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byosungs · 1 year

Text

— WALKING ON SUNSHINE (k.sw)

summary: everything about your breakup with sunwoo had been amicable. you even still considered him to be a close friend — which was probably a good thing considering neither of you remembered to inform your families of your split. so when a conjoined family holiday is sprung on the both of you as a summer surprise, you have no choice but to act as though nothing had changed.

genre: exes to lovers, fluff, authors terrible attempt at comedy, slow burn

word count: 12.5k

warnings: mentions of food (ice cream in one scene), mentions of alcohol, profanities, reader threatens to k!ll sunwoo a lot (valid), cliche after cliche bc author is in love with sunwoo, not proofread bc elle is Lazy

dt: the wonderful @kurosism because you said you were always excited to see what i post and that melted my heart <\\3 also i will never miss an opportunity to tell you how incredible and kind you are ; and my beloved @seoulbinz for the wonderful header and for putting up w me complaining about writing this for the past week <3

inspired by walking on sunshine by katrina and the waves

“what do you mean sunwoo’s family will be there, too?”

“i mean, sunwoo’s family will be there too.” your mother sighed in exasperation, completely unaware of the look of sheer terror on your face at that moment. “we thought it would be a lovely way to get to know your boyfriend’s family a little better - the kim’s are in full support of it!”

“no – no, there’s no problem.”

except there was. there was one huge, debilitating, unavoidable problem.

sunwoo wasn’t your boyfriend.

he hadn’t been your boyfriend for five months.

apparently, you had forgotten to tell your mother that part.

it hadn’t been something you had deemed urgent, considering the nature of the breakup. there had been no tears, no drama – just a simple hug and a diverted conversation onto the latest marvel show to be released. rushing home to tell the world you were single again wasn’t anywhere near the top of your priority list.

you had intended to tell them at some point. it had just so happened that, by the time you got around to visiting, your brother had conveniently announced he had signed a record deal, and the subject matter had been pushed out of your mind once again. if you had then been distracted by netflix and many drunken adventures with hyunjae… that couldn’t be held against you.

after all, it was starting to seem like you weren’t the only one who had forgotten to mention the breakup.

your mother finished filling you in on the details before hanging up, only half of which you fully took in, but you managed to gather that the trip was somewhere along the lines of a resort holiday on jeju island. knowing your combined families, it would surely be far too expensive, and more of a pageant than a holiday, but you would have time to digest that later.

for now, you had to deal with the raging issue of what the hell you were going to do.

your fingers had never moved as fast as they did when opening your chat with sunwoo, but before you got the chance to even decide on your opening sentence, his caller id flashed brightly across your phone screen. he had received the same message, it seemed.

“so, i guess my summer plans of doing absolutely nothing have to be cancelled.” sunwoo mused before even saying hello. “i can’t believe you forgot to tell your eomma we broke up!”

“excuse me, mr. kim!” you chastised, no real anger in your tone “i’m pretty sure you forgot to mention anything, either.”

a dramatic (expected) gasp from sunwoo had you giggling on the other side of the phone. “you really want me to break my eomma’s heart like that? you’re her favourite child – and she has two actual children!”

“we broke up – i didn’t die.”

“same difference to my mother.”

even in such strange circumstances, it was good to hear sunwoo’s voice. despite your history, you had still missed the boy, not able to find time to see him anymore. your interactions were limited to the occasional text now you weren’t obliged by relationship to hang out. if you were really feeling fancy, you might even reply to his close friends story on instagram with a joke from a few years ago. that had been sufficient enough for the past few years, but hearing his voice over the phone was a small reminder of how much you still cared for him as a friend.

“do we tell them?” you asked quietly, testing the waters of how sunwoo truly felt about the situation.

truthfully, you were more than willing to put on an act for a few weeks in exchange for a free holiday. but the lack of contact with your ex made you unsure whether he would feel the same. for all you knew, there could be someone else in his life now. you doubted he’d want to spend two weeks pretending to be in love with you if that was the case.

“break their hearts and miss out on a free holiday? i thought you knew me better than that.” and perhaps you did, although you hadn’t wanted to get your hopes up.

“so we lie to our families and scrounge off them for thirteen days and then conveniently split up on the final day?” you offered, already planning a million and one ways to put your love of dramatics to good use.

you didn’t have to see sunwoo to be able to picture the shit eating grin probably on his lips at that moment. it was one of his signature expressions. “exactly. the most awkward plane ride home known to man.”

the pause that followed was surprisingly uncomfortable for you could practically hear sunwoo’s brain running at full speed.

“it’ll be nice to see you again, anyway.” he admitted after the pause, such a confession somehow making things more awkward, but that didn’t stop the smile from returning to your face.

“are you sure you want to admit that considering you’ve got to spend fourteen whole days with me?” you giggled, hoping to bring some sense of comfortableness back to the exchange.

you succeeded, for the quiet laugh sunwoo let out was a reward in itself. “i might drown you by day five, we’ll see.”

“i’d be more worried about my brother drowning you.” happy with the dissipated tension, you giggled along. “he still hasn’t forgiven you for beating him at the christmas family quiz last year.”

“younghoon doesn’t scare me.”

younghoon absolutely terrified sunwoo. you could still remember the first time you introduced the two of them, the way sunwoo’s hand clammed up the entire journey there, his constant questions of whether he looked okay, if you thought younghoon would like him.

as it turned out, younghoon loved your boyfriend. so much so that he had taken to bullying the poor boy as a sign of affection. sunwoo loved him back, you were sure, but it didn’t stop him from panicking every time the older of the two turned to look at him.

really, there were too many reasons you couldn’t tell your family about your break up.

“i give you a day before you’re asking me if he really likes you.” you jabbed, hearing the muffled mumbles of complaints come in from the other side of the phone.

“it’s not my fault he’s so tall.”

if the holiday went anything like this phone call, it just might be okay. all you had to do was fake it for two more weeks, and then you could go back to just being casual friends. plus, it wouldn’t be hard to pretend you were in love with sunwoo, as you still loved him – it just happened to be in a more platonic way this time.

if it saved breaking your family’s hearts, just for two more weeks, then you were prepared to do anything at this point.

it was painfully embarrassing how long it took you to recognise sunwoo at the airport.

first of all. his hair was pink.

pink. not just a casual peach - it was eye burningly bright pink. and annoyingly so, he looked even hotter than usual.

you knew sunwoo was hot – you dated him for nearly two years, after all, but this was a whole new level of attractive you hadn’t been prepared for. the boy could pull off pink hair, for god’s sake! that was a feat in itself.

“well, i’m definitely not losing you any time soon.” was the first thing out of your mouth, pleasantly greeted by a wide grin on sunwoo’s lips. you had been fairly confident that he wouldn’t make the situation awkward in the first place, but it was always a relief to be proven right.

so why did you feel so breathless right now?

“can’t wait to dye the private pool pink.” sunwoo puffed his cheeks out, then in one swift move, pulled you into a hug. it felt friendly, to you at least. you were sure your family (who were sat idly by the side, observing) would see it as something else – but it was a welcome comfort nonetheless. sunwoo’s strong arms didn’t hold back as he squeezed you against his body, the action followed by the realisation that this was what you were in store for all week.

“if you get pink on my bedsheets you’re sleeping in the pool.”

“please wait until we’re at least at jeju to start the freaky shit.” your brother complained in passing, too quick to be caught by your hand stretching out to hit him.

“that wasn’t even weird, you asshole!” younghoon only winked back at you, skipping happily to join his best friend, chanhee, who had also been invited on the family trip. that alone made you want to cry, for there was no way you were escaping their teasing for the next fortnight.

“younghoon, don’t wind them up. you’re stuck on a plane with them for an hour.” your father scolded his eldest child, prompting you to stick your tongue out in your brother’s direction. you could already see him pulling faces, a welcome victory.

sunwoo shuffled by your side, alerting you back to his presence. “how long until the flight?”

“an hour and a half until the gate opens.” his own mother answered, joining your parents in whatever gossip session they were having, but still finding time to pass her son a soft smile.

an hour and a half to relax before the first two weeks of your acting debut began. or so you thought.

sunwoo, it seemed, had other plans. with a convincing hum of come on, and a firm grip on your hand, your ex boyfriend quite literally dragged you away from your conjoined family and off towards the airport’s food court. you barely even had time to let out a whine before you were appearing in front of the starbucks, and sunwoo’s hand was releasing your own.

“you know we could be spending valuable bonding time with our parents right now?” you complained petulantly.

“and have to pretend for an hour longer than needed that we’re still dating?”

clutching a hand to your chest in feigned hurt, you didn’t care about the stares you’d surely receive as you collapsed into sunwoo’s side dramatically. “wow, say what you really feel.”

“i want coffee. shoot me.” sunwoo shrugged with a grin, receiving a smile from you in response.

he wasted absolutely no time in hopping up to the counter to order whilst you found a high table in the centre of the open drinks court. it was still way too early in the morning to fully function, but you somehow managed to clamber up onto the tall seat and make claim to your resting spot before the hour flight.

most surprising of all was that when sunwoo walked over to your table, he was holding two drinks – one very recognisable as your regular coffee order. he handed it to you as though it was nothing, and you had to resist the urge to point it out as you supposed nothing was all it was. you were going to have to do a lot of reminding yourself that he was your friend now. it was just a friendly gesture. he had remembered your coffee order from all the times you had forced him to order for you over the past few years, that was all.

“we should probably talk about boundaries, i suppose.” sunwoo mumbled after taking the largest (and most annoying) slurp of his iced drink.

“probably.” you grimaced back at him, the sound going straight through you. “this feels so weird.”

“no need for it to be! we’re just two friends… pretending to date… again.” sunwoo seemed to realise just what he was saying mid way through, stopping to pull a face of his own. “okay, yeah it’s weird, but it’s only for two weeks.”

even with the strange air surrounding the both of you, you managed to push out a smile. it always seemed easier around sunwoo. “i don’t really have too many boundaries. just be nice.”

“touching? kissing?”

ah. that was something you hadn’t even considered.

you shuffled in your seat, hoping sunwoo misjudged your antsy habits as tiredness instead of reading into it. “well, we were never really big on the p-d-a anyways, so they won’t get too suspicious if we’re not super clingy.”

“it’d probably be suspicious if we avoided each other for two weeks, though.” sunwoo frowned slightly, eyebrow raising with a type of suspicion that even made you wary of your own thoughts.

it wasn’t like you didn’t mind sunwoo kissing you. you had once been used to it, so an occasional peck ever now and then for two weeks didn’t seem like much of a problem at all. it was more your concern that he would be uncomfortable with it. you knew where you stood, but you weren’t a mind reader.

“you’re welcome to get close when you feel it necessary. and i don't mind a kiss or two.” looking directly at the boy, you saw him staring straight back at you with an unusual type of recognition. one you couldn’t place “you know… just to convince them.”

sunwoo cleared his throat not so subtly. “yeah. to convince them.”

there it was again. the uncomfortable sense of self that overtook the two of you. it was like a brutal reminder of exactly what your relationship was all over again. inbetween moments, it was easy to convince yourself that this was normal, and the two of you were just friends going on holiday – but every now and again came the reminder of who sunwoo was to you.

he was your ex boyfriend. and this was weird.

who could blame you if you found it easier to sit in silence for a moment? sunwoo would restart the conversation once he felt the tension disappear.

“you feeling okay?” and he did just as so.

“hmm?”

“‘bout the plane?” sunwoo paused to take a drink as he let his words sink in, waiting for the recognition to show on your features before he continued. “i know you’re not really a fan of flying.”

it was true – probably even an understatement. flying terrified you, hence why you usually avoided such a thing. in any other situation, you would have found a way around it, but the last thing you wanted was to tell your mother your true worries after all the effort she had put into planning. “i’m nervous, but at least it’s only an hour.”

sunwoo nodded along, clearly vividly remembering your trip to japan for your one year anniversary, in which you spent half the plane ride wanting to cry, and the other half fast asleep from the exhaustion the fear had brought you. “you’re welcome to hold my hand if you need.”

he gave you a classic smile. one of those you had grown to adore over the time you had known him, a simple reminder that he meant it – that you would be okay as long as you were by his side. funnily enough you always believed him.

so, if you held sunwoo’s hand tighter than necessary during take off – then that was a secret between the two of you.

whilst day one had been full of greetings and laughter; a few hours to unpack followed by a chaotic group meal with both families, day two brought around the start of the relaxing part of the holiday.

everything so far had been hectic enough to stop you from overthinking. you had landed at jeju, been escorted by a very suave man to an insanely expensive resort, shown your incredibly expensive room, and whisked away for a far too classy meal. it had been one whirlwind and then another, so much so that you had even put your socks in your t-shirt draw in your rush.

the prospect of lounging around the pool seemed almost euphoric after the mind-boggle of the first day.

the biggest problem was that now, you had time to think. too much time, infact, to the point you were starting to feel guilty for coming on this entire trip in the first place.

your parents had paid for a private resort, with five star service and a view of the beach from all your rooms. there was a private pool, a gym in the basement, and a dining room just next door with the most exhilarating seafood platters you had seen in your life.

and you weren’t even dating sunwoo.

deep down, you knew there was no reason to feel guilty. your parents had booked the holiday because they wanted to, not purely for the sake of you and your ex, but the prospect of having to break their hearts all over again at the end of the holiday was what made you feel bad. you didn’t want them to think back on this trip and have it clouded by drama.

plus, looking across the poolside where you sat to see your father in a deep discussion with sunwoo’s own dad was too much to bear. you only hoped your news of a breakup wouldn’t ruin their freshly blossoming friendship.

once you noticed the telltale signs of your brain wandering off once more, you buried your nose back in the book for an easy distraction. you weren’t far off from needing to add more sunscreen, but you could last another chapter.

not that you would ever get that far.

“when did you become a bookworm?” came sunwoo’s grainy voice, telling that he had just woken up (at one in the afternoon, nevertheless, but what else were holidays for?).

“since i was like, seven.” you grumbled in response, looking up to greet the boy but being met by his silhouette and the blazing sun instead.

sunwoo noticed you squinting, gently reaching out and pushing your sunglasses from the top of your head so that they covered your eyes. it was a simple action, but in the corner of your eye you could see your mother’s cooing at the both of you.

“i’ve never seen you read before.”

you couldn’t help but scoff “yeah, because you’re an attention whore and wouldn’t let me focus.”

sunwoo only made a sound of agreement, shrugging as he flopped down (ungracefully, you had to add) on the lounger next to you “sounds like me.”

humming, you returned to your book, thinking that was the end of that conversation. you really should have known sunwoo better.

it took all of thirty seconds before the pink haired boy began poking your arm from the lounger. you had half a mind to get up and move away from him, but stubbornly weren’t ready to give in. sunwoo only took that as a sign he was winning, reaching over until he could poke at your thigh instead.

a pathetic attempt to kick him off only made him whine, getting more annoying in turn, and you were suddenly reminded that this was day two. you loved him indeed, but murder was starting to seem ten times more likely by the end of this holiday.

“this is exactly what i meant when i said you’re an attention whore.” you murmed, trying not to look up from your book, but failing all in the same second.

“i have absolutely no shame.”

“y/n! sunwoo!” chanhee’s voice rang out, saving you in the moment. you looked to the doorway back into the resort to see your brothers best friend stood with a towel over his shoulder. his vibrantly blue hair hadn’t been as shocking to you as sunwoo’s pink as you were fairly used to him sat in your parents bathroom at two in the morning getting younghoon to play hairdresser. “we’re going to go play volleyball on the beach if you wanted to come?”

“well, i’m going to play volleyball. chanhee’s going to give it his best go.” younghoon appeared from behind his best friend in the doorway, narrowly avoiding chanhee’s flying arm as he grabbed his beach bag from a nearby chair.

glancing over at sunwoo, you could practically see the divide on his features. he clearly wanted to go, but mr. younghoon doesn’t scare me was seemingly terrified of spending time with your older brother.

“i will kick your ass kim younghoon.” you effectively made the decision for him, discarding your book (after marking your place, of course) and jumping to your feet. sunwoo followed, only seeming partially hesitant now you had shown your enthusiasm.

younghoon laughed, already leading the group down the pathway that led to the beach. you barely had enough time to grab your own towel, pleasantly surprised to see sunwoo had already grabbed you a spare bottle of water as you followed. “i’ve seen you try to play volleyball before, i’m not scared.”

truthfully, this match would just be younghoon versus sunwoo, and both you and chanhee were very much aware of this. younghoon had the height advantage, and sunwoo had the athletic ability, but having a minor chance at beating your brother in something meant that competing was definitely worth it.

the volleyball net was luckily unoccupied. the resort’s private section of the beach being, in itself, surprisingly empty today. this probably had something to do with the extortionate prices of the rooms here, but you certainly weren’t complaining about it being practically empty minus a few families.

younghoon and chanhee took their positions on the other side of the net to you, taking just a moment to discuss a sort of strategy. you thought you should probably do the same with sunwoo, but only one thing really came to mind.

“you know i’m absolutely horrendous at beach volleyball, right?”

sunwoo actually snorted “you think you can handle being at the front?”

“handle is a bold word, but i can give it a go.”

and give it a go you did. so much so that you were embarrassed to admit just how much sand you ate. as expected, sunwoo and younghoon both excelled in their roles, to the point you and chanhee had taken to playing a dramatic game of rock paper scissors through the net.

on the few occasions you were called upon to hit the ball, you either made such a genius move to the point that sunwoo screamed and hugged you, or hit the ball far enough away that a family’s dog began to chase it down the beach. there was a fifty percent chance you were going to cause someone an injury, but that was better than you expected.

as it turned out, you ended up with the most important shot of the game. you had conveniently looked up just in time to see the ball coming towards you, hitting it back over chanhee’s head and catching younghoon off guard to make your team reach the target score. sunwoo hugged you tighter than before as a result, but the most satisfying part was watching younghoon turn sour as a result of losing.

“you’re a big baby.” you could hear chanhee prod, holding in a laugh as your brother muttered about unfairness and advantages. younghoon mumbled something in response which you couldn’t hear, but it didn’t stop the giggle that escaped your throat.

“i’m all sweaty now.” sunwoo spoke to no one in particular, but your reaction had been almost instantaneous. up until then, you had latched onto his side, a small amount of skinship (or a lot, considering your ex was in the smallest tank top known to man) that would back up the act of your relationship. but this didn’t stop you pushing him away after the admittance.

sunwoo only laughed at this, doing his best to follow your movement and hug you again. “kim sunwoo i will kill you i swear!”

“return his body! i want to laugh at him!” younghoon shouted over at the two of you as you wrestled amongst the sand.

you had just managed to get out of his path when sunwoo grabbed your hand, tugging you firmly until the sand moved below your feet and you fell straight forward. he tucked an arm around your waist easily, stopping you from slamming onto the sand, but you didn’t even care for the action, more focused on getting his self-confessed sweaty body away from you.

“you are so disgusting!” you squealed, kicking your feet in the sand in annoyance once he decidedly flopped on top of you. “i will literally break up with you!”

“can’t do that if we're not even dating.”

you gasped quietly, shoving at his shoulder once more as you lowered to a whisper “younghoon doesn’t know!”

instead of the terrified face you had expected, sunwoo only burst into laughter and rolled off of you to the side. it was then that you became painfully aware of the sand sticking to your own body, the feeling unpleasant, but the least of your worries right now.

“he’s gone, you idiot.” sunwoo chuckled to himself, chest only heaving further as you tilted your head backwards to see that, indeed, younghoon and chanhee were nowhere to be seen. chanhee had clearly escorted your sulking brother back to the resort whilst you had been battling your teammate. “come on. let’s wash the sand off in the sea.”

“fine.” you happily took the hand he offered to pull yourself to a stand, not thinking twice about it. “if there’s fish, i’m letting them eat you.”

“we’re literally in the sea, of course there’s going to be fish.” sunwoo’s hand slipped down yours, but never left it completely. instead, he let his pinky finger intertwine with yours, an action he always did when you were dating, but didn’t seem to realise he was doing once again. selfishly, you daren’t make him aware either, happy to indulge in your first pieces of physical contact since your breakup those months prior. “also what is it with you and threatening to hurt me lately?”

you hummed, shrugging as you began to walk out into the water. it was cold, but not unwelcome considering the blazing sun battling down on your bodies. “i’ve got four missing months of threats to make up for.”

“touché. how did you ever survive without me?”

“i had to direct all my anger towards eric. but then i felt bad every time he bought me lunch.”

sunwoo stopped once the water reached his waist, the level coming higher on your own body. he dropped your hand finally, and you simply put the action down to him ceasing movement. if it had been in response to a certain boy’s name – well, then that was only for sunwoo to know.

“you and eric are speaking again?” he asked quietly, and you knew why he was so hesitant.

prior to meeting sunwoo, eric had been your best friend for over a year. the two of you were practically inseparable until you started dating sunwoo. after that, eric became distant, avoiding you when you were with your boyfriend all together, no matter how much you insisted that the two of them would get on.

as it turned out, eric had apparently been harbouring a crush on you for years. his sudden avoidance of you made you confront him one day, finding out about his secret in the process. you didn’t know exactly why he had backed off until your breakup, when eric had turned up to apologise, completely unaware you and sunwoo had broken up only hours prior.

“yeah, we made up. turns out he only backed off because he didn’t want to make us uncomfortable.” you couldn’t help but absentmindedly touch the water with your fingertips as you spoke, sunwoo following the movement closely. “he’s happy now, i think. dating someone in his calculus class.”

“i’m happy for him.” sunwoo didn’t sound completely convinced in his own words, but you daren’t question it. the last thing you wanted was to completely shatter the mood once again.

this was one of those moments where your brain amazed you. you didn’t want it to turn awkward, and yet instead of continuing conversation like a normal human being, the only solution you could come up with in the moment was splashing your ex boyfriend straight in the chest. the physical effect was immediate, his tank top sticking right to his body (and you weren’t looking at the way it hugged his figure), but the mental processing took a little longer.

sunwoo blinked at you once, and then twice. then three, four times, repeatedly until what you had just done hit him. then, all at once, he attacked.

no mercy was shown.

“hope the fish enjoy their dinner.” was the only warning he gave before his hands were on your shoulders, pushing you backwards until your body slammed against the water and you went under.

worse still, the scream you let out was so ill-timed that instead of inhaling air, you inhaled a hefty mouthful of salt water. it was a good job you managed to close your eyes in time, but that barely mattered coupled with your under water sputtering. you were lucky you didn’t swallow a fish at this point.

once you surfaced again, hair now flat to your face and expression less than impressed, sunwoo couldn’t hold his laughter in. he nearly doubled over with amusement, which in turn only made you frown more, and the process repeated itself.

“yeah yeah, laugh it up.” you splashed him again, but with no real malice behind the action. sunwoo didn’t retaliate either, far too occupied laughing his heart out over your new appearance.

sunwoo barely managed to calm down enough to get his words out, “that certainly washed all the sand off.”

“hurry up and get washed off, you ass.” you grumbled “i desperately need a drink.”

“i think you need a towel first.”

“now listen here you little–”

the first time sunwoo kissed you again, you tried not to think twice about it.

it was only day five when it happened, a tiny, insignificant part of your day that you weren’t yet ready to process.

whilst the volleyball games and tanning sessions had been wonderful, your families had insisted that part of the holiday be spent exploring, too. although your mother’s idea of exploring was searching for every handbag she could find in a local market.

ulterior motives aside, you had to admit it was turning into a fun day out. the market had a bigger selection of handmade gifts than you had given it credit for, and along the way you had even managed to pick up a few gifts for your friends back home. notably, the most out of shape plant pot in existence, but you couldn’t leave it behind. if anything, it’s irregularities gave it character.

somewhere along the line, younghoon decided to layer as many silk scarves over chanhee’s shoulders as he could, their laughter echoing through the market space and infectious enough that soon, half of your group were in a battle about who could find the most unusual clothing item. you definitely annoyed a few of the stall owners, but it was worth it to see the proud look on sunwoo’s face when he stepped out of a booth in a pink tutu adorned with tiny embroidered pigs trapped in the mesh. he would’ve won the competition too, had his own father not found a t-shirt made from newspaper cuttings of lee byunghun’s face.

the only prize from the competition was bragging rights, but sunwoo’s father, kind as ever, decided that the commiseration prize was ice cream, and none of your group would have ever turned down free snacks. especially after seeing the wide range of flavours available.

“i don’t think i’ve had that much fun since i was a teen!” your mother exclaimed rather dramatically as you sat around two sets of benches with the sweet treat.

“i’d like to think our wedding was pretty fun, darling.” came the counter from your father, sunwoo’s parents chuckling along with them, exchanging their own memories of marriages and celebrations.

“i bet the next family wedding will be y/n.” the not so subtle way sunwoo choked on his ice cream was a perfect example of how you felt.

the only thing you could do was chuckle nervously. “we’re way too young for marriage, eomma.”

“age doesn’t mean a thing,” sunwoo’s mother smiled at you, gaze kind and completely unaware of exactly why the comment horrified you, “we got married when we were eighteen, and look at us now!”

“unless sunwoo has any plans to propose, i have no plans to get married.” was your measly attempt to get your family to drop the topic.

your mother, it seemed, was having none of it, asking “so you wouldn’t be opposed to marriage?” at the same time as sunwoo whined “who says i have to be the one to propose?”

you chose to fixate on the latter, shooting sunwoo a glare that practically screamed shut up. you should have known you’d be met by his usual mischievous grin, and absolutely zero intentions to help rescue you from the situation. he was showing by the second that he was a much better actor than you were.

sunwoo raised an eyebrow as he waited for your response. “because… you know.”

“what if i want you to get down on one knee?” he teased, completely immune to the sheer terror you were experiencing.

“oh my god, no one is getting down on one knee-”

“personally, i’m a little offended you’ve ruled out the possibility of me getting married first.” younghoon pouted, prompting a glorious snort from his best friend, who had just happened to be taking a sip of water at that moment.

“your parents are going to have to pay someone to marry you, at this point.” chanhee giggled to himself. you weren’t watching the duo, but you could hear the sound of a (light) slap, followed by the mumbled bickering you were very much used to between your brother and his friend.

“at least i want to get married, unlike someone.” younghoon turned his attention back to you, playful and goading, but enough to have you spluttering.

“i– it’s not… i mean… marriage. you know.”

sunwoo was the one to stop your murmuring, fully aware of the way all eyes had fallen on the two of you and the anxiety it would surely cause. instead of saying anything to draw further attention, he only took your hand in his, placing them on top of the table. the contact was just enough to satisfy your nerves, the comforting squeeze he gave it being just enough to reassure you that you hadn’t messed things up. it could be played off as nervousness; you hoped, at least.

“how did you and younghoon meet, chanhee?” sunwoo’s mother asked kindly, directing everyone’s attention away from you.

you were grateful for the space to breathe as chanhee rambled on about high school and library books, far too aware of how close you were to blowing your cover. you hadn’t meant to panic, but the topic of marriage was one terrifying thing in itself, let alone when the groom in contention was sitting right next to you as your ex lover.

it passed, eventually, sunwoo’s hand in yours just enough to make up for his teasing from before, and you were able to focus in on chanhee’s story for a moment. not that hearing about your older brother’s high school days was much better.

despite the new conversation, you couldn’t help but notice the way your father stared at you for that prolonged moment, eyes dropping down to your hands. sunwoo, it seemed, noticed it too, attempting to subtly grip your hand firmer until your satisfied father turned away.

that was when the kiss came. you knew it was for the sake of replacing the fallen beam in your act, but the naturalness to the action still terrified you.

“hey, you have some ice cream,” sunwoo had started, quiet enough to seem secret, but still surely heard by the rest of your party. he turned you head with his hand until you were looking at him, but his own gaze was focused elsewhere. with one swift swipe, he used his thumb to wipe some ice cream residue you hadn’t even noticed off of the corner of your lips, “here.”

if you weren’t aware of the performance the two of you were putting on, your heart might have fluttered. hell, it still did, even with the script in the back of your mind. it was only made worse when sunwoo leant forward, completely aware the audience were watching, to capture your lips ever so briefly.

the angle was enough to spare you a full on kiss, but the peck was still enough to make your stomach twist slightly. it was an intrinsic reaction to your ex boyfriend, way too used to feeling nervous around him, but it didn’t stop the lump from appearing in your throat. for just a moment, it was like nothing had changed. looking into sunwoo’s eyes was just enough to let yourself get lost in the fantasy. it was, after all, a classic sunwoo move. especially when he knew the oohs and ahhs from his family would follow.

satisfied with his display, sunwoo sat back, acting as though bashful to be caught in such an act of affection. you could only force yourself to follow his lead. you weren’t about to let yourself be the weak link, after all.

you expected that jittery feeling to linger for only a second. then disappear as quickly as it came. but it didn’t. it made itself known as you finished the rest of your ice cream, and as sunwoo took your hand back in his. it stayed all throughout the walk back to the hotel room, and barely left when you made your way back down to the beach.

when most of the day had passed, and you still couldn’t shake the butterflies, you could only do one thing.

ignore it.

so, you locked that emotion in the tiny box in your brain – the one with the big red sign that screamed DO NOT THINK, and then you moved on.

or at least, you tried to.

perhaps it was just your sudden awareness of how much you longed for physical contact. that was the only reason you could still feel the ghost of his lips on yours. you had kissed him a million times before, after all. hell, you had done more than just a simple peck over two years. there was no way such a small action had you overthinking this much.

it was just that it felt so natural. had you not been painfully aware of your predicament, it would have felt like sunwoo meant the kiss. but that was a stupid thought all together. sunwoo was playing his part, and you should be doing the same.

it certainly didn’t help that his eyes sparkled in the sunlight whenever he laughed. or that he kept making a point throughout the day to refill your water bottle whenever it found itself empty. or that he still looked beautiful when fast asleep on his side of your shared bed. and there was absolutely no way you could escape him.

you would be lucky to survive the holiday with any room left over in that little box in your mind.

as it turned out, family holidays when the children reached adulthood were one giant excuse for the parents to get drunk and not have to worry.

you knew sunwoo had a low tolerance (chanhee too, if younghoon’s stories of university were anything to go by), meaning you were actually impressed that both sets of your parents managed to tap out before any of you. or rather, were forced to withdraw.

sunwoo’s mother’s tolerance was actually impressively low, just a few sips of her husband's wine, and she was giggling all over the place. and your father wasn’t far behind. younghoon had aptly called it ‘car crash tv’ at one stage, and watching four grown adults giggling amongst themselves about something that definitely wasn’t that funny seemed to fit that description perfectly.

“i can’t believe i’m only tipsy, and they’re wasted.” sunwoo had even commented at one point, younghoon patting him on the back in sympathy.

“that’s because you’ve only had half a glass of wine. you and chanhee aren’t allowed anymore.” younghoon scolded, only half serious, but the return of sunwoo’s scared-of-younghoon face was definitely worth it.

“hoon, y/n. i’m pretty sure your mother is about to leave her husband for the waiter.” chanhee suddenly giggled, leaning his head on sunwoo’s shoulder.

“oh my god – eomma, he’s still in university, please leave the poor kid alone–” younghoon huffed as he ran over to apologise profusely to the young server who had seemingly been stuck talking to your families for way longer than his contract would have stated.

you could only giggle at the sight, happy that everyone seemed to be getting on so well, whether they were drunk out of their minds or not. you had no doubts it would only be a matter of minutes before you were walking them back from the restaurant to the resort, but the giggles it would bring would certainly be worth taking care of your drunken parents.

the intention of the holiday, in your mothers own words, had been to get to know sunwoo’s family better. there was no better bonding experience than wine, it seemed, and who were you to say no to them having fun? you were certainly glad, however, that neither younghoon or yourself had picked up your family’s awful tolerance.

“okay, bed time.” you heard younghoon chastise again, doing the best that he could to all-but lift your father from his chair.

“love, i think we’re being grounded.” your father had only giggled to himself, making the others erupt in another round of laughter.

you stood up to join them, choosing to be helpful and link your mother’s arm, as sunwoo and chanhee copied you with his own parents. it was certainly a task to get them up from the table, and you were more than glad the tab would be charged automatically to your card, as there was no way you would be able to face the waiters your parents had already traumatised. plus, if the way your mother was latching onto your arm was anything to go by, you had about five minutes until she fell asleep standing up.

getting them back to their rooms was another task entirely, more about wrangling a bunch of overgrown children than actually walking. everything that sparkled, or resembled an animal in any way (including a potted plant your mother was especially enamoured by) was cause enough to stop and coo until they were perfectly satisfied.

somewhere along the journey (the literal five minute route it was meant to take you to get back to the hotel), they had all broken free from your grasp and managed to regroup with more laughter. it was certainly a good job you were in an enclosed and safe area, otherwise they would definitely be a flight risk. still, their regroup left the opportunity for the four of you to cling to each other as well.

you practically mimicked the adults, younghoon and chanhee walking ahead, the latter with his arm hooked lightly through your brother's arm. they were talking about something animatedly, still stopping occasionally to check that your parents hadn’t ran away, but were otherwise engaged with whatever they were discussing.

you envied their friendship sometimes. you had a lot of wonderful friends, one’s who you were sure loved you very much, but there had always been something special about chanhee. not just in the way they cared for each other, but also how chanhee cared for the rest of the people younghoon knew. you were a few years younger than him when he met you in his teenage years, but not once had you ever felt unwanted, or spoken down to. he had always made it his mission to fit into your little family, and even now, you felt incomplete without him. you could only hope one day you’d have a friend like that.

sunwoo, it seemed, was that for you. except sunwoo wasn’t who they thought he was, not anymore.

the way he held your hand gently as you walked back to the resort made you delusional enough to forget that. just for a second.

even when you reached the glass doors that led to inside your parents’ rooms, bidding them goodnight and sweet dreams, he didn’t let your hand go. he kept you close by his side, thumb subconsciously running over your knuckle, holding you just close enough that your lower arms brushed together with every light movement.

it was all for show, you had to remind yourself. he was doing this to further your little lie you had created, and the second your parents turned away, he’d drop your hand once more and pretend nothing happened.

but he didn’t.

he didn’t drop your hand when your parents said goodnight, and he didn’t drop it when younghoon and chanhee said their own goodbyes. he didn’t drop it when you walked back outside and around the courtyard and headed back towards the pool and the glass doors that led to your own room. he only let go once you passed the pool, stopping suddenly to turn and face you.

instead of moving backwards like you had expected, he took a step forward, arms falling around your own frame in a firm, but surprising hug. so surprising that you didn’t register for a moment, confused by the sudden affection, especially when out of sight of your families.

you could only put the action down to the glass of wine he had consumed, the same one that had tinted his cheeks red. or maybe, he was itching just as much for physical contact as you had been.

you should have really known sunwoo better than that.

his true intentions became clearer within five seconds, his arms moving from around your waist to hook under your arms, lifting you up off of your feet.

there was no point wrapping your legs around his waist. you knew exactly what was coming.

it was inevitable no matter what, but you still pathetically protested: “if you throw me in the pool, so help me kim sunwoo, it will be the last thing you do.”

sunwoo hummed, tucking his head over your shoulder as he walked you to what you knew was the edge of said pool. the one you were certain you would be in within seconds. “sorry what was that? i couldn’t hear you over my plans to throw you in the pool!”

true to his word (and your suspicions), he did just that. it took a little more effort, the angle he was carrying you at coupled with your half-hearted attempts to escape making the toss difficult, but you still hit the water nonetheless. most disappointingly, you hadn’t even managed to pull him in with you.

and the water was cold. it was no longer the glorious refresher from the lunchtime sun, but a night-time ice bucket that you could only flail around in until your feet found the ground once again.

your outfit was certainly ruined – it wasn’t like it was the best one you brought, or anything. not at all. and your shoes wouldn’t be in a better state, but you almost couldn’t find it in yourself to be mad. sunwoo laughed and laughed, expecting your incoherent shouts and face of disgust, but none of that came.

not one ounce of annoyance came over you.

because it was then, as you looked up at his figure standing on the poolside, the moonlight outlining his figure and his laugh ringing through the otherwise still air that you realised. every little niggling emotion you had felt over the past week made sense and every thought aligned all at once.

you were still in love with kim sunwoo.

truthfully, you didn’t think you had ever fallen out of love with him.

maybe you didn’t even know at the time. maybe you really thought that you were happy with the break up, that you would be content on your own. you had spent four months convincing yourself that it was okay, so much so that you had tricked your own brain into believing those lies.

perhaps, all you needed was a chance to fall in love all over again. a reminder of why you adored the boy standing in front of you so much.

if the realisation had hit you whilst freezing to death in the pool he threw you in, then that was just a minor inconvenience. the feeling itself was enough to warm you, the boxy smile that never left his face only making the butterflies in your stomach crash into each other once again.

“i’m sorry.” he giggled, mistaking your silence for frustration, but he wasn’t sorry. and you were glad he wasn’t, because suddenly everything make sense.

new problems would come along soon, you were sure of that, so for five more minutes you’d allow yourself to bask in the feeling.

all through him helping you out of the pool you let yourself focus on the feeling of his hand in yours. you let yourself imagine that the way he helped you indoors, got you a towel, and even put your pyjamas on the heater to warm up was because he felt the same. and just for a moment, it felt real.

the past week and a half, just for five minutes, was real. your relationship was real, sunwoo loved you back, you had never broken up, and everything was okay.

it almost hurt to leave him, to slip into the bathroom near your room to change. you knew once you left, the illusion would be shattered, and you’d be alone with your thoughts once again. sunwoo’s warmth would be gone, and replaced with the cold bitter reality that he wasn’t yours. not anymore.

then, once you were changed and ready for bed, eaving the bathroom only stung more as you were suddenly faced with the lack of safe space, and the image of sunwoo curled up on his side in bed. he wasn’t asleep, you could see that much, laying with his back to the doorway, scrolling on his phone, but he had yet to notice your return. you couldn’t make your presence known, not just yet. if anything, you were ready to resign yourself to running away – catch an early flight, go into hiding, never have to face your feelings again.

because now, it really did hurt. standing in the doorway, watching him simply exist, hurt.

all because you knew you couldn’t have that, not now, not again. sunwoo wasn’t yours anymore, no matter how much the holiday fooled you into thinking as such. he hadn’t been yours for four months, and wouldn’t be again.

everything you were feeling, sunwoo was completely oblivious to. you’d return home, and he’d go back to his life. he’d date, he’d work, he’d move on, and you’d be left in the dark, forced to reason with your own emotions and pretend nothing was wrong. you were pretty fed up of pretending by now.

love was a stupid concept, in theory. great when it comes naturally, but painful when the man you choose to be in love with just happens to be your ex boyfriend. worse still when all you could do was suffer in silence alone. you were an adult, you could deal with it, and you were going to have to.

but even adults now and again need their siblings, so that was exactly where you headed.

by some miracle, you managed to slip back out of the room without bothering sunwoo, heading down the corridor to where you knew you’d find who you needed, only hoping he hadn’t succumbed to sleep just yet.

when you pushed open the door to younghoon’s room, you could faintly hear the tell tale signs of your brother debating with chanhee over another pop culture issue. deep down, you felt awful for interrupting their conversation, especially so late at night, but this was one of those moments in which you needed to speak to younghoon as your brother.

“hoon? can i speak to you?”

the two boys on the bed looked up and over at you, only one second of processing your stance before they realised the nature of the upcoming conversation. chanhee stood up upon instant, giving younghoon’s shoulder a squeeze as he whispered about giving you privacy. he made a point to gently rub your arm as he passed on the way out, a gesture which you appreciated, but you were undoubtedly happy to be alone with younghoon just for now.

it was like the closing of the door was a trigger, for once the wooden frame fell shut, the tears sprung up to your eyes, and you were forced to move towards the bed for fear that your legs wouldn’t hold you up any longer. younghoon reached out upon instinct. pulling you close to his cross legged frame so that he could wrap his arms around you in a tight hug. his hands naturally came to cradle your head, tender touches accompanied by soothing whispers as you finally let the tears fall until the emotion began to dissipate.

“i’m still in love with sunwoo.”

younghoon pouted playfully, not clicking on just yet. not that you could blame him, considering the act you had put on. “i would hope so, considering he’s your boyfriend, and all– hey, what’s wrong?”

“we’re not together, hoon.” you admitted all at once, too terrified to even look your brother in the eye for fear he’d be ashamed of your lies, “we haven’t been for five months.”

younghoon sighed, but didn’t back away. instead, his grip tightened on your body, holding you as close to his chest as he possibly could.

“fuck, y/n. why didn’t you say anything?” he whispered, hurt evident but worry outweighing any of that.

“i was going to, but then all this time passed and i just forgot, and now…” your words were lost in a sob. “eomma was so excited for this trip, i couldn’t just break her heart like that.”

“you could have told me, baby.” younghoon spoke so tenderly, you panicked it might make the tears worse. he was exactly what you needed in that moment, the comfort you had been searching for that could only be provided by your brother. “i’m your brother. as much as you get on my nerves, you’re still my favourite human.”

no matter what happened, younghoon was still the person you knew loved you the most. you argued a lot, as expected of any sibling duo, but the love he showed you in even the smallest of actions far outweighed the tough times. he would have been there for you through anything, and a hug from him had better healing powers than magic, you were convinced.

that was what broke your heart more, knowing you had kept the breakup from him initially when he was so kind, and so understanding. a lot terrified you in life (love, for one), but losing touch with younghoon had to be top of that list. you were foolish for ever thinking he would treat you otherwise.

simply getting it out helped. saying those words out loud, not just about being in love, but about what you had gone through, made you feel lighter, even if just for a moment. you hadn’t even realised how hard it had been to carry it all.

it had been just what you needed. the only problem was that this security couldn’t last all night.

by the time you returned to bed with a lighter conscience, sunwoo was fast asleep, or so you thought.

you nearly considered sleeping on the sofa, just to spare you heart for tonight, but it wouldn’t have been worth the questions it brought from the boy in question. so instead, you resigned yourself to clambering under the covers with the intention to stay on the opposite side of the bed.

sunwoo, it seemed, had other ideas. within around five minutes of you waiting patiently for sleep to overtake you, there was movement on the other side of the bed and sunwoo soon shuffled by your side. you didn’t resist the arm he threw over your body, but that didn;t stop you from tensing up just for a moment. he no doubt felt it, opening one eye to see your expression.

it wasn’t like you didn’t expect physical contact with him, but so far the two of you had kept your distance at night. this coupled with your recent thought process and the heavy beating of your heart meant that it was much harder to stay sane than first thought.

“where did you go?” he mumbled sleepily, cheek smushed firmly against your shoulder which was muffling his speech.

“just to see younghoon.” you answered honestly, trying to focus on keeping your heart rate level. you wanted to cry, in complete honesty, far too emotional from earlier discussions.

sunwoo hummed, the sound vibrating through your body. “missed you.”

“you should be sleeping.” you scalded instead, too terrified to consider what that statement might mean in contention.

you couldn’t allow yourself even a moment to think of what could be. you needed to sleep, brush these thoughts out of your mind and pretend that the day hadn’t happened. sunwoo was determined to make that difficult, and you couldn’t even be mad. not at him, not ever.

“hm. couldn’t sleep without you.” if only he knew the weight those words carried for you. the raspy, sleep filled chuckle that followed only made the thumping of your heart worse “i’m getting sort of used to this.”

“don’t say that.” you muttered, having had enough of the torture. you pushed him away lightly, not enough to cause offence and hoping you could pass it off as being warm.

it failed it seemed, sunwoo sitting up on his elbow to stare down what was now your back facing him. “y/n, what’s wrong?”

“nothing. i’m just tired.” you lied through your teeth, praying he gave in to the late night and settled down. you gave in, however, when the silence that followed became far too much to handle. “go to sleep, woo.”

sunwoo, from what you could tell through just the silence, didn’t seem convinced. you were sure his brain would have mimicked a clock had you been able to hear, the ticking practically audible even now.

you half expected him to give up and settle down, petulant and stubborn as usual. instead, you were met with a strange timidness to his tone. “if something was wrong, you’d tell me, right?”

the sincerity in his voice was enough to grab your attention. he sounded so genuinely concerned that your head almost willed to turn, being greeted by a face that mirrored his words. he looked oddly anxious, nibbling on his bottom lip and playing with the bedsheet, looking so unlike sunwoo that you couldn’t help but turn back to face him.

instead of the act of ignorance you had tried to implement, you stuck out your hand to rest on his wrist in response to his question. you were a weak person when it came to kim sunwoo, and there was no point denying it any longer. maybe, for tonight, your heart and its worries could wait if it meant getting to satisfy the pink haired boy.

“i promise.”

sunwoo didn’t seem convinced for a long moment, searching your features for any signs of lying. it was a good job the holiday had helped you perfect your poker face. the last thing you wanted now was for your emotions to betray you.

he wasn’t satisfied, that much you could tell, but he gave in nonetheless. you knew he had accepted defeat when his arms opened wide in an invite you brain was practically screaming to deny. it would only cause more trouble for your heart down the road, but you had tried to deny it once before, and this was where you ended up.

and so you gave in, let yourself be engulfed in a cuddle by sunwoo, lulled to sleep unexpectedly quickly by his breathing and warmth – because after all, no amount of anxiety and insecurity would ever beat the safety that being in sunwoo’s arms brought you.

your revelation marked the start of the last three days of your holiday, and they seemed to roll around slower than before.

the final full day had been spent as expected, everyone moping and lounging until it turned dark, too sad to admit that soon you’d be saying goodbye to the island. that the holiday was over.

except, for you and sunwoo, this meant something different. it marked the end of much more.

you had gotten used to not seeing him, to no longer living out of his pocket. but two weeks in paradise, coupled with the feelings you still harboured in your chest were going to make what was about to come ten times harder than initially planned. not just on you, but the families too.

everyone had bonded over the two week period, from your parents, down to sunwoo and chanhee. you knew the latter of whom had exchanged numbers, their friendship built on teasing, but based on love. the last thing you wanted was for the impending break up to nip that in the bud.

in theory, it should have been easy. you had been friends after the real breakup, before the holiday. you should be able to go back to being friends now. but something had shifted, at least for you.

you knew you couldn’t go back to friends. before, it was easier. to your best knowledge, your feelings for sunwoo had disappeared, and you could continue with the knowledge and safety that he felt the same. you could live your life without that weighing on your conscience. all of that safety was gone now.

you knew you couldn’t just go back to being friends. that would hurt you too deeply, and you weren’t sure you were ready for pretending – not with sunwoo. it was easy with everyone else, but never with him. strangers would hurt, but it was seeming the only option that would protect your heart in the long run.

when you all retired to bed that night, it began like the one a few days before. sunwoo’s arms around your frame, his head tucked gently in your neck, and slow breathing lulling you both to sleep. it was easier to focus on the melody of his breath than to think about the alternatives. how this time tomorrow it would all be over.

except when you woke up, the end hadn’t quite come. you woke up in tomorrow, but with the world still in darkness, and an empty space on the bed where sunwoo had laid just hours earlier.

the clock on your nightstand told it was only three a.m, the sun not due to rise for at least another hour.

you knew better than to hunt for where sunwoo had gone, especially so late at night and with your heart in such fragile condition. it would be easier to stay in bed, remain ignorant and pretend that you had never woken up. that way, you wouldn’t be tormenting your heart with the idea of having sunwoo for just a second longer. you could prepare yourself for the inevitable, start practicing the distance.

that was the problem. you were too selfish to do just that.

so with a deep breath, and the blanket wrapped around your body, you clambered out of bed and on the hunt for where the boy you were in love with had gone.

he wasn’t at the poolside, the first stop you came across once leaving the glass doors. if he had been in the bathroom, you’d have heard him, so the only reasonable place he could have gone was to the other rooms – or so you had thought at first glance.

it was as you headed across the decking to the corridor adjacent to yours that you saw the gate down to the beach wide open, distinctly remembering closing it when you returned earlier in the day. that was pointer enough as to where sunwoo had headed.

venturing into the dark on your own didn’t seem like a pleasant concept, but the prospect of finding sunwoo there was enough to spur you onwards. and sure enough, your process of elimination had served you well.

there, sat by the sea with his shoes by his side, and bare feet dug into the sand, was kim sunwoo.

“couldn’t sleep?”

sunwoo turned his head to see you walking towards him, giving you a rehearsed smile that seemed different than usual. if you didn’t know better, you’d say he almost looked sad.

“needed some air.” he commented, chin resting against his own shoulder in support.

“i won’t disturb you, then.” you smiled peacefully, moving to turn back inside when sunwoo’s voice rang out from behind you once more.

“no!” he had jumped up to his feet, taking a stride towards where you now stood, hand outstretched with an attempt to stop you. “no! uh – stay? maybe? unless you’re tired, obviously.”

“i’m not tired.”

“good.”

there was a moment in which the silence dropped into awkwardness, unusual for the past week. you were grateful for the waves in the background masking the sound of you heart ringing in your ears. it distracted you from getting too lost in your thoughts, a difficult task considering sunwoo was standing in front of you in just his pyjamas, pink hair messy from the wind and sleep. looking just as perfect as ever.

he knew it too, that things felt wrong. the distance between you felt longer than just a few metres, your bodies isolated from any connection as a result of something unspoken. something you couldn’t even recognise.

“can i ask you a question?” sunwoo blurted suddenly, breaking the silence, but not sounding any less awkward than before. even when you nodded, it took him a moment before he could go on, “did you try to date again... after we…?”

you thought about teasing him, just for a moment. it would have been too easy to coo about his curiosity, make him blush and writhe under your stare, but something about the way he stared back at you with such genuine want to listen compelled you to be honest.

“uh – no. not really.” it was true. the prospect of dating hadn’t once crossed your mind in the four month period you hadn’t been together. now, you supposed you knew why “you?”

the expression on his face told he was about to say something you didn’t want to hear.

“i tried. just a month before we came here, actually.” you were right. you didn’t want to hear that. but you let him continue, nonetheless. “they were in my music production class, we got on really well. i sort of figured out they had a crush on me, and i liked their company, so i asked them out.”

“sunwoo, if you were seeing someone, you shouldn’t have agreed to come here–”

sunwoo didn’t give you enough time to finish, something akin to determination taking over him this time. “i’m not seeing anyone. i said i tried, but it didn’t feel right. quite the opposite in fact.”

should that have made your heart squeeze in your chest? it didn’t mean what you thought – it just meant it didn’t feel right. there was no point in getting excited, but there was a tiny part of you that couldn’t help but hope. the same part that made you ask “how come?”

sunwoo shrugged, a strangely genuine smile creeping onto his lips as he discussed such a topic. “i don’t know. they were fun, don’t get me wrong. we had a great time. i took them to that little arcade down the road from the politics building. we were there for like six hours, or something stupid, just challenging each other on every dumb game we could find.” you remembered the arcade, the fond memories the two of you had there in summers of the past. if you thought about it for long enough, the prospect of sunwoo taking another person there might have hurt. “but by the time i walked them home, i realised that was just it. i liked spending time with them, for sure, but they weren’t the one for me.”

something in sunwoo’s eyes told he wasn’t done.

“they weren’t you.”

forget skipping a beat, your heart nearly stopped all together. you didn’t understand, you needed more before you let yourself get your hopes up. you couldn’t be crushed like that “sunwoo–”

“just, let me finish, yeah?” sunwoo countered, cringing at himself for cutting you off once again, but you wouldn’t take offence “if i stop, i don’t think i’ll be brave enough to get it all out.”

it seemed more was what you were going to get.

“when we broke up, i really thought we were doing the right thing. i thought that i still had all this growing to do outside of our relationship, that i still had to learn to be independent. and it felt right for so long. shit – i think i convinced myself i wanted it because i was too scared of what i actually wanted… which was you, forever.” his breathing faltered, eyes dancing everywhere around the beach front but at you. “i think i’ve realised now that i was wrong all along. i didn’t have to be isolated in order to grow. i could have done that plenty well enough with you by my side, and i would’ve been happier that way.”

more. you had gotten more. and now you didn’t know what to do with it. scream? thank god? cry?

you knew exactly what he was trying to say. it was how you had felt about him all along. the realisations that had hit you that night, looking up at him from the pool, they were all reflected in the way sunwoo looked at you. like everything made sense once again. you didn’t know if your heart was ready to handle such a thing.

“i don’t even know if i’m making sense. hell, i barely even knew my own emotions until a few days ago. i had a feeling when i went on that date, but being here with you, seeing the way my parents adore you… it made me realise just how big a part of my life you still were.”

even as he paused, taking a breath big enough to prepare for his continuation, you couldn’t find the words to respond. you could only stare in disbelief that he felt the same. he just needed to say it.

“i never fell out of love with you, y/n. if anything, i think this trip has only made me love you more. i just had to put my naivety aside to see it.” sunwoo knew, too. those last words he needed to say out loud to make the confession real. “fuck, i love you. i love you so goddamn much that i would completely respect it if you decided to walk away now and never look back.”

you could only laugh, eyes stinging with grateful tears as you stared back at him. words had completely evaded you. any normal thought except for he feels the same had disappeared from your mind, leaving only happiness and disbelief in their wake.

sunwoo loved you too. he had never stopped loving you.

and he thought you were stupid enough to walk away.

“you’re an idiot.” you laughed quietly, desperately wiping at your eyes to see his terrified expression in full clarity.

he looked terrified indeed, more than, even. too scared to even blink and miss you turning your back. “i know. i’m so sorry.”

you shook your head lightly, feeling mean for not putting him out of his misery, but you were too elated from the confession to even care. “no – you’re an idiot because you’ve spent way too long standing there when you could have been kissing me.”

sunwoo’s eyes widened, staring ahead at you with the same expression you were sure you were wearing during his confession. confusion morphed into disbelief, which morphed into relief, and settled on happiness. the realisation of exactly what you were saying. that was enough to career him forward, feet travelling in the sand until he was stood in front of you, and you returned those three precious words that meant so much more.

“i love you too. i never stopped. i didn’t realise until the other day, but now i don’t want to waste any more time.” you admitted, searching his eyes for any sign of doubt – none of which you found.

he knew, just as much as you. this was the right thing, this was exactly what had been intended by the universe. you loved kim sunwoo, and he loved you back – no breakup, no amount of distance or space could ever change that.

when he kissed you again, properly, this time, you could have sworn you felt the earth move below your feet. the peck in the market was nothing compared to the elation the real thing brought. it was truly as though nothing had changed, from the way his hands gripped your waist, to the way he led with such confidence. he knew everything about you, down to the way you liked to kiss – slow and steady but with tender confession swapped between bodies. and he made sure he did just that.

sunwoo let one hand lift to your cheek, thumb brushing over your cheekbone with gentleness that on, any other day, might have made you cry. you were on top of the world, now, a quick exchange from worry to elation, and kim sunwoo was the reason for all your joys. he held you close, nibbling on your bottom lip and whispering almost incoherent confessions between touches and pecks. by the time he pulled away, it was as though everything left to be said had already been spoken.

you felt it, too. loved. you felt so, so loved from just the way he looked at you. you couldn’t believe you hadn’t seen it before – mistaking the glistening in his eyes for being hues of the summer, when in reality, they were all for you.

every worry you had seemed insignificant now. your lie had only shifted into a white lie, performance become verbatim, and you couldn’t be happier.

paradise had a funny way of making the truth come out. even now, with the sun still below the sky and no sign of it yet appearing, you felt warmer than ever.

you were walking on sunshine, and it felt good.

note: hello and welcome to: officially the longest fic on this account HSHDHSH would u believe me if i said this was only meant to be 4k long :o and yes the ending Is rushed bc i wanted to get it up asap but i do not care i am happy

this was honestly a little different for me. it might not seem it but usually i go in with all these preconceptions about the writing being good and the descriptions being good etc etc. but for this i just decided to have fun. and i sort of really love the outcome. so i hope w all my heart that you enjoy it too <3

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