brandievanity-blog

[brandievanity-blog]

She did make us promise not to tell the principal about it. She said she'd lose her job

One time in 5th grade a very attractive police man had to come in and search for drugs in this boy’s locker. Since he found nothing, he left. Well once he was gone, our teacher just goes, “he can put me in handcuffs and search me any day” and we all just stared at her like tf because some of us were too young to get that. Well looking back on it now I now know what that means you sly hoe. Maybe you should’ve spent less time day dreaming about a police officer and taught me something smh

[brandievanity-blog]

Hot Friend: I can dance really good and I’m very flexible Me: Sometimes I can do the worm when I fall out of bed

#theworm #lazy #mymomlovesme #notflexible

[brandievanity-blog]

One time in 5th grade a very attractive police man had to come in and search for drugs in this boy’s locker. Since he found nothing, he left. Well once he was gone, our teacher just goes, “he can put me in handcuffs and search me any day” and we all just stared at her like tf because some of us were too young to get that. Well looking back on it now I now know what that means you sly hoe. Maybe you should’ve spent less time day dreaming about a police officer and taught me something smh

#badteacher #ruinmychildhood #hotpolice #drugs #school #clueless #iknownow

[brandievanity-blog]

One time I was in the bathtub all relaxed as I was going to lay back something black falls into the water with me IT WAS A FUCKING SPIDER IN MY LAP IT WASN'T A SMALL SLIDER NO! THIS THING WAS HUGE AND HAIRIER THAN MY UNCLE'S CHEST! I JUMPED OUT OF THE BATH SO FAST THE WATER DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO DRIP IT FOLLOWED ME TO THE DOOR I'M FUCKING TERRIFIED TO TAKE BATHS NOW

[brandievanity-blog]

Yesterday my friends were making me laugh really hard. So hard it's that laugh you feel like you're dying. Well I ended up smearing my makeup so bad. It was everywhere. I was a raccoon. I skipped the first part of my next class to try to wipe it off in the bathroom. It only made it worse but when I thought things couldn't get worse a popular girl walks in and sees me getting soap in my eyes. I was so embarrassed I walked out and it still looked like I hadn't slept it like 10 years. Thanks

[brandievanity-blog]

Yesterday my friend had a kid tell her to call him I instantly replied with why do you need a babysitter?

[brandievanity-blog]

After waking up, getting dressed and getting my hair done, I started on my eyeliner. I only had one eye half way done when my mom came in to tell me I don't have school. I literally left half my face undone and went back to bed

[brandievanity-blog]

I told my parents and they didn't find it as humorous

So today at lunch me and my friends were sitting there minding our own business when a kid pulls out a block of cheese and says, “Hey ladies. Want some cheese?” And I think I just met my new soulmate

[brandievanity-blog]

So today at lunch me and my friends were sitting there minding our own business when a kid pulls out a block of cheese and says, "Hey ladies. Want some cheese?" And I think I just met my new soulmate