blackkubrick-blog

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The Backwoods 09

me and allie were college sweethearts we were two people who broke each other virginities in a pact we made when we met during our first semester and we became friends afterwards good friends actually best friends one of the reasons why college was so bearable half the time was the fact we shared the same classes so assignments were always done early for daydrinking purposes and... fuck we went to France it was suppose to be something beautiful but...

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The Backwoods 08

black creek, welcome, i think i needed weed more than ever but i threw a bag due to state troopers' trigger happiness even though i avoided them but paranoia is a bitch that stays creeping allie's infant-sounding assistant keeps calling me for a rsvp and i kinda of forgot to accept it would be bittersweet to go this entire trip then found out i had no space i suppose to find the sweet in this entire situation and even the destination makes me gloom the town resembles a more right-wing twin peaks but it has a charm of a 60s old gal waiting for her negro gentleman caller quiet sublime weather cold as hell it was such a wedding town if i ever went to one i received a call from the baby boomer and the wedding rehearsal is at nine at tuesday and the official wedding is on thursday i knew this and why i came two days early yeah even i'm surprised thought my drinking would my stunt my punctuality

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The Backwoods 07

i wish that allie and i had a conversation before i went to paris i think that's where it all fell down she was moving to san diego and my weight are swinging out of proportion to a residency that i hoped would lead to my next masterpiece i wished right there i told her i still loved her that i would've moved to san diego and just focused on my next book even if i failed miserably and the only reason i could make a living was licking poststamps i would be happy being with her just living but that wasn't true at all it just felt better being on a wave though i never controlled it never follow the wave kids the fall hit faster than you think

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The Backwoods 06

Allie and i were good together but i fell apart i put her in places she could no longer take the scenic route and i carried myself as i groped for a light with no end in sight sometimes i wish i tried but what would be the point, marriage is submissive appropriation but what's the point of living with your feet out the door but what's the point of questioning it all if there's no road to happiness if happiness was a temporary place, a fantasy, the anxiety attacks come with nosebleeds and nursing one is brutal because it's not the fact that they hurt but that i need one to fall asleep or the puff and booze would do

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The Backwoods 05

Pooled in thought i saddled these childlike murmurs of sizes of mansions and salaries and measurements of happiness and acceptance with the rest of my pathetic yet light luggage it all comes to a head here the bags are weary of the lawless zips and tender material but they are reliable on long trips and they are the only bags i could salvage after i moved out of allie's apartment all the others i came with remained with my pride to this very day so i saddle myself to my seat and jot to black creek and as the road bellows further away from my cave, so does my optimism the paper map is a underground forgotten and the rain interrupts the navigator so i rest at strange motels with owners that have as much charisma as headhunters but at least their alcohol is natural so the liver damage will be manageable i'm constantly driving, puffing my electronic dub, eating forgettable chicken salads, indulging in deathly elixirs, regretting those elixirs as peeing gets harder with no water in my kidneys and driving, the three day trips feels like a lifetime and i'm getting claustrophobic

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The Backwoods 04

I'm at one of these new age, millennial-filled dispensaries where the weed is sold over the counter, legally it's my first time being out the house since new year's eve and i had an minor anxiety attack as Allie called me over the phone to invite me to her wedding allie and I, we... grew apart but that's a understatement as i went about my way become a writer fledgling my missed ambitions and failures towards her and now i'm the one being invited to a secret wedding under the apocalyptic skies and these anxiety attacks are building up guess my memory has become unreliable of late because i been having anxiety attacks since new year's eve followed by long looks into a drift-less mirror with a reflection barely missing any stored innocence when did i become a failure or rather when did the whole world realize i was a failure and was it just waiting for me to find out hoping i would change my ways if i i did for the most part i'm buying vapors so here's goes to herbal moderation

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The Backwoods 03

The orange-lit moon reflects well on my bottle of beer as i take slow breaths as fireworks and police sirens run rampant, children oozing the youth out off the blue bastards is a beautiful sight to see as they form like jackals and ruin the town with free-form rebellion, the fireworks glow brighter as the clock strikes closer to twelve. i look at my phone and see four missed calls, all owning to my mother, i’ll call her tomorrow, or in a hour, whatever keeps the shit flushed, i feel a bit happier or maybe just knowing that i have a healthy yet volatile fear of the new year, i don’t know what’s going to happen but i’m not prepared and i’m not ready and i feel about it, sorry the clock stroke twelve five minutes ago, happy new year

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The Backwoods 02

Something about this place reminds me of my childhood, a tunnel that never ceases to end and the light dims with each mile stretched out with the void getting blacker and i’m just driving into the thickening molasses, enjoying the void without an end in sight, no fighting the cause but enjoying the journey without a notion of death or despair to dampen the festivities of a self-esteem masking its insecurities with a dentist’s smile, LA the castle of a isolated solitude, could i ever fight the tides, i just don’t know, Natalie told me that i should leave for atlanta cause the economy is blooming and it’s a great place to raise black kids or even in Portland or travel the world to find a home but anyway but Los Angeles because normality exists in its underbelly and i’ll never make it out alive i guess she might be right

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The Backwoods 01

I don’t remember how we got there but it was still a blur to me how insignificant everything had become, it made every emotion, feeling, awareness feel small and fragile. I hated the tug-of-war I had with my sanity at the constant basis, it just took away from the fact I made myself vulnerable for the sake of greener pastures. What was the point of living a life surrounded by idols modeled as friends but drank in the same chalice as Janus, over-staying your welcome in the place that is unfamiliar and made outsider’s intuition doubt every infatuation and friendly advancement as a hidden agenda, sometimes it’s better to just leave, something I hope to do after i get off the bus soon....

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towers

they loom rusting pyramid heads as i creep into the corners crying and moaning with tears bathing themselves in my eyes as the question ricochet off the walls, how is your life going, do you have a job, what course did you apply for, how much money do you have, are they trying to killing me or help me kill my i slammed myself countless times doing somersaults without the net, hoping without one, i could operate like lone wolves but countless times i have seen too many times others sport my fur and mask their failures with intentions other than their own but complaints are for the unchallenged but the fear lays in the blue, a meaning, a definition scared they will lay upon me, scared of the one i will lay upon myself, did i strive knowing that my legacy is though founded on lemons will achieve heights that will collapse lungs i hope and pray to the higher power and all i get is the decision between the pen and a handgun, choose wisely