broskiblogs

[broskiblogs]

this vent account is terrible to look through while im already feeling miserable lol, just feeding my misery with past misery

#perhaps i will watch some mlp to cheer myself up #or maybe ill find a chance to talk to my bf tonight bc the stress is getting way too distracting and overwhelming

[broskiblogs]

oughhhhhhh why do i feel so miserable lately

#been unreasonably paranoid abt my relationship recently which is all shit my brain made up #like. its finals week obviously we're all in a crunch and don't have lots of time! #but for some reason im so so convinced my boyfriend hates me ☹ #it started with me being upset/embarrassed when i was excited for dnd but he didnt share my enthusiasm #but now its morphed into Oh Well Clearly He Just Hates Me #ughhhhhhhh and hes been so busy that its hard to talk to him about it (plus im a coward and am hoping it magically goes away on its own) #anyways. wahhhhwahhhhhhhh wahh im a big stupid baby about nothing

[broskiblogs]

god i wish i didn't bottle up all my emotions and get mad at others when I don't fully explain why i feel the way i do

#unreasonably upset my boyfriend and i have no plans tonight and havent even seen each other at all today #i was gonna join him for an mtg event at a game cafe but he ended up leaving way before me and i didn't wanna walk to the cafe alone atnigh #but when cancelling i didnt really explain that because i didnt wanna guilt him into waiting for me #so now my brain wants to be mad but its my fault for not making my needs clear. it would make my life so much easier if i were normal #but also i cant really think about the situation without crying. idk man it sucks! its my first valentines with a partner and i feel awful #hopefully i can sleep it off and i wont feel so overwhelmed tomorrow

[broskiblogs]

ordered my first toy yesterday and im. so nervous

#its nothing fancy im just hoping it gets delivered NOT when my mom is home lol #not that i think she'd judge me its just embarrassing #i keep freezing like a deer in headlights with my byfriend ive done it twice and feel SO BAD #so i thought id experiment w/ something Not Attached To A Person and I can go at whatever pace I want without guilt #im REALLY hoping it helps ease my nerves abt sex 🤞 even just a little bit

[broskiblogs]

it was 100% me being a baby btw

got too silly during d&d and now I feel like shit

#like my period defintely made everything seem more mean and personal than it was lol #boyfriend is very good at allowing weird shifts and improving along with it! he just railroads just a teensy bit in the vibes department #which is fair we're playing a heavy campaign and the group was Extra Especially Silly this past session lol

[broskiblogs]

got too silly during d&d and now I feel like shit

#i didnt even get that silly!!! other players were way worse!!!!! but i guess my bf (dm) didnt like my joke and got mad #all i did was make a fucking shart joke!!!! what the hell man :/ #its not even a big deal At All like everyone immediately moved on and didn't even care #but for some reason ive shut down and feel a pit in my stomach :( #i wanna say smthn to him but after this session he had to immediately hop into a different virtual session and he'll be in there til 2am #its probably just bc my period is about to start but UGH i feel so badddddd #but then also if i say smthn i KNOW he'll feel super guilty about it and I'll have to comfort him #last time he raised his voice around me (not even directly AT me) he immediately felt super bad about it and cried

[broskiblogs]

so cruel that plane tickets cost as much as they do :(

#im BORED and LONELY and MISS MY BOYFRIEND #i can't wait to see him after we move back on campus :)

[broskiblogs]

HATE how cozy and cuddly my boyfriend is because now he’ll be gone for 2-3 months and I won’t be able to snuggle with him!!!!!

#im sleeping over the night before he leaves so that's nice but. damn #no petting his head and giving forehead kisses until NEXT SEMESTER. so cruel and fucked up #anyways im procrastinating my finals work SO badly. attention span of a goldfish

[broskiblogs]

having the worst shit of my LIFE. its literally too big to come out ive been fighting for my life on the toilet for the past 2 days. gotta buy a fucking enema after work its gotten so bad

#very scared the enema wont break up the turd and will just force this beast out of me which my ass CANNOT handle after this 2 day long battl #HOW am i supposed to get head this weekend when my ass looks like it just stepped on a landmine

[broskiblogs]

ive had a boyfriend for 3 days and we’re already sucking face and cuddling all night and saying i love you. is this normal

#genuinely have no concept of what the average timeline of relationships so im just like ok yeah this is cool this is happening now #dont get me wrong im ok jumping over some of the smaller steps. but i hope i dot seem like. Easy. yknow #like thats the one border that i really wanna hold the line on. other stuff i dont really care much about? idk #anyways if it wasnt clear things went incredibly well with the guy

[broskiblogs]

i am fucking hopelesssssssssss

#keep thinking back 2 last night when he jokingly curled into me putting his forehead on my shoulder bc my friend made a joke #and i rested my head on his head. im so fucking gay and stupid and hopeless #i appreciate this silent void of an account but it doesnt make it any less embarrassing watching the posts about him pile up #anyways. time to go to bed snuggling our new joint custody plushie. his name is headass #OUGH EDIT he did the faceplant into my shoulder again everytime he does it i go crazy inside #i think we are both stupid and hopeless. i wonder if anyone outside of my bff who knows my thoughts is noticing. like is it obvious

[broskiblogs]

wildly swinging back and forth between getting too excited and ignoring the obvious

#i think? we are flirting? maybe? #were both so awkward its hard to tell lol #is showing each other silly videos flirting. is this one of those love languages people are so annoying about #anyways i want to crawl on this man like an ant or perhaps a beetle. and sometimes i feel guilty abt it but ill imagine it either way #i feel so silly coming back on this account to talk abt this but also. its literally a ghost blog who cares

[broskiblogs]

biting kicking screaming I cant BELIEVE ive developed such a strong guilt complex from my ex friend. its literally so stupid

#wish I didnt feel such agonizing self hatred and embarrassment over my own private emotions #cant fathom a person genuinely feel the same things i feel without there being weird lies and half-truths involved #idk. this sounds dramatic and self loathing but really its moreso a casual frustration. like im living my life fine its mostly a mental wall #for certain things that most of the time arent an issue but its giving me a slight issue recently due to. stuff. and things

[broskiblogs]

hiiiiiiiii i know i havent touched this account in over a year but. I need to word dump briefly

#recently joined a dnd group at my uni and its been nice! im meeting ppl and making friends! #but i caught feelings for one guy in the group :| #hes so sweet and i feel. so bad. for NO REASON. #augh. every time i think abt him i want to rip my brain to shreds i feel so GUILTYYYYYY and i feel stupid for feeling guilty #ik its bc of how my last crush turned out but. oughjnhmbghbhnb #i think its also because i finally accepted im not ace and that acceptance somehow caused my brain to put my horny thoughts at full blast #and its causing MORE guilt because. i want him. but i hate it i hate it i hate it #i dont hate it because of him. i hate it because i feel like a sex pest just for my private thoughts. it sucks. #anyways im gonna go back to leaving this account in the dirt now byeeeeeee

[broskiblogs]

At least once a week I get overwhelmed by stupid shit I’ve said and done and how these actions alienated people I used to be close to, to the point where it’s literally unbearable. And every time I gotta stop and remind myself that my actions were much smaller than my brain makes them out to be,and in the grand scheme of my life these mistakes are ultimately just obstacles to get past to continue to become a better person! I’m too harsh on myself and I’m so quick to drag myself into an almost suicidal spiral of self-loathing, and thinking of myself in regards to the population of the world, the country, even just the city I live in comforts me and lifts a bit of the weight of my shoulders

#certain things I still have trouble letting go or even fully processing but like. I’m getting there #eventually the visceral psychic damage I take when I think of cringe things I’ve done will fade #idk. I hate being invisible but I also find comfort in the fact that I’m literally just Some Guy. literally I’m just a dude. #nobody gives a fuck if some Joe Shmoe on the street used to enjoy problematic media or if some Jane Doe said something slightly weird online

[broskiblogs]

Hate questioning my sexuality because like. How tf can I question stuff I never even EXPERIENCED

#genuinely like. it’s so much easier mulling over my gender than my sexuality #idk. I think the minute I realized WHO I was I unconsciously realized what I LIKE #if that makes any fuckin sense #I think I’m clinging to certain labels purely out of fear that I’m wrong or that it’s easier

[broskiblogs]

Absolutely fucking embarrassing

#been so long since I’ve seen another human that I’m actually thinking romantic things about a fictional character 🤢 #like. power to ppl that do it often/ without embarrassment but that’s Not Me #it’s not like. BAD. but it’s so embarrassing feeling my ears get hot during lil romantic cutscenes :| #it’s like. I guess I’m in a middle ground where I’m like ‘this is just pixels on a screen but also I Think I’ll Let My Heart Free a Bit #whatever. I’m making a bigger deal abt it than it actually is but god I feel like a loser LOL #I think I’m allowed to bully myself a little. as a treat