bottledupinmybrain

[bottledupinmybrain]

Why am I still obsessed with someone I haven’t kissed in over 7 months

[bottledupinmybrain]

I'm creating a new blog, there are too many ppl on this than I want. Text me if you want the name of the new blog :)

[bottledupinmybrain]

Literally 5 days into college and this boy is already trying to make me fall in love with him. Ugh I'm just trying to find my classes god damn

#August 17th

[bottledupinmybrain]

Not a day goes by where I don't think about what happened on June 14th. Maybe it's about the date of the "14th" but that's never a good day for me. Alex and I broke up on August 14th, my dad told me he was moving to the Philippines on November 14th, and more. Maybe it's a sign??!

#August 10th

[bottledupinmybrain]

It's 2 am and I just got home from a week in Cali that changed my life

#August 9th

[bottledupinmybrain]

Wow I've changed so much this summer

#August 1st

[bottledupinmybrain]

University of Florida Drum Majors Bob Gunn and Dick Dewey (1959)

[bottledupinmybrain]

Stressing about tomorrow. Please be good to me.

#July 20th

[bottledupinmybrain]

I keep saying I'm okay and that I'm over everything that has happened but the last month has been the hardest month of my life

#July 17th

[bottledupinmybrain]

I'm trying so hard to get over you but all I want to do is drive to your house and kiss you and tell you how much I've missed you this past year

#July 17th

[bottledupinmybrain]

I can’t tell if it’s been a year of discovering who I really am or if it’s been a year of constant mistakes and a downward spiral

[bottledupinmybrain]

It's wasn't the same but I am relieved

#July 15th

[bottledupinmybrain]

My mind is still spinning but for the first time in a long time I feel content

#July 12th

[bottledupinmybrain]

When u wanna roast someone on your finsta bc you strongly dislike them but you can't bring yourself to publicly hurt someone bc it actually really sucks

#July 11th

[bottledupinmybrain]

So glad I'm discovering myself and I know college will only get better

#July 11th

[bottledupinmybrain]

Charlotte, NC

[bottledupinmybrain]

Ex best friend

Ya know, sometimes I wonder if I should have reached out to you. Apologize for something I didn’t know that I did. Try to convince you how our friendship meant the world to me. Show you how I would have done anything for you. But…then I realized that I have always been the one to work it out. I have always been the one to put in the effort for the friendship. I made the plans, I drove, I texted first, I asked if you were okay. I can’t give you anymore of me if you don’t appreciate what I have done for you. If you resented me so much, you should have told me. You got mad that I didn’t tell you something personal that didn’t involve you? I cannot apologize for having my own life. But you…if you hated something about me then you should have talked to me because that’s what “best friends” do. Instead, you teamed up with a superficial group of friends to tear me down. Fuck everyone else; the one that hurt me the most is you and I will never forget that. That was the worst night of my life and I was blindly left alone. It is SO HARD getting over the fact that the friend I loved the most and relied on the most completely turned on me and has zero care for my current well-being. Weird thing is that CJ and I made up and are friendly people that talk normally, yet you girls are the ones holding the grudge. Even Dom didn’t understand your reasoning or motives. I could be dead and I know that you wouldn’t show up to my funeral because well, none of the girls would want you to go, therefore you wouldn’t.

Listen. You’re impressionable. No one can deny that–not even yourself. Being impressionable is not a bad thing until you start doing hateful things. And you did a hateful thing. And here we are.

I don’t know what has happened to you lately, and neither does Maddie. We spent FOUR hours talking about how things have changed these past few months and we can’t quite pinpoint it. Maybe the large group of friends has gotten to your head? Maybe because these people are more “popular” than you’re used to? Maybe you like the attention of being a bitch like the other girls? I don’t know what it is that has caused you to slowly turn into a mean person but I don’t like it and I’m genuinely scared for you.

I know you’ll never experience it, but feeling completely alone is how I felt that night. The people I love and trusted turned the whole world on me all over something I admitted to. I messed up and I regret it. However, I’m glad I got to see who my real friends were out of this. I wish I had meant more to you. If I didn’t care about you like a sister then I wouldn’t have tried my best to stay with you throughout the years.

I know you’re either too proud, too apathetic, or too influenced to apologize to me, and for you, that’s okay. You never handled separation well–I mean, take a look at Scott–but I’m happy that you’re taking this well. I’m sad you don’t care for me, but at the same time I’m glad we’re both growing up. In a month, you’ll be forced to make decisions on your own for the first time in your life and in a month from now I’ll accept that you were a poor friend to me and that what we had was great but had to come to an end.

This is long, but it’s some final thoughts. I don’t know if you think about our friendship but I do. I hope you’re okay. I hope they don’t continue to change you. The real you is beautiful. The girl you’ve been the last few months is not. I know I’m not perfect by ANY means but after being destroyed, my perception has changed. I wish you the best of luck from a far. But, if you ever wanted to talk to me, I’m always here.

#July 9th 2016