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#Repost ✔ https://www.instagram.com/p/B6MlzEQJoEz/?igshid=1u1zcgay8p1sz

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#truth 👏🏽 https://www.instagram.com/p/B6LL1FsJbG2/?igshid=hf240rdxf0rp

#truth

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"Dad I want to go live with mom" 😔 "I wanna leave this weekend" 😥 . . . It wasn't so much 'what he said' but 'how he said it'. . . . He was hurting, sad, and torn because he loved me and wanted so much for the new Blended family to work for us both, but it wasn't.😔 . . . Mainly because I had unknowingly moved our relationship to the rear of my acclimation line. . . . For a young boy (a daddy's boy at that) to willingly give up his one on one relationship with his dad, share that same relationship 5 different ways for the sake of a new family is HUGE. . . . And yet I missed it 😔, I missed it so badly that I failed to see the signs and woke up one morning to a teary eyed face asking me something he knew would break my heart. . . . "Dad I wanna go live with mom and her new husband" he said. . . . I could tell he had been over this in his little mind many times before eventually asking me. . . . Everything in me wanted to say 'no' or ask him 'why'? But truth is, I already knew. I knew at that moment that he'd been left out, felt forgotten and that he'd given me all the chances he could. . . . I'd lost him. . . . Because I knew he was right and I loved him too much to keep him, I arranged for the move. . . . It would be seven months before he'd return to live with us again. . . . During that time away from him I made some changes in the way I'd acclimate our new family together. I had to do it in such a way where everyone had an opportunity to be seen and nourished. . . . ✔ 1 on 1 time with my bio-son (without apologies or explanation) ✔ Readjusting my wife's role with my bio son to remove the weight of responsibility for chores, schoolwork, permission etc.) ✔ Setting up 1 on 1 time between my wife and bio so (on my dime 💵) in order to provide a platform where she & he could be free to learn more about each other without interference. ✔ last but probably the most important adjustment of all is that I apologized to both my son, his mom, and my family for missing it. . . . I'd missed my son slipping into a confused depression, I'd caused my ex wife to worry about our son for the 1st time ever & took for granted my son understood, - he didn't. https://www.instagram.com/p/B6IxLyTJUh1/?igshid=35m7aznxhl55

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Yet you'd never know these words / phrases and more were slung in our home by looking at us interact today. . . . Oh I was hurt, embarrassed, cried, checked out, started packing then unpacked, wrote them off, swore I'd never do this again etc. . . . Then I'd stop, regroup and remind myself that this position is deeper than a 'role', it's a calling. . . . I was designed to digest, examine, and release the various forms of confusion and pain a child in this dynamic without a father finds themselves stuck in. . . . I was built for it, human still, but built with specific tolerances, and abilities to see through emotional fog, you are also! . . . It's this calling that makes us who we are. . . . It's this calling that shapes our inner space in such ways as to accept, care for and exist within our Blended family homes without internalizing all the baggage that might accompany them. . . . Yep those phrases were just a small bit of what I dealt with as a young Stepdad. . . . But you'd never know it now 🙏🏽🧡🙌🏾 especially when you see us all together 💞 https://www.instagram.com/p/B6EZYpzJCGR/?igshid=17yg7y313ed96

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🔥 out is a real thing, it's as real as the air we breathe. . . . Mentally, physically, psychologically, and emotionally. . . . As Step-Parents we must remember that it is not our job to become all things to everyone in our Blended Family. . . . We have human limitations that quite naturally cannot meet some of the visionary expectations set by us in efforts to 'fit in' or 'appear worthy of acceptance'. . . . Today I'd like to suggest that we take a minute or 10 and ask ourselves if there is any part of ourselves that we place far too heavy a weight on. . . . Ask ourselves if we are giving our humanity the space and time it needs to grow into our Blended situation. . . . Be kind to yourself and honor yourself as you would the most important person in your world to you. . . . 🔥 out is real, I've been there several times and recovery is time consuming, some times it's lonely and tiresome. Because you feel like no one sees you and worse, like no one cares. . . . Shower yourself today with goodness, smile at your reflection in the mirror, hug yourselves and hold on for 10, 20, seconds before letting go. . . . 💥😊 https://www.instagram.com/p/B6DgPMUpKrn/?igshid=322s6wso5tn3

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I know that for some of you even reading this makes your stomach sink. . . . The thought of placing children 3rd 😳 "naawh I can't ride with you on this one Tim" lol I hear you. But hear me out 1st. . . . We are Step-Parents true enough but we didn't marry our spouses children we married our spouses. ✔ . . . If this process is out of order even a bit it Jack's everything else up. Check it out. . . . Kids 1st leaves YOU or the marriage 2nd or even last = no good. . . . Marriage 1st leaves YOU 2nd or Kids before you leaving YOU dead last. = no good. . . . If you're not 1st, then who is? If you're not protecting, nourishing, and caring for yourself 1st then who is? . . . Newsflash its not your Stepchildrens, or Spouses responsibility to see that we are taken care of 1st - it's ours and ours alone. . . . After all if YOU aren't healthy mentally, physically and emotionally you aren't able to give your family your best self. . . . I'm not suggesting you abandon everything for the sake of self, or even that there won't be times when taking a back seat is necessary. . . . I am saying however, the mindset that we, YOU are to live & serve in your Blended family home while seeing everyone and everything else more important than your own wellness is not how your family will receive your best self. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5-ybpkp2MK/?igshid=13qwcpcxq3284

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Some households won't allow you to fit into that mold. . . . Some households really don't need you to wear that coat. . . . Some Spouses / Partners may even ask you to both fit that mold and wear the coat, but if the children aren't down with that. . . . You will by omission be the later, . . . A Step-Parent in theory alone and that is only because your Spouse / Partner has children - period. . . . Outside of our biological nature, parental position is chosen by its own & not enforced. . . . We've Stepped into a family by choice and the children have/had very little say in that matter. (Its the truth and we know it) . . . But when it comes to Parental acceptance they themselves hold all the cards no matter how many Birthday cakes we bake, sports games we take them to, or photos we take with them. . . . It is only by choice of the children that we officially 'Step' into Parenting via acceptance vs association. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5oJ_g1JmC_/?igshid=1jmi0gp6lplt4

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No matter where you are in this Step-Parenting journey everyday brings with it a new energy.⚡ ⚡ ⚡ ⚡ Sometimes it's hard to see or even feel the help we have each day because of all we experience. ⚡ ⚡ ⚡ But when we realize how much the good things around us are pulling for what's beautiful in our lives, it's easier to go on.💙 https://www.instagram.com/p/B5kq8pcnMps/?igshid=1f5d3nvbt8sz9

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😔 if this is you, please know that there is nothing wrong with the way you've given of yourself. . . . Nothing wrong with how much you've tried, or how patiently you've waited to have a chance to be understood. . . . Nothing wrong with the love you share between yourself and spouse/partner. . . . Nothing wrong with how you made space for them when they visited or spoke with respect on their behalf. . . . You aren't doing Step-Parenting wrong espesially if all or portions of the above is you. . . . Sometimes we just don't find a space in the lives of children who still are trying to figure out what happened to their world in the first place. . . . And sometimes the entry way to that same space is blocked by adults who are unknowingly looking for the same. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5ikwzaH_oN/?igshid=883gzegjfmm8

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'WE' are the Step-Parents our Stepchildren will be posting about on the next 'go-round' . . . Our influence on and in the lives of our spouse's / partner's children is creating the experiential groundwork whereby they'll build these experiences. . . . You are making history whether you feel like you are or not. Your piece to this puzzle is necessary. . . . Own that. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5ib8E1njkQ/?igshid=ov8r2vux98mu

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I met a non-profit representative today outside a store. They were taking donations for their perspective cause, so I stopped to find out more about it. . . . After hearing their cause I decided to donate and afterwards while my receipt was being written out I was asked; . . . Is your family here, did they leave you? "Yes" I said they are here and they usually leave me when we are out so I'm use to it. . . . We laughed and they asked, how many children I had. . . . "Five all together" Wow you must be proud?! They said. "Yes" I am a proud Stepdad to a beautiful family. . . . Oh no! They said, you are their father there is no 'step' when it comes to family, its just family. . . . Why 'no Step' I asked? (Those who know me already know my viewpoint on the subject) but I'm curious to hear the 'why' behind the evasiveness of thos word. . . . After a well meant and genuine explanation of why 'steph' wasn't used, I agreed to take the point and finished the convo with. . . . I am a Stepdad, while I don't always refer to my children as (step) I am always a Stepdad. A proud Stepdad. . . . Steirways and creamer are 'not' the only steps in my home. (I know...I know 🙄) . . . And I would not have it any other way, it's a beautiful thing we do as Stepparents. And it's even more powerful when we are so comfortable with it that we dont mind identifying as such. . . . Doing so takes nothing away from the love, care, and parental support we give out SKs. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5dyD1MJxnF/?igshid=1nv4gkwdjzr0g

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The thing about commitment is this, it has an ambiguous sibling called 'accountability'. . . . When we as Step-Parents chose to commit ourselves to being a part of our Stepchildrens lives, we by default become accountable to their need for consistency. . . . Being accountable without commitment is possible and quite frankly happens all the time in Blended families'. . . . While both are obligations, one requires only to understand our role and commit to filling it. . . . While the other requires responsibility inspite of our understanding. It's our behavior in action, our decisions and responsibilities lived out loud. . . . My Stepchildren will question accountability for actions missed while remaining unwavering regarding my commitment to them as a Step-Parent. . . . When we commit to being a part of our Stepchildrens' lives we also need to take heed to the small print that accompanies its requirement. . . . Because whether we knew it at the time or not, our Stepchildren will hold us accountable to our commitment. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5dFzXDJvML/?igshid=15l8vx4t9222t

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Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones. I am so grateful for each of you, your stories and experiences. 💙 . . . You inspire me to service. . . . Always Tim https://www.instagram.com/p/B5bUf6vp2aY/?igshid=ep3020qb026e

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Holding on to my mistakes and dumb decisions has cost me more than I have room here to share. . . . I held on to things like (holding on to them would somehow cause those opportunities to pass my way again) and I could use what I was holding on to as a remedy of sorts. . . . Truth is, those mistakes and regrets only kept taking up space in my emotional and mental storage areas. Serving no real cause and adding nothing positive, they just hot heavier and heavier over the years. (Yes years) . . . Releasing them seemed like an easy thing to do until I actually tried to do it. . . . I couldn't. 😔 . . . Letting those moments go was like losing a piece of me that I'd grown to accept as a permanence. It was hard. . . . But when I finally did, when I finally released myself from those mistakes and misses it was like I'd been given a whole new energy. . . . I hadn't realized how much those unreleased moment were draining me, keeping me from moving forward in areas and silencing my intentions. . . . Listen, as Step-Parents we WILL miss it! We WILL get it wrong and I mean big time! . . . When you do please don't hold on to that mistake (even when they try to remind you of it) don't own it all over again - don't make space for it anywhere! . . . Release it and free yourself. When you give your emotional self to a situation it's hard to be 'okay' with mistakes and wrong decisions. . . . It's not an easy function 'Step-Parenting' and we lose parts of ourselves along the way. Sometimes those parts of ourselves need to be lost and left so that we can fit into our new selves without the extra weight. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5YZkaPpTU5/?igshid=1q96hatrimhhm

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Don't 'flip that switch' and unleash damage you can't undo. 😳 . . . I've been there and it's a draining part of my past as a Step-Parent that reminds me how important our influences are in the lives of our Stepchildren. . . . It's okay to be angry, don't react, be unsure, but don't assume and remember we hold more lasting influence in the lives of our Stepchildren than we know. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5VdPRWpRPS/?igshid=qbr2omv2p75f

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So, I'm here to remind you. 💙💯😊 https://www.instagram.com/p/B5FiunTpTxZ/?igshid=4n1zvrp9jitf

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I remember contemplating just walking away. . . . I had been disappointed, disrespected, and I was confused. . . . Why was no one seeing this? Why was a man I'd never met, who didn't set one foot near his beautiful child all the years I was present, honored more in his absence than I was in my consistency? . . . I almost walked away. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5BcfUHJo4o/?igshid=gh0zbjjhs37a