing drugs is like anorexia in that both are socially encouraged but only until you cross the line into disabled and/or unemployable

[captainamsel]

Yknow, I think this passage really captures how Ouyang views Esen, especially in contrast with how Baoxiang views Esen. Ouyang geuinely believes the best of Esen, he genuinely belives that Esen is good and pure and kind and that it's himslef that is taining him into being otherwise. And while Ouyang is right in that he's technically responsible for Esen’s current emotional state (he did very much kill Esen’s dad and frame his brother for it, that is very much a thing he just did), for once it isn't his fault for the everything else going on with Esen?

I do think Esen is generally good-natured, and tries to be kind and generous to those he loves, but it's very clear that Ouyang has reduced him to JUST that in his head. He only sees Esen’s best qualities as inherent to him, and all the bad ones are Ouyang's fault somehow. He blames himself for Esen not understanding him (because there's something wrong with him, and even when he's mad at Esen for not caring enough to notice certain things he justifies it in his head by making it about his own unmanliness or whatever and Esen is just to perfect for that), for any failure in battle (yeah you're the general but Esen also approved this hes your boss dude), and generally for any moment where Esen exhibits less than stellar behaviour/capacity/etc. When in reality, we have a lot of moments where Esen is just sort of a dick, many of which are pre-ouyang (courtesy of HWDtW wbx flashbacks, which, granted, are also biased but my point still stands). We see Esen's constant and usually unjustified frustration with wbx and sometimes Ouyang, we see him be dismissive of the things they tell him, in the pre-order reward its pretty much stated that he makes a habit of dumping Ouyang outside brothels for hours while he goes inside to get laid, in one of his first scenes we see how much he enjoys it when Ouyang spends the whole morning tormenting Altan (altho tbf he kinda deserved it, altan suuuccckkss), and in general Esen just kinda treats people like crap sometimes. He's snapish and short-tempered and stubborn and imperious, loves whining about stuff, and is a shitty brother and best friend. He's got a lot of good qualities too, like how he's one of the few people that treats Ouyang with respect and tries to treat him as an equal, how his first reaction when wbx is insulted is to come to his defense (even if wbx usually foils his attempts by immediately clapping back and storming off), how we see him recognize he gets frustrated witj wbx too easily and tries to hold his temper back, how he immediately self-sacrifices to save Ouyang from his dad, how even after thinking wbx killed their dad he does really want to forgive him.

My point is, Esen is trying, but he's a very flawed human being, and Ouyang just can't seem to grasp that. He looks at him with rose-colored glasses. And it's so interesting that amongst all the shitty things Ouyang has done (and this duology really just is Ouyang and WBX fuck up yuan dynasty china to truly Epic proportions), the one he feels worst about is the one that isn't actually his fault (sorta). He may have killed Chaghan and been the catalyst for Esen's emotional blow up, but he isn't responsible for Esen having the capacity to burn WBX's books. That was Esen's decision. He hasn't somehow manipulated Esen into an eviler, crueler version of himself by virtue of existing evil-y and eunuch-y and revengefully im his vicinity. Esen was always capable of this, even if we take out Ouyang's actual manipulations, and I think this whole I-tainted-hin mentality really encapsulates how fucked up their relationship and Ouyang's mental state are in general. After all, Ouyang doesn't feel bad about the murder, or the framing, and he feels guilt about causing Esen pain, but most of all, he feels absolutely terrible that he's shattered what he sees as Esen’s purity, which in reality is mostly just the pedestal he himslef put him on. Man, what a fucked up little guy.

#the radiant emperor #also esen is sexist af and that's another character flaw but Ouyang doesn't see it that way. even though it's tied up with all the ways #in which esen fails him and baoxiang #but he's never even gonna begin to unpack that #not even gonna put the suitcase down. no sir. off to khanbaliq he goes #also read op's tags

[captainamsel]

the thing about the "you have to sink her" scene and everything after is that. it is so sexy. every time.

#black sails

[captainamsel]

reblog if you prioritize women to the point you mock people for liking m/f or m/m ships. im insane

#it has been said

[captainamsel]

tumblr poll simulator

[captainamsel]

Remember the five minutes in Oleander Sword where everything was fine, and then nothing devastating ever happened to these characters 🙃

#me when bhumika is there <3 #the burning kingdoms

[captainamsel]

sometimes you dont eat fruit for awhile and then you eat some fruit and you're like oh fuck its fruit

[captainamsel]

unleashing all the Jasmine Throne drawings that have sat 95% finished for months

#MORE lovely art we stan messy siblings #the burning kingdoms

[captainamsel]

Divayanshi looking at her line like 🤦🏾‍♀️ more sibling drama with Malini, Chandra, and Aditya

#oh lovely art mwah #the burning kingdoms

[captainamsel]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

#it's extremely cringe. stop it

[captainamsel]

#koala

[captainamsel]

when the academic article is so good it has you giggling and kicking your feet

[captainamsel]

new seth dickinson interview

#baru cormorant #exordia

[captainamsel]

"haunting the narrative" is one of those phrases i wanna put up on a shelf. not all characters that are dead haunt the narrative. not all characters that are dead haunt the narrative. not all characters that haunt the narrative are dead.

[captainamsel]

Cascade