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it only took me 8 months to write the final chapter but at least it’s an extra long one

#malina #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #mal oretsev #mal x alina #alina x mal #malina fanfic #shadow and bone

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#not to alarm anyone but i am more than halfway through the final fic update #8 months after i last updated HDFJSFKHJSD #i'm so sorry y'all being an adult/mental health stuff just really got the better of me but i couldnt leave this unfinished

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baby mal as like “i’m gonna marry alina” and then teenage mal was like “i wish i could’ve put a white veil on your hair and made vows” and slightly older mal dragged his girl to a church as soon as they were both able, meanwhile the dark/ing was like “gaslight, gatekeep, grisha” all through 3 books but somehow i’m supposed to believe the second one was superior.

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someday i will post this fic and then its all over for you fools. i mean not now. or any time soon. but someday it will happen

#i've been so busy dfhs i promise i'll post the final chapter soon

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Okay, so I reread Siege and Storm, and then rewatched the show and I LOVE the Darkling’s immortality. I love that he is vastly older than Alina, in a society that’s not actually used to that type of age distinction, because it REALLY gets the problem with age gaps in YA.

The Darkling is old. He knows this, uses this. The fact that he is so aware of how much older and wiser he is than everyone really just solidified how GREAT he is as a character. His age isn’t sexy or alluring...it’s scary. It’s portrayed that way. Alina’s emotions when dealing with him really stick, because he won’t let her go — and that’s scary. She’s constantly looking over her shoulder scared for her life, and LB really drives that home. It really feels like something we see in real life abusive relationships.

It really hones in on the way he manipulates Alina — and the other women around him. One of the thing Alina begins to think about after the events of the first book is how she isn’t useful. Her narration is full of doubt after she flees with Mal, because the Darkling preyed on her invisibility. When he captures her again he makes constant remarks like this:

Back to pretending to be less than you are, I see. The sham doesn’t suit you.”

And this thought is an echo of what she’d she’d just thought about herself. He’s preying on that childish want of wanting to understand your place in the world. But his want of Alina fulfilling her “potential” is again — tied to him. He immediately follows that thought with words like this

He let his fingers trail over the collar. “It’s mine as much as yours, Alina.”

And the reality is...he needs her. So he binds the power around Alina’s neck. But he needs her to believe she’s less without him — that she’s nothing without the power he gave her.

On of the more interesting portions of Alina mastering her power is forgetting who she is. And that rhetoric is supposed to reiterate that Alina was nothing before the power. Because now, Alina grows weak because she isn’t using that power — which again is another manipulative tactic. Alina was someone, before the Grisha. She had skills, and someone who did care for her — but the Darkling makes it a mission to tie Alina’s usefulness to her power — his power. I think that’s the case for the main women he manipulates and abuses (Zoya, Genya) they’re made up by him...and then tore down. He preyed on their individual invisibility and I liked that his abuse towards each women manifested in so many forms. It was extremely realistic to me.

And while I think it’s a valid criticism to think Alina is naive and lacks perspective— I think that’s the point. She is young. The Darkling is literally centuries old. Of course she’s unknowing, scared. Why wouldn’t she be? I think the same can be said for Mal. He gets a lot of flack for just...being a kid. Because both of them are children. The Darkling is a man, an old man — yet he’s given room for error while the two children being abused and manipulated by him are not. Again, I can’t say I honestly “ship” Malina, but I think Mal and the Darkling are two very different types of relationship that get compared when there’s nothing really there.

All that to say, I’m falling back in love with S&B and even harder to villain Darkling because it really is a great story. I don’t even think I dislike Alina anymore. I feel like she gets a lot of flack for being a survivor, for not wanting to be all-powerful or evil. I like to think that girls can be strong without having to have all the power (esp: since she’s always wanted to kind of just belong — not be all powerful). As far as where she ends up — I think it fits perfectly. I think where Alina is concerned power was never really her goal. If it were another story — maybe. But giving up the power — that seems right on par with her arc. Because she’d always have to be the Sun Summoner, always needing to cling to power to stay healthy. It just fits imo

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HEAR ME OUT ON MY SHADOW AND BONE TRILOGY ANALYSIS

I was thinking about Alina and Mal losing their powers/abilities today, and it hit me that Leigh probably had a reason that goes with my theory. Alina became obsessed with her power, craved it more and more each day. It basically became her identity. Her power also represented how everyone saw her; a saint, summoner, queen or general. It was almost as if that’s all people only wanted to see and it became something Alina wanted herself, too. Then there is Mal who struggles with the fact he is an orphan and when he carves out a life for himself as skilled tracker, he finds purpose in that and it is how he identifies himself. He beats himself down when he fails because he expects himself to be great since that’s how he is seen in everyone’s eyes. When they lose their abilities, it forces them to let go what they saw as part of their identity. They have to look beyond that and see that they themselves are enough with or without it. I think Leigh wanted them to lose their powers because it reminds the readers that one part of our identity isn’t our whole identity. That we are worthy and enough as a whole. I know a lot of people don’t like the ending since Alina lost her power but maybe it was a good thing if you think about it in this way. It’s just beautiful to see that they still have a happy and content life even though that part of their life is gone, and it can be a reminder to those that lose skills (injury in sports for example) can still have a beautiful, happy life.

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The way everyone in the little palace gaslit Alina into believing Mal never loved her or cared for her at all was always so obvious in the book but in the show you actually see how that coloured Alina’s view of Mal and her memories of him, because not only do we see what he’s doing now to get to her, including hearing his own letters that he’s writing to her, but we also see the memories.

We watch him get flustered and awkward when his friends rib him about her. We watch him light up as he sees her. We watch little him just love her, absolutely adore her. We see him almost kiss her on their perch at the camp. We know it’s not real, we know he does love her. And that makes what the Darkling and all of his followers are doing to her feel that much more sinister. The audience having that perspective of him allows us to see what’s happening to o

I think it shows different values of 1st person and 3rd person storytelling. In 1st person, the audience experiences it with the character personally, being equally unsure, confused, and upset because the audience is led believe as she does that he has forgotten her. It makes the reveal that he hadn’t, couldn’t, that much more impactful, and it also makes the audience feel the betrayal from The Darkling and people like Genya hit even harder.

But in 3rd, the audience is watching it happening. Instead of feeling it with her we’re watching from the outside, screaming at her that “no, Alina, he’s coming for you. He loves you, just look at how he looks at you! The LETTERS!”. We know something is up with the letters, because if they’re both writing them... It makes everything feel so much more sinister and just a little off because we know.

I personally like 3rd person more but i think it’s a really interesting how it changed the experience.

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all debates abt the artistic merits of fanfiction fail to recognize the purpose of fic. you don’t write fic to be published or to learn how to construct a narrative although you can use it to develop style. you write it so that your friends will message you “bestie you’re utterly deranged for this one im eating dirt” 

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Nikolai: I don't understand hookup culture. DIE IN MY ARMS

Alina: Mal and I tried that once it's not as fun as you'd think

#SHUT UPFNJGFHDJFHJSA

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The thing that gets me about that meeting with Alina and Mal in Rule of Wolves is that I think that’s the only time we’ve seen them completely happy. Like they’ve had their happy moments before but this, this is uncomplicated contentment, no romantic uncertainties or friendship strain, no centuries old villain trying to kill them for the past few months so that they haven’t really had a proper breathing moment because even when they aren’t directly under threat they can’t really relax, they aren’t being hunted or trying to do something that seems even more impossible with every day and just when they get to a high point they get kicked back down…

They are probably a bit stressed, cause it’s the Darkling, but there’s a big difference between stress that goes for months, years really, and stress that arrives when you’ve had time to heal and be happy. They’re happy and content with their life and it shows. I love that.

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ik we’ve been talking a lot abt mal’s tattoo recently so i started thinking about it & ik the ‘i am’ comes from ancient ravkan but i think it’s an interesting choice of verb bc it’s not ‘i will’ or ‘i have’ it’s i AM which implies a continuation rather than a past/future.

it isn’t mal saying i HAVE served you or i WILL serve you, it’s an ongoing process. he will always strive to be better for alina; not to fail her again. he will always serve her, however she ends up using him.

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malina: then and now

#oh god. oh fuck.

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me: i think i am doing ok today. my mental health is not too bad and i -

me sobbing two seconds later, after remembering this:

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archie renaux was so fucking funny for this

#how does it feel to be the funniest man alive

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The Darkling: "Precisely where on the map was the stag?"

Mal:

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fuck anti mals who say mal getting a sick back tattoo is cringey. that was hot as hell ... it was fucking metal as fuck

mal here getting tatted up and looking sick and your darkling is getting pounded, getting his ass handed to him by a group of teenagers. is this your darkling?

#is this your darklinghjhkjskhds #but yes very true #i love mal's tattoo it's very sexy of him