brightbutdumb

[brightbutdumb]

[brightbutdumb]

Unloveable.

[brightbutdumb]

I feel like everything in the end will be okay. Rightnow I feel stuck. And when I can't see what happens at the end of the tunnel then I doubt everything and I don't see solutions or ways to overcome. I see no end just a stagnate beginning of great sadness, acceptance of my being lonely, and a constant feeling of failur & depression. Today was an okay day. & I got through it. We got through it. I want this to work. & I want the life I want to live.

[brightbutdumb]

I feel sad & empty & alone & lonely. I don't think that feeling ever went away. At times it did go away. When I was with you. But it kept coming back. Or stayed, laying low until it was time to come out again or hitting me all at once like a strong force. You are lovable. I will miss calling you my love. My home. I felt safe with you once. But it's different now. & I think you know that too.

[brightbutdumb]

Im breaking up with you.

Im breaking up with you. I feel you withdrawing from us. Ever since the hotel. Small differences here and there. I think you're tired of chasing me. Realized the truth. And now it's set in. I see you happy sometimes with me but it's not the same. I made you fall in love with me. And now out of love with me. You deserve better than what I'm giving you. It was a privilege to have you in my life. I feel my heart breaking. It won't be the same without you. You will be the one that got away.

[brightbutdumb]

Princess Nokia - Big Sister (2017)

[brightbutdumb]

Dumbo model sheets

[brightbutdumb]

Disney/Pixar alphabet ❯ D: Dumbo

❝ Baby mine, don’t you cry, Baby mind, dry your eyes, Rest your head close to my heart, Never to part, baby of mine. ❞

[brightbutdumb]

[brightbutdumb]

Let your eyes sparkle and shine, never a tear, baby of mine.

[brightbutdumb]

I think I know but it's hard for me to tell you the truth because I think it'll hurt you more than me. I think I'm the person to know I love someone after awhile of loving them. But it's been seven months and I still feel like I need to take time and grow into loving you. Im sorry I don't love you as much. Im sorry I made you fall in love with me. I think we should break up for you and me. Its not fair to you to wait longer. It's unhealthy and mean if I stay with you now knowing I don't love you as much. Its not as simple as laying in klot and being with each other anymore. Im sorry I did this to you. I should have said im not ready for anything from the beginning. Maybe I should have said no to drinking with you that night. Im sorry.

[brightbutdumb]

like or reblog

[brightbutdumb]

You need someone with their shit together so you can get your shit together.

You need someone with their shit together so you can get your shit together.

[brightbutdumb]

I feel like I'm not suppose to have her rightnow. Like she's what's waiting for me at the end of my tunnel. And I'm just getting started working towards her. She's my end game and I'm barley starting the the game.

[brightbutdumb]

I haven’t seen you lol and I thought things were all complex for you from what we last talked about on your issue

Are you doing better though with your girl ?

Mm like I'm still not feeling better about us. I feel like I should look at our relationship from a new perspective. Im thinking that when I'm with her I should be this person whose thought out everything and has everything planned with life and with myself. And I know that's not how she thinks and I know I don't have to be like that but I feel a lot of pressure to figure my shit out now. I know I can take my time but Also I see people graduating from college and starting their careers or having plans with their lives and having good mental health and I feel like I'm stuck. She helps a lot. But I feel like I'm not getting where I need to be and idk if I'm blaming it on my relationship or if I keep doubting myself. But sometimes I feel everythings caving in on me. But I want to talk to someone about all of this. Not just about my relationship but also about more personal issues. And also idk if I really love her. I keep saying it and I feel ashamed but my hearts not there or at least sometimes I feel it but other times I'm just thinking. But idk if that's because I don't love her or if I'm just overwhelmed about everything and doubting I do. I feel like everything happened fast which isn't particularly bad because I know different people go at different paces. But I was the one who said it first. And im thinking maybe I should have waited.

She's perfect and i feel if I would have waited and been patient and NOT been myself. Everything would have turned out better. If I would have been the person I want to be. Not who I am now but the person she deserves and who I want and need to be everything that is our relationship I feel would have turned out so much better. From one perspective sure she's seeing me grow and is being there for me in my prime but what about for her. She's 23 and has plans and knows what she wants in some ways I haven't thought about. Like what car she wants, what type of lifestyle when wants to live, how she wants people to look at her, what she wants her life to be (full of travel, & love and friendships and family), she's planned her funeral already, she knows what music she likes, what her favorite things, places, people are. She has a lot that I don't have. Im a fetus. She needs someone on her level. Someone she can joke with and really gets her. Someone who can be the dominant one. Someone who is considerate of her feelings and be there at all times for her. She's needs an all round gal like how she is. I can't figure out if I want friends or not. She lives off friendships and being there for people. That's who she is. She's not dependent on them but they're very vital to her because the people around you show the person you are. Im a nobody. She needs a somebody. Someone everyone enjoys being with. And is sure of themselves and their feelings and never takes back what they say. Who doesn't hurt her. Who will never hurt her. Because that person will love her just as much as she loves them. That person would work just as hard and push her and strive for her to be the best because that's how she would be. Someone who can impress her mom. Lezley is perfect in every way. She may not feel like it sometimes or all the time. But she's smart and intelligent and funny and cute and sexy and wants the best for everyone and isn't selfish and greedy and has not one drop of a foul ♡ or evilness. She's rock solid when it comes to mannerisms and being polite and doing what's right. She gets people and is took the short straw with me. She's okay with having me now because she'll take what she gets from life. Every little thing. She's full of life. Its only the badness that surrounds her that make her feel bad. Not herself. Im a bad part. She needs someone to bring her up not down. To make her feel better, actually feel better and not read between the lines. But makes her feel better.

[brightbutdumb]

I want to talk.

I think the reason why I lost lezley's ring is because maybe I don't care enough.

Like I think the reason I don't retain information is because I don't care to remember and conversation with anybody about it later. I don't care to impress people. Like I want to do it for myself. But its work. I always feel drained and have no energy. And I don't like pain. So I don't put in the work. Its hard for me.

[brightbutdumb]

I just want to die.