byuttzzang

[byuttzzang]

None of y’all can relate to what I am going through. The fact that I got mad at everyone around me not understanding was stupid to begin with. I should have never kept such high hopes. I’m never gonna find someone who shares similar pains as me expect possibly myself. No one will understand expect maybe God himself.

There is this terrible void within myself, it’s takes everything I love and churns it into nothing. I no longer share the passions I used to carry like my sword as I did during childhood.

My books were my shield I found comfort in

My void has taken my shield and turned into a useless piece of scrap

I just want someone to stay up with me and talk about the real shit, real problems, talk long term goals with me, what the fuck they want to fucking do with their life without wussing about it while thinking about it

I just want friends who can support me, I want friends who can cheer for me as loud as they can and mean it because they don’t have anything in their heart like jealousy or anything

I want people to stop one upping each other

I want to support people who deserve to be supported because I know with all my heart they fucking deserve it because like me they also worked fucking hard to get it

...

But I don’t have anybody who will support me when I need them...and no one whom I can genuinely support back

No one to hold me tight and cry with me because they hear my pain

Ig in this way maybe that’s why I felt sympathy for that kid

...

Does that turn me into a monster as well?

[byuttzzang]

I’m doing my best right now man...I already explained to my mother weeks ago how if I got this certain scholarship I had to go to that particular school because it’s binding. She’s mad at me now because apparently I didn’t tell her even though we got into a friggin argument about it weeks ago. And i just asked her two or three days ago if I got rejected to all the out of state schools, would she feel embarrassed of me going to uw and she said no. And now shes pulling up all this bullshit saying to not ever go to uw because it is shameful. Its not my fault she told everyone in the fucking family I got accepted to fucking jhu like are you kidding me I never said that I just said i made it as a finalist for the scholarship dont mean I got it jesus fucking christ this is making me so fucking stressed out my stomach hurts i want to vomit i cant stop tearing up because of how stressed out i am and the fucking results come out in fucking two days and i have 6 fucking b’s because of my stupid fucking asshole teachers like honestly mrs c i asked you to grade my notebook weeks ago still put it in as a one are you fucking with me and you told me you would fucking regrade it. Stupid other ms c only putting fucking test grades in the gradebook like wtf is the point jesus fucking christ i have to get basiclaly almost a 100 for every test because evey test is like an all or miss fucking quiz. Stupid fucking mr s wont fcking teach properly enough im so fucking stressed out im gonna fucking beat someones head into the fucking ground

[byuttzzang]

Don’t start a convo with me if you’re not gonna be talking

Seriously idiot...just don’t. Why did you start one? Just leave me alone. I don’t get it how is it that I’m the one asking all the questions.

I know who is my real friends and who aren’t

Just leave me alone people...

Actually this isn’t to just one idiot. TO ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD DON’T FLIPPIN START A CONVO WITH SOMEONE AND THEN BACK OUT ALL OF SUDDEN OR KEEP GOING WITH STUPID ONE WORD ANSWERS LIKE FUCK YOU TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO DO THAT BECAUSE ITS ANNOYING AND YOU’RE WASTING MY TIME.

[byuttzzang]

Depression does not equal sadness

I fucking hate how people just assume that when you’re depressed you HAVE to be always crying, always sad, always cutting.

Don’t assume laughter as happiness.

Don’t assume that everything is going okay for that person just because they’re smiling.

Depression can also be anger, mood swings, too much happiness, being apathetic all the time, being tired all the time, not wanting to eat, wanting to eat all the fucking time.

Now…Dear sad people,

Don’t diagnose yourself as depressed just because you’re being a sadass. Go seek a professional who can actually diagnose you with depression because honestly you could have anxiety issues or maybe just going through a rough patch in life right now.

Having depression does not mean you should lose hope, instead seek help because depression is A MENTAL ILLNESS. Depression is a battle just like any other physical illnesses out there in the world.

If you don’t want to because you are scared or because of pride…there is always someone out there who is willing to help…don’t lose hope.

Sincerely,

A really fucking mad person