borderlinefuxkedup13

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

Being in a coma sounds nice right about now 👏🏼

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

Just wanna fucking die or disappear at this point….. I ask for too much no matter how little it is …… I’m too much., everyone would 100% be better off if I’m not here, I’m not worth any effort 👏🏼🥺

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

Can’t be arsed feel like a nobhead I’m always in the wrong can’t do fuck all right….. just want to crawl underneath a rock and stay there….. just wish things where the same for me 👏🏼😡

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

Funny init how things are too good to be true 🤌🏼👏🏼 is what it is 🤷🏻‍♂️ don’t think anyone will ever give a fuck…. Better off not here 🪢

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

Silently crying 😢 so I don’t wake you up… I hate waking you up when I’m scared or alone I hate disturbing your sleep I know how important your sleep is, you work so hard I’m sorry for being the way I am…. I feel like all I’ve done tonight is cry…. Drowning in my own tears 😭 maybe I’m just splitting but I feel like I really am loosing you 😭 I just want everything to be okay I want to take care of you and make sure your okay I need you to communicate more with me I don’t want to loose you 😭 I nearly woke you crying I’m sorry…. My hand is over my mouth I’m quiet again…. Maybe I should just stay quiet my bpd ruins everything for me….. you are the only thing and the pups in my life that I don’t want to mess up…. And I’m failing I just want you to know mi amore ILoveYou🤍💖 and I’m sorry I’m so sorry 😢

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

I feel like I’m loosing her 😭 I just want her to be happy….. I don’t know why I’m such a fuck up…… maybe I deserve all the pain I’m going through….. I want to die it hurts so much I’m mentally and physically In so much pain 😭

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

All I want is someone to talk to……. 😭 feel so alone I give up 👏🏼

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

I ask for too much I need to stop 🛑

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

What’s the point….. why am I crying like this…… why do I always feel rejected or abandoned over the smallest things….. but is this small? I have something that could turn cancerous?…… I should just ignore my feelings turn them off then I won’t hurt anyone else with my bpd shit…… my feelings will just change and I’ll feel guilty…… I’m mentally and physically hurting I just want to be seen….. in my fantasy world I’d love for someone to just drop everything to be there for me but that’s not how the world works and I know that my bpd doesn’t understand though….. I’m used to doing things alone just doesn’t mean it’s hurts any less

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE SIMPLE BOOM GONE THEN I WONT BE SUCH A FUCK UP EVERYONE ELSES LIVES WILL BE EASIER IF IM 6FT UNDER OR ASH 🏺

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

If she’s gonna cheat she’ll do it….. there’s nothing I can do to prevent it….. paranoid thoughts and intrusive thoughts….. imagine looking at the love of your life with so much love and joy then within a split second your brain convinces you there cheating they’re just using you they don’t actually want you you’re worthless….. seeing that fucking name has just spiraled me into a pit of darkness….. I trust you but my BPD doesn’t how do I explain that? My god I’d do anything not to have this to just be “normal” I don’t deserve her I don’t deserve anything…. My life is just chronic emptiness I don’t know who I am or what I want…. I feel like a hollow shell 🐚 I’m too broken to be fixed….. I don’t want to be here anymore yet I’m terrified of dying…. I can’t win

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

Bpd well it’s time for me to shine Suicide sounds good about now…. I think I’ll quickly jump into the emotional seat 💺 “ suicides now in the seat the walls in my head are getting smaller but the voices are getting louder and louder with echos my brain is like the tardis suicidal thoughts are scratching the walls of my brain 🧠 screaming through every cell in my body DO IT! “ but don’t worry I’ll just sit here for abit until it drives you insane until you’re physically, mentally and emotionally in pain then someone else can have the seat 💺…. My body and brain are a constant wave 🌊 of emotions and feelings make it stop 🛑 how do I make it stop how do I silence the thoughts piercing my brain…. Drugs? Can’t do that again withdrawals remember that guy? He’s locked away for good “ so I hope 🤞 “ weed? 🍁 “ hi anxiety here you can’t forget me because whoever is in the seat 💺 I’m always on top of them “ prescribed drugs? “FEAR” what if withdrawals come back anxiety attacks from putting a pill in my mouth into my body it’ll corrupt my brain 🧠 I’ve built up my way of thinking my thought patterns that fight back the Demons what if I take the pills 💊 and all that’s left are the demons i can’t risk it….. I just want silence I want to be alone but not lonely…. I can’t win 🏅 no one can win 🏅 I’m forever fighting a battle I’ll always loose…. But I don’t choose to live for me I live for all of you.

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

Bpd Suicidal thoughts and feelings : “ don’t worry i won’t last but I’ll always come back, scratching at the walls inside your brain 🧠 leaving slight whispering echos in the back of you’re brain I never really leave I just hide in your deepest thoughts 💭 you can’t ever get rid of me I’m attached to you like your heart ♥️” all these voices in my head get loud I wish I could let them out….. the thing about dying is people cry for a while but then everyone gets on with there life people soon forget about you and the pain isn’t painful anymore… I speak out and say how I feel and the same response is given everytime oh don’t do that go to the doctors you need medication 💊 but imagine being told there’s not medication for what you have? So in other words I’m fucked… alone… I just have to deal with it…. Okay let’s put my fake face on an pretend now…. My moods are everywhere today I’m not coping but it’ll change again soon #bpdlife 👏🏼

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

Bpd why me? Why is it because of other peoples actions that I’m the one who has to suffer…. I didn’t ask for this but it was drilled into me from a child and I’m the one who has to suffer with it? Makes no sense… you cripple me at times and other times you make me feel on top of the world but the slightest thing can change my mood it’s not fair….. who am I? Because I have no idea who I am or what I want or who I want to be…. Everything Keeps changing… my relationships with people end up dying out because people can’t cope with it but the funny thing is it’s me living with it and I can’t cope with it…. I don’t expect anyone to cope with me anymore I just assume everyone’s gonna leave in my head I think it’ll make it easier for when it does happen but in reality I break my own heart multiple times a day… the fear of abandonment and rejection is so strong I end up pushing everyone away…. I’m too much I know this and I appreciate everyone who’s still with me but fuck I just want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out… but oh well it is what it is in a second a minute an hour my mood will change again because this is the norm for me ☹️ “my brain is a prison I’m screaming in my own head will someone please let me out this isn’t the real me nobody knows who I really am”

[borderlinefuxkedup13]

The 9 symptoms of bpd

1) Fear of abandonment

2) Unstable relationships

3) Unclear or shifting self-image

4) Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors

5) Self-harm

6) Extreme emotional swings

7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

8) Explosive anger

9) Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality

In conclusion we are fuxked 👏🏼 also there’s no medication specifically for borderline personality distorder 💊🚫 it’s also the hardest mental health illness to live with… Google it

BUT!!!

Understand this….. We are going through ALOT and yet we still try and give our best, no one will ever understand what it’s like to live with bpd unless you have it yourself…. Walk in my shoes i bet you can’t 👏🏼

#living with bpd #bpd problems #bpd life #bpd