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bugeosuppe · 15 days
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Kita tidak pernah tahu seberapa kerasnya usaha orang lain untuk ridha dan mencintai takdirnya :). Maka, semoga Allaah Ta'ala senantiasa menjaga lisan kita dari ketidaksengajaan mengusik keridhaannya :).
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bugeosuppe · 6 months
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231118
gw ambil cuti seminggu lebih sebelum pindah ke tempat baru, trus bingung ini sekian hari mending ngapain ya. hari pertama gw habiskan dengan rotting my day away di kamar aja. hari kedua baru deh cuci2 dan beres2 kosan. lalu tadi malam gw iseng daftar kursus menulis dari iklan yang lewat di instagram.
pagi ini disuruh menulis cepat agar bisa nulis banyak dan lebih mengalir karena tidak banyak waktu bisa terpakai untuk berpikir. instruksinya disuruh menulis dalam 15-25 menit lalu stop, tapi gw nulis mungkin 35 menitan.
kalo gw gugling, ga segelintir orang yang merasakan yang gw deskripsikan di tulisan. namanya cenah sense of foreshortened future. bukan, ini bukan karena video toktok random yang bikin u mempertanyakan kenormalan hidup u, karena gw udah ngerasain ini sejak jaman smp.
hikmahnya, ternyata menulis bisa membantu kita menghubungkan berbagai macam kejadian dan pikiran yang selama ini membayangi kita.
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bugeosuppe · 8 months
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SKAM Masterpost
All of SKAM, in one convenient post. That I can pin to my tumblr, with the hopes that people will stop asking how to watch the show, despite the numerous links to the episodes on my tumblr! Ever the optimist, I know. :-D
If the embedded videos aren't working for you for some reason, or because Dailymotion does something weird again, there are download links at the bottom of the post, and those should hopefully work forever.
Enjoy!
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bugeosuppe · 10 months
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The change of relationship: breaking point of Yoo Jung
Cheese in the Trap Season 4, Ep. 30
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WARNING: This post contains several spoilers of the story released up to this particular chapter. The selected plot points are needed for explanation of the chosen topic. If you haven’t but plan to read Cheese in the Trap (much reccomended), please avoid this post or read at your own risk.
Cheese in the Trap (치즈인더트랩) is a Korean manhwa (aka comic) series created by Soonkki (story and artwork). It was published on online platform Naver Webtoon in 2010-2017. Later the story was published in print, translated into English on Webtoon app, made into a TV series and live action film. The English translation is in its last 4th season and still has around one year worth of material yet to be translated.
The story revolves around Hong Seol, a hardwoking and little overthinking 3rd year university student majoring business management who is suddenly approached by her same major sunbae, very rich, handsome and popular 4th year student Yoo Jung. It would seem Seol hit a jackpot, attracting attention of such a guy as Jung; however, there is no promise of typical romance in sight. Why?
Maybe because Seol knows that Jung is not as nice as he pretends to be in public?
Or maybe because the previous year Seol’s university life was turned into hell and the main puppetmaster behind all those evil schemes seems to be… Yoo Jung?
Relationship that began shrouded in misunderstanding, antipathy and suspicion. Can it ever be turned into romance? Or is it just another Jung’s masterplan to get back at Seol?
THE ANALYSIS
In this post I will:
1) do a quick recap of “Jung’s attitude towards Seol” evolution (in approximate data graph form in interval -10 to 10 because they’re business majors, duh);
2) explain what happened in this episode, what was mistranslated in Jung’s monologue and what character details are hidden here;
3) clear the mistranslation of Jung’s repeated “Seol” in this episode.
Important parts are highlighted with colour (setting/situation) or bolded (particular events). The words in “…” are actual quotations. The words in ’…’ are rephrased sentences. Lets begin!
[1st Part] RECAP
How Jung’s attitude towards Seol changed since the beginning of previous year aka flashback year? Jung returned from military service to the 3rd year, Seol returned to the 2nd year; they first met during comeback drink party. Seol got wasted (she can’t drink much), picked up thrown ciggarettes from the ground outside (for Bora) and kept side-eyeing Jung all evening (how he spilled drink on clingy girls). Jung’s first impression of Seol was bad, around 0 to -1 (she’s “pathetic”). Then Seol kept saying hello and smiling to him (he was sunbae and popular/respected as well) but Jung flat out ignored her (thought she’s another leecher).
During Jaewoo’s study group Seol was the only girl there (they thought she outsmarted other girls and came alone to be closer to Jung); Jung caught her laughing at him (he thought she was mocking him and saw through his “nice sunbae” mask; she was just laughing at her imagination of Jung as aloof prince) and his impression dropped to -5 as he really disliked her now. Seol tripped on waxed floor and Jung caught her saying “Be careful” (not about tripping but about her behaviour towards him).
Seol then badmouthed Jung in public (said he was distanced, chose with whom to mingle, acted a bit fake); he found out about it and started to hate Seol (drop to -8). Seol tripped again and dropped papers, Jung kicked them and said “You keep making mistakes. I told you to be careful” (again not about tripping but about making him seem WEIRD to others in public). So he began to act nice with Seol to make Juyeon (black-haired girl who crushed on Jung) jealous and ruin Seol’s life (in study related matters)
Then Younggon badmouthed Jung during basketball game (something like ‘Jung pities you clingy people’, which was true). When everyone turned their backs on Younggon, who went to talk to him, comfort him with snacks? Seol. Jung saw that and likely thought 'So these Jung haters team up now, huh? They deserve each other’. Jung’s hatred for Seol got even bigger (drop to -10). When Younggon came to Jung asking for forgiveness, Jung was tired of his sh*t and wanted to go home already (he sighed and ruffled his hair). Juyeon told Younggon he and Seol would be a great couple; they asked for Jung’s opinion and he was like 'Yeah whatever you would look good’ with a fake smile to be left alone and not involved in unnecessary rumours and drama. He also didn’t stop Inha from taking his phone and writing Younggon (pretending to be Jung and advising to send Seol gifts etc.), because, well, he disliked Seol and couldn’t be bothered thinking about her. However, Jung had no idea how far Younggon would go during summer break (stalking, threatening and assaulting Seol).
When Seol came straight to Jung and asked if he really told Younggon Seol liked him (and Jung found out how obsessed Younggon was) Jung was shocked and felt bad. Yes, he hated Seol but didn’t wish her to be hurt/threatened. Then Juyeon sent homeless woman to the library where Seol was and Seol got cut with a glass. It was Jung (if I remember correctly) who secretly called security guard to save Seol (yet Seol thought Jung was there knowing what happened and did nothing). Jung was really mad with Juyeon for this.
More things have happened that I forgot a bit, but essentially Jung kept noticing he and Seol are somewhat similar. He overheard her phone call with her parents and learned she was also lonely and not fully appreciated by her family. They both were diligent and hardworking in studying (both often were the ones who were used in team projects and ended up doing most of the work, or even did all work alone so their grade would not be affected by other people’s laziness). They disliked petty drama. And found it difficult to speak their worries to others (Seol was too self-conscious and afraid to burden her friends, Jung had no one to speak to at all). So Jung’s hatred for Seol started to decrease and he occasionally found himself thinking about her and even smiling when doing that (which made him frustrated and confused).
Jung looked for opportunities to speak with Seol but she always ran away, avoided to be left with him alone. During festival Jung made her a part of his preparation group, assigned her an easy job (sort out boxes) so she wouldn’t overwork herself as she usually does and so that they could have time to talk alone. Jung didn’t know silverware arrived earlier than planned and those boxes were heavy instead of light (Seol thought Jung gave her that job on purpose, to get back at her and just make her more miserable). While working they kept glancing at each other (Seol saw Jung wipe his sweaty face and cough - he caught a cold and felt really sick, but kept working). As others ran home early avoiding work, finding ridiculous excuses, Jung said Seol will help him clean up, but when everyone left, he told her to go just home (no one will appreciate her sacrifice and hard work, he knew that from experience). Seol wanted to leave, but seeing how Jung was sick, she went into rain to place directions towards their bar space. As she got back to take her bag, she saw Jung cleaned the place and lied back on the sofa, mumbling with fever. She couldn’t just leave him there, bought him medicine, placed a wet towel on his head and fell asleep on the other couch. Jung woke up feeling better and was surprised to see Seol who was also sick and grabbed his hand in her feverish sleep (Seol’s habit). The way they both tended to each other as both were sick (such caring gesture) made them closer but still confused about each other.
Jung left umbrella to Seol (she didn’t take one and got wet while placing directions outside) and next day didn’t take it back immediately between lectures so they could speak in person when she returns it, but that plan failed (Seol was too sick to keep running after Jung; she didn’t want to be alone with him; the students’ pissed her off saying 'Poor Jung, got sick working all alone’). In episode 29 sick Seol mistook Jung as Euntaek and asked him for money (initially 10$, then changed her mind and said 2$ was enough). Jung was happy to help her (he knew Seol wasn’t like other students who hanged out with Jung only because of his money; also she approached him first and he hoped now they could talk) and offered 40$ (possibly all the cash he had on him, as Jung seemed to favour his card for paying). However, Seol recognized him and ran away again thinking Jung was showing off his money and pity, humiliating her. He followed her and saw her crouched (she vomited), tried to approach her but couldn’t (street between them was drawn as an abyss); during next break Jung bought a health drink for Seol but she collapsed and was carried to the infirmary.
Then this episode happened (explained in detail in 2nd part). After that, Jung found out Seol was taking a study break. He was desperate to keep her at university so he could finally get close to her (it was going to be Jung’s last year, so if she took a break, they would likely never meet again). Having no other idea how to do that, Jung blackmailed Assistant Seo to make his research paper dissapear (Assistand Seo had stolen and used Jung’s credit card, so Jung gave him a chance to be forgiven; once research paper was gone, Jung’s grade would drop, Seol would become first in business department, get the scholarship instead of Jung and stay for another year). Then the first chapter of CITT happens when Jung approaches Seol all smiles and offers to buy her dinner (bomb food and triangle rice). So during this 'realization’ period which started after Younggon’s assault, Jung’s like/dislike bar towards Seol jumped from -10 to a decent 8.
[2nd Part] EPISODE EXPLANATION + JUNG’S MONOLOGUE MISTRANSLATION + CHARACTER DETAILS
This whole chapter is from Jung’s POV, so it’s a rare opportunity not only to see him behave but also hear what he’s thinking. Infirmary part is the breaking point is Seol-Jung relationship: it’s Jung’s last effort to stop being bothered and confused by his feelings towards Seol; and his utter defeat as his opinion of Seol changed completely. Jung was getting worried of her and her health before, but here we see the extent of it. Jung is super diligent when it comes to studying (a bit later, during their first movie date at the cinema Jung was hangover and asked Seol to wake him up if he falls asleep; but it was Jung who stayed up watching boring historical film without breaking attention because it was homework; while Seol quickly fell asleep). It is absolutely outrageous to see Jung deliberately skip important lecture (which has attendance marks) in the middle of it just to go and see Seol. It shows how much he worried about her without even realizing.
Then Jung quietly stared at Seol for a long time with a serious, cynical face as if criticizing, evaluating. Although Jung has dated many girls before (they asked him out and he said ok), he has never had any romantic feelings for them and had no experience with love. So here Jung tried to rationalize whatever newly experienced softness he was feeling towards Seol, remembering past incidents (how she fell several times and got her hand cut). But his concentration broke as soon as Seol moved and Jung was controlled by the unconscious desire to touch her HAND. Seol woke up (delirious) so Jung put his HAND over her eyes to make her sleep (it mirrors how Seol put her HAND over Jung’s eyes to calm his rage after Sangcheol pushed them and Jung hurt his HAND). Seol grabbed Jung’s HAND half asleep, thanked he was still there and told him to go already. Since she spoke in banmal (informal language), she must have mistaken Jung for Euntaek again, as she never spoke informally with Jung before. Obviously a HAND motif is extremely important in the story. Seol keeps grabbing people’s hands (usually Jung’s after they became close, ex. when he asked her to become his girlfriend, during volunteering etc.) because she pushed away grandmother’s hand; Seol had her hand cut by homeless woman; Inho got his hand hurt during assault; Jung’s habit to tap his fingers when he’s thinking. I can say this hand grabbing was one of the deciding elements that defeated Jung and last effort of resistance, but why exactly this gesture has such an impact on him is revealed only at the end of the story.
The part time job paper he found in her pocket softened him more. Jung’s monologue is MISTRANSLATED in English version on Webtoon app; in essence Jung said he was frustrated about his feelings towards Seol but now feels better (weird), it means he changed (that’s weirder). Seol caused a chaos of emotions inside him and she was the only one who could contain that chaos and bring back peace to his heart. He had no proof they could get along as their relationship was dissapointing so far but he wanted to try once more and make sure of it. He admitted he had never regretted his actions so much as he did now (things he did to Seol). Jung realized he couldn’t run away from Seol, was fascinated by her, worried (her call with parents), touched by her kindness (she cared for him at festival), apologetic (she crouched after asking for 2$). Suddenly realization hit Jung like a lightning -  he lost the battle and got taken over by affection and crush towards Seol. Jung fell in love for the first time. And here started his obsession with food and having dinner with Seol.
[3rd Part] MISTRANSLATION OF “SEOL”
Why Jung kept repeating “Seol” like crazy? The way it’s translated in English on Webtoon app, there is no difference between Jung addressing Seol as he first got into the infirmary and at the end of the chapter. In original Korean version there is a huge difference. For ex. Seol never adressed Jung as Jung; he was Yoo Jung or Sunbae (the latter even after they started dating). Titles of hierarchy or full names are used between people who are not very close and are in official respectful relationship, mostly professional. Family members, close friends and lovers use banmal (informal speech) and address each other using each other’s name (there are exceptions; also Bora and Euntaek also often called Seol as Hong/Hong Seol but it may have been a tease). So people who are very close would usually add ending -ah to other person’s name as a form of endearment.
When Jung first entered the infirmary, he adressed Seol formally as “Hong Seol” (a fellow student and hoohae of the same major). But after Jung realized he fell in love with Seol, he smiled and called her name softly as “Seol-ah”, suggesting she became a close person to him, a dear friend and a possible future lover. Being first time in love, Jung was fascinated by how lovely it sounds and kept happily repeating it.
AFTERTHOUGHTS
CITT emphasizes the importance of subjectivity of one’s point of view. This post was written explaining Jung’s point of view, how he saw Seol and judged her behaviour. However the story is written mainly from Seol’s point of view, so the reader identifies with her and can clearly understand only her actions and thoughts. Most of the time Jung looks weird, unreadable and suspicious to the reader because Seol sees him like that, affected by her past experiences which were caused by misunderstanding between them (and also because Jung is a complex person in general who on top of that is inexperienced in expressing himself clearly).
Nothing like that would have happened if Jung and Seol had sat down and talked everything out in the beginning. But these two do not openly speak about things. Instead they observe, overthink and internalize, judging people by subjective patterns of their own experience. Seol and Jung are similar in this appproach, only their patterns differ.
Seol grew up nice, diligent, disliked troubles and drama, smiled at sunbaes and was often underappreciated. And Jung was always at the center of attention. Seol thoght it was unfair, but she didn’t know that people hanged out with Jung only for his status, money and connections, looking for personal gain. When Seol tried to be nice to Jung because she was just raised like that, Jung thought she was another leecher as he only knew such people.
Money was a touchy issue in Seol’s family and she had to work several part time jobs to earn for tuition. Jung never thought about money at all or give it much importance. He was collecting expensive watches because he hd nothing better to do (habit came from the childhood as he was lonely and wanted to have a hobby). His issue was not using money for other people (paying for team dinners; Jung is generous) but for people using him only for money. So when Seol paid for her dinner (like she was raised to do) she thought Jung considered her a fool. Actually, he was impressed and surprised (sge’s a first who did that) and even felt a little mocked. So he had no issue to give her more cash than she asked - 'I have money, you need it as you’re sick, take it all’. She felt humiliated as if Jung was showing off.
Jung made her part of his festival preparation group only to have a chance to speak with her. She thought he did it to make her life hard. Whatever nice Jung did later, he was misunderstood by Seol as having evil intentions. Even when he “lost his paper” and gave up his scholarship so that she would stay at University, he avoided telling her the truth as Seol could (and eventually did) misunderstand and judge him resorting to blackmail (Seol is very righteous). But she would not open to him or ask him for help otherwise, so Jung had to repeatedly help her from behind the scenes and later get scolded.
Also, I wanted to clarify Jung’s line “I’m all you got” from episode 27 that generated a lot of discussions about his 'inappropriate, sketchy and manipulative’ behaviour. The sentence does sound creepy, but it was partly the fault of translation. Actually this sentence does not mean Seol has no family or friends and has to rely solely on Jung. It is a mistake to take this one sentence out of context, as the sentence was a continuation of Jung’s train of thought about unconditional love and trust; about putting someone always first.
Read the colour coded dialogue below:
Jung Seol
“Next time tell me anything. Even if it’s just a suspicion. Didn’t we agree to share everything? That night, at my house… We talked about it.”
“Yes we did, that conversation. Well, I was suspicious of him (Sangcheol) for being a thief so I had to be cautious.”
“Seol, when you get suspicious, you had a good reason to be. You can tell me.”
“What? How can you be so sure? Aren’t you trusting me a little too much?”
“Of course. Who else would believe you and take your side if not me? See? I’m all you got.”
Jung never experienced unconditional love and trust; his father never put Jung, his son, first above everything else. Jung was told to give beloved picture frame (mom’s treasure) to a boy who simply liked it. Father told Jung to stop whining and be nice - apparently how other people saw Jung was more important than what Jung wanted. Jung’s father considered him weird and the lack of trust was expressed by making Baek twins spy on Jung and report back (twins were manipulated too). Father even seemed to like twins’ company better than Jung’s as father was always smiling and laughing around them, but giving Jung a cold shoulder and scorned face. In Jung’s mind, he was never first to Inho too although they were best friends. Jung went to see Inho’s favourite musician and get autograph in Inho’s name. And Inho kept reporting to Jung’s father about Jung, laughed about father liking him more than Jung and caused a scandal about being a second son in the family. People at work and University also don’t care about Jung as a person, only about his status in society.
Seol’s life is different, she has family and friends yet she can relate to Jung a lot too. In episode 29 Seol said: “No matter how hard I try, there is someone else who’s on a whole different level from the beginning. Do I really need to feel this way even at school?” and a picture of Seol’s brother Joon appeared. Seol was never put first too - her brother as the only son in the family was the most important. Grandma used to favour Joon and bring him more snacks. Parents sent him to USA to study (Seol also wanted that) and sent him money frequently but Joon stopped his studies and went home. Meanwhile, Seol took a break and had several jobs to earn money for her tuition. No one at home asked how she felt, what she wanted; no one noticed how sick she was (father said no one around the house was useful). Seol had Bora and Euntaek but they had their own problems at home and Seol couldn’t find strength to tell them everything thst bothered her. This lead Seol to keep stuff to herself and just brace through it alone.
For Jung, Seol is his girlfriend, the girl he loves and by far the closest person he has. Despite rocky start she eventually tried to know him behind the façade. She bought him a watch (he collects them) with her scarce savings when her time, interest and honesty were more than enough for him. After arguing she would still come and try to work it out and understand him (the night they talked at Jung’s house). She often worried about him to the point where she thought she would trouble him with her “small” problems. So that’s what Jung talked about - he wanted Seol to share even the smallest worries with him, not bottle everything inside. When friends can be very close, they both are a couple. For Jung couple means people who are ultimate, the most important for each other. “I’m all you got” means “the ultimate/the last one/ the only one to remain with you when everyone turns their backs on you and leaves”. It means that as her boyfriend, Jung is the only one who ALWAYS puts Seol first above others, supports her and is on her side no matter what, even if she is wrong or mistaken. That is unconditional love and trust they haven’t experienced from their family and friends, so have to give to each other instead.
END
Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
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bugeosuppe · 1 year
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Resentment
For the last few months I've been living with this feeling of rage and resentment, with an intensity I've never experienced before. I know that without me telling my stories, I think people would agree that my feeling is rightfully justified. But the thing is, it's unhealthy and exceptionally tiring to be living with this feeling, however justified it is. It feels like I want to turn off part of my brain that's responsible to remember and feel the pain caused by that problem.
People may experience such intense emotion of love, but how come the first emotion I experienced in such intensity is resentment? It's such a waste of mental work and I really really don't have the time for this, but there's no escape. I can't just turn a blind eye to this problem, it will just explode maybe in few months or years like the previous generation has unintentionally demonstrated. You turn a blind eye for a decade and more, then boom, your kids are the next martyr, congrats.
Until the time I'm writing this, I really don't know what I should do. I cried and poured my feelings on my journal like a madman. I would stop in the middle of work and suddenly reminded of this thing and then I would just shut down.
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When I woke up this morning, I read Yasir Qadhi's tweet about his newest video. It's about how to overcome resentment of the heart, and I can't believe how well-timed the reminder is. I should've known that if no one can get me, if no one can understand my feeling, if no one can say that they're one hundred percent on my side, I should've always known that the Almighty is there for me.
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bugeosuppe · 1 year
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hobonichi
because i keep seeing hobonichi planner setup on my youtube home, i decided to write the reasons i stopped using a physical planner
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bugeosuppe · 1 year
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i'm in no way suicidal. but if you ask me what my biggest regret will be if i were to die tomorrow, it will be that i have so many books that i haven't read. i'm in no way a person who is promised a place in heaven, but if you ask me now, i really don't have other regrets. 
please ask me again a few months later, i might have a better answer.
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bugeosuppe · 1 year
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i don't want to have a kid if
i don't want to have a kid if
if i will be begging my siblings for my second child's tuition money
if i will be begging my mother for my third child's birth hospital charges so she will in turn beg my siblings so they will sell their own kids' earrings
if i will be living shamelessly in my sibling's house for over a decade without paying a dime and be ridiculously mad when they're forced to sell the house
if my kid can't be bothered to move a finger to work and earn their own money because their grandmother will beg their dear uncles and aunties for money
if my niece who is already a working adult can pay for my family's electricity
if my nephew who is already a working adult can pay for my family wifi so that my kid can watch tiktoks all day long
if i can get money for food and daily needs from my crippled mother's monthly expenses provided by my dear siblings
if i can sell my crippled mother's jewelry given by my sibling using his pension money without him knowing so that my eldest kid can have a lavish wedding party
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bugeosuppe · 2 years
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In my mind, Theo is on the same level of being a narcissistic drama queen as Draco. Why? I don’t know 😂
Them both wanting to be the center of attention all the time? Would result in some interesting group dynamic and I’m here for it!
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bugeosuppe · 2 years
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Hannibal in a nutshell
S1:
Will: hannibal is nice
Jack: hannibal is nice
S2:
Will: hannibal is a murderer
Jack: hannibal is nice
S3:
Jack: well yeah he’s a murderer
Will: shut the fuck up he’s nice
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bugeosuppe · 2 years
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bagus bgttt ;__; sayang ga ada studio version
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bugeosuppe · 2 years
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Watch "[211118 파워오브럽] 'Same Dream, Same Mind, Same Night (Vocal Unit)' - SEVENTEEN POWER OF LOVE CONCERT" on YouTube
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bugeosuppe · 2 years
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suka banget ;_____;
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bugeosuppe · 2 years
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Girlhood by Melissa Febos My rating: 5 of 5 stars "What we hate of fear the most in ourselves tend to be among the things we first notice in others" -p108 One of the author's insecurity is her manly hands because they are considered big thus even in her relationship with females she feels insecure. She somehow feels as if she's supposed to fill the 'man' role of the relationship. We often fixate on things we desperately want. Once I wanted a beige trench coat and that was what I had always seen on people whenever I went outside. But we also fixate on things we wish we never had. Like the author's relationship with her big, manly hands, I used to have a body feature I dislike. I was super skinny throughout my elementary and middle school that I looked at my wrinkled knuckles, thinking unconsciously about how ugly it was. Whenever I met other people, I'd notice their knuckles and see just how 'normal' theirs were compared to mine. Now I might have reached an age where I can no longer fixate and feel insecure about small things because I can take pride in bigger things like my experience or my occupation. But teenagers or even me in my early 20s don't really have that level of confidence and so we put our self-worth at others' mercy. I can't imagine how the author feels when she just loses her autonomy over her body once people around her deemed her features to be 'ripe' enough to be exploited, as if her body is a commodity. View all my reviews
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bugeosuppe · 2 years
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baru tau ini lagunya wonu mingyuu padahal part-nya lee hi asa sering denger
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bugeosuppe · 2 years
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Stede's crew complaining about having no pirate flag
Stede: Alright! Arts and Crafts time everyone!
The crew:
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bugeosuppe · 2 years
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i know i use the word iconic a lot in relation to harry james potter but i feel it bears repeating here
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