brianvan

[brianvan]

evil squirt pipe

[brianvan]

[brianvan]

[brianvan]

Burp

[brianvan]

The year-end personal recap concept is OPPRESSIVE to me. I think it's healthy to occasionally check-in with yourself every once in a while but... why do I have to participate in a public ceremony? Why NOW, the one week of the year I'm the most sleepy and listless from all the parties and the holiday food and the laying-around? When nothing is going on NOW to brag about, and it's the longest distance in time from lots of things I do productively? And why do most people have lots of big changes to brag about and I'm usually fishing for stuff to brag about out of my totally-fine life because none of it is status-seeking or photogenic? Just for theoretical purposes, does the angst get any easier if you have a year that makes for an easy and beautiful year end post? Probably not.

Anyway.

2022 didn't feel special while I was living it - it felt like a year where nothing major happened, where there was just a lot of work/planning to do and it was not worth bragging about.

But, uh, holy shit:

Celebrated 10 years of marriage!

I basically started a new career (but, caveat, the position started in November 2021 - yet by New Year's, after something like 5 total weeks of real work, I had no real idea if it would take root. But root it did)

Relating to the second-longest thing going in my life (other than the marriage), my service on the Community Board, a pretty seismic change - I resigned my position as Treasurer (a real piece-of-cake assignment that lets me nose in on the whole board's business) so that I could take the role of Transportation Committee chair, which is a huge upgrade in visibility, control and direct involvement in the issues I've been taking up for years.

Moved into a much nicer apartment, one that isn't a nexus of maintenance crises. More room! All new furniture! A much nicer shower/bathtub!

We have a financial advisor now!

Not only did I have a good biking year...

...and a pretty damn good camping year...

But I bike-camped across THE WHOLE STATE OF IOWA, 462 miles in seven days. First time traveling with the bike!

I went to 10-12 concerts, which is about 9-10 more than I go to in any given year, and they all were at least pretty good!

I went to something like 12 baseball games because I dove in with a CitiField ticket package, and I think it worked out pretty good! (Plus a Yankees game and a Rangers game)

A scenic trip to the Finger Lakes!

Got to do Delaware River rafting again!

I finally read THE POWER BROKER!

I managed to get a short trip to San Francisco, my second time!

Legal weed!

New Peloton bike at home! I'm actually using it!

... and couple other things I'm not going to divulge or air out here!

Anyway, I was very surprised to take a glance at some records and see all of these very big (often long-delayed) things happened all in a short time. Yes, there were *absolutely bad* things that happened too, but the trend seems to be "change and growth" in big ways at once, rather than just ordinary things passing in time and space.

But, the year felt like A LOT. Another theme through most of the year was "don't overcommit yourself!" and that's easier-said-than-done sometimes (especially in a year where seasonal/annual things that were paused for 1-2 years came roaring back all at once). And also "stop wasting time on various maladaptive habits!" (which is less "using social media" and more "reflexively checking social media as much as one blinks") So, from an attention/stimulation standpoint I've really been flying by the seat of my pants and I'm certainly not going to try to ever plan to one-up a year like this one. I am hoping for a relatively calm 2023, already committing to several attention cutbacks.

Every once in a while I get posed the question "where do you see yourself in 5 years" and at one point I thought I could get insight on that by looking at the past 10 years. And from that I saw that the answer was "there is absolutely no telling where you will be in 5 years or what you want to see happen, all you know is that you'll have significantly pulled yourself forward and you won't be where you are now." Because in any 5 year timeframe, that has been the story of the last 20+ years. Recently, I've learned and experienced so much, and have grown so much. And there is so much more opportunity for learning and growth. Life is an experience of taking those opportunities continually. And it's great.

Ironically, the idea of personal growth/progress is a concern where I'm deeply anxious, and fearful of failure. I am going to spend some time unpacking that in 2023. (That's been part of the growth, BTW: insight into bad thinking!) What ties all of this together is that it's a fairly good idea to gut-check that anxiety by looking at an actual recap of events and achievements. Enough happened this year that I should forgive myself if I want to chill out for the next 2 years! If I just did many of the events from this past year all over again in this coming year (like a routine), it'll be fantastic! If there's anything I'm unhappy with now, or anything I'm worried where I don't control whether it goes good or bad... there's literally nothing to worry about because even among setbacks I come out very strongly ahead overall, even in a bad year! (Other than "you shouldn't worry" as a separate but still meaningful lesson)

It is very difficult to remember all of this so I figure it's good for me to jot this down in private. As it turns out, I've got many years of recaps in Tumblr already that are public, so here's another one for the pile. I'm keeping the streak going. Now I don't need to worry about being the guy without a rosy year-end recap.

[brianvan]

What if I didn't tweet, what if I just took all those short inane thoughts and had someone filming me walking up to people sitting in parks and delivering those lovely thoughts individually

"YOU KNOW, THE UPCOMING SEASON OF SUCCESSION IS THE ONLY REASON I HAVE TO LIVE RIGHT NOW" hits different when it's a stranger waiting for a bus

[brianvan]

Posting a selfie from a LCD show on Tumblr like it was 2011 again

[brianvan]

[brianvan]

fantastic mr fox says something about fatherhood that’s batshit insane and I don’t think the movie actually knows it’s saying it. it just takes you by the shoulders and makes you look square in its eyes and goes “some men should never have been fathers. they are. and they love their children deeply. and they try so very hard. but that doesn’t mean they should have been fathers.” and then just gets up and leaves you with that like you’re meant to be okay afterward

[brianvan]

I want what they have

#lol I already have what they have

[brianvan]

Tags

#tags

[brianvan]

[brianvan]

Me coming back to Tumblr and trying to remember who any of you are through your opaque usernames

[brianvan]

the sopranos (1999–2007) / house of the dragon (2022–) / the last days of judas iscariot, stephen adly guirigis / interview with the vampire (2022–) / succession (2018–)

[brianvan]

Revisiting Tumblr has half been an experience of who I blocked or who has blocked me. Did you know Marco still has me blocked? I feel like him and I fundamentally disagreed on a lot, so that probably isn’t a major loss for either of us, but it’s extremely weird to keep having to load incognito windows to follow links and alerts to see parts of Tumblr the app won’t even acknowledge exists when I’m logged in (it knows I follow Marco but it also knows to show me nothing if I search for his username or follow links)

[brianvan]

Tumblr suggesting to me to follow soupsoup is truly perfect. Nothing here has changed. Is Karp still throwing orgies parties?

[brianvan]

don't worry heshers, you can trust me 10,000%

#bloop!