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Banyak orang melewatkan hal-hal bahagia yang terjadi dalam hidup nya begitu saja, sebab ia terpaku pada rasa sakitnya di masa lalu.

@ceritajihan

Luwuk Banggai, 25 Januari 2024

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sometimes i just hope i get to see a glimpse of how you are doing, like a 3 minutes movie trailer; except it happened to you and are not fictional

so i could see if God answered any of my prayers.

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marvels

In another universe, I don't have to wonder what its like to be yours

I can just take out the frozen chicken and wait for you to come home

or some tea and biscuits over chatters in our garden

In all the other universe, she can cling to his slender arms; like oxygen

and she can lay her glittery wonders that she kept for so long

In another universe, she (i) wouldn't have to worry about getting hurt

Cause it only happen in one universe;

just the one that this poem are written in.

- A. 13.1.2023

(i) cause suddenly the writer cannot imagine being as fortunate as she did.

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Holy f-

Blindfold

"I lust you", I don't say the words, but suddenly I find it incredibly boring How I crave The heat of her mouth, And the softness of her skin; Her taste, And to feel her nipples stiffen By my kiss. I am bored, By how I long To make her all Shudder under my tongue, Just for fun; I get my kicks When she cums. Don't get me wrong, It isn't dull, or disappointing When she has Her way, nor in every way She grants me Physical ecstasy, But sometimes when she gawks With her mouth full, And her head Empty, Something in her gaze changes

And I realize I haven't felt love in ages.

Then, I don't care How good my body feels When my heart isn't in it; When I want it to be real And can't even get myself to change That one word of the three:

"I lust you."

It is then, suddenly, Profound truths wash over me, And it all seems so incredibly boring To be only this flesh That is So weak, When I used to be a god Shaping golden suns Past the last expansion of space, Chasing the constellations in forever-eyes Wherein resided love's timeless sanctuary; Suddenly, 'want' seems so pale In comparison to 'Need'. I look in her eyes; I look at her eyes; I close my eyes, and just Release.

--- 21-11-2023, M.A. Tempels ©

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I’m afraid God will punish me for not worshipping Him with the same fervor I devote myself to you. I’m afraid God will punish me for not belonging to Him as wholly as I have belonged to you.

What if God deems my love for you a transgression against the divine? What if this is the very reason He won’t let you be mine?

— Syeda Zehra Fatima

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RINDU

"Kau merindukan dia?"

"Iya,"

"Lalu mengapa kau hanya diam? Mengapa tidak mencoba untuk menghubunginya?"

"Memang benar aku merindukannya, tapi ku rasa cukup ku biarkan saja rinduku. Aku bukanlah kekasihnya yang bisa menghubungi dia hanya karna alasan rindu. Dia memiliki dunianya sendiri, dunia dimana tidak ada aku, jika pun ada, aku hanyalah orang asing yang tak memiliki peran yang penting untuknya."

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Dawn.

To me it is hues of colorful refracted light hand painted by the greatest painter. The sun being on the very edge of cityscape, her petite hand shivers in the winter air. Just to watch the sky turns darker in the nick of time.

Just like the black despair and stillness of grief ate all of her smiles and hope. Comfortable. Or familiar, she thought

Her petite body stood frozen; clinging to the guilty hands in her memories,

whose warmth once melts her ice cold heart.

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i had been used for my body before, i didn't mind it. i had a good trick about it - i didn't have to be there, not in my skin. i could wear the mirror, wear the puppet. you would see your perfect girl, a little monster i had concocted. she would glisten, distilled out of my own blood and venom. it meant i would be using you instead - you think you are taking from me? darling, i think this is a fucking joke, a role i am playing. you can't hurt me, i'm not present for the event. this is just a body, like a book is only words.

and then you came into my life, easy and honest. reaching for my hand in the crowded holiday market. passing me a water before i realize i'm thirsty. checking on me once, twice - the first time i said i'm okay, you knew i was lying. i keep thinking about the shape of your blue eyes and the wild of your hair the last time i saw you. how you got out of my car and when you looked back, i was looking back too. your quiet breathing in a hotel room.

you kissed me like you meant it, is the thing.

i don't know how to be a person yet, not fully. i don't know how to let you kiss me and touch bone. i tell my friends i hate this so much i want to throw up. your name slips into my head - i am no longer really ever alone. a little frazzled heartrate keeps splattering against my collarbone. my therapist asked yesterday - why are you afraid? what is the cost of vulnerability?

a terrifying thought: when i'm with you, it feels like finally coming home.

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Your love was the most beautiful thing in my life

Though it was not meant for me

I wish I could've been her

To feel you love me unconditionally

I wish I could've been more to you

More than a short chapter in your life

While to me,

You were everything

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It's my 8 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

#8 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone

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In another life you touch my face and we have coffee together, we dont talk like were strangers because we arent. We intertwine fingers and you kiss my check, it doesn't hurt and I dont have to miss you.

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an original work of mine. i don’t know if this really counts as poetry; it’s more of me just writing down everything i wish i had said

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Death Pink

(this is a poem I found in a book I read at a cafe. I'm using her stanzas but in my own words)

The first time I meet him he has his hair brown (and black?), and wears crimson red on his lips. I fall in love with

his crimson red lips his short messy hair his muscular legs his broken English his cheeky grin

On my bed, our bodies are glued by sweat and he makes a little sound in his sleep. I fall in love with

the way my face fits on his neck the musk on his skin the sound in his sleep the trance of being in his arms

Before he leaves I gave him a quick kiss and stains his crimson lips with mine. I fall in love with

his crimson red lips his short messy hair his muscular legs his broken English his cheeky grin the way my face fits on his neck the musk on his skin the sound in his sleep the trance of being in his arms how he stains my face. --A. 19.10.2023

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happy birthday (first tape)

Firstly i'd like to thank your mother for your existence. Its your birthday month. I'm quite nervous to give you your birthday present (which I had given when i am writing this). I have never thought you'd be the one I would fall in love with. I know its damn awkward that your ______ is my friend. Hence, I felt like it's impossible for us to be together. For whatever reasons, you'll never look at me. For all I know, I will never be the one you'd die for. But it's fine, I'll be here staying at the same spot; hoping that one day you'd return and be willing to hold me in your arms. All of my Septembers in this life will be about you. It was brief but your name will be forever tattoed on my lips. 21/9/2023

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list of blessings

Seldom times, i think about how miserable my life is. I shoved all the wonders He showed me in the stories & chapters of my life. I have felt all the four seasons; little tippy toes on crispy autumn leaves, sore throat from windy winter, joyous to the sight of fluorescent flowers, sips of spice latte on fall.

This pair of eyes had laid upon all the beautiful places in this world.

Tasted all the God-sent foods any human being has ever tasted.

I have been in the arms of the person that I truly love.

Listened to his heartbeat while he was soundly asleep.

Eventhough I don't get the chance to show how much I love you, maybe loving you my whole lifetime would be worth it. What else do I want?

-- 1.9.2023

A.

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A man tells me I have the single trait required to be a good mother: I know how to give until I am empty. And by this, he meant I am very good at breaking my soul into pieces for everyone I love. I will hurt myself in the process of protecting everyone around me and I am good and quiet at being taken for granted. Can you blame me? I come from a legacy of women who were raised to be useful rather than joyful. Once upon a time, even my grandmother was just a little girl. She loved flowers and had a laugh as free as a cascading waterfall. That was before she was made to carry the weight of a crumbling family on her back. How can I look at the skies with hope and think that I would not have to carry them too? Every woman I have loved has been Atlas. Holding the heavens on her shoulders, giving and giving until she is devoured.

- Nikita Gill