byebye-lala

[byebye-lala]

theres a bucket of paint in my room.

it takes up alot of space.

i kinda wish it was gone.

idk what to do with it.

maybe i could paint my sheets.

and so paint my sheets i start.

halfway through i realize i hate the color.

what do i do with the rest of the paint?

so i take it to my bath and i poor it in.

the water turned orange.

i got in and soaked.

why did i open this bucket of paint?

i should've left it alone.

now im covered in paint.

now my bath is filled with paint.

now my bed is covered in paint.

red paint.

why cant i leave things alone?

[byebye-lala]

took a shattered mirror to my calf,

scars turned to memories.

[byebye-lala]

i saw the devilish wings rip through the skin on your arched back

youre not the girl you once were.

better or worse, i havent yet decided

[byebye-lala]

many men have entered and left my life

but not one of them ive written about nearly as much as you

[byebye-lala]

a part of me always

a bracelet of his birthstone

heart-shaped locket with his face

a ring the color of his eyes

long after you left, but you'll never fully be gone

[byebye-lala]

you called me back to your class during fourth period. you said i left something inside

how peculiar, i made sure that today i only brought my bag.

#grooming lol tw

[byebye-lala]

i wish i could writeeeeee

i wish i could write like you and you and you too beautiful poets write beautiful songs

to be able to be a beautiful poet writing a beautiful song is all i neeed so much in my mind so much i want to say say it in a pretty way pretty pretty prettyuyyyy

to be a pretty poet to die a pretty life to write my pretty songss is all i long for

[byebye-lala]

i always hated country. (full)

i always hated country.

until you turned the radio over to one of those songs those songs i always was in disgust by. played me a tyler childers, repulsed once again.

looking over at you, i saw you smile.

looking over at me, i saw you speak. "oh how i love this song"

and suddenly, it was one of the most beautiful tunes i've heard.

[byebye-lala]

bodies are weird?

[byebye-lala]

as someone who's very good at reading people, it's easy to tell what's going on behind someone's eyes. very few people aren't as easy to read as a picture book, he's nothing special.

behind his gaze... unlike every other man, instead of turning pink, the ring around his eyes glowed blue.

often linked with sadness, when truly the color of love.

the lustful pink behind every man's eyes builds me up and breaks me down all at once.

but his blue overfills me with dopamine, knowing it's not just peaches and pears, but my affection he wants too.

to hold hands with me, walk and talk with me, next to me about our days, about our care for one another.

it's that blue, that makes my heart hurt and my stomach drop.

he sees that blue for many others. it's only natural, blue the color of his blood.

that is why i do not care.

because i do, but it was expected. i do, but i've really always known. i do, but why would he be different? i do, but he'll never get over her.

no matter how brightly his blue shines for me, it will always be more vibrant for her.

[byebye-lala]

it's okay :)

in my head, it's okay.

in my head, i'm okay with it because i knew it was gonna happen.

but physically, my stomach dropped my heart hurts and i can't seem to shake the sad look off of my face.

mentally, it's okay.

i detached myself body from brain, but my body can't wipe away the feeling of the love the feeling of being wanted

[byebye-lala]

my blood stained my keyboard

splatters of red, now turned brown

shapes of hearts and ovals found splattered over my keypad.

i tried so hard, i'm sorry i promised

i never should have promised.

[byebye-lala]

who needs bones?

i'll cut them out and shave them down until im pretty enough.

not for you, my own screwed sick and twisted view on what beauty truly is.

[byebye-lala]

im here to prosper.

above all things, love flows from the wounds.

an angel am i.

#haii

[byebye-lala]

i always hated country. (short)

your touch turned the sound waves into a painting, and all of a sudden nothing but beauty sprouted from the radio.

#uggh

[byebye-lala]

i dont know what love is i dont think ill ever know what love is because ive felt so many different feelings that have all been described to me as love

i wish to write like him i want to show him love i would kill for k i would die for him i want to lay in a field of daisies with him for he is pure he makes me pure he makes me feel bright and radiant his touch brings me light

i wish to care for him i want to show him the love he never got to know that he is cared for and worth it and amazing g is phenomenal hes perfect and the sweetest but the worst ohmyg hes the worst but to show him the love he never got will forever be a need it fills the whole in my heart

i wish to grow old with him. our spirits intertwined he healed me and i only hope i did the same to him. j will forever be the one i link to the word love because truly no other word could describe it. less than but stronger than obsession, it burned and glowed bright reds and yellows, chemically green at the tips.

what is love if drastically different cases result in the same ending? is it love if its all the same? what is and what is not?

#this isnt poetry>:(

[byebye-lala]

souls

envy or love, theyre similar

i love you down to my core

but my mind envies your soul

#not by carseatheadrest ok