bitchenderyy - Tumblr blog

bitchenderyy · 1 year

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our beloved summer

pairing. jeno x female! reader

genre. summer romance au, exes to lovers, slow burn, fluff, smut, almost non-existent angst

words. 34.3k

contains. lots of reminiscing, a lot of bickering between old friends, mutual pining, jeno is like a gentle giant, he is also a gym rat, emotional constipation, jeno calls y/n short a few times

smut warning. unprotected sex, pulling out, manhandling, fingering, praising, making out, handjob, oral sex (f receiving), strength kink, size kink

summary. jeno had his high school sweethearts moment with you before the mutual break up on the night of graduation. five years later, he is on an island for a mini reunion with expectations of a lot of drinking, pool and beach parties, not running into the ex he never really got over.

taglist. @soobsfairy444 @omlhyuck @nctevia @donutswithjaminthemiddle @nctdom @bockhyun @curieouscapt @rbf-aceu @confusedbansheee @jenosslut @qiankunslove @taestrwbrry @chitaphrrrr @shiningdery @camilacastro @queenrachelpink

It had been pouring all day long and it was cold for a Friday in the middle of July. Rivulets of rain trickled down the glass windows of the train as the sky above continued to roar thunder accompanied by the lightning flashing brightly. Jeno flipped the hood of his hoodie up over his head and rested against the cool window before he closed his eyes in an attempt to take a short power nap. Lee Donghyuck, one of Jeno’s best friends of thirteen years, arranged a high school reunion at his family owned holiday resort because according to him, “We might be graduating college in a few months but I miss you guys a little too much.”

Donghyuck’s reasoning behind this sentiment was valid. Unlike everyone else in the world who would die claiming you have the best times of your life in college, Jeno believed he already had the best time of his life in high school. He used to be the captain and the striker of the soccer team, bringing home hundreds of medals and trophies for three years straight. He was the star of his year with a 98% in his board exams and an offer letter holder of the top colleges in different parts of the world.

He missed the life he was living at 18 and Jeno wished he had a time machine that would pull him out of the stack of his engineering papers and send him five years into the past.

Life was simply not amusing to him anymore. Everyone moved away to different parts of the country and world for college, even Jeno himself after he earned a scholarship and landed himself in a top school on the other side of the globe. Jeno still had a hard time adjusting to the new people, environment, food and a culture that will never be his. It wasn’t like he hadn’t made new friends. He was a occasional visiter at the frat parties, he still played soccer, he still had girls and boys lining up for him but Jeno’s heart still longed for his hometown. Because of this, there was something about being back, especially with his high school friends. In the warmth of the place where he grew up and fell in love.

The air was slightly humid even with the downpour, making it a little uncomfortable in the white hoodie Jeno wore — but at least he wasn’t getting blasted by the air conditioning. Na Jaemin rested his head on Jeno’s shoulder, sleeping peacefully with his mouth wide open while Donghyuck and Huang Renjun munched on roasted peanuts across the two of them.

“Wake the fuck up.” Renjun groaned and kicked at Jaemin’s shin. Jeno was grateful his shoulder wouldn’t hurt anymore due to the most uncomfortable position he had been in for the past thirty minutes because of Jaemin.

Jaemin grumbled beside him, rubbing at his puffy eyes. “Dude, please. I was doing my thesis even in the morning. Let me have this.”

“You’re really ruining our vibe right now. Here, have some peanuts instead.” Donghyuck offered his packet of roasted peanuts which he purchased in bulk from the convenience store at the train station.

“Fuck you and your nuts.” Jaemin muttered, going back to his original position — head on Jeno’s shoulder. “Jeno is still a very comfy, portable head pillow.”

Jeno really wanted to push Jaemin’s head off his shoulder, so that he could go back to resting his head against the cold window while enjoying the scenic view. The dark circles under Jaemin’s eyes didn’t go unnoticed and he had always known how much of an ambitious and hardworking individual his best friend from his diaper days was, so Jeno let it slide just for this once. “Where’s Yeonjun and the others?”

“Yeonjun texted something a while ago.” Renjun peeked at Donghyuck’s phone.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck paused to open the messaging app on his phone. “He said they’re gonna be a little late.”

Jeno stifled a laugh as he remembered Yeonjun always being the last person to be late. He was notorious for showing up 30 minutes early all the time, even during their early winter morning warm ups which Jeno loathed. “Times have really changed. We are living in a time and age where Yeonjun is late.”

“Oh no, he is not the one who’s late.” Donghyuck paused to show Jeno his phone screen. “He said Yunjin and Y/N decided to join at the last minute so they had to go pick them up from two different locations.”

His breath hitched at the mention of your name. A name he badly wanted to erase from the memories of all the years he cherished so dearly. Jeno and you go way back; he met you on the first day of freshman year and he truly believed he experienced love at first sight that day despite being an cliché romance despiser edgy teenager. Jeno finally had the courage to ask you out after a year of shooting heart eyes at you from the other side of the classroom and he found out you apparently felt the same as well.

Soon, Jeno’s life with you in it became a scene straight out of the cliché romance-comedy films he once claimed to hate proudly. He believed he would never fall in love again, you were like his soulmate that he lived and breathed for. You were like his personal cheerleader as you proudly sported a jersey with 23 LEE JN at the back from the bleachers, make out with him in the backseat of his car after he exited the field as the star of the day, sneak him into your room at midnight — you two were the textbook definition of high school sweethearts and all Jeno wanted was to spend the rest of his life with you.

Jeno knew he was utterly in love. His mother and sister knew he was in love. Something at the back of the 18 year old’s head said this was it, you were the one, despite the fact that Jeno’s first love was his comic book collection and you were the only real girlfriend he had ever had because the ones from middle school and elementary school don’t count as real girlfriends. Turns out the voice in his head was wrong and everything came crashing down one night.

You cornered Jeno outside in the parking lot after the high school graduation dinner hosted by Renjun’s family and he woefully remembered every single second of that night.

“I think we should break up,” Your voice sounded grave and something shattered in Jeno's eyes. “I don’t think this will work out. We are both going to college anyway.”

“What do you mean? I love yo—

“Lee Jeno, don’t be childish. We are old enough to know that both of us want to enjoy life in college rather than living like this. We will have a 16 hours of time difference anyway. Do you really wanna stay with me like that? You could be dating someone else who isn’t behind your screen and I should do the same too.”

Your words hit him like a truck. Lee Jeno. He was not your Jen anymore.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Jeno remembered his eyes starting to sting at that moment, he started cursing at himself for letting his emotions get the best of him.

You opened your mouth to say something but the words never came out. Oh, how Jeno wanted you to take everything back, even a little bit — the spark wasn't lost, it was only a bump which can be resolved with a simple head to head.

“I…we should meet new people instead.”

Tears gathered in Jeno’s eyes. He wanted to scream, he wanted to tear the world apart. But deep down, he knew you were probably right. Long distance relationships rarely ever work out, that’s what the stories online always told him. He had always seen several posts on forums about how the partners would stop putting effort and he was scared he would become the partner in question. He was terrified of letting you down. Wasting your time was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Is…is a hug okay? Then I'll leave you alone, I promise, Y/N.”

Jeno put his arms around you for one last time that night. He tried to stay, to savour the moment, but you teared out of it moments later, like you were trying to not to forget yourself within the embrace. That was the last he had heard from you before he became a jaded mess. You blocked him on each and every social media platform the day after, your mutual friends refused to talk about you and it wasn’t long before he flew to California for college himself, leaving half of his heart behind.

“Did they miss the train?” Jaemin spoke with his eyes still closed which startled Jeno. He had probably missed half of the conversation, too caught up in his thoughts.

Donghyuck shrugged. “Yeah.”

Jeno never bothered, or should he say, he never dared to ask your mutual friends or even dig for your whereabouts after that night. A crazy obsessed ex was the last thing he wanted people to deem him as. All he was aware of was the fact that you were going to the college just 2 hours away from the beloved hometown in the city — a decision you took with him beside you at the computer café beside school.

“How’s Y/N nowadays?” Jeno knew he would earn a few odd stares from his friends beside him but hey, they were his best friends after all. “I mean, you kn—what?” He paused when the three of them glared at him.

“It’s okay man, we know.” Jaemin dramatically patted his back. “She works as a journalist."

“Oh.” Jeno nodded, sitting back comfortably in the seat. “That's nice.”

“Yeah.”

“She doesn’t have those dyed blonde tips anymore.”

Jeno nodded again.

“She broke off her engagement.”

“What?!” All of them exclaimed in unison and turned to Jaemin who is equally as confused as his friends as they continue to glare him. “When the hell did that happen?”

Jaemin shrugged. “I might’ve made that one up for the dramatics but she did break up with that med school guy she was dating.”

“Wait,” Jeno squinted his eyes and finally looked up for the first time ever since this entire conversation had started, looking visibly annoyed and completely pretending like he had just not heard about an ex boyfriend of yours. “Why are you all talking like a Y/N facts generator?”

“Well, we’re just informing you that your baby with exactly two red heart emojis i—

Jeno comically put both of his hands to his ears, “I don’t wanna know, thank you!”

“What's a baby with two red heart emojis?” Renjun inquired in a whisper, a failed attempt at making sure Jeno doesn’t hear him.

“That’s how he had Y/N’s number saved on his phon—ow!”

Jeno hadn’t rested much, his thoughts kept him awake for most of the night before he actually managed to fall asleep in the comfort of the air conditioned room by the sea. His thoughts were all over the place throughout the night — starting from his thesis, his internship, his flight back to California, the gifts for his parents that sit in the drawer of his flat because he forgot to bring it back to his hometown and you.

You had slipped out of Jeno's mind at some point during his second year in California. He was preoccupied with studies, building up his resumé and even made a comeback in the dating scene after his roommate set him up for some blind dates. Unfortunately for him, Jeno still couldn’t fit in but thankfully you didn’t occupy all of his thoughts anymore. Now the thought of you suddenly after four long years made him sick as he realised you were probably the only person in the entire universe who truly knew him. Not the Jeno who was the goody two shoes of his parents, the soccer superstar on the field, the Maths and Physics genius of the class. But the Jeno, who danced to One Direction and Justin Bieber's hit songs in his bedroom and aspired to be a dad of at least ten stray cats despite his raging allergy to fur.

Jeno’s palms covered his eyes for a minute. Damn it, he forgot to draw the curtains last night and now the sunlight was killing his eyes. He pushed the duvet aside with a groan that required a big effort, but as soon as he was standing up energy flooded him. He had always been an active morning person but right now he would rather die than go to hit the gym.

The corridor outside was pin drop silent. The comforting sound of the waves and the seagulls squawking outside resonated in his room. The doors to his friend’s rooms were all closed. He knew the others and you had already arrived sometime later in the night due to the do not disturb sign hanging at the doors. Jeno looked at his reflection in the mirror — hair, a messy mop on top of his head and dark circles prominent below the tired looking puffy eyes.

Jeno heard giggles and commotion outside in the corridor when he got out of the shower with just the towel hanging at his waist. Everyone was probably going downstairs for the buffet breakfast, he thought. The commotion outside persisted as he changed into sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. He could hear Jaemin spewing something hilarious and the infamous laugh of Seoyeon which rang in his ears after so many years.

He could feel the bile rising to this throat as he stood behind the door and contemplated opening it. Either he had to wait here like a loser and be served with cold omelettes and porridge later or run into you and turn himself into an anxious, stuttering mess. Jeno didn’t even know what had him acting like that — he was an adult, he should know better than acting like this. He would’ve had to see you inevitably anyway, so what was the point?

“Is he awake?”

It was a mistake. He opened the door slowly to prevent Jaemin from knocking on the door violently and Jeno was immediately met with him and Seoyeon in the corridor right in front of his door. “I’m very much awake! Thank you.”

“Woah?” Seoyeon gasped dramatically. "So, I wasn't seeing things when I saw a whole different person on Instagram."

“He goes crazy with the strength training.” Jaemin remarked.

Seoyeon’s shorter figure stood in between Jeno and Jaemin as she put her arms around both of their shoulders. “Obviously you would know that’s your boyfriend.”

Jeno raised his eyebrow. “Not even a good morning?”

“Yeah, Jeno is my boyfriend of 15 years.” Jaemin replied nonchalantly, making both Jeno and Seoyeon stop in their tracks beside him. “What?”

“I’m your what of what?”

“Jeno and Jaemin, this is the 21st century.” Seoyeon turned around and grabbed both of the men by their shoulders. “Be who you are!”

The door on the left side of the corridor opened and your head peeked out with a grin on your face and Jeno wished he had left his room five minutes later. He could feel his head spinning as soon as he saw the smile that never failed to erupt butterflies in the pit of his stomach. You looked so different yet so graceful now despite having the same smile that he had fallen for years ago. The wide corridor with the huge window with a view of the sea at the end suddenly made him feel claustrophobic and the sounds of Jaemin and Seoyeon bickering were nothing but some pure background noises.

You looked just as breathtaking as Jeno had always remembered. You were still the prettiest being he had ever laid his eyes on even in a cropped blue t-shirt and white shorts which you were wearing right now. Your eyes met his and suddenly Jeno was 17 years old again walking you home after school and kissing you behind your father’s back. It had been four, almost five years of no calls, and despite the fact that Jeno agreed to move on after the mutual break up, he was still heartbroken.

“Good morning, Y/N!” Jaemin grinned and winked, greeting you just as you joined him and Seoyeon ahead of Jeno.

You beamed, “Good morning!”

Oh, how much Jeno had missed your voice.

Jeno kept walking slowly behind the three of you. The fact that you were probably ignoring him on purpose didn’t go unnoticed to him. And it was probably so entertaining to others, especially Jaemin, who could read Jeno like an open book when he halted as you suddenly turned around to greet him. “Hey.”

“Hey!” It was accompanied with an awkward small wave and an equally awkward smile. Very awkward. The tropical fruits waiting for him downstairs were the last thing on Jeno’s mind right now. At this point he even regretted purchasing that $1400 round trip ticket to his hometown. His cheeks heated up and turned into a shade similar to one of a ripe tomato when he heard you giggle because of him. Jeno quickly tried to refocus on what Seoyeon was saying but it was near impossible. Not with you walking just a few feet away from him.

It took Jeno a while to realise you had stopped walking, just to match the slow pace of his as Jaemin and Seoyeon continued to walk away towards the elevator. “How are you?” He heard you say before he turned around to face you.

Great. You had the audacity to ask him that after breaking up with him on a random night.

“Good. I guess.” He replied snarkily. “How are you?”

“Very miserable.” The grave in your voice makes him panic for a second before he realises something — the lack of interaction over the years made Jeno forget how honest you could get sometimes and he couldn’t hold himself back from chuckling this time. “Why are you laughing at my misery?”

“I’m not.” Jeno made out the words in between his laughter. “Why are you miserable?”

“Journalism isn’t fun, Jeno. I’m telling you.”

“I see, we’re in the same boat.” Jeno pushed the button to the ground floor on the elevator. Jaemin and Seoyeon were not slick when they took the stairs and left him behind with you, probably an elaborate planning of Jaemin. “My back hurts from sitting in front of the computer all day.”

“Adulting sucks…” Your voice trailed off. “How’s California treating you?”

Jeno tsked and a small sheepish smile appeared on his face. “It’s the same cycle everyday from gym to class to library to back home again. I just can’t adjust like that. Everyone’s very….rowdy.”

“Yeah, that was never your thing.” You gave him a wide tight lipped smile after exiting through the elevator doors. The table at the restaurant was already filled with only two seats remaining at the end. All of your friends were already devouring the eggs or the porridge while the others hovered around the buffet selections. Sudden commotion erupted in the room as everyone greeted the two of you with the biggest grins on their faces, seemingly ignoring the fact Jeno just walked in while talking to his ex. So, it was really just him who was still dwelling in the past because you looked unfazed as well.

You spot Seoyeon and Yunjin waving at you, pointing at the empty chair beside them from the table and you turn to Jeno apologetically, “I’ll see you around then. I’m kinda starving right now so…”

“Ye— me too.”

Jeno sighed to himself when you walked away, looking back and forth till his eyes focused on the cereal, fresh cut fruits and granola station. He had never been into the craze behind heavy breakfasts to begin with — during his first month in California, his American peers introduced him to iHop and let’s just say, he had developed a distaste for pancakes and waffles that day.

With a plate of omelette and a cup of plain greek yogurt topped with bananas and granola, Jeno now stood in front of the frosted juice dispensers, contemplating between apple and orange juice.

“I see you’re still a big fan of yogurt.” Your voice spoke from behind him, with a plate of cheese omelette and toasted bread with raspberry jam in your hand. Jeno suddenly remembered how much you love warm toasted bread with butter.

“Easy protein consumption for me everyday.” Jeno replied wryly, earning a chuckle from you. “I’m too lazy to cook chicken breasts or make those magic protein shakes every morning.”

“I always knew you would turn out to be a gym bro.” You remarked, making Jeno blush for the third time within the past 15 minutes.

Jeno furrowed his brow and squinted his eyes in amusement, “I look like a what?”

“Half of us have already finished eating, c’mon now!” Yeonjun's voice suddenly spoke humorously behind and he immediately shoved the two of you aside before filling up two empty glasses with the icy cold apple juice from the frosted dispenser. Jeno groaned internally — as someone who had always been into fitness and working out since the age of 16, he really wanted to know what you thought of his transformation now.

You shared a look with Jeno, a look of awkwardness like the two of you are 17, just got caught kissing behind the bleachers and a look of reassurance like you are about to handle a situation like a pro. Handing Jeno your plate of omelette and bread before he could even process anything, you turned to Yeonjun with a mischievous grin on your face. “Where’s Yeji?”

Yeonjun groaned, “Fuck off.”

“Wait, you guys broke up?” The way Jeno got shocked was probably comical and both Yeonjun and you couldn’t stop laughing. “Why are you both laughing? I’m serious!”

“Ah, the American Dream got to him.” He sighed dramatically, nudging Jeno in the chest with his elbows. “Yeji is sleeping like the dead upstairs.” Yeonjun finally fetched the two frosted glasses of apple juice and made his way to the table.

Jeno was visibly confused and annoyed at the same time. Did he say something wrong? Or was he delved into his academics so much that he forgot to check up on his friends? It was partially true, Jeno rather blamed the 16 hour difference of time and his immense academic pressure. He also never understood why people associated him with that “American Dream” term when one of his goals in life was to get his degree and book a one way ticket back to his hometown immediately.

“They got engaged in the spring.” You replied nonchalantly as you waited for your glass to fill up with the cold orange juice.

Jeno was pleasantly surprised. “Oh. I wasn’t aware of that.”

Shrugging, you started, “He rented out a cherry blossom park.” You paused to take a sip of the cold beverage and continue again, “It was cute. She was bawling her eyes out in all the pictures I saw online.”

"Oh wow." Jeno had a contented smile on his face. “I'm very happy for them.”

You gave him a nod and a concluding smile, walking away before he could speak any longer. Donghyuck gave him a tight lipped smile from his seat and it fianlly hit Jeno that he talked a little too much with his ex from four years ago at 9 in the morning.

Jeno stood by the infinity pool right by the ocean and closed his eyes to feel the salty breeze on his face, basking in the short moment of serenity before the chaos of his friends arrived from the changing rooms. It felt nice to be on a short holiday for the first time in years, away from the stacks of engineering papers and assignments. Seeing and talking to you after so many years didn’t affect Jeno as much as he thought it would — after all, you both dated throughout high school and who took those relationships seriously when they were about to graduate college and step into the real world?

His short moment of peacefulness and tranquillity was cut short when everyone started arriving, now changed into their swimming attire, inducing commotion which Jeno never had complaints about. Donghyuck made his way towards him with a Cheshire cat smile on his face and put one arm around his shoulder.

“What?”

“You’re swimming with us, right?”

Jeno nudged Donghyuck, “Hmm, you go ahead.”

To say the pool was huge would probably be an understatement because it was massive, as well as the whole resort. There was a poolside bar that served all sorts of cocktails and another bar in the middle of the pool to keep the customers satisfied both in and out of water. Donghyuck’s family wealth never failed to make Jeno’s drop — his first shock was when Jeno was 13 and he discovered Donghyuck’s one month worth of pocket money was more than what Jeno got in six months. However, Donghyuck was never the textbook definition of rich brats like how the cliché movies go and Jeno was more than grateful to have a friend like him for years.

“Lee Jeno!” Yeonjun called as he walked out of the changing room in his new swim trunks and a pair of sunglasses with Yeji and Renjun behind him. “Swim with us?”

Jeno didn’t have the guts to say no to an overexcited Donghyuck but he didn’t mind saying the same to Yeonjun. Contrary to popular belief, Jeno wasn’t into all sports and swimming was one activity he was never fond of. Jeno despised the taste and smell of the chlorinated water and he often kept himself entertained with the drinks at the edge of the pool during pool parties. “I‘ll just watch and chill from the sidelines while enjoying a drink!”

The sun shone brightly above and everyone was going crazy in the pool. Maybe it was the fact that it was like a mini reunion after years but everyone was happy and Jeno couldn’t stop himself from smiling. The water was splashing all over the place, the screams of joy, Jaemin capturing all the moments in his camera because he was a germaphobe who absolutely hated the idea of getting into the pool and Jeno was enjoying all of it — even the occasional splashes towards him and drink at the bar stool.

“What’s that drink?” Your voice would have jumpscared Jeno if he hadn’t already seen you making your way towards the bar after getting out of the pool. “It’s so hot today even though I was down there just now.”

“It’s kinda cool here.” Jeno pointed at the stand fan in the bar and it took you less than a second to make yourself stand directly in front of it whilst fanning yourself. Your hair was wet as you sported a black one-piece bikini with a cut around the sides. Jeno knew it would be inappropriate to stare so he looked away before you noticed him.

“These drinks have some unexceptional fancy names.” Jeno chuckled, eyeing the handwritten menu on a black board instead to figure out which exotic drink he had ordered. “It’s called a Pineapple-Sake Sangria with Jalapeño.”

You gently pushed your sunglasses up and turned around to face Jeno, drying your hair with a towel in front of the fan. “Pineapple with jalapeño?”

“Yeah.” He glanced at the pineapple wedge. “Should I order one for you?”

“Do they have anything else?”

“Hmm, wait.” Jeno scanned the handwritten beverage menu again. “Strawberry Lemon Mojito and Cucumber Margarita sounds like something you would like.”

You beamed. “Cucumber Margarita for me then!”

The cocktail was served rather quickly and Jeno sneaked in an order of club sandwich as well because one, he was kinda hungry and two, he knew someone would come and steal a few bites from him so wasting food was out of the sight. Turns out it was you who decided to steal the fries on the sides while sipping on the cocktail.

“Potatoes are the best thing that has happened to the human race.” You extended your hand towards the plate to dip the fries in your hand in ketchup. “Hash Browns, mashed potatoes, french fries. Potatoes are so versatile.”

Jeno’s smile grew wider and wider at your child like excitement and remarks. “Potato croquettes are the best out of all. Mashed potatoes come second.”

“Boring. You don’t like curly fries anymore?” You took a sip of the icy cold cocktail and questioned him.

“I won’t lie, I think I got tired of it at some point.”

“I remember your obsession with curly fries and mayo from that fried chicken place near school. You know, the one that had soy honey chicken.” You snorted and Jeno did too. He would’ve teased you for remembering that but it was really one of Jeno’s personality traits at 16 and he would’ve been rather upset if you had forgotten such a crucial detail. “That place closed a year after our graduation.”

“Oh.” Jeno’s shoulders slumped. “Too bad.”

“Yeah. Too bad.” You gave him a sheepish smile in return. “That reminds me, I don’t think I’ve ever tried croquettes.”

Jeno didn’t want to reply with his mouth full so he waited for a few seconds to swallow the contents quickly. “I tried those in Japan last year. They served it with a sauce which was very, very new to my taste bud but I was genuinely amazed.”

“You visited Japan?”

“Hmm,” Jeno nodded. “Summer school at a university in Tokyo. I was just there for just a month, so I spent more time looking at skyscrapers around Shibuya and less time doing all the tourist-y stuff.”

You smiled with intent as you popped another fry dipped in ketchup into your mouth. “Did you at least see the cherry blossoms?”

Jeno laughed lightly and waved in denial, making you smile again. “I was there in August and let me tell you, I was very close to evaporating. So, no cherry blossom sightings unfortunately.”

“Since when do you hate bacon as well?” You narrowed your gaze at him, watching him remove the tomatoes and bacon from the club sandwich cuts on the plate. Remembering Jeno’s irrational hatred for tomatoes, you were puzzled with the way he was intently dissecting the sandwiches and removing both the thinly sliced tomatoes and bacon.

Jeno tittered and lightly pushed the plate towards you, still containing the fries that he had left all for you and two cuts of sandwiches with the tomatoes and bacon removed. “For you. I still love bacon.” He picked up the greasy bacon from the plate and took a bite out of it to prove his claim.

“Woah, thank you.” You said with a wide, happy smile. It was kinda funny to Jeno that your eyes still lit up when you were offered food. “I didn’t think you would rememb—

“Jeno! Y/N!” Yunjin’s voice rang through Jeno’s ears and before he could register it, both you and him were splashed with the water. Jeno regretted taking off his sunglasses at that moment after the water had gotten in his eyes and he noticed you escaped the sudden water splash attack, thanks to your sunglasses. “What are you both gossiping about?”

“Yunjin!” Jeno exclaimed, suddenly laughing. “Fuck off, both of us are trying to eat here.”

“Eat what?” Jaemin must have some powerful senses of hearing because it didn’t take long for him to catch onto the fact that Jeno is snacking on something from the other side of the massive pool. Jaemin placed his camera beside you. “Wait, it’s very breezy here. Why was I sweating out there willingly?”

You looked at Jeno with a questionable look on your face and the two of you turned to Jaemin and shrugged together at the same. “I didn’t know.”

“Are you both cool with each other now?” Jaemin inquired, not bothering to look at the two of you as he carefully tapped on the buttons of his camera. “If someone told me I would see Jeno and Y/N talking 2 months ago I would ha—

“Why?” You interrupted him with a chuckle. “We just dated in high school and even that was what,” You turned to Jeno and waited for him to finish for you.

“That was four years ago.” Jeno said, smile fading slowly when you gave him a sheepish one in return.

Jaemin didn’t seem like he was satisfied with your answer. It was vague and Jeno himself didn’t know for sure what exactly you meant. Jaemin was about to say something before he was called from the surface of the pool as their number one trusted personal photographer.

“Sorry about that.” You said apologetically when Jaemin left.

Jeno sighed and put on a forceful smile. “Forget about it.”

You watched Jeno wipe the water off of his face and make his way back towards the stool at the bar beside you. “Are you okay?” You voiced concern.

“Me?”

You nodded.

“Yeah, why?”

You hesitated a little before speaking, “I mean, your eyes, the contacts?”

“Oh,” He laughed, genuinely this time. “I got lasik two years back. I’m not astigmatic anymore!”

You laughed along with him as well to mask the sense of relief that just washed over you. “That’s great!”

The third day of the holiday is spent at the beach sunbathing and being obnoxiously loud like high schoolers. It was a beautiful day. The sky was a perfect shade of light blue, with thick white clouds moving against it leisurely. The sun was warm on your face as the cool salty breeze soothed its tinge as you sat under an umbrella, away from where the others were having a very serious friendly match of beach volleyball. The air was dry though — like you were on a holiday in the desert.

“You’re not joining them?” Yunjin asked while smothering a decent amount of sunscreen all over her arms and legs. Ever since your childhood, the idea of getting into the water at the beaches didn’t sound appealing to you. You’d rather go to the beaches to enjoy the view.

“Nope, I’m loving it here.” You grinned.

“They never grew up.” She gazed at the boys playing volleyball. Yunjin passed the sunscreen to Yeji. “Can you keep it inside my bag?” She requested before wearing her sunglasses and comfortably laid back down on the beach chair beside you.

You squint your eyes together and raise one hand up to block out the sun to get a better look at your friends playing volleyball further down the beach, reaching for your sunglasses and lowering them down a little. You watched as Jeno pushed his hair out of his face. His eye smile appeared on his face as he laughed at something silly Yeonjun probably spurted out. Sweat dripped down his toned chest and you blinked as you realised you had been staring. Brushing some sand off your feet, you lie back down again.

Seoyeon wiggled her eyebrows. “I can see you gazing at Jeno Lee.”

“I am not.” You perched the sunglasses on the bridge of your nose.

“I know he’s your ex but,” Yeji rested on her elbows on the beach chair beside you, “admit it. He is hot now.”

“Yeji, your fiancé is right behind you.”

“Can I not appreciate a man’s beauty now?” She retorted in her defence. “I have known Jeno since primary school and let me tell you — he looked like an adorable loser.”

“Stop. He was cute.”

“What?!” Both Yeji and Yunjin shrieked at the same time. “Woah. The ex-girlfriend has spoken in his defence.” Yunjin turned to the other two in disbelief.

The air was hot with a slight breeze. You brushed your thoughts away and went back to basking in the sun, relaxing from the warmth. Seoyeon quietly sat beside you in the midst of Yeji and Yunjin being occupied with taking photos. “Y/N, be honest with me.”

You hummed.

“Isn’t it weird to be around your ex?”

You sighed and sat up against the chair — eyes shifting towards a shirtless Jeno as he sat on a towel on the sand further down the beach. “Not really.”

“I think I get you.” Seoyeon rolled back to her original position. “It would’ve been awkward if you guys dated and broke up now. You know how things can get messy as adults…” She trailed off.

You watched Jeno and your stomach fluttered suddenly. The proximity you both shared earlier by the bread and jam station during breakfast wasn’t doing things to you. Neither was the slight scent of his cologne. But his chest drenched in sweat under the blazing sun?

You certainly weren’t ogling at it and thinking about how seductive and muscular he was looking just now.

Maybe Seoyeon was right.

You would’ve been very miserable if you guys dated as adults.

Jeno hated his friends sometimes. It was a cloudy and breezy Friday morning on day three when Donghyuck decided to bring out his elaborately planned tour to visit the beach town nearby which had all the hawker stalls and local delicacies. All Jeno wanted to do was sleep in till the afternoon after consuming all those bottles of soju and grilled lobsters the night before.

You were already there when Jeno arrived, dozing off on the sofa. Jaemin walked in from the main entrance and joined everyone at the lobby a few minutes later after Jeno did. His face was puffy, the sunglasses were probably there to cover up his eye bags and there was a bagel sandwich with cream cheese and salmon in his hand.

Seoyeon squinted. “Where did you get that?”

“At the bakery down the road.” Jaemin replied monotonously with his mouth full.

“Get away from me before I throw up.” Seoyeon scrunched her nose in disgust.

“Are you pregnant?” Renjun chimed in.

“It’s not pregnancy.” Seoyeon groaned and glared at Renjun. “It’s the fact that I’m normal and I refuse to eat a fucking bread with a hole in it this early in the morning.”

“Weirdo.” Jaemin muttered under his breath, making Seoyeon walk past everyone and swat him multiple times, earning a few dramatic cries for help from Jaemin.

“Weirdo calling another weirdo a weirdo.” Donghyuck nodded.

“Shut the fuck up.” Both Seoyeon and Jaemin said at the same time.

“This is too early for me to be dealing with this bullshit.” You put your phone down and raised both hands to cover your ears amidst the chaos.

The feeling of embarrassment still creeped onto Jeno once in a while when he would be around you. He couldn’t really put a finger on what ensued this feeling because you both were talking terms now, you grilled lobsters for him the night before and he was pouring shots of soju for you. It was still odd — Jeno didn’t have your number, you still had him blocked on both Instagram and Facebook and neither of you acknowledged each other’s existence unless one of you spoke first. Jeno couldn’t even muster up the courage to ask you to unblock him, or at least he liked to believe you would unblock him since you both pretended like long lost friends now.

The first few hours into this shopping trip turned out to be quite enjoyable, in terms of both the shops and everything they had to offer. Jeno unknowingly ended up purchasing a lot of useless things and a wooden flute which would later end up at the back of his closet in California — or worse, in his mother’s house. The tourist trap was not a myth and indeed a real scam because it seemed like people had fallen for it based on the bags everyone carried. It was now a burden to carry all these heavy bags filled with unnecessary items in the scorching heat but thankfully Yeonjun managed to track down an infamous ice cream place through Google Maps.

“None of you are allowed to order mint chocolate.” Renjun warned. “Especially you.” He pointed his index finger at Jeno.

“Me?”

“Yeah, you.”

Jeno furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t even like mint chocolate?”

“I don’t know. America can do crazy things to an individual.” Renjun’s comment made everyone and shockingly, even the servers behind the counter laugh. Jeno laughed nervously, hoping that this discussion would just come to an end and everyone would start looking at the ice cream options through the cold glass display.

“Where’s Y/N?” Donghyuck’s voice caught everyone’s attention and Jeno scanned the gelato café to realise you weren’t present with the group.

“I saw her at the pearl jewellery store down the road.” Seoyeon spoke up, “She was checking out the bracelet section and told us to go ahead.”

Jeno looked away just when the sudden urge to exit this air conditioned café and stand with you under the sun came to his head. He was embarrassed to be around you but it was better than being the centre of an ongoing joke, which he had always hated as a known introvert. “I’ll go give her some company!”

“Wh—” Seoyeon almost said something but Jaemin gave her a look and turned to Jeno, giving him a knowing sheepish smile.

It didn’t take that long for Jeno to spot you. You were on the opposite side of the streets, inside a pearl jewellery store just like Seoyeon had mentioned earlier. Jeno crossed the streets and it looked like you were looking through a long selection of pearl bracelets.

There was a bag of wooden utensils in your hand and Jeno’s first instinct was to carry the heavy bag for you. That movement of his activated your fight or flight response at the possibility of pick pocketing and your apprehensive face faded into a sigh of relief when you realised it was no one other than Jeno. “God, I got so scared.”

“Sorry. I should’ve asked.” Jeno laughed heartily, now carrying your bag in his hand. “What are you looking at?”

“Just these bracelets.” You showed him a box of pearls and charmed bracelets. “I’m really confused between these two.” You held up two identical bracelets in front of his face.

Now, Jeno just felt dumb and embarrassed at the same time because both of the bracelets, hell all the bracelets in that box looked the same. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as you eagerly waited for him to say something, “Are you gonna kill me if I say they look the same?”

You frowned and swatted his exposed biceps, thanks to his sleeveless t-shirt. “Jeno, you can't be serious right now.”

“Look at this.” You groaned in frustration and tugged his forearm to pull him closer so that he could get a better look at the bracelets. “This one has small charms in between and the other one is just pure pearls, no charm.”

“Oh, I see it now.” It’s like a bulb lit up above Jeno’s head just like how it does in cartoon shows. “The one without the charm looks good.”

“Same.” You giggled and unknowingly made butterflies rise up in Jeno’s stomach. Your laugh had always been like music to his ears.

The two of you waited behind the counter as the elderly shopkeeper packed your bracelet and a few other charms and earrings you had bought for your roommates as presents. Your eyes gazed over Jeno's arms, scanning the contours of his toned biceps and noting the slightest glint of perspiration from the humidity under the scorching sun. He had changed a lot since the last time you saw him — he was taller and he was…very toned and muscular now which made you swallow a lump in your throat.

Jeno had grown up into an attractive man no doubt and he used to be also one of the most adorable teenagers you had ever seen. He was your ex and you had been in love with him once upon a time in your life, but now? Maybe not anymore. However, as you watched him, you were suddenly too aware of how attractive he was now. His lips parted into a smile and suddenly your toes felt cold as if the blood was rushing away from your body.

Before you could entertain this thought any longer, Jeno glanced at his own arms first and then threw a puzzled look at you. “Is there something on my arm?”

You laughed nervously. Jeno was very clueless sometimes but you were grateful for that, getting caught while checking your high school boyfriend out was not something you wanted to be associated with.

“Nothing.” You were impressed with how confident you actually sounded under Jeno’s gaze, almost like you weren’t folding in half over the height difference, toned arms and his face just now. You cleared your throat, “I’m craving some coconut ice cream right now.”

“You should go and place an order there then. I’ll catch up with you.” Jeno gave you a fond smile.

Jeno really didn’t have to catch up with you because the man was done packing right after you exited the shop. He walked beside you quietly, the streets were less crowded now, probably due to the lunch break hours. He walked beside you slowly, the shopping bags in both of your hand’s rustling as you both walked towards the ice cream parlour.

“What did you buy?” You tried to inquire about whatever was inside the shopping bag carried.

“Oh this,” He turned to you with a smile. “Flavoured tea for mum. She might’ve threatened me over the phone to get rose and marigold tea for her last night.”

“Aw,” You cooed. “Mama’s boy.”

A perplexed laugh came out of Jeno. “It’s not like that!”

“How—” You paused and took a deep breath, “How’s she doing?”

“Mum?”

You gave him a nervous nod, unsure of whether this was even an appropriate question to ask out of the blue.

“She’s doing okay, great actually.” Jeno’s smile just grew wider and wider at the mention of his mother. “Mum retired recently and she’s just living her life, you know. She drinks all these fancy flavoured tea, looks after Bongshik, Seol, Nal and does some gardening here and there.”

You gazed at his face for a second and broke into a soft chuckle. “Bongshik must be old now.”

“She is,” Jeno thought for a second. “She is almost 12 years old now.”

“I also have a cat now, surprise.” You heaved a sigh. “Her name is Neko. She’s 10 months old.”

Jeno halted on the streets and turned to you in disbelief before breaking into a huge endearing smile. “You’re a cat mom?!”

“You got that right.”

“I’m surprised.”

You giggled. “Who would’ve thought?”

“How’s your dad?” Jeno asked softly.

“He’s doing great. I bought wine for dad yesterday.” You turned away from the pavement and looked at him. “Cellared red wine. I was threatened into buying one as well.”

“From the market we went to yesterday?”

“Yeah.”

Inside the ice cream parlour was chaotic and it was a miracle that Donghyuck and Renjun hadn’t been kicked out yet. Jaemin took off his sunglasses and eyed the two of you suspiciously, fixing his gaze especially on you as you took one of the only two empty seats beside him.

“Where were you two?” Yeji asked, nibbling on the straw of her chocolate milkshake.

“Y/N did some jewellery shopping.” Jeno replied nonchalantly before you could. Some heads turned to you as if they wanted some form of confirmation and you simply nodded in return.

“What did they have?” Yeji leaned towards you and asked after a moment. “I wanted to go check it out but it was so fucking hot, I felt like a melting ice.”

“Necklaces, earrings and bracelets mostly.” You huffed, nibbling on the plastic spoon of your coconut ice cream. “I got a few necklaces and a bracelet.”

“Someone lock Jeno up, he just got matcha ice cream!” Donghyuck scrunched his nose in disgust as if it was the nastiest thing on Earth. Jeno laughed and shoved a spoonful of the ice cream under his nose, ensuing a screech from Donghyuck in return.

It had completely slipped your mind how breathtaking Jeno looked when he smiled. It was the way his eyes always crinkled when he laughed so hard, making the mole beside his eyes more visible and unknowingly you found yourself smiling fondly as well. Jeno turned to find you watching him. The smile you had was a fond, adoring one. Jeno looked away immediately, and you did too.

Across the booth, Yunjin raised her brows at Seoyeon, both of them watching the interaction before looking towards each other, a telepathic interaction passing between them.

“It has been way too long.” Seoyeon said as she sat down on the sunbed across from you at the private beach. “We needed this break so bad.”

Seoyeon forcefully managed a girls day out today on the fifth day of the holiday, except the out in question was just at the private beach because Yeji wouldn’t stop complaining about her sore feet. The boys were apparently at the theatre room in the basement of the resort, watching a very important soccer match. You were a little envious though, you loved soccer — but you would rather be here catching up with your friends than watch some match on the screen.

“Yes, I know,” Yeji agreed with a happy smile on her face. “I mean I saw Seoyeon and Y/N around but Yunjin,” Yeji turned to the latter, “How is Canada?”

“Fun. Lots of hot men all over the city. I love Vancouver.” Yunjin said with a wink, making everyone burst into a fit of laughter. “All jokes aside, I love it. The food is great, everyone’s welcoming and my roommates are not bitches but I hate the minus degree in winter though.”

“We are old as fuck.” Seoyeon trailed off. “I still remember our eighth grade museum trip. The one where we saw those nude paintings and had the ice cream Mr. Park paid for. That was almost eight years ago.” She heaved a deep sigh over the last one before pointing at the diamond ring on Yeji’s ring finger. “Look at her, she is getting married soon!”

Yeji gave her an incredulous look. “I am not though? Not anytime soon at least. We’re still saving for the big day.”

Yunjin sighed loudly, diverting everyone’s attention to her.

“Do you wanna say something?”

She sighed again, not bothering to look up as she played with the hem of her dress. “Did I tell you guys my boyfriend broke up with me?”

“Boyfriend?!” You and Seoyeon shrieked today and Yeji added. “The one from your posts?”

“Well,” Yunjin paused for a second. “Not anymore cause I deleted those but yeah.”

You put a comforting hand on top of your friend’s. “It’s going to be okay. I know that you’re probably sad but maybe this will—

“Y/N, I’m okay. It wasn’t even that serious.” Yunjin laughed at your concerned reaction as she ran a hand through her hair. “It bruised my ego though. I’m not used to people breaking up with me, that was an entirely new experience.”

All of you laughed at Yunjin’s words, probably louder than one should’ve. She always found a way to make people laugh. The sound of the waves crashing on the sand and the whistle of the sea breeze rang in your ears. It oddly felt nice to be here, away from all the responsibilities of your life, even if the freedom was just for seven days. There were probably over twenty unanswered emails sitting in your mailbox of that stupid mail app in your laptop right now, but that was the least of your worries right now. All you wanted was to savour the moment right now — surrounded by your favourite people as all of you sipped on wine by the sea while watching the sun set into the horizon.

“Ah, Yunjin will never change…” Seoyeon said with a slight nod of her head and she stood up. “The way she said it made it sound like her husband of thirty years just filed for a divorce…” She looked in the half empty glass that was in front of you. “Do you want a refill?”

“Eh, not really.” You said.

“What’s up with your doctor boyfriend?” Yeji looked at you curiously.

“Nothing.” You shrugged, pausing to take a sip of the remnants of the alcoholic beverage in your glass. “We broke up, it was mutual though. I didn't have time for him.”

“Aren’t doctors one of the busiest people on Earth?” Yunjin asked.

“Yeah.” You chuckled dryly. “He was okay.”

You weren’t lying. He was indeed okay. He kissed you and he made love to you , what else was needed in a relationship? Your expectations from your partners were never high to begin with anyway. A simple relationship built around trust and love was all you wanted. You wanted to enjoy your own company sometimes — sipping on red wine accompanied by some scented candles and a warm, fuzzy blanket while binge watching a randomly selected show on Netflix on a rainy day. It seemed like your ex wasn’t a fan of that. So it ended up with a mutual break up, which seemed like the most logical option.

“Did you love him?”

Now, that was a million dollar question. Did you love him? Or did you just entertain the idea of dating him? You both would watch movies and binge on junk food every other day. Looking back at it now, it was just two friends who kissed and had sex — but that was not a piece of information you would want to share with your friends. You simply grinned.

“You were too good for him anyway!” Seoyeon raised her glass, ushering everyone to toast in celebration of your break up. The girls cheered. They did the same years ago when you broke up with Jeno, not knowing why and how you guys broke up in the first place.

“I still can’t believe Yeji is gonna get married. Who would’ve thought she would be the first one to get hitched?” The way Seoyeon talked like a proud mother made Yeji snort.

“Isn’t fate just a very crazy concept? Who would’ve thought they were gonna get married in the future when Yeonjun first asked her out like a nerd during lunch.” You reminisced.

“I was very fucking embarrassed that day.” Yeji deadpanned with a hint of humour appearing on her face. “That motherfucker had the entire school being up in my business. I’m being serious when I say I wanted to kill him.”

“You love him.” Yunjin nudged her.

“Unfortunately.”

“Your motherfucker is right there.” Seoyeon removed her sunglasses and pointed inside to the other side of the glass door. You followed the sight of hers only to be met with Yeonjun with Jeno beside him as they seemingly waited behind the reception counter. You turned away quickly when your eyes fell on Jeno, the thought of seeing Yeonjun long gone too.

Yeji waved her hands around in disapproval. “Forget about him.”

“You know, I don’t think I wanna date or marry anymore after my encounter with actual assholes.” Yunjin groaned. “However, I still want to be the hot pilates mom.”

“You can always go to a club and get knocked up to fulfil that pilates mom fantasy of yours.” You suggested and immediately a cushion was thrown in your direction.

“Not like that!” Yunjin tried to explain herself as all of you laughed. “I do wanna get married sometime, maybe in the future. I don’t know yet.”

“Can we not joke about getting knocked up? I literally had a pregnancy scare a few months back.” Everyone turned to Yeji in pure shock immediately as her head hung low.

“Can we get into the details?” Seoyeon sat up straight against the cushion on the chair.

Yeji sighed. “My period was very late and I started throwing up. Yeonjun and I almost jumped off a cliff together till I finally got my period and I realised the nausea came from stressing over the said period.”

Yunjin made a face. “Sounds rough.”

“Yeah, I almost thought of jumping in moving traffic.”

Yunjin let out a dramatic groan, fell back on the sunbed and wrapped her arms around your shoulder. “My Y/N baby and I are so fucking single. We don’t get laid either so no pregnancy scare!”

“Sometimes I forget Seoyeon has a boyfriend.”

After finishing the drinks and polishing all the scones with strawberry jam, Seoyeon dragged all of you to a nail salon around the corner of the resort to get nails done. You weren’t going to say no, especially when you had been smiling the entire day.

“They’re so pretty, but too bad that I’m back to working at the lab again soon,” You said as you admired the flowers painted onto your thumb nail.

“You’ll be fine! It’s not like you’re working in a factory.” Yunjin reassured you.

“I would say that some retail therapy is in order, too!” Yeji chimed in and said with a smile behind you.

“Fine, but I’m setting a $50 limit. In case you’ve forgotten, but I’m a little strapped for cash right now.” Seoyeon warned.

“Hey, you’ve got a job. You’ve got a condo. You got a fine ass man who takes care of you. I think that you can afford to spend a little bit more than $50 on some new clothes.”

“Y/N, I’m trying to be responsible here!” Seoyeon said with a scowl.

“And I’m trying to tell you that it’s okay to treat yourself whenever you want! And if ever there is a moment for you to be treating yourself, it’s now,” You said with a roll of your eyes.

Yeji walked over to the curb to hail a taxi. “Come on. I found the cutest boutique the other week, and I just have to show you guys!”

You gasped for air when you finally got down from the treadmill with the music still blasting in your ears. The burn in your legs and muscles felt nice and you loved the way adrenaline rushed through your veins every time you decided to work out.

Physical activity was never your cup of tea, not until the last year of high school. Just like how so many anecdotes and memories of your life traced back to Jeno, the start of your gym visits did too. Your then boyfriend wasn’t into going to the gym, rather he was obsessed with waking up in the early hours of the morning to go cycle up the hill and back with the bicycle he got as a present on his 17th birthday. That was how you developed the habit of accompanying him during his morning rides.

Cycling was not an option anymore by the time you were out of high school — not with so much on your plate and all the memories attached to that damn purple bicycle of yours. The gym at your college ended up becoming your second home by the end of freshman year.

Your mind raced back to Jeno. He probably worked out more than he ever did before, given that he looked so much stronger and bigger now and you failed to ignore the way your insides clenched at the thought of it. You sat on the seat of the lat pull-down machine for your next set with a huff after chugging some cold water from the frosted water bottle.

You took another shallow breath. There was no need to entertain this idea any further. Jeno was busy, he had a job, he didn’t live in the country anymore and most importantly he was your ex boyfriend. No one in their right mind would even think of crawling back to their ex after years and there was no need to consider this any further.

The faint sound of footsteps on the wooden floor made you turn your head towards the door to only see Jeno walk into the gym. He came and stood beside you — he was so incredibly attractive, especially with his arms all in display for the world to see that it was hard to not want him back again. Jeno parted his lips and said something which you couldn’t hear over the music that blasted in your ears through the headphones. You lifted a finger to put him at halt and took one of the earbuds out.

“Were you saying something?” You asked and Jeno bit back a smile.

“I was saying, how many sets are you doing?” He raised a brow.

You bit your lip for a second. What was he even trying to do?

“Why are you asking?” Your voice feigned confusion and you clearly had no intentions of sounding like a bitch. Jeno crossed his arms in front of his chest and you didn’t fail to take note of the white sleeveless shirt that hung from his shoulders. "Are you gonna help me or something?"

“No but,” Jeno paused for a second. “I can try helping if you want. Maybe I can give the gym instructor career a shot if my engineering degree doesn’t work out.” He grinned as he added.

“Your engineering degree will work out.” You mumbled mockingly, turning back to the equipment to pull at the bar to continue with your workout. Jeno sat down on the seats of one of the empty equipment to watch you — and you suddenly felt the wave of confidence rushing out of your body to replace it with the feeling of pure embarrassment.

“How many sets are you doing?”

“Two sets.” You let go of the metal bars and turned around to face him, the idea of continuing your workout was long gone at that moment. “What about you?”

“Two or three. Depends on the day.” The reply was accompanied with a big grin, like a proud mother talking about her children’s achievements.

“That’s just insanity.”

At least he was self aware.

“What else do you do?” Jeno asked in a conversational manner this time. You couldn’t help but chuckle a little because, why in the world is he trying to have a casual conversation with you while you were sweating buckets. "I mean, other than your work and working out."

“I watch way too many cooking videos on Youtube, I experiment in the kitchen, I do yoga on the weekends, I watch horror movies, I do research on cannabinoids for fun but that’s mostly just related to my work.” You replied with a grim laugh as you tried to think of a few other hobbies, but nothing came to mind anymore.

“That’s,” Jeno laughed heartily this time. “That’s a lot of random hobbies together. It’s very, I don’t know how to put it together,” he paused to chuckle. “It screams you.”

“What do you do?” You asked.

“Me?” Jeno sounded amused at your inquiry. “My day consists of coding in front of the computer, working out, studying, eating and sleeping.”

“That’s also very you.”

“I guess you could say, I was built for that homebody lifestyle.”

“Retail therapy is also a part of my odd hobbies.” You added with a grin. “My apartment is filled with the most random things. I wish I could give you a visualisation of it.”

Jeno hummed. “Show it to me one day.”

“I’m always free.” He laughed at your answer. “Don’t you dare laugh, I’m being serious. Just show up anytime after 6 PM and I will be more than happy to welcome you.”

“Even after your tedious work schedules?”

“I’m always free and hospitable when it comes to my friends.…” You trailed off as soon as you realised what you had just said. The smile on Jeno’s face had faltered a little too but he was quick enough to regain his composure.

“I will have to show up to your place one day, unannounced.” He let out a strained laugh. “I need to try one of those Italian dishes you cook. Words have been going around that you’re a good cook.” He got up from the seat and stood behind you as you fixed the equipment. “I doubt it though.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and you turned around to meet his gaze behind you immediately. The sudden fast movement made you almost trip over your own feet but thankfully Jeno was quick enough to steady your balance with a hand on your waist. Your heart was on the brink of jumping out of your chest as you felt the fan of his breath right on your face and his lips were dangerously close to yours. He seemed to enjoy lowering his gaze to meet yours, his eyes glinting. You tried to hold onto his shoulder and push him away, but he grabbed it.

“Let me go.” Your words were brazen despite the fact that you felt like your heart would jump out of your chest at any given moment.

“Have you always been this tiny?” It took you days to finally take note of the height difference now that Jeno had mentioned it. The man in front towered over you now. The difference wasn’t much though — he was slightly taller than what he was five years ago. It was the fact that he was so much bigger and stronger now that made your head spin. You took a deep breath, silently hoping that he would just push you against the wall and kiss you hard.

According to science, libido is at its peak in the 20s and that might as well be a literal fact. You had never thought of Jeno like this whilst dating him for years in your teens.

“Shut up.” You pushed him and he obviously didn’t budge. There was no point as well. You had zero chances of overpowering him. However, the ego and pride of yours got the best of you, so you tried to push him again. This time he let you go and the throaty groan he let out rang in your ears. You felt shameless. That was one of the hottest things you have ever heard and you couldn’t help but feel the need to hear it again.

“Let’s not get violent right now.” Jeno chuckled, resting his back against the wall with his arms crossed around his chest as you silently put the water bottle and towel inside your small bag. “You’re seriously very short.”

“Jeno, leave my height alone.” You scowled. “I haven’t grown past the age of 16.”

“I think you’re suffering from a major case of shrinking.”

“You just grew taller.”

“My feet fucking hurts.” Seoyeon huffed behind everyone, hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath, watching everyone walk ahead of her. “What even is the point of this?”

“Sunset views are the best up here.” Donghyuck informed her like the tour guide he was, which only made Seoyeon roll her eyes in return.

“I can see this same shit from my bedroom.”

You watched the hills instead, away from all the commotion and bickering of your friends. Your eyes were steady to the horizon, face aglow with the last orange rays before twilight beckoned the stars. Your lips bear the semblance of a smile, just enough to show that you were probably lost in your thoughts.

Jeno noticed you standing alone, away from everyone screaming and doing a mini photoshoot at the cliff for their Instagram feeds. He moved closer so that you could feel his presence, yet stayed quiet, allowing you to stay lost in the moment a while longer. Jeno watched you pull out your phone from the back of your pocket and start capturing photos of the sunset.

Jeno felt his breath catch in his throat. He felt the familiar feeling of butterflies erupting within his stomach and a smile crept on to his face, unknowing to him. Your love for sunsets remained the same. Jeno reminisced about getting dragged to the terrace by you after school, just so that you could capture some photos on your phone.

You watched the sunset as he watched you. Jeno couldn’t see your face, but he knew you looked breathtaking.

"Jeno," Renjun pushed him aside. "Move out of my way."

Renjun sauntered to the edge of the cliff, with his film camera in his hand. The artsy side of Renjun was always very amusing, especially paired with the fact that he was a real estate agent now. Who would have thought Renjun would turn into that path instead of pursuing a career in arts? Not Jeno. You had already made your way to Renjun. Jeno watched you laugh at something Renjun had said as you posed for the camera in his hand by the railings.

Jeno looked away and kicked at a pebble by his feet. He slowly made his way down to where Jaemin and Donghyuck

“This is getting ridiculous,” Jeno griped, holding

onto the umbrella to try and keep off some of the rain that was dripping down through the awning above the store. You glanced up at the slats above, and nodded, wincing as a droplet splashed into your eye.

“How did we end up here, again?” You asked, mildly, glancing sideways, though there was barely any room to move. Jeno was pressed against your back, in a warm line, even though the rest of him was chilly damp.

Your friends still loved to play the silly game of rock paper and scissors to decide fate and miraculously, it had to be Jeno and you out of all people who had to accept the defeat. Both of you were out together to buy meat and all the supplies needed for a barbecue night, and somehow everything had gone wrong. And now, you two were trapped, underneath a leaky covering in the gloomy weather, waiting for the rain to lessen so you could run a few blocks to where Jeno had parked the rental car.

“I’m gonna kill Donghyuck.” Jeno scowled.

“It’s not really his fault.”

“If that asshole just got the meat through the resort staff, we wouldn’t have come down here in the first place. And then, we wouldn’t have gotten stuck in this rain!”

“How about running to the car before the rain gets worse?” You asked, hoping that he would calm down a little but instead that just made Jeno glare at you through his sodden bangs.

“And then what? You’re gonna start sneezing and stay bed ridden the rest of the trip because you caught a flu?” You flinched as Jeno snapped suddenly. Jeno felt a flash of guilt and his voice softened, “I’m sorry. I’m very pissed right now and the last thing I want you is to get sick.”

“No you’re right.”

You felt a flash of guilt too. Jeno wanted to buy the meat and all the ingredients from the air conditioned supermarket. It was closer to the resort, there was a parking space and definitely lower chances of getting drenched in the rain. However, you thought it would be a good idea to go to the local butcher shop instead for a fresher cut of meat. It had been a mistake as it turns out.

“I should’ve just listened to you.” You scowled, and Jeno waved his hand, spraying a few water droplets towards you.

“No, no, it’s fine. I should have known that the weather is very unpredictable. It’s just that.…” Jeno’s rage from earlier had deflated into disappointment and guilt, and he looked at you with all puppy dog eyes and drooping shoulders. “Never mind. Sorry.”

You returned him the same fond look as you questioned him. “Sorry for what?”

“Nothing. Forget it.” Jeno brushed it off.

“It’s a little cliché.” You watched as it continued to pour with no signs of stopping any time soon. The sky rumbled above followed by some lighting strikes every now and then. You were grateful that Jeno at least found the leaky shade in front of the closed store.

“It feels more romantic than cliché.” Jeno mumbled behind you.

The way you could feel your blood rushing through your veins fast at a rapid speed inside you doesn’t go unnoticed. You blinked, almost at a state of being unable to form words. “What? Wha—no, I wasn’t talking about being stuck in the rain with you!”

“What?!” Jeno’s voice was louder than yours had been. It didn’t matter though, there was no one in sight, just two empty cars parked up the road. He waved his hands around in defence, almost pushing you out towards the rain accidentally in the process. “I was talking about the weather! Look, it’s gloomy, it’s storming, there’s a sea nearby. That’s what I was talking about. Don’t get any ideas.”

“Yeah, it’s both cliché and romantic.” You laughed, trying to mask the sigh of relief that you just let out. “Minus us. I guess.”

“What time is it?” Jeno ignored and asked behind you.

“It’s almost 4pm.” You checked the time on your wrist watch. “We ar—” the words caught in your throat as you turned around. Jeno leaned in suddenly and his face was a lot closer. You wondered if he could hear your heart beating rapidly against your chest.

“You look cute.” Jeno said, simply.

You gasped, cheeks heating up in the process. You lightly smacked Jeno in the chest and rolled your eyes, mumbling, “No I don’t.”

Jeno satisfied himself with brushing a couple strands of wet hair from your forehead, which honestly caused him to blush as much as a kiss would. Not that he was thinking about kissing you under the rain. Or was he?

Goosebumps formed on your skin at Jeno’s actions on the other hand. You glanced right and then left, and turned away from him. All you wanted at the moment was to get back to the resort and scream into your pillows like a maniac. Did Jeno just turn you into a stuttering mess? Yes. Did he look attractive while doing that? Yes. Did you suddenly have the urge to grab his face and kiss him like it was one of those drizzly days in high school? Yes.

A car drove by after a while, and Jeno the edged space between you both, before he peeked out and judged that the rain had slowed down. “We should have brought umbrellas,” he sighed, and you shrugged. It was too late to be sulking now.

Jeno looked back at you. “Can you run?” he asked, and you nodded, a bit hesitant. He took a deep breath and took your hand in his. “Okay, then let’s go,”

He took off on a jog while tightly holding onto the groceries in one hand and the other intertwined with yours. You sprang forward to keep up with him, not bothering to try to keep your hair dry any longer. It was a bit too cold to be going around getting soaked, even in the summer.

Nothing went as planned at the end of the day.

Donghyuck’s barbecue by the beach plans got cancelled. Renjun slipped and fell on his ass in the middle of a crowded lobby. No one remembered to buy the few cans of beer that everyone wanted along with the peach flavoured drink with 5% alcohol, especially for Jaemin. All thanks to the thunderstorm outside, but at least everyone got to enjoy the meat after all these nuisances in a small balcony with a view of the sea along with the occasional sound of the sky rumbling and the lightning followed by it.

“Renjun?” Jeno began cautiously.

No response.

“Renjun?” Yeonjun tried this time, a little louder than Jeno.

“What?”

“The meat looks a bit burn—

“I hope you know that this man is raging at the moment. I would suggest you to leave him alone before the bomb explodes.” Jaemin interrupted, rounding on Yeonjun and pointing the tongs he was using to grill the meat at him.

“Who pissed in his cereal this morning?” Yeonjun snorted. He unscrewed one of the beer bottles and chugged the beverage before commenting. “He’s fuming, oh no.”

“Nothing’s going right for him today.” Jaemin tried to mimic the grumpy expression on Renjun’s face — lips slightly pouted paired with the broody eyebrows.

“Na Jaemin, I’m gonna drown you in the ocean.” Renjun pointed the hot, burning tongs drenched in barbecue sauce at Jaemin in a threatening manner.

“You’re right, nothing’s right today.”

Jeno snorted from the other side of the grill as chaos ensued. The air was now shimmering with the heat from the barbecue, and the smoke stung at the corner of his eyes. Every now and then he would watch you hurry out with all the drinks, now dressed in a flowery sundress, to bark orders at Jaemin and criticise his efforts so far. He watched you sipping on the cheap beer from a plastic cup and he felt peaceful seeing you, smiling so brightly like this. It was crazy to think that you still had the same effect on him after all the years — the path to getting over you would always be rocky anyway. Instead, he had learned to cherish you forever as the one that got away.

“He’s smiling to himself.” Donghyuck craned his neck to get a better look at Jeno through all the smoke to confirm his suspicions. “Oh my god. Jeno is smiling to himself.”

“The excitement of devouring all these after hours of soaking in the rain got me acting all giddy like this, Donghyuck. You won’t get it.” Jeno grinned and stuck his tongue out.

He glanced at you one last time and made a mental note to get you a warm cup of matcha latte from the café nearby later. After all, you were soaking in the rain with him as well and as far as he remembered, you loved hot beverages on a gloomy, rainy day.

Jeno stood by the railings of the balcony with a cold and frosted bottle of beer in his hand. If it was a regular weekend back in California, he would’ve been annoyed with the ambiance of the party right now — strangers, loud music, obnoxious purple and blue led lights, a mashup of all things that got on his nerves.

The party was loud, music blasting through the speakers in the main area as people wandered in and out of the rooms. There were too many people around in the villa, filled with strangers who happened to be Donghyuck’s friends and acquaintances. Jeno could hear the wasted singing from the lounge room, and watched as people swayed against each other. The smell, a mix of weed and cigarette smoke along with the salty sea lingered in the air.

“Why are you here all alone?” Jaemin slowly came and stood beside him. There was a bottle of beer in his hand, similar to one in Jeno’s hand.

Jeno hesitated a little but continued with a chuckle, nevertheless. “It’s too loud down there.”

“Woah, that’s a shocker.” Jaemin giggled at Jeno’s remark. “l assumed you would get used to the rowdy crowd of America by now.”

Jeno smiled at Jaemin instead of replying, clinking the beers gently as he scanned the yard from the balcony that overlooked the sea, looking for someone else. Looking for you.

It seemed like Donghyuck had been invited along with the whole town, the lounge room jam-packed with dancing bodies, and the rest of the crowd spilling out into the hallways, front lawn and all. Jeno could see Yeji and Yeonjun dancing closely as if they were in their own little world, and Renjun was talking to Donghyuck and Yunjin, sipping on their beers and laughing amongst themselves. But you were missing from the crowd, and Jeno’s gaze couldn’t help but search for you, sighing when he couldn’t spot you.

Jaemin couldn’t help but chuckle behind Jeno, watching as his shoulders fell into themselves and a frown formed on his face. Sure, Jaemin already knew his best friend of 13 years never got over you, but he didn’t think Jeno was still head over heels for you like that. He leaned towards him and gave his shoulder a squeeze with his free hand.

“She is down there in the yard.” Jeno turned to Jaemin, trying to hide the sudden warmth of his cheeks. Jaemin knew exactly who his best friend was looking for and why, but he only laughed and shook his head in amusement. “I saw her with Seoyeon.”

‘‘Why do you think I wanna know where she is?”

“Jeno, you know that I love you, right?” Jeno glared at him and Jaemin added quickly. “As a friend obviously. Don’t get any ideas.”

Jeno wanted to stop him from saying anything further, but Jaemin put his hands up and hushed him. “Look, I know you never got over Y/N. I also know that you’re not planning to get over her any time soon and that’s fine! But, can I let you in on a little secret? You still have the chance to win her back. Now, don’t argue, because if you start we’ll be here all night, just go and talk to her.” Jaemin pushed Jeno, in the direction of the open door leading into the yard of the villa and he didn’t give Jeno the time to speak before disappearing into the crowd.

The corner of the yard, near the sea, was lit up with hanging lights, the gentle glow of the bulbs illuminated over the pool. It was a lot quieter, a small breeze rustling through the trees above. There were a few small groups of people standing around smoking or drinking, and a couple or two dancing slowly to the quiet music coming from inside.

You were sitting by yourself on one of the chairs. Jeno could tell you hadn’t noticed him yet, too focused on looking up at the night sky. Jeno wandered over and then you were turning your head, a small smile on your face.

“Isn’t it a little boring?” You stretched your arm out and clinked your bottle of cold beer with his, while keeping the lazy smile on your face.

“Maybe.” Jeno had a smile similar to yours as he sat down on a chair beside you. “More than a little boring, I think.” He admitted hesitantly.

“This place is nice.” You snorted and Jeno could tell it was an attempt at making the conversation less awkward.

“Did you eat?“ Jeno didn’t exactly know how to keep this conversation going, but he did want to know whether you were staying healthy and having your meals regularly on time. He cared about you.

“I’m living on the free beer and cold pizza today. I have had way too many of those pizza squares.” You laughed, head thrown back and Jeno unknowingly found himself grinning too. “I don’t think I wanna talk about food today. I’m too full.”

“Those pizzas tasted horrifying.” Jeno replied sheepishly. “Sorry to Donghyuck’s friend. I couldn’t get myself to eat more than one slice.”

“Nothing tastes horrifying when you’re hungry.” You shrugged. “I used to live on cup noodles which tasted like plastic just two years ago.”

There were more people in the yard now suddenly, the party spilling out into the open air as the music got louder. Jeno and you were forced to move near the beach under a palm tree while an EDM song with an obnoxious beat played at the back. You felt Jeno’s arm around your waist to bring you closer to him when a tall unknown tipsy man nearly stumbled into you while attempting to dance in a semi-decent way.

Jeno didn’t know why he didn’t remove his arm afterwards either. Even though you were leaning against his side, and you could feel the warm breath of his mouth against your neck, leaning closer to your ear to make sure you could hear him.

“Do you wanna go back to the resort? I think the party atmosphere has gotten a bit boring and crowded now.” Jeno also didn't know why he was already tugging you away from your little spot without an answer from you. He felt relief wash over him when you complied and started walking behind him towards the exit.

But then the song changed, and you couldn’t help but stop Jeno near the edge where the beach met the yard of the villa, right when you were both about to make an escape. Jeno was looking at you, confusion in his eyes as he went to open his mouth to ask what you were doing.

“Can we stay for this song? I really like this one.” The song was a contrast to all the loud, noisy music, not something that Jeno would normally listen to given the choice, but he won’t deny the melody and the beat was nice. You were looking at him with big begging eyes, hands holding his and your body already swaying to the gentle beat, and Jeno just smiled.

“What is it called?”

“I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys!”

“Whatever you want.” You grinned back at him, and without even thinking, you moved closer to him, arms winding around his neck, chest to chest after seeing couples around do the same. Jeno froze for a moment, but you don’t notice, and after taking a deep breath, he tentatively puts his arms around your waist.

“I’m sorry…I don’t really know how to dance.” Jeno’s mouth was near your ear, lips accidentally brushing against your skin as he spoke, and you could only look up at him, a soft grin splayed over your face. Your arms held him tighter, but he didn’t complain, even if he thought you deserved an actual dance under starlight on the beach in someone that could actually treat you right.

“You know, it’s never too late to learn.” Your voice was soft, and he nearly missed it in the mixture of the music and surrounding voices. “I quite like you holding me like this though, I don’t need any fancy moves tonight.” He was shocked by your words, and there was a sudden lump in his throat. Maybe it was the three bottles of beer he had earlier talking now, but he couldn’t hold himself back from spilling his thoughts any longer.

“Do you remember our prom?” You looked up at Jeno, curiosity filling your eyes as you listened to him speak, holding him tight so you don’t miss a word. “We danced to some really boring slow song. I couldn’t dance back then either.” He stopped then, breathing deeply and looking away as he gave you time to take in your words, but you were already shooting off the next question.

“You were not that bad.” Jeno chuckled bitterly again, getting distracted when your fingers trail down the soft skin of his neck, raising goosebumps and making his cheeks warm.

“You don’t need to flatter me.…” Jeno trailed off and looked down, and stopped swaying you in his arms, and his arms leaving your body, instead pushing the fists into his pockets.

“Do you remember something else, Jeno?” Your hand was on his cheek, making it so he was looking right at you. Suddenly, Jeno felt like the two of you were too close and he was frozen in his spot, not able to move when you started speaking. “When we kissed in the middle of the dance floor.”

“Why would I remember that?” Jeno spluttered out the question as if he couldn’t believe what you had just said. You were smiling, in a teasing way that made him feel warm and loved, and your hand was running through the hair on the nape of his neck, with his body absentmindedly leaning into the touch.

Jeno, quite frankly, wanted to jump off a cliff after making sure to punch Na Jaemin in the face at that moment. He knew you were flirting with him — he wasn’t sure of why you were doing it though. Did you want him back after dumping him? He did like the idea of getting back with you though, even if it made him look pathetic.

“Think of it like a prom dance.” Your voice was soft but it sure did raise some goosebumps. “Minus the formalities, dresses and tuxedos.” You were already pulling him back into the crowd then, hand clasped in his tightly.

The dancing wasn’t perfect at all, your timing was way off, he was excellent at stepping on your feet, but it was really the most fun Jeno had in years, with a loved one. He never knew dancing to obnoxiously loud music under a few lights by the sea surrounded by sweaty bodies would have him grin from ear to ear.

“I had fun, with you I mean.” Jeno was a blushing mess again, hand rubbing the back of his neck and his gaze avoiding yours. He leaned back against the palm tree and added, “I guess I was missing out on a lot of things.”

“You’re still really cute.”

“I am?”

You hummed in response. “Can I kiss you?”

Jeno’s smile faltered a bit as he became flustered at the question, a pink hue crossing across his cheek. However, his look of shock was quickly replaced with a dopey grin.

He nodded his head excitedly, and with a swift movement, your lips were on his and his back pressed against the palm tree. All the memories which he successfully erased from his brain rushed back into his mind — the kiss shared in between class breaks, the kiss behind the bleachers, the kiss outside your house before your dad walks in and Jeno felt like he could cry right now.

The kiss was sweet and gentle, full of the love and admiration that he had for you. Your breath was warm and your lips tasted like beer, which Jeno didn’t mind. You felt one of his arms snake around your waist, pulling you in a warm embrace and another on your cheek as he kissed you back.

You pulled away first and Jeno slowly opened his eyes, a lovestruck look gleaming in his eye as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. You leaned into his touch, giving him an equally romantic look back.

And then it hit Jeno like a truck.

He just kissed the ex-girlfriend who dumped him on a random night.

Dumbass.

Jeno scratched the back of his neck, trying to avoid your gaze. He looked around and scanned the area, making sure no one he knew had witnessed him kissing you out of everyone. “I think.…I should go look for Jaemin, yeah.”

“Oh.” You sounded a little offended and Jeno wanted to jump into the sea. He clearly didn’t think of the consequences. “Yeah, yeah. Jaemin must be in the lounge room.”

“Cool.”

It was nine and a half at night on the seventh day when everyone was in the lobby of the resort after a full hectic day of island hopping. Each and everyone were drained, tired and overall ready to pass out, except Jeno. He had recently found out the gym was open 24 hours and it had been days since he last hit the gym. A few barbell bench presses and some lifting for his regular strength training would suffice for now. He tried to work out once a few days back but he ran into you and let’s just say — he didn’t want to be a sweaty mess around you.

A stupid kiss disrupted his sleep the entire night. You were never getting back with him, he was flying back to America again, you had an actual life and job here. There would never be a happy ending to your story again. Jeno started to loathe you for a moment — why did you think of trying to toy with his feelings now?

It all circled back to one question Jeno had for years now; Did he do something to upset you?

Jeno decided to head for the gym at five in the morning instead. He felt alive after a few sets of deadlifting. The gym had not a single soul in sight, there was a glass wall that overlooked the moon illuminating on the sea and Jeno felt at ease finally. He let out a sigh of relief as relished this moment by the glass wall for a while, before returning to his favourite exercise, bench presses.

It was five twenty in the morning and you couldn’t get yourself to sleep properly the entire night. You’ve tried all the methods of getting yourself to slip into dreamland — counting from hundred to zero backwards, counting sheeps, turning off your phone but none seemed to help. The power of caffeine was never your side and you always learned a lesson the wrong way. It was Jaemin’s idea to try the local coffee made with the fresh coffee beans earlier in the evening. Safe to say the caffeine in your system had you counting stars for the whole night now.

You walked through the pathway that led to the beach, clutching your phone in one hand. There was a circular lawn with a path around it, the central bed of shrubs. Outside of the lawn area were a few rose bush beds to fill up the square area which made the air smell like red roses. The pathway was dark in between the bushes but bright lights through a glass illuminated on that pebble path at the end of it.

Curiosity got the best of you. You had never taken this path during your five day stay at this resort as Donghyuck always opted for the main gates at the front. The short walk came to a halt when your eyes fell towards the glass wall with the gym behind it, and there was Jeno sitting on one of the benches.

And your breath caught in your throat at the sight of it.

Few strands of Jeno’s black hair stuck to his forehead due to the sweat, wireless earphones in his ear, toned, muscular arms and a well-defined back all on display because of the tank top he wore — and you stood there, watching him shamelessly. Jeno grabbed two free weights, wearing black lifting gloves and sat down on one of the benches again. He was wearing a black tank top and shorts, making his quads visibly flex when he sat down.

In this very moment he looked up and spotted you. His brow raised in confusion and you looked away immediately, resuming your speedy walk towards the gate that led to the beach. You heard footsteps rushing behind you at that point, and you knew it had to be Jeno.

“Y/N!” You turned around like a deer caught in headlights to face Jeno as he huffed and puffed from running after you. “Isn’t it too early to be awake?” He sounded both concerned and confused.

You sighed. “I wanted to take a walk. Can't sleep anymore.”

“I’ll walk with you.”

“You finished your workout?” You asked as your eyes drifted to the black lifting gloves he was still wearing.

“Not really but,” Jeno laughed, taking the gloves off and shoving them into the pocket of his shorts. “I think that was enough for today. My muscles are gonna be sore later anyway.”

It was dark outside. The only source of the faint light were the lamp posts on the beach on the other side of the gate. Jeno was sweaty beside you and you could tell he just had a good rep back there. You felt your cheeks heat under his gaze, realising that it wasn’t from embarrassment of getting caught staring at him this time but the look he had in his eyes.

“How do you have the energy to hit the gym after our trip yesterday?” You broke the silence before the sound of crickets chirping made you go crazy.

Jeno laughed, “I guess I just like the gym.”

“No. This is an addiction. You’re addicted.” You shook your finger up and wagged it around in the air. “Gym bunny.”

“I’ve always been into fitness, you know that.” Jeno retorted just as you two came under the dim lights of the beach. “Besides, I’m alright with that title. I like the sound of gym bunny.” He smirked at you, making you scoff and roll your eyes to the back of your head.

“I do yoga.” You said and sat down on the bench, patting the hard surface beside you for Jeno to sit as well.

“Don’t lie to me right now.” Jeno’s bewildered tone made your giggle.

“Why would I lie to you?” You laughed heartily and nudged him. “I started just a few months ago, apparently it helps with stress or something like that.”

“What world am I living in…” Jeno chuckled lightly as he muttered unbelievably under his breath.

The sand was soft and cool under your feet, remnants of the scalding heat from the sun long faded. You couldn’t quite see the ocean — there was a mass of infinite black on the horizon, blending into the dark sky. The faint cool breeze brushed against your face and and your hair tossed in the wind as you took a deep

breath. Jeno was equally as quiet as you, observing the scenario ahead.

“Jeno? You started hesitantly after a moment, snapping him from his reverie. “How are you?”

“What?” Jeno exclaimed at first, then added in a softer voice feigning confusion, “What do you mean?”

“How are you?” You repeated.

“What do you mean?” He emphasised this time.

“How is America?”

“Good,” Jeno’s voice sounded grim. “I guess.” He let out a sigh and added, “It gets lonely sometimes, but I’m alright with that.”

“You know, you can talk to me, right?” You hummed softly and shifted closer to him on the bench.

A breathy chuckle came from Jeno as the words left your mouth. “Y/N, you left me. You blocked me everywhere. You kissed me last night, five years later. I can’t pretend like nothing happened between us anymore.”

You opened your mouth to say something but the words never seemed to come out. Jeno took your silence as a green light to continue.

“It’s okay. We’re already way past that stage of our life. I don’t think it bothers me anymore.” Jeno deadpanned before his voice cracked unexpectedly. “I recently had a thought that I never had the chance to thank you.”

Your feet brushed against the cold sand and you looked at him. “Thank me for what?”

“For—” Jeno nervously rubbed the back of his neck and he looked away from you to stare into the ocean. “For showing me what love is.”

You hesitated for a moment. Even the smell of the salty sea lingering in the air made you uncomfortable now. A cold gust of wind blew against your face, like a warning sign. You looked back at Jeno and your stomach churned as he patiently waited for you to say something. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “Don’t do this now.”

“Just tell me why we broke up or I will have no choice but to hate myself for the rest of my life.” Jeno breathed. “Did I do something to upset you?” His voice softened this time.

“You were never unkind.” Your eyes drifted back to the waves again, the moonlight making the sea foam look like it was glowing. You sighed. You had started this, might as well finish it too. “I didn’t want you to be with someone like me. I was a mess. I was absolutely broken. You were going to move thousands of miles away and I was stuck in our same old hometown, still depressed and miserable. I just wanted you to be happy and successful.” You laughed at your own words, it sounded ridiculous now that you thought about your naive younger self. “I dated two guys after you. They didn’t remind me of you, they couldn’t do it like you. We drifted apart and eventually it lead to them dumping me. I was okay with that though. I focused on my academics instead, I watched too many movies, I learned how to cook. I graduated early and I got a job too.

“I’m so proud of you.” Jeno’s voice was quiet as he kneeled down on the gravel path in front of you. His hands gave yours a squeeze and finally gave you a nod and a reassuring smile found itself on his lips which finally made you feel like you could breathe again. He didn’t hate you.

Your eyes started prickling at that point and it wasn’t long before you felt the tears pooling in your eyes. “I was very fucking selfish. I wanted everything to myself. I never even thought about how you felt.” Your voice was shaky.

“You were 18.”

He continued to slowly rub the sides of your arm, a silent call for you to continue. You took a deep breath of relief. “You were like my escape from reality. Even those 15 minute long bus rides with you used to make me forget about everything.”

“I didn’t want to escape from reality anymore.” You closed your eyes, trying to stop the tears from rolling down your cheeks. “I had to face the real world. My mum was cheating on my dad, my parents were getting divorced, and I got rejected from all the scholarship interviews.”

“Why did you never tell me?” Jeno asked. “About the divorce, I mean.”

“I was gonna tell you. You told me about your scholarship in the morning. You were so happy that day, I didn’t want to take that smile away from you, not when your smile soothed my pain.”

Jeno didn’t say anything, instead he gently put one of his hands on top of yours.

“I’m rambling too much about myself.” You tittered and didn’t dare to look at him, so you savoured the serene view of the moonlight against the sea. “Sorry.”

Jeno let out a breathy laughter and continued to caress your arm. You felt like you could breathe again. The silence was comforting now as you felt the weight of all those years worth of suppressed emotions off you for the first time. “When are you leaving?” You asked gently and you couldn’t hold the tears back anymore as soon as you turned to face him. Chuckling, you added while wiping your cheeks. “Sorry, you must think I’m crazy.”

“Next month. I’m leaving again at the end of next month.” Jeno hesitated at first but then he gently kissed the top of your head. “I’m graduating in a few months.”

You stayed still in his embrace. The eastern sky was filled with blends of pink, orange and blue as it welcomed a new day. The dawn sent shimmering rays over the ocean, bestowing a golden path from the shore to the horizon. With your heart starting to soar in happiness, you put your head on Jeno’s shoulder, trying to enjoy every second of his company. Being with him never failed to put you at ease. It had always been like that — and you missed feeling this way.

“Do you want to spend the rest of the summer with me?” Jeno emphasised and turned to you. You raised your head from his shoulder to notice the way the orange of the sky beautified his eyes.

You looked down at your feet covered in sand and took a deep breath. “Why do you want to crawl back to your past?”

“It’s not like I have any regrets.” Jeno pondered for a few seconds while toying with his fingers and biting at his bottom lip. “I dated around for a while. It didn't work out. I wasn’t into hooking up as well. I had accepted my fate of simply dying alone. No one reminded me of you and I had accepted my fate of dying alone.” He paused to wrap his arm around you tighter. “And just like you, I focused on my courseworks.”

You watched the sea, lost in waves that hit against the shore every now and then. Your eyes were steady to the horizon, face aglow with the subtle orange rays of the sunrise.

“Do you want to be,” He paused and took your hands in his own, “happy together?”

“Look at me.” You brushed your fingers on his cheek. Jeno fluttered his eyes down, vulnerable at the way you looked at him with so much love and adoration in your eyes. “I’m sorry for ever hurting you.”

Jeno shushed you. “Forget about the past. Do you want to start over?”

“Yes.” Your cheeks heated up at the confession but the heartwarming smile on Jeno’s face didn’t go unnoticed.

Everything was a bit comical.

You both communicated like lovers from the golden era of the 80s. The dependance on communicating only during the everyday outings, at the restaurants, in the hallways and outside the room because Jeno didn’t have the courage to ask you to unblock him everywhere and neither did you was just very amusing. He did however have the courage to ask you to get downstairs after dinner with a sheepish smile on his face.

Slowing your steps and unknowing to him, you shamelessly took some time to appreciate his beauty from the side. The simple white t-shirt paired with the black sweatpants still made him look so handsome. You wanted to give yourself some time and wonder how crazy the universe and your fate truly was — who would’ve thought you would see your ex (read: now secret boyfriend) who turned out to be one of the hottest men you had ever seen on a trip you wanted to bail on? Jeno locked his phone and put it back inside his pocket, watching you walk up to him with a toothy grin on your face.

“Where are we going at this hour?” You happily intertwined your hand with Jeno’s extended one.

Jeno rocked your intertwined hands back and forth, a mischievous grin on his face as the two of you exited the resort premises and walked into the parking space. “Somewhere where you would probably enjoy.”

Your eyes sparked with delight at his reply, “What is it?” You teased, the grin on your face growing into a toothy smile.

“You will find out.”

The night air was cool as the strong breeze nipped at your skin from the open window inside the rental car. You wish you had worn something warm and not a crop top paired with a skirt. Perhaps driving at 2:30 AM was not the best idea in the book as well. It might be dangerous if you both found yourselves in trouble, especially when driving so far away from the city.

You wanted to appreciate the scenery instead, after all it was a highway with hills and the sea on both sides. The view went from dense trees, the sea to even a paddy field which you couldn’t make out in the dark. You were in awe with all the things nature and the universe had to offer and you wished Jeno had brought you here during the daytime. Jeno was happy to play your choice of music and it made your chest stir — you loved making playlists and it was almost like you had one ready for this exact moment.

“I know this song!” Jeno exclaimed and turned to you for a second like he was a child who had just solved a puzzle. “It's One Direction, right?”

“Yeah.” You nodded with a grin. “It’s called Perfect.”

Jeno nodded along the beat of the song. “Yeah, I know this one.” He looked inexplicably attractive as he drove the car with one hand. He stole a glance at you and added. “You used to be a crazy fan.”

You groaned in embarrassment. Jeno really brought up a deep dark secret that you wished to keep buried under the ground for the rest of your life. You really didn’t want to associate yourself with the long gone Zayn Malik posters on your wall. “Don’t remind me.”

Jeno’s lips bloomed into a smile at your reaction. “Hey, it’s okay. I became a semi fan of them because of you.”

“Please, let’s not bring up the dark days.”

“No, no. Let me speak.” Jeno’s laugh was breathy, whilst he continued to speed down the highway. “I just listen to whatever is on the top charts. So, I love discovering new music like this. Besides, it’s not even embarrassing, I used to be a fan of Justin Bieber. Didn’t you stop talking to me for a day because I said Sorry was better than Drag Me Down?”

You laughed, remembering the days of bickering with him over the phone on school nights — all over some silly music releases. You wondered whether Jeno really remembered it all. Did Jeno remember the times he danced to One Direction in your room?

You sighed. “I think we’re a little too old to bicker over music now.”

“I still think Sorry is better than Drag Me Down.” Jeno teased and the only thing you could do, without causing a potential car crash was playfully and very lightly hit his arm.

The rest of the ride was fun and relaxed. Jeno told you more about his trip to Japan where his roommate had a crazy paranormal encounter but on the brighter side, it was the same place where Jeno discovered his love for shoyu ramen. He found out you had been to Japan as well, during your third year of college, for some research purposes.

“You know, I’ve never been to Osaka.” Jeno told you after his shocking discovery.

You turned to him, more than happy to let him know a few facts about your trip to your favourite city. “Oh, you should definitely visit Osaka. You have got these tourist hot spots like the Osaka Castle, Universal Studios and Shitennō-ji Temple. The food is absolutely amazing as well. There’s a tiny family run place near the museum and they have amazing kushikatsu!” You huffed a laugh when you realised you rambled a little too much.

“Osaka is definitely at the top of my bucket list now!” You were happy with the fact that you were able to convince Jeno with your ramblings.

And then there was a comfortable silence that settled in between. You enjoyed the view of whatever you could make out in the dark. The random music playing through the speakers wasn’t bad either. Again, you wished you had visited this place sometime during the day. You would’ve loved to drive a convertible here during the sunset or maybe even the sunrise — but you doubted your ability to wake up so early in the morning for that kind of commitment.

Lost in your thoughts, it took you a few seconds to realise the car had stopped. You looked out through the windshields and Jeno parked the car somewhere down a steep pathway that led to a beach. A gasp made it way past your lips when a lightning stroke above the sea followed a small rumble in the sky. It was beautiful indeed — the sound of the sea hitting the shore, sky rumbling above — it might not be a spectacular view to others, but you loved nothing more than the sea and the rain. It was one of the beauties of summer.

A few more lightning and the roaring of the sky, the downpour had started.

“I didn’t expect it to rain, honestly. My plan was to stargaze. I was on Google for hours and found this spot. Stargazing is kinda,” Jeno was hesitant to continue at first, but he did anyway. “Stargazing is kinda considered romantic, so yeah.” He looked at you apologetically.

“It’s perfect.” You promised, reaching back to caress his cheek. He tenderly leaned into your touch, as you cupped his face. He smiled softly before he turned, pressing a kiss to your palm before he leaned forward catching your lips in a soft kiss as the rain drummed steadily against the exterior of the car.

Jeno pulled away with a breathy chuckle. “I wish we had brought some food. McDonald’s drive through would’ve been amazing right now.”

A silence settled in between you two again. This time, it was accompanied with the distant rumbles of thunder, the rain drumming against the exterior of the car and the soft music that played through the speakers. Jeno helped you push your seat back so you could sit comfortably before he pushed his own seat back. You curled up in the seat and rested your chin on your knees.

Jeno you softly chuckled at your movement before turning away, shaking his head. You slapped his thigh, “What?”

Jeno exhaled slowly and tilted his head back up, looking over at you. “I seriously can't get over how tiny you are.”

You knew Jeno was probably joking but there was a small flash of something in his eyes along the lines of it and the way he looked at you didn’t go unnoticed as well. It was suddenly a little hot and stuffy inside the air conditioned car and you tried so hard to ignore the warmth down there. “The gym membership has inflated your ego, hasn't it? You like being the big and strong one.”

Jeno chuckled, his eyes brightening a bit and he reached a hand over, brushing your hair behind your ear. "You might’ve gotten that right." he whispered and just as he was about to pull his hand away, fingers brushing against your cheek, you reached up and held his hand there, keeping it from moving.

"I kinda like that." You mumbled, shyly. Your fingers wrapped over the side of his hand, finger tips against his palm.

Jeno nodded in a mock stern motion, "Like what?" he narrowed his eyes, and you smiled, a small giggle coming from her lips. “Come on, tell me. You like the fact that I’m stronger?" he asked, jokingly and you glared at him. Then in one swift motion he pulled you onto his lap.

You gasped, a little startled and looked at him. "Hey! I'm serious, I'll kick your ass." you threatened him and his hands moved onto your waist.

"I'd like to see you try." Jeno said cockily back at you with that smirk on his face.

"You know, I could actually beat your ass. I did taekwondo, remember?” You reminded him, and his grip on your waist grew even tighter.

"Oh, talk dirty to me. I love it." Jeno teased you, flicking his tongue and you laughed.

"Shut up." You hit him in the shoulder and he just pulled your body closer against his.

Jeno grinned crookedly once more and felt your body heat melting into his. You were warm and soft. You were so many things, that no word could really encompass them all. The vibration from the car engine caused you both to vibrate against each other just a bit, and this was making your thighs warmer.

You felt a little awkward, straddling Jeno’s lap, with his hands on your waist but it didn't feel wrong either. The only reason it felt awkward was however because, despite dating Jeno for four long years all those years ago — you were never in a position with him like this. Jeno respected your boundaries and it had unfortunately never gone past innocent make out sessions.

"I like you a lot." Jeno said quietly, enjoying this tender warm moment between you two.

"When did you first like me?” You chuckled, and his skin tickled when you moved your arms upwards and rested them on his shoulders. You placed your hands along the sides of his head, running your fingers in his hair behind his ears.

"The first day, when you transferred to our class in freshman year." Jeno replied, looking up into your face lovingly. “I know, I was just 14 but you were seriously the prettiest person I had ever seen. It took like a week for me to develop a crush on the new girl. You know, it was hard being the class president and showing the cute girl around the school.” You were in awe. You never knew Jeno had liked you, for so long. The question never came up and you simply assumed he had developed a silly crush on you sometime during the month long science project in sophomore year.

Even though the only source of the light was the dimly lit light at the roof of the car, you could still see how red Jeno was. “What about you, when did you like me?”

After a second you licked at your lips and spoke. “Not as long as you did.” You were shy to admit it. “I don’t remember exactly. It was like one day I was in class and something in my brain just went, Jeno is really cute.” Jeno smiled at that. “It was during your birthday when it truly hit, I have the biggest crush on this guy.”

"Little Y/N had a little crush on little me!” Jeno teased in a mocking, baby voice. In return, he just got hit by you in the chest. “No seriously though, I can't believe it. I mean you were so fucking cute, it was understandable for me to have a crush on you. What made you look at me and go, I’m gonna have the biggest crush on this loser?”

You smiled, cupping his face and caressing the mole near his lips. “I don’t know. Something about you made me never look at anyone the same way again.”

"I’ve missed you yelling at me, by the way." Jeno chuckled, trying to lighten the mood now that it was getting a little sentimental.

A sly grin made its way onto your face, "Are you saying you missed me bossing you around?"

"How couldn't I?" Jeno answered with a question, and looked into your eyes. “It used to be helpful sometimes, I won’t lie. The angry ‘go to sleep right now’ texts every night used to help me sleep a little earlier.”

"I don't know, you're kind of an ass." You teased him. “I’m not gonna tell a grown man to go to sleep now. A man your age should know when the perfect bedtime is!”

Jeno shook his head and leaned in closer, pretending to compel you. "I kinda do want you to become my portable alarm again."

You rolled your eyes, "Nope."

"I thought you liked me." Jeno said, popping the p.

You laughed and he grinned, moving his hands upwards and putting them on your face and caressing your cheek. Your face went a little more serious, and you looked to the side, seeing his fingers on your face from your peripheral vision. "Jeno," you said slowly, recognising the look on his face.

"Mhm?" he hummed, and pulled you even close to him.

You had a strong feeling about what was about to happen, but you didn't move, you didn't pull away and you didn't even speak. A car passed behind you two to the left, and the orange hue from the light posts illumined inside. The rain still continued to drum against the exterior, with no signs of stopping any time soon.

Jeno leaned inwards and pressed his lips against yours. Your eyes closed, and you were still for a moment, but when he didn't back away, you kissed him back softly. This kiss quickly grew more intense, and Jeno kissed you deeper, tugged onto your hips, to pull you even closer against him. To the point that there was no room in between.

Your hands tangled in the back of his hair, and he growled low in his chest. He slid his hands underneath your t-shirt, touching the warm soft skin of your stomach and sides.

Your head was spinning, and you broke the kiss to breathe, but Jeno didn't stop. He ran his tongue along your parted lips and moved his hands downwards, tucking his fingertips into the elastic of your skirt.

"Jeno." You said, remembering that you needed to get back to the resort again. However, your head went dizzy again as Jeno moved his face down to your neck and kissed along your skin. "Jeno, we need to get to the resort." You breathed shakily.

Jeno mumbled incoherently and you shivered when you felt his tongue run along your neck, all the up to your jawline and back down. You felt him grind his hips upwards against yours and between your legs, a wetness was pooling. "Fuck." you breathed heavily, but with all the willpower you had you pushed his head back up to look at you.

"We have to go back." You reminded him. “It’s almost 5 AM.”

Jeno took a breath and blinked, getting his own thoughts together, but continued to run his fingers underneath your skirt until one of his hands was resting against the top of your pantie line. "Alright." He said roughly, "But, we’re continuing this later."

Jeno was going to have you eventually, no matter what the circumstances were. It wasn't a request, it was a fact.

You licked at your lips, "Of course."

Jeno peeked into Jaemin’s room where he was crouched on the floor in front of his luggage, seemingly folding a few of his clothes into the bag. Jeno entered the room, hoping that he could waste some time with him before everyone finally got dressed for whatever seafood restaurant Renjun had discovered.

“Did you sleep well?” Jaemin took a glance at him when the door creaked open and asked with his back turned to him.

“I wasn’t sleeping.” Jeno could never get himself to lie to his friends for too long, especially Jaemin. He had seen and known it all — Jeno’s secrets, insecurities and even his heartbreaks and embarrassments. “Y/N and I went out on a drive.”

Jaemin sighed, ignoring the fact that Jeno lied and kept it away from him last night. Instead he gave him a small smile. “Where did you guys go?”

“The beach.” Jeno sat down on the edge of Jaemin’s unmade bed. “Yeah, just the sea road.”

Jaemin’s dramatic gasp caught Jeno’s attention. He walked into the room and plopped down on the bed, the look of disbelief plastered on his face. “You’re back with Y/N?”

Jeno didn’t say anything but the giddy smile on his face gave it away. “Yeah.” He noticed Jaemin’s smile faltering a little, yet he decided to continue anyway. “We thought about it for a while and decided to give it a try again.”

Jaemin smiled at him, sincerely this time. “I’m happy for you.”

“I still can't believe you hate rom coms now.” Jeno slowly and soothingly ran his fingers through your scalp and hair. His elbows dug into the pillow but he didn’t seem to mind at all. He found himself smiling fondly, watching you getting comfortable under his touch. “Since when do you hate them?”

“A very silly reason.” You giggled and opened your eyes to look up at him from the comfort of his lap. “I watched To All The Boys I've Loved Before way too many times that I started despising the entire genre at some point. I think I prefer thriller or horror movies now.”

“You don’t like About Time?”

“Boring.” You rolled over onto the pillow and looked him in the eye. “I’ve grown up and realised that the romance genre of movies are simply setting unrealistic standards of relationships for the younger generation.” You paused for a second and thought about what to say next. Jeno on the other hand enjoyed watching you ramble. “You’ve got movies like Fifty Shades of Grey and it can be your guilty pleasure, I guess. I’m no one to kink shame.”

Jeno laughed at your comment. “I’ve never watched that movie.” He admitted. “The reviews online threw me off.”

“Good. It romanticises a manipulative and abusive relationship and I believe there are better movies out there if you wanna watch some BDSM action.” You sat up straight against the headboard comfortably. “You also have movies like Romeo and Juliet and let me tell you, no man is dying for you. That’s just not realistic at all.”

“What if he’s like, madly in love?” Jeno tried.

“That’s still not justifiable. The lover you died for probably would rather want you to live a healthy, long life.” You tried to convince him. “I mean, at least I would. I don’t want anyone to die for me.”

“Look at it like this,” Jeno also sat up now to prove his point. You tried to suppress your laughter as he waved and moved his hands around in the process. “I think dying for your lover is justifiable in a sense that, what if you had to save their life? Or maybe a life or death situation? I would personally sacrifice myself when it comes to a situation like that.”

“Fine.” You conceded with a chuckle. “You do have a valid point, but my point still stands about Fifty Shades of Grey. That movie sucks.”

Jeno fell back onto the pillow again, laughing till he could feel the tears in his eyes because the way you talk about movies was genuinely amusing to him. He could watch you ramble all day.

“Don’t laugh at me.” You smacked him in the chest lightly.

“You watch a lot of movies, don’t you?”

You rolled over to face him, your palm now resting under your chin. “I used to be the vice president of the film club in my college.”

“That explains the professional film critic side of yours.” Jeno pinched your cheek. You swatted his hand away and he added, “Tell me about your life in college and I will tell you about mine.”

“It was boring.” That made him giggle.

“It can’t be that boring. Your film club made you a professional critic, I think that you had an amazing college life.”

You sighed. “I was in the film club and that was really the start of my love for horror movies, even though I’m still a little jumpy when it comes to certain scenes. I love psychological horror movies. Other than that I was reviewing restaurants and watching soccer games.” You thought about all the memories you made and continued. “Did I tell you, I met the guy I dated for a few months at one of these horror movie screenings?”

“Why did you guys call it off?” Jeno didn’t want to sound overbearing, he was just merely curious.

“Nothing against him. He was nice, a little possessive. It wasn’t my cup of tea.” You paused to giggle at the curious expression on Jeno’s face, waiting for you to continue with your story telling. “The sex was horrible though.”

“Damn.” Jeno laughed.

“Yeah.” You agreed. “What about you?” The context was already lost to Jeno, you could tell from his expression. “I mean, how is college life?” You clarified, propping yourself up on your elbows.

“I’m an engineering student, computer engineering to be specific. Do you really expect my life to be as eventful as yours?”

“Don’t generalise poor computer engineers like that!” You beamed. “What’s a typical day in the life of our Jeno like?”

“Programming, staring at JavaScript for hours with a side of free back pains, lots of coding, yeah that’s pretty much what my life is right now.” Jeno sighed dramatically. “Not as eventful as yours. I have a very sedentary job.” He tittered. “You guys probably go to Michelin star restaurants for a living.”

To that you laughed heartily, waving your hand around in denial. “I never said that! I research different stories everyday, the restaurant review days are long gone.” You successfully made out the words in between your laughter. “Tell me about America then? I want to visit the Hollywood Sign one day. The photos I see online are quite tempting.”

“I never knew vegan food had the ability to taste good before moving to California. Don’t get me wrong, I respect vegans and their diet restrictions but it was really never appealing to me. Till one day, I tried a bean burger and that shit changed my life forever.” Jeno readjusted his position on the bed to fish his phone out of his pocket and he motioned you to come closer. “I’ve gone hiking near the Hollywood Sign once. It has great views, especially the sunset but the sore legs are crazy the next day.” He opened the photos app and scrolled past tons of images for a while. You peeked your head above his shoulder and got a glimpse of a shirtless mirror selfie, presumably at the gym which he just scrolled past.

“Let me see that!” You failed miserably at trying to grab his phone. Jeno was quick enough to try and get his phone away which only made you fall on top of him in the process. Your palms rested on his chest and eyes fluttered over his features for the first time in years — his lips, the high curve of his nose, the moles near his lower lip, nose and the famous one beside his eyes. “I wanna see that photo.” You mumbled against his lips.

“Never.” His voice was at a sinful octave before his lips met yours, finally kissing you. You pushed him back onto the pillow gently and he wrapped his arms around your waist, fully bringing you on top of him. Jeno snaked his hands under your t-shirt, his hands meeting the softness of your skin. You slowly trailed your hands down, exploring his body while your tongue explored his mouth.

One of your hands slipped to his shoulder, pushing yourself closer to him. Jeno’s chest was now pressed against yours as you pressed your tongue against his. Your other hand landed on the exposed skin of his thigh, and he bucked his hips up followed by a whine when you slowly ran your nails down the skin. You decided to roll your hips against the tent in his shorts and Jeno finally pulled back from the kiss with a groan, yet you continued rolling your hips against his.

“Y/N,” He groaned again and you took the chance to trail wet kisses down his jaw and neck.“I’m gonna cum in my pants if you keep doing this.” He tried to warn you, yet lolled his head back in pleasure. A soft whine left escaped your lips the moment you pictured the scenario. He was so hot like this, you thought you won’t be able to get yourself to stop even if you wanted to.

Your hand slipped down his chest down to his shorts. Jeno sucked in a breath as your hand made contact with the bulge through the fabric, making you pause for a moment to gauge his reaction. When you were given no indication to stop, you cautiously continued, carefully cupping the outline of his bulge and feeling him through his clothes. Jeno’s low, breathy moans hit your ears, a thrill running down your spine at the sound. His response emboldened you to guide your hand to the waistband of his shorts. With a couple of tugs and his assistance, you pulled it down just enough to free his cock from its confines.

Your pulse jumped when you felt it twitch underneath your fingertips. It was stiff and you could barely wrap your whole hand around it but it felt so hot under your touch. You went back to kissing him again. Jeno laughed, a deep throaty laugh, “You’re going to be the death of me.”

You pulled away and without thinking, you reached a finger up to rub at the tip, swiping the pad of your finger along the glistening slit. The effect was almost immediate — Jeno hissed with delight as you streaked more of the sticky fluid across the tip.

“Y/N, fuck.” Jeno’s forehead creased in pleasure as threw his head back.

The way he whimpered your name had your blood thrumming with excitement, lust and curiosity. You wanted to see more of his reactions, to hear more of those noises and to hear him keep talking to you like that, to know just how good you were making him feel.

Your hand seemed to move on its own, gripping him and stroking him up and down. At first, your movements were a little hesitant, but the pretty moans that fell from his lips had you pumping your hand in earnest, experimenting and alternating ways.

The noises Jeno kept making only made you feel unbearably hot and bothered, heat overtaking your thoughts and senses. Jeno cracked his eyes open and observed you from under lashes and huffed a small laugh even as you had him literally in the palm of your hand.

“You’re so beautiful.” His voice dropped to a growl, the gravelly sound scrambling your head and doing unspeakably lovely things to your core. You were barely able to register his hand curling around the back of your neck, only realising what was happening once his lips were on yours again.

Jeno let out a rather loud whimper before he was swatting your hand away from cock. The sound he let out did nothing but only made your core ache more. “I’m gonna cum, stop.” He said with a breathy chuckle.

“You don’t want me to make you cum?” You asked him and felt his length twitch under your palm. He didn’t respond immediately, only watching you with eyes that would only read as him wanting to devour you.

“Can I make love to you?”

It took a moment for your brain to process what he said, and even then there was a moment where you couldn't help but waffle a little bit. Thankfully, Jeno’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. “Please, pretty girl?”

A shiver ran through you and before you knew it, your lips were on his again. Jeno took this as a sign of a green flag given by you and one of his hands trailed down to your skirt. He gave it a single prompting tug, all while his tongue continued to explore in your mouth. He pulled away first. “Take these off for me, baby.”

You complied and clumsily pulled both your skirt and panties off. Even in your dazed state of mind, you couldn’t help but notice how your panties off with a strand of your arousal that glistens in the low light of the room, connected to a dark, wet patch in the centre of the clothing. Heat creeped up its way up your neck at the realisation of just how much of a mess Jeno made of you with nothing but the way he looked at you, and you couldn’t help but wonder about the other ways he could mess you up.

But that soon became a thought for another day because Jeno coaxed you back over his lap. You took a hold of his shoulders while you placed your knees on either side of his thighs, and there was an awkward half-second where you were not quite sure if you were meant to sit down or not.

“This is awkward.”

Jeno shook his head and flashed you an assuring smile. “No, this is perfect.”

What was actually perfect was the sweet sound you made when his fingers swiped up against your dripping slit. A single motion coated his fingers in your slick and he was eager to dive in for more. Your breath caught in your throat when you felt him steadily slide a single thick digit inside, pulling it out and pushing it back in slowly. Jeno trailed wet kisses down your jaw and neck. “Is this okay?”

You could only whimper along with a few nods as the grip on his shoulder tightened, nails burrowing into the fabric of his shirt as he stretched you with his finger. Gasps and moans of his name squeezed past your throat when you felt his thumb circle your clit.

The pleasure gradually building in your veins only made it hard for you to think and even harder to properly keep yourself up on your knees for him, and your forehead came to rest on his shoulder. A second finger joined the first, stretching you open and making your thighs tremble with the effort to stay upright.

You made a breathy noise of realisation when you saw his cock still standing at attention and very much unattended. An idea crossed your mind and you reached out to take hold of him and began to stroke him again.

Jeno choked out a curse that dissolved into murmured, delirious praise that you could hardly make out. It was difficult not to lose your concentration and fumble when his fingers hit that spot inside of you. Your walls started to spasm around his digits and all you could do was pant weakly against the side of his neck.

“Are you gonna cum, pretty girl?” His voice was hot in your ears and the best response you could muster was a whine. “That’s it, that’s a good girl. You’re doing so good for me. Just let go.”

And you do, unable to hold back any longer and only further spurred by his command. You clutched his t-shirt, wrinkling the fabric as you gush on his fingers, practically sucking them in while you stuttered his name between choked breaths.

Still lost in your post-orgasm daze, you could only think of the man beside you to fuck your brains out. It was probably the lack of sex for the past few but you felt like a sex crazed demon. Jeno hovered above you and you were quick enough to reconnect your lips with his. Jeno flipped the two of you over, propping himself above you with his forearms this time.

“You’re so fucking small.” He drawled, tugging your shirt over your head before placing a chaste kiss on your forehead. Jeno looked so much bigger and stronger, hovering above you — you could feel yourself getting embarrassingly wet and aroused just at the thought of him ruining you like this. All you wanted was to get fucked by him right now. You unhooked your

bra and helped him remove his t-shirt too and with the both of you entirely naked before each other. “So pretty.”

You laid back down onto the pillow and placed both of your arms around his neck. “Please, just fuck me already.”

Jeno only gave you a sly smirk and you found yourself letting out a rather loud moan as he handled you so forcefully, his fingers pinching your nipples, mouth only inches away from yours. You pulled him close, fingers tangled in his hair, and moaned softly as Jeno covered your mouth with his. It was one of those long, intoxicating kisses, tongues probing each other's mouths, fingers wandering anywhere it can get away with.

And then a few aggressive knocks on the door resounded through the hotel room and the two of you immediately halted all of your actions. You could already hear the faint voices of Donghyuck and Jaemin talking on the other side of the door. You looked at Jeno exasperatedly. “Were you expecting them?”

“Fuck my life.” Jeno dropped his head onto your shoulder. “We were supposed to have a game night.”

“Jeno! Are you asleep?” The knocks on the door just kept getting louder and louder.

There went your plans of getting dicked down.

“You guys can go ahead, I’m coming!” Jeno yelled back while throwing a very sincere apologetic look down at you.

“Be there in 15 minutes.” There was one loud knock on the door and the footsteps outside started fading out into the hallway. “I wanna die.” Jeno dropped his head back onto your shoulder.

“Do you think you can skip this?” He lifted his head back up. You badly wanted to get railed right now and you hoped that Jeno couldn’t sense the desperation in your voice — but if you could punch Jeno and his friends, you would.

“They’re gonna kill me.” You took the opportunity to raise yourself from the pillow and press soft and gentle kisses to Jeno’s lips. “We don’t have condoms anyway.”

You wanted to cry, you really did but that was just how the universe worked. There were no condoms available to begin with and no matter how sexually frustrated you were — you were never gonna fuck without a condom. “Can I make you cum before you go?” You pleaded and you absolutely hated how you probably sounded like a sex crazed demon. “Please?”

How could Jeno say no when the woman of his dreams looked so ethereal pleading underneath him. The random shooting game and his friends could wait.

Your eyes widened at Jeno’s sudden attack of fierce kisses, but you responded eagerly nonetheless as your lips moved in sync with him. A harsh intake of breath filled your lungs when the kiss broke apart, he was panting like you but the burning love in his eyes now became one with unbridled desire. “What about your game?” You asked, looking intensely at his now kiss-swollen lips.

“Fuck the game.” Jeno placed a chaste kiss on your lips and rolled over so that you could be on top of him now. As he laid back, half-sitting against the pillows, he splayed himself underneath you and licked his lips. They were swollen against your own when you leaned forward to kiss him again.

With a smile you straddled his hips and ran your nails down his chest once more, leaving light lines over it.

Jeno shivered at the contact, and groaned when one of those hands slid down to wrap around his hard cock. You gave the head a squeeze and he bucked up into your fist. You were definitely making him cum tonight.

Your hand moved slickly over his cock, slow then fast, up and down then twisting. You tried to mix up your movements to string him along as much as possible — from the sounds and the involuntary spasms he made you succeeded. Jeno moaned and gasped and you could only feel yourself getting wetter and wetter.

His breath became a raspy groan as you continued to pump his cock at the pace he wanted and with a deep groan, every muscle in his body tensed like he was going to snap, then in the next moment thick cum spurted over your fist and his toned stomach. Jeno sat back, his eyes impossibly dark and glinting with lust. He grabbed the back to your neck, bringing his lips to yours. “I swear you're gonna be the death of me.”

Jeno flipped the two of you over again before he propped himself above you. His cum from earlier dripped down onto your stomach making a whole, sticky mess — but you didn’t care. You couldn’t care when he had two of his fingers plunged deep inside you again as he was trailing kisses down your body till you could feel his breath fanning against your dripping core.

“Jen—fuck, wait, wait!” You tried to catch your breath. “I have never done this before.”

Jeno looked up, the lust filled gaze of his faded into one of both concern and confusion as the words left your mouth. “You’ve never had your pussy eaten before?”

“Surprise?”

“Wow, okay.” He let out a chuckle humorlessly as he tried to catch his breath, all whilst his fingers slowly moved inside you. “Fuck, I’m gonna make you feel like a princess tonight.”

And with that you felt his warm tongue glide through your folds, you gasped out his name, throwing your head back at the foreign sensation. Your toes curled as Jeno’s tongue circled around your sensitive nub causing you to buck your hips forward, fingers making their way into his hair, grabbing at his hair to bring him closer. “Fuck, this feels so good.”

Jeno’s phone rang somewhere in the room, probably a call from Renjun or Donghyuck, which he blatantly ignored and continued to pepper the inside of your thighs in the form of deep red marks. The tip of his middle finger slowly traced over your core, coating his finger with your juices and of his saliva. You shuddered at the feeling of the coolness of the ring on his fingers sliding against your folds, yearning for them to be inside of you. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

All you could do was whimper in pleasure as he plunged two of his fingers back into you without any warning and continued to fuck you, tongue brushing past your clit in lewd motions "Princess, you’re close?" He pulled his mouth away from your core, but his fingers continued to plunge into you. Jeno looked up at you with lustful eyes, glistening lips and the pleasant sight was enough to take you over the edge, the pads of his fingers grazed over the sensitive spot one last time before your orgasm took over your body, hips bucking against his fingers— you mewled as he continued to brush his finger against that one spot inside.

When your breathing faltered, you immediately got up and kissed him passionately, tasting yourself on his warm, swollen lips. His arms snaked low around your waist as he held you close. You felt a familiar warmth begin to course through you again. “Please, I need you.” You started running your hands slowly down his chest to his thighs, sending a small shiver up his spine. Your hands continued to travel along his body, smoothly caressing his hips and back.

“We don’t have a condom.”

“Fuck the condom.” The desperation was so clear in your voice now. “Just pull out, please. I’ll just take an emergency pill if necessary.”

Jeno chuckled lightly and kissed your temple. “Are you sure?”

“Please. I’ll go crazy if you don’t fuck me right now.”

You gasped when he suddenly crashed his lips onto yours in desperation, and you fell back on top of the pillow again before he was crawling over your figure. You swallowed the lump in your throat when you took a glance at his cock — it was girthy as the pre cum oozed out of his angry tip and you hated to interrupt him yet again. “Jeno, um,”

“Hey, it’s okay. I know I have a—” He paused and laughed hesitantly, realising that he would sound a little too cocky if he finished the sentence.

“No, shit. I can see that you have a big dick.” You laughed a little too. “I’ll kick you in the face if you don’t put that big dick of yours inside me right now.” Jeno slapped your thigh and shut you up with a gentle kiss on the lips. “Please, just go slow.”

“I would never even think of hurting you.” He reassured you with a smile and kissed the corner of your mouth before going back to his original position.

Jeno slowly started sliding his tip against your core, coating it in your juices. You shuddered at how close he was to finally plunging deep inside of you, but still so far away. You whimpered as he continued to do so, and although you've already had your orgasm, there's still an aching need in the pit of your stomach. He leaned down to capture your lips in a deep kiss. “Let me know if you feel uncomfortable.”

Jeno muttered something under his breath as he dragged his cock down your slit, collecting your juices before pushing the tip in a little, only to pull out hissing. “Oh my god, you’re so tight.” He giggled, in an attempt to keep your nerves down as his fingers replaced his cock, three long digits pushing deep inside.

You let out a breathy chuckle, not expecting him to use his fingers again. “The struggles of having a big dic —ah!” Your words were cut off when his fingers brushed against that one spot inside.

“Don’t flatter me like that.” You watched him stretch your pussy, his brows pushed together as his mouth hung slightly open. Reaching forward, you wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him out his focus as he tried not to completely fall on top of you.

“Jen...Please.” Trying to pull his mouth to yours, you whined as he rolled his hips and his cock slid into your entrance, and started to push in. Two fingers weren’t enough to loosen you up for him, but it was enough to make the stretch delicious and not as painful.

“Oh my god. You feel so good.” You couldn’t help but let out a breathy giggle as he muttered that into your neck, tense as he tried his hardest to stay still long enough for you to adjust.

You rolled your hips to give him the hint to move a little. Jeno groaned and positioned himself above you on his forearms to roll his hips back into you, his arms slightly shaking. Jeno sealed your soft moans with a heated kiss on your lips. He slowly slid his lips to kiss your jawline, then moved them down to kiss the side of your neck, smiling when he heard you quietly whimper. “Faster, please a little faster.”

He picked up the pace of his hips, rutting into you at a slightly faster pace, his arms pinned on either side of you. Your hair splayed out messily against the white sheets, jaw slacked as profane noises fell past your mouth.

His name was all you could whine as he continued to fuck into you deeply. Jeno pulled you closer by your thighs and helped you put your legs around his waist, allowing him to fuck you even deeper in this new found position — the sensation of the tip of his cock rubbing against your sensitive spot which caused your nails to sink into the skin of his muscular biceps.

“Are you gonna cum for me?” He kissed the corner of your mouth before sealing your moans. The pace he was going at was so much faster and so much deeper. His tip hit the same spot over and over again, a sensation that induced you to whimper his name loudly before arching your back off the bed.

You continued to whimper into his mouth, clutching at his arms. Jeno’s deep grunts and moans were like music to your ears as you felt your walls spasm around his cock. A knot had formed in the pit of your stomach which caused your entire body to shake, a new found sense that only Jeno had ever given you. You pulled away from the kiss, "I’m cumming!"

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as the feeling took over your body, sending goosebumps all over your skin. You heard Jeno’s grunts becoming louder and you finally let go — your body went numb, core sensitive, but Jeno continued to fuck into you through your orgasm.

Only you had the privilege of seeing Jeno above you, aroused beyond all measure, fucking you through your orgasm. Not only that, he was aroused because of you, and knowing that made you feel far sexier than you had ever felt in your whole life.

“Fuck, I’m gonna—” biting his lower lip Jeno nearly ripped himself away from you, pulling out of you just in time to spill all over your stomach. His cum splattered out in warm, sticky ropes onto your slightly sweaty skin.

“Holy shit." He practically collapsed onto you with a huff, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck and hugging you so tight as if you were to disappear into thin air if he would let go of you for just one second.

Jeno muttered something under his breath and leaned down to kiss you, lips moulding together— his hands, now gentle, caressing your hair as your hands cupped his face. And for the first time in a while, you felt butterflies erupt in the pit of your stomach. Jeno pulled himself away from you after one last kiss on your forehead before walking away, picking up the discarded clothes scattered all over the floor and bed.

“Do you wanna order pizza?” Jeno sat back down on the bed with a box of tissues in his hand.

“Pizza after sex?” You joked lightheartedly and Jeno laughed. You watched him using a few tissues to wipe the cum on your stomach and the inside of your thighs. “Seafood pizza with extra squid, please.”

“You literally read my mind.”

Jeno stirred awake, the sunlight poking from between the hotel room curtains managed to remind him that his day was about to start. He refused to open his eyes though, knowing that the harsh sunlight would be enough to blind him early in the morning. But then remembered you and that was only when his eyes were wide open.

Your head was resting gently on his bicep, your hair tickling his skin, and brows crinkled in a way that made Jeno want to reach out and smooth it away. His figure protected you from the sun, he realised, probably the only reason why you haven’t woken up before him, and he smiled as he pushed your hair from your cheek and kissed the top of your head.

Jeno didn’t want this moment to end, he had longed for something like this for way too long. He was happy. He didn’t know for how long he had been staring at you. You looked ethereal under the dim lights of the sun rays through the blinds. Jeno’s heartbeat was fast as he impulsively rested his thumb on your cheek and trailed up to brush a few strands of hair that had been covering your eyes.

Butterflies erupted in the pit of Jeno’s stomach — he had fallen in love with you all over again and he would never get tired of this feeling.

Jeno leaned down to capture your lips in a soft kiss. He pulled away when you stirred, finally, your forehead wrinkling as you turned away from him, grabbing a pillow and shoving your head under it.

“Good morning,” He whispered, and it felt so right as he shuffled closer to you, his arms straddling you as he leaned down to press gentle kisses on your exposed shoulder blades. “It’s time to wake up.”

“I don’t wanna.” You muttered and Jeno grinned, a gentle chuckle escaping his lips as you moved the pillow from your face, rubbed your eyes and looked at him. Your frown softened into a gentle smile, you could never get mad at him. “Good morning.” You whispered back, and his heart leaped into his throat as you leaned up and kissed him.

He loved you so much it was almost unbelievable to him sometimes.

Jeno’s lips moved from yours and kissed every part of skin that was bare to him. Your nose, collarbone, the dip of your chest. You giggled, cupping his face with your hands and pulling him close enough so that you could brush the hair away from his forehead and place a gentle kiss there.

Jeno’s cheeks hurt from the way he couldn’t stop smiling. All because of you, because of the way you looked so beautiful when your hair fell around your face, because of how gently your hands cupped his face, because of how he fell into your arms and found a type of safety and warmth that he could never compare. If a person was home then you were his — and he was so happy to have you back in his life again.

“You don’t wanna have breakfast?” Jeno caressed your cheek. “I’m hungry.”

“I wanna go back to sleep,” You grabbed his arms and put his bicep around yourself, “like this.”

“Are you into headlocking?”

“Fuck, no.” You pushed his bicep away and rolled over, facing your back to him.

The breakfast later was definitely a mistake. Jeno wished he had listened to you and went back to sleep. All eyes were on the two of you as soon he stepped into the breakfast area. Donghyuck gasped dramatically and a little too loudly when he saw Jeno — and you knew something ridiculous was gonna come out of him now.

“Someone here just had,” He lowered the volume of his voice as he whispered the latter. “Sex!”

That was enough. That was enough to get everyone starting a commotion. The other guests, starting from a family with toddlers and an elderly couple, started looking over in confusion and all you could do was bow apologetically. Jeno threw a middle finger at Donghyuck and made his way towards the table. It really did feel like a walk of shame at this point.

“We thought both of you were never gonna show up!” Yeonjun laughed and he gave a look to Yeji before she leaned forward. “The walls aren’t that thick, you know.”

Great.

You wanted to drown yourself.

This was indeed a walk of shame.

There was a small knock on the door as you stuffed all of your clothing and shopping bags filled with unnecessary trinkets inside the luggage. You expected Jeno, he had promised to stop by your room after packing his own bag — but you were unexpectedly met with Jaemin when you cracked the door open.

“Hey,” You greeted him, yet your voice feigned confusion. After all, you weren’t expecting Jaemin at all. “Do you want something?”

“May I come in?” Jaemin’s voice was stern and you couldn’t help but feel a little anxious.

You never really had the chance to get along with Jaemin. He had been your classmate for years before he was the best friend of your boyfriend. You knew about Jaemin more than you had ever wanted to — his hobbies, all the details about his love life, that one time he embarrassed himself in front of his middle school crush — it was easy to know it all when your boyfriend was his best friend since the diaper days.

The breakup caused you to drift apart with Jaemin even further, considering how the bridge between your brief conversations with him had always been Jeno. You still followed him on your social media. You watched him get in and out of relationships, hang out with his friends, you knew everything about him yet you knew nothing. It was odd for Jaemin to be standing out of your door, when he had never seen you beyond his best friend’s girlfriend.

“So, you’re back with Jeno?” Jaemin flashed you a reassuring smile as he stood by the door and you already knew the conversation wasn’t going to be long.

“Yeah, we’re together now.”

“Good.” Jaemin nodded. “Don’t hurt him again. He loves you.”

Oh.

You opened your mouth to say something you couldn’t form any words. Jaemin stayed quiet for a few seconds, waiting for you to say something. He took this as a sign for him to continue when the words never came out. “Jeno changed after you guys broke up. He wouldn’t really talk to us, he started working out every single day, he wasn’t really himself anymore.” Jaemin leaned against the door and added. “I’ve known him since we both were in kindergarten and he was the happiest with you. I don’t know what happened between you guys but I don’t want to see him go through that again.”

It had been four days and three nights since the trip had ended. Everyone went back to their busy lives and what remained were the memories and the photos plastered all over your social media now. The amount of phone calls and texts with Jeno kept increasing as the days went as well. Five hours long conversations at midnight? Check. Meaningless, silly voice messages exchanged at two in the morning? Check.

Jeno spun his phone around on the bed, staring at it. Occasionally he would tap on your name which he had saved on his phone with a white heart emoji and stare at the screen, and then it would go dark from a minute of inactivity. Nervously, he called you with giddiness rising up to his chest.

"Hey." You spoke softly and Jeno finally felt at ease.

He took one deep breath. “How was work today?”

“The same as everyday.” He heard you shuffling in the background before continuing. “How was your day?”

“I slept throughout the entire day,” Jeno chuckled and added. “I ordered fried chicken a while ago too.”

“I would die for some chicken and beer right now.”

“Did you have dinner?”

“Yes sir.”

“Come over one day.” Jeno rolled over on his bed and settled in comfortably.

“Nope. I need you to come over to my place. I promised I’ll show around the mess in my apartment. Also,” You paused a little on the other end before continuing with a tired chuckle. “I miss having you around.”

Jeno didn't want to think about the implications of that statement on the other end. He missed you too. All he could think about was you, watching horror movies with you even though he wasn’t the biggest fan of the scare that came along with it. He wanted to go on early morning bicycle rides with you again. Jeno wanted to tease you for your cooking, even though he knew it would end up being the best meal he has ever had — you had always been good at everything you do, at least that’s what Jeno truly believed.

“When can I see you?” He took a deep breath again, “I really want to…” he said as he absently traced a finger along with the mattress stitching. “I sound very fucking clingy right now. Damn.”

He heard shuffling from your side again and then a tired chuckle. "Jen, do you know what day it was the day before yesterday?”

Jeno ignored the way his heart started beating fast at the sudden mention of the nickname. Instead, he sat up straight against the pillow and thought for a moment. Your birthday? Never. He knew that by heart. “I don't think I know what day it was.…”

“You’re officially not clingy. Congratulations!”

Jeno laughed at your incredulous response. “What? Why?”

“Nope. Now I’ll just sound like the crazy ex who never got over you. I’m taking this to my grave, sorry.”

“Come onnn!” Jeno insisted. “You’re not my ex anymore, are you?”

“Are you officially asking me out over a phone call?” There was a hint of mischief in your voice.

“Maybe?”

“How unromantic of you.”

“I was never into that.” Jeno teased, knowing damn well that he was about to lose this battle. “Changing the topic won’t make me forget about whatever you’re hiding by the way.”

“So, you really want me to be your crazy, clingy girlfriend? Is that how bad you want me?”

“Are you gonna laugh at me if I say yes?” Jeno said softly.

“You’re like a muscle daddy and you’re still the cutest person ever.” You cooed.

You were embarrassed. This was embarrassing. It was like a conversation between two teenagers who happened to have a crush on each other. You buried yourself under your covers in embarrassment as soon as the words left your mouth and you heard no response other than giggles from Jeno on the other end.

Jeno on the other hand started giggling and kicking his feet in the air — another sign of this phone call conversation resembling one of high schoolers.

“First of all, don’t call me muscle daddy ever again.” Jeno suppressed his laughter. “Second of all, you need to tell me about whatever date you were talking about. I won't be able to get myself to sleep otherwise.”

“It’s nothing serious.” You insisted, trying to brush it off now.

“Y/N.”

“Jeno.”

“Please?”

“Don’t make that voice.” You could already imagine Jeno pouting like a child from the way he tried to pitch his voice higher.

“Please?” He did it again.

“I’m too embarrassed to say it.”

“You can tell me anything.”

“We had our first kiss 8 years ago…” You wish you knew why something so mundane had you burying yourself in between your pillows. “We were kids back then, oh my. It was after lu—

“I love you.” Jeno interrupted you and then you were met with silence on his end for a few seconds. He sighed, whilst your blood rushed out of your body at the sudden confession from the other end. “You don’t need to say it back. I just wanted to make sure I said it first this time.”

It was comical how Jeno still held the grudge for not being able to confess his love for you before you did 7 years back. It happened fast on a rainy day after school at the bus station, while you both held yours hands and shared one umbrella. The big ego of yours didn’t want to say it at first anyway but Jeno just looked so cute in his glasses, tired after a hectic day at school — you had to throw your ego aside and confess your love for your boyfriend of three months.

You sighed. “Jeno Lee, you’re such a fucking loser. How am I still in love with you after all these years?”

“It’s my unforgettable handsome face and charming personality.” “All jokes aside, you’re really the best thing that has happened to me and I’m very fucking sorry for being selfish and hurting you. I was wallowing in my own misery for years, thinking that I would simply just die alone. I drank wine and cried myself to sleep on our anniversaries every single year, wishing that I could be in your arms instead of hugging the same old cold pillow.” You stopped before it got overwhelming. “I love you Jen, I never stopped even for a second. I promise to never give you the chance to doubt my love for you again.”

During the moment of silence on the other end, you were pretty sure Jeno was debating about hanging up, Instead, his tone remained soft. "I think I might die if I don’t see you.”

Your small cosy apartment was welcoming from the open door to the hallway. Upon the walls were the photographs of your graduation day from both college and high school, along with a few other photos of your family. There were a few vases with fresh flowers in them, a record player on the table along with other show pieces. All the memories and achievements of yours were captured and framed on a shelf in the living room. Jeno felt a flash of pride and he couldn’t hold himself back from grinning at the sight of all the certifications. He always believed in you.

Jeno observed your bedroom. The walls were a crème accompanied with wooden furniture just like the ones he saw in the living room. The comforter was pulled over your bed, even though you probably hadn't cleaned it. The results were lumps of varying sizes and shapes and the comforter was weighed down by your laptop. A few shelves were pushed against the walls and filled with books, plants and a small collection of perfumes.

There were a few photographs beside the certificates, mostly photos of you with unknown faces whom Jeno assumed to be your friends in college. And then he saw it; a small photo of you with him, Yeji, Yeonjun and Jaemin on the day of prom in the corner. You were in the black dress paired with the matching red rose corsage of yours with the boutonnière on Jeno’s tuxedo. His arms were wrapped around you almost dramatically, something about a fifth wheel joke by Jaemin that had resulted in that photograph being taken in the first place. Jeno chuckled a little at the big grin on both of your faces — only if the younger Jeno knew. He shoved all the memories of the break up aside. At least he was here back with you now, in your apartment, five years later. Fully knowing that you both had nothing but love, admiration and respect for each other.

“We look like children here.” He gained your attention back while you stood in the kitchen, pouring a glass of wine for him.

“What are you looking at?” You sauntered your way into the living room, where Jeno was. “Oh. Yeah, look at your hair.”

“My hair looks horrible.” His voice was grim at first and then you both giggled in unison. “You always look pretty anyway.” Jeno added before wine from the glass that you just handed him.

“I look good with that tacky hairstyle?” Your laughter died down and Jeno felt two familiar arms wrap around his waist and your head resting on his back. He melted into your arms, losing himself in the embrace, feeling himself relax a little and feeling more at peace. That feeling when you were being enveloped by someone you love so much. It took seconds for Jeno to fall in love with that feeling all over again.

“I love you.” You muttered after a long and comfortable silence.

Jeno could only nod, turning around so he could face you. He placed a hand on your cheek gently, as if you were made out of glass and would break under any form of touch. Slowly, he pulled you closer, narrowing the space in between. It was so gentle, so slow, but exhilarating at the same time. The soft peck on the lips and forehead that Jeno just gave you was all you needed to feel right again. “I love you more.”

It had been eight days with a month left before Jeno left and he was practically living with you, in your apartment. It took him a day to unleash the inner child of yours — bowling dates, early morning cycling dates, game nights, movie nights and all the activities you hadn’t even thought of in years. You finally had something to look forward to at the end after a weary day at work.

Over the course of the week, Jeno developed a habit of kissing your face every time he got the chance and you did too. Sometimes these kisses were filled with more passion or more desperation than others, but most of the time it was just content to hold each other close. You joked about the excessive amount of kisses shared, but Jeno’s only response had been ‘we’re making up for the time lost’ and you couldn’t agree more.

You learned a lot more about Jeno and it hit you, he was no longer the foolish teenager now. Jeno was surprisingly an amazing cook too. It became a habit for you to look forward to whatever was cooking up in your kitchen. He was everything you had ever asked for — you loved him so dearly, you didn’t know it was possible for you to love a human being like that.

As the saying said, love can make you blind — it was indeed true. The fact that Jeno would leave soon completely slipped out of your mind, and that was none of your worries now.

Jeno walked into the living room after his shower and found you in the living room, laying on the sofa. You were wrapped up in a small blanket from head to toe, which seemed odd to him. Soft pop music played on the record player that resonated throughout the room as he made his way towards you. He leaned in to brush a chaste kiss to your temple before he joined you on the sofa. His lips were soft and warm, the scent of your body wash hanging around him, and it was overwhelming in the best of ways.

“I think we might need another bottle,” Jeno murmured, taking an empty glass to pour a glass of red wine for himself. “How was work today?”

“It’s the same everyday.” You got up and leaned forward to fetch your own glass off the table. “I’m supposed to write an article right now, actually.” You take another sip, enjoying the way warmth spread across your stomach. “Nothing can make me work on a Friday night though.”

“I think that’s a master plan.” Jeno watched you for a moment, eyes calculating. “I just want you to relax a bit,” He said and gently placed the wine glass back onto the table before he laid down on your lap.

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.” You said, fingers brushing through his towel-dried hair. It was a little damp, cool despite the warmth still clinging to him from his shower, and you enjoyed the feeling with a happy smile. “This is relaxing to me.”

“Hmm,” Jeno hummed, enjoying the way your fingers combed through his damp hair. He turned to face you, arm wrapping around your waist as he pressed his face into your stomach. It drew excitement through you, the ticklish feeling of young love dancing across your skin.

“Jen,” you whispered after a few minutes, your fingers still combing through his hair.

Jeno pulled away enough to look up at you. If you didn’t know better, you would think he was drunk. But, you do know better and the sleepy look in his eyes all but overstated the fact that he could not hide his emotions from you.

“Are you happy?”

“Of course.”

“Do you mean it? You’re happy?”

“Every minute with you makes me happy, even when you’re annoying the shit out of me.” Jeno laid back down and questioned you this time. “Are you happy?”

“Happier than ever.” You laughed and finished off your wine, heat rushing through your body as you melted into the leather of the sofa. “Don’t get bored of me.”

He was quiet, fingers ghosting under your t-shirt and drawing circles against your skin. It was deliberate but, in your drunken state, it left you feeling like you were flying, and a grin spread across your face as you leaned your head onto the back of the sofa. Still brushing through his hair, you asked, “Do you miss California?”

“A little. I do miss all of my favourite cafes and my apartment, ”Jeno paused and then he suddenly looked up at you. “Wait, did I tell you the beach is literally 5 minutes away from my place?”

“It’s fun there, isn’t it?” Your lips curled up in a smile. “You get the best of both worlds.”

“I mean,” Jeno said, voice hanging in the air as his fingers continued to draw over your skin. “You have the bustling city on one side and the most beautiful beaches on another.” He paused and looked up at you again. “Do you think.…you can visit me before I return for good?”

You began to laugh, leaning into him when he sat up to amusedly watch you. Instead of teasing him about missing you or something, you tilted your chin for a kiss that he returned easily- lazily, even. “I mean it.” Jeno murmured, taking your face in your hands. “I would love to show you around.”

You grinned. “Promise?”

Jeno smirked, eyes honest and unguarded in the comfort of your home. “I’m serious about showing you around LA.” He breathed before he kissed you.

“I think it would be fun to go everywhere with you.”

Jeno said nothing before he was kissing you again. His tongue brushed yours as he kissed you deeply, thumbs brushing your cheeks and running the length of your jaw. “You have to promise.”

“I might be a little wine drunk right now but I love you and I do want to promise.” You giggled. “Let’s pray that my work doesn’t hate me and I get a few days off, whenever it is.” You pecked a kiss on his forehead gently this time. The song that was playing earlier and the melody of the next song had started. “I fucking hate this song.”

The soft music that came from the direction of your record player grabbed Jeno’s attention. He couldn’t help the giant smile that grew on his face when he recognised the song. “I like this, why?”

“18 is kinda overplayed.”

Jeno got up from the sofa and your arm was pulled taut before your body began to stumble after him. “What are you doing?” You were bemused though your tone had changed to become one that was a little more vibrant.

Jeno raised a brow as he took in your bewildered state. He pulled once gently, the motion sending your body crashing into his as his free hand splayed across the small of your back. You were impossibly close, chest pressed against one another with not a centimetre of space in between. “What does it look like we’re doing?”

You pulled your hand free from his grasp, moving one hand to the nape of his neck while the other rested against his back. Jeno’s left hand moved from his side to around your back, resting beside the other one. You could melt under his touch, forming a puddle in the middle of the floor.

You did love him, a lot.

“Looks like you’re forcing me to do some dancing.”

Jeno chuckled, giving you an unimpressed look at the snarky comment. But inwardly he released a sigh of contentment as the frown you had been donning began to smooth into a fine line. "Do you remember the first time we danced to this song?"

You smiled softly with a breath filled laugh, the corners of your eyes crinkling. "I do."

For as long as you lived, you would never forget what it felt like to be in his arms. That one evening, after school in your empty house when Jeno came over to help you with the physics homework. You both danced to the generic pop songs of that time like the the only ones in the world. That was also the day Jeno showed you a side of his no one had seen before.

Just as it had been that evening, Jeno’s touch was gentle but this time it gave a bit of the reassurance as the stroke of his thumb rubbed soothingly along the fabric of your back eliciting a shiver.

Jeno began to hum along the song quietly under his breath, a stray word or three falling past his lips upon reaching the chorus. The corners of your mouth turned upwards to form a grin as you rested your head against his chest. The song faded out from the one and into another that held an upbeat melody. Yet you still swayed, wrapped up in the arms of one another.

“I have loved you since we were 16.” You raised your head from his chest, meeting his eyes that danced with so much love. He laughed and added, "or 16, I don't know."

“What are you talking about?" Your voice feigned confusion.

"The lyrics say I have loved you since we were 18," Jeno had a proud grin on his face. "I'm making this about myself."

You rolled your eyes with a retort on the tip of your tongue. “You’re so corny.”

“Come on! I thought this was kinda romantic.” Jeno chortled. "This romance shit really isn't for me."

You laughed along and rested your head back against his chest, tightening your hold as the sound of his heart beating rhythmically reached your ears. He swayed you both back and forth to the beat of the music until you suddenly brought the movements to a halt. Your hands moved to rest upon the tops of Jeno’s shoulders. “Thank you."

There was no need to ask you what for, but rather Jeno used his words in another way as he met your lips halfway. The touch was soft, gentle, and you sighed. Coming back back onto your heels, you pulled your lips away from Jeno’s as a feathering breath fell against his lips.

His lips followed yours, not giving you a second to catch your breath as he seemed out something of his own.

"How about," He rasped, resting his forehead against yours. "You go hop in the shower while I make us ramen with some crispy fried eggs."

You grinned and nodded in delight. Your gaze softened as you stood on the tips of your toes to place a soft and lingering kiss to the underside of his jaw before you turned on your heel and made your way towards the bedroom.

You turned around again and Jeno watched as your face softened. That sight would never fail to make his heart skip a beat. "You know I love you, right?"

Jeno shook his head though the corners of his lips remained upturned. "There has never been a doubt in my mind about that.” His voice was soft and tender. “I love you too.”

"I know you do."

He chuckled as he grabbed a pot from where it was stored in the cupboards. "Go."

The sun was strong when you woke up, streaming through a crack in the curtains and directly onto your face in a thin strip. You cracked a single eye open and glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. 8:30 AM blinked at you repeatedly, demanding that you get up, but you were far too comfortable. Jeno’s arms held you close to his warm torso in a loose grip while deep breath rustled your hair.

You didn’t want to disrupt his sleep while he slept so peacefully, so you tried to wriggle out of his arms and crawl out of bed. Though, as soon as he felt you move, his hold around you tightened. “Don't go,” he said, his voice groggy and deep in your ear.

“I can’t, I need to make breakfast.”

“We can have breakfast later.”

“Just a little longer then,” You rolled over in his arms again.

Your head rested on his chest as you listened to the steady thump of his heartbeat and melted into him while he stroked his warm palm up and down your arm. The only sounds were his heartbeat, both of your breathing, birds singing outside, and the occasional cars driving by in the distance. Nothing could have penetrated the little world that you had created for yourself.

“Any plans for today?” You asked him, voice soft as you curled a lock of his hair around your finger.

“Not really,” Jeno said sleepily before yawning deeply. “Sleep, hang around here, maybe finish some work. I might go see Donghyuck and Jaemin in the evening.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” You said as you gently stroked his jaw with the back of your finger, watching as he leaned into your touch like a kitten.

Jeno snaked his arms down your side to rest in the small of your back. He pulled you closer to him and used his free hand to tilt your chin up to meet his gaze. His eyes were still glazed over and dreamy, but you could see the smile in them when he looked at you. He ran his rough thumb over your lower lip, parting them just slightly before he leant down, lips connecting in a soft kiss.

You trailed your hands down from his face to his chest, palms flat against him and gently pushed him to lie on his back, chasing after him without breaking off the kiss. Jeno chuckled briefly against your mouth as he pulled you to straddle him. “Glad to see we have the same idea here.” he mumbled against your lips.

You pulled away from him, sat up and slowly took off the shirt you had ‘borrowed’ from him the night before. He watched as the black t-shirt slipped over your skin, revealing more and more of you to him until you were left in just your panties.

Taking your hips in his hands, Jeno kept you still as he slowly rolled his hips up into you, pushing his quick hardening cock against you. He noticed you shudder and smiled when a soft whine was drawn past your lips. “Feel good, sweetheart?”

You felt your whole body flush as your core clenched in anticipation. Jeno steadied you in his lap as he shuffled up to rest against the headboard, giving himself a better position to roam your body. His palms skimmed up your sides, leaving goosebumps in the path until they reached your tits. You released a shaky breath when you felt his thumbs stroke over your nipples and continued to roll your hips against him, head lolling back and eyes closing.

A surprised moan flew out of your mouth when Jeno took his chance to lay soft, damp kisses on your exposed neck, leaving a couple of tiny bites and soothing them with his tongue as he continued to fondle you.

“Please, baby,” You mewled.

His cock twitched at hearing you be so needy. “Please what?” he asked coyly, his voice low in your ear.

“Please fuck me.”

He immediately let go of your nipples and dug his fingers into your panties, toying with the waistband while brushing against your skin. “Can I take these off?”

You lifted yourself up and let Jeno pull the soft cotton panties down and off of you, leaving you completely bare to him. Before you could sit on his lap again, he kept you still with a hand on your hip while the fingers of his other hand swept through the wet folds, gathering up your arousal and spreading it around. Your breath hitched at his touch and you brought your right hand up to your mouth, trying to muffle the tiny moans.

“No,” Jeno took your hand in his and led it away from your face. “Let me hear you.”

A soft moan escaped your mouth when you felt his fingers circle your clit, his pace so slow you could have cried. “Does that feel good?”

You shifted your hips forward as your back arched, his fingers slipping through the arousal and away from your clit into the entrance. “Want my fingers inside you?” he asked, mouth ghosting your ear and voice so low you could feel it rumble in his chest.

“Want your cock, baby.” You breathed, hands already braced on his shoulders, ready to ride him.

You whined when he drew his hands away from you. You watched him as he pushed his sweatpants down just enough to free his hard cock. Your pussy clenched in anticipation at the sight of him beneath you and you swallowed thickly as you took him in your palm. Your hand pumped him a few times before you sank onto him, your tight pussy swallowing him and squeezing so hard his eyes rolled back.

“You always feel so good.” Jeno groaned, holding back a moan as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled your body closer to him.

You found yourself whimpering as your sensitive clit dragged across his skin. The tip of his cock brushed against your spot inside and your body shook gently as you still adjusted to him inside.

“Still a little too soon for you?” Jeno let out a breathy chuckle as he brought a hand up to tug the few strands of hair behind your ear.

“Yeah, sorry,” You said through a deep breath.

“It’s okay, we've got all the time in the world right now.”

You took his face in your hands and leaned in to kiss him, lips warm and tender as they melted with yours. He parted your lips with the tip of his tongue and slipped it inside your mouth to slowly caress yours. You felt his cock twitch inside you and softly moaned into his mouth before slowly rolling your hips forward, testing the waters.

“That’s it, baby.”

Your hips rolled back and forth at a leisurely pace as you savoured the feeling of him inside, his hands roaming across your skin, his lips on yours. You whined when you found the sweet spot again and sat more firmly on his lap as you started to grind down on him faster. Your face was buried in his shoulder, moaning quietly into his skin as your hips moved back and forth.

Jeno snaked his free hand down and rubbed at your sensitive clit with his thumb. Your breath hitched when he started to rub the sensitive bud, his thumb moving back and forth in time with your movements. He trailed wet kisses down your jaw as you continued to ride him, his thumb glued to your clit as the knot in your stomach grew tighter.

“Don’t stop,” You moaned. “Fuck, please don't ever stop.”

Your climax hit you all at once, hips stuttering as your back arched and soft whiny moans escaped past your lips. You tried your best to keep your hips moving as you came down from the high. Your hand circled his wrist as you moved his fingers away from your hypersensitive clit and planted it back on the hip.

“You still want more?” Jeno asked as he looked into your hazy eyes. You nodded and clenched your pussy around his cock.

“Fuck me,” you said, emphasising each word.

Jeno’s body ran warm at hearing you be so demanding after you had just begged him to make you cum. His cock couldn't help but twitch inside you. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to him before rolling over so that he could be on top, his hard length still inside you. He watched you intently as you adjusted to the new position, lips slightly parted and swollen from being kissed.

Sometimes Jeno couldn't believe you were all his and that he was so lucky to be able to see you in such a vulnerable state.

You lifted your legs to wrap around his waist, silently begging him to move. He slowly pulled out of you until just the tip of his cock was inside and then pushed back in, keeping his pace steady so that he wouldn't hurt you.

The previous orgasm had made you so tight he wasn't sure he was going to be able to go last long enough for you to cum again. The feeling of you squeezing him made his head spin as he thrusted in and out, making it difficult for him to keep his movements slow and measured.

“Faster,” You commanded as you wrapped your legs tighter around him, angling your hips so he could reach that spot perfectly.

“You feel so good, baby.” Jeno moaned as he sped up his thrusts. “I don't think I can last long.” Any thoughts he had before blew out of his mind once he started to fuck into you. There were no sounds but your moans, no feelings other than your skin on his, nothing to focus on but you. His perfect pretty girl.

Jeno let go of your hips and adjusted his position to press against your body, your chest pushed up against his chest as he thrusted into you deeper, drawing more sweet moans from you that he muffled with his lips.

“Gonna cum again.” You whined, breaking away from him before immediately kissing him again.

“Me too, baby,” he planted kisses all over your face. “Me too.”

You moaned against his mouth until finally your nerves ignited and your back arched into him. Your pussy clenched around his cock as your body shook in his arms and you cried out in pleasure.

His own climax followed immediately after yours, hips faltering as he painted the inside of you white. He groaned against your skin and tightened his arms around you, cradling you to his chest as he panted in your ear. You ran your fingers up and down his back with your fingernails and twirled the ends of his hair around them.

After a while, when Jeno deemed himself strong enough to roll over onto his side of the pillow, he giggled and pushed himself up to grab some tissues from the bedside table.

“What’s so funny?” You asked playfully as he cleaned up around your sensitive pussy.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” He said as his giggles turned into full on laughter.

“You asshole! Are you gonna make fun of my begging again?” You ask, starting to laugh along with him as well. The last time it took only a few minutes for Jeno to start mimicking your moans.

“No! No, of course not. I love that.” He was still fucking giggling as he was wiping around your thighs.

“Come on, tell me then.” You insisted, crossing your arms. All that did was squeeze your breasts together. You saw him flick his eyes to the them, but nothing could deter him from his funny thoughts.

“Fine! Fine,” Jeno was still giggling as he settled down next to you. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled up the covers. “I was just— I was just thinking—” He kept getting cut off by his own giggles.

You joined him in his laugh, despite not knowing what was so funny funny to him.

“I jizzed in you, right?”

“Jizzed,’ You cringed at the word. “I’m breaking up with you.”

“Mmmm, no,” Jeno hummed. “No, you are not.”

It was true. You won’t. You loved this man too much to do that.

“Anyway, I did that, and all I could think of after was— was,” his giggles started up again, but he tried his best to continue his statement. “All I could think of was— thank God for birth controls.”

That statement was nowhere near what other people would find funny, but the two of you dissolved into laughter, hands playfully batting at whatever body part you could reach.

“Jen— what the fuck?” You laughed, wiping tears from your eyes. “That’s next level post-nut clarity.”

Both of you dissolved into laughter once again.

The sunshine found you laughing, curled up together in bed. Its happy rays reached both of you as you tried to get a little more sleep after that early morning activity.

You knew Jeno would be leaving at some point. You just didn’t think the time would go by so fast. It was so sudden that he came, you were so caught up in the new found happiness that you didn't even think of how long he would be staying.

It was five in the morning and you had been awake for almost 24 hours now. The weather outside was almost similar to your mood — cold, grey and stormy. Jeno had been peacefully asleep beside you for hours, with an arm wrapped around your middle as he snored lightly. Out of nowhere, a bolt of electricity lit up the sky, followed by a wicked crackle. You flinched at how sudden it was. You checked on Jeno who was still sound asleep beside you and you envied him for his ignorance towards the storm. He was lucky enough to be lost in dreamland.

This was falling in love in the cruellest way indeed. Loving Jeno like this wasn’t easy — you were always aware of all the obstacles. But loving Jeno was just natural, a second nature of yours, an unconscious habit you had done for as long as you could remember. You didn’t worry about it anymore. Jeno would always be there to assure you, even with a distance of over 9000 kilometres.

"You got everything you need?" You murmured against his chest.

Jeno nodded in answer. “I think so.”

"You will call me once you get off the plane, okay?" You asked again and in response, Jeno only chuckled lightly. There was a slight pause and the tightening of your arms around him before you exhaled your last question on his skin, "will you miss me?"

You asked it in such a small, vulnerable voice, Jeno couldn’t help but get choked up a little because of it. Almost ten years of knowing you, he had never heard you like this. He didn’t want you to hear the crack in his voice so he kept on nodding his head.

Missing you only would be an understatement. That missing you would feel like a limb would be cut off from his body once he got on the plane, that missing you would be carving his heart from the inside. Missing you would be every single waking moment until you saw each other again. Jeno wondered how he left the country the first time, just two weeks after breaking up with you.

Jeno untangled his arms around you and looked down to see your sad eyes. You gently took his face in your hands and tiptoed to reach his lips with your own. You kissed him softly and you felt him kissing you back with the same gentleness. Your arm was hooked around his neck and you broke the kiss for a moment to breathe.

"Every day. More than you will ever know."

This time it was Jeno who kissed you first, desperate and a little lonelier than before. You could faintly hear the announcement of a flight being called but it only made him kiss you harder, hold you tighter, love you longer. You pulled back and there were tears in the corner of your eyes, spilling out.

Jeno cupped your face, holding his own tears back. “It’s just a few months, I’ll be back soon!” He chuckled to lighten your mood a little. “And you’re visiting, right?”

You gave him a small smile and he kissed your forehead. “Sorry, I’m just—

Jeno’s sister fake coughed in the corner, pulling both of you back to reality, in the busy, bustling airport. She sighed and let out a chuckle. “I never thought I would see my own brother like this.”

“Shut up.” Jeno grumbled, now embarrassed, refusing to look back at her. You were embarrassed too — meeting his sister like this in a vulnerable state for the first time in years wasn’t something you were expecting.

Jeno hugged his sister goodbye after a small sibling banter which you watched in amusement while wiping the tears away from your face.

He walked through the gates and when he looked back at you, you could already see the longing in the way he waved his hand slightly. You see through the glass wall that separated you both, the glimmer in his teary eyes. Jeno mouthed an I love you, one last time and you did too, mouthing the same words back as you watched him disappear into the crowd.

Jeno’s sister suddenly put one of her arms around your shoulder. “So, lunch with me? We need to catch up on a lot!”

You grinned, wiping at your tears and nodded a yes.

Fall was knocking at the door, and the temperatures were easing into a much more bearable heat. It would soon be the days of pumpkin carving and the spooky season. Summer was officially over — or as Jeno liked it to say, our beloved summer was over.

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bitchenderyy · 1 year

Text

ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: sun and moon | lhc

summary | your childhood best friend, donghyuck, claims he loves you. given his other friends and who he is as a person, you don’t believe him.

genre | lee haechan x fem!reader, high school seniors! au, childhood best friends to lovers, angst, fluff at the end, hyuck + the rest of 7dream are canonical assholes

warnings | high school parties (i.e. underage drinking)

wc | 6.1k

a/n: got a little carried away w this one, so thanks to the anon who requested it! anywho, i listened to tek it by cafune on repeat while writing this, so if u want a song rec ^^ imagine black haired glimo hc for this one <33 (p.s., if you want to play the game reader describes, this is the link) (p.p.s ignore their high school classes this is fanfic logic)

ft. sungchan, loona’s gowon, le sserafim’s chaewon

IT’S A SATURDAY AFTERNOON, and Donghyuck is laying down on your bed, watching you play whatever stupid video game you were infatuated with now. He didn’t come over often, not since your first year, so there was a slight bit of awkwardness between you two.

Nevertheless, you allow him to lay there, dressed in the tacky cool-guy getup that he seemed to love so much.

Outside, rain poured, and you knew that was the chief reason he was in your bedroom right now. If there wasn’t a flash flood warning, he’d be out and about with Mark Lee, Na Jaemin, and the rest of them, ruining people’s days left and right for the fun of it.

You wanted to consider Donghyuck to be your best friend, still. Given who he was now, the reputation he harbored, and the lack of time spent with one another, you didn’t feel like he was.

“I don’t understand the game,” he said, catching your attention fairly easily. You turned your head, giving him a dirty look for interrupting your flow. “You just look like you’re putting lines and boxes on a screen, but there’s a score.”

“You’re supposed to make paths. You close them off with the little dots,” you mumbled, turning back to your screen. The sound of Donghyuck sliding off your bed and kneel-walking to your side filled your ears but was mostly drowned out by the rain and the sound of the music coming through your speakers.

He stopped his kneel-walk adjacent to you, squinting at the screen. You didn’t slow down or try to explain your moves, simply placing each piece you were given in a way that most made sense.

“I seriously don’t get it. Is there a strategy to this?”

“No.”

“So you just…play for fun?”

“U-huh.”

“Man,” he mumbled, leaning his chin on the edge of your desk. You continued playing, clicking your shapes around into places they most fit, ignoring the way Dongyuck seemed to stare at you, now, rather than the game. “Who’ve you been hanging out with, these days?”

That question struck a chord. Briefly, you remembered the week-and-a-half where you stuck to Donghyuck as he began growing close with his current friends, and how left out you felt through the whole experience. It was, quite possibly, the worst week of your life.

“Sungchan from the grade below, Chaewon, and Gowon,” you replied, wondering if he’d even know who they were. From the way he didn’t respond, you assumed he didn’t, which hurt a little bit. “Uh, Chaewon is—”

“The girl with the short hair. Yeah, Renjun had a bit of a thing for her a while ago,” he cut you off with some unprompted information, which shocked you. If you remembered correctly, Chaewon had a massive crush on him for about a year; the new information made you wonder if he’d pursued her and dropped her the moment he’d found a better target.

“Really? Huh,” you hummed, glancing down at him. You made eye contact for a split second, but you broke it off the moment you realized how intense his stare was.

“So, how do you play this game?”

A small sigh escaped your lips, short in duration yet heavy in weight. You pointed at one of the boxes on the screen, turning to him once again. “You want to put the little circles in the boxes. Using the ‘X’ shapes, parallel lines, and the single lines, you want to connect all the boxes together to make paths. You put the little circles on the end of empty lines, too. You get points depending on how many circles you put in the boxes and how many circled-off paths you make.”

“Yeah, that makes absolutely no sense,” he scoffed. You were glad his attention was on the screen again. A bright flash of light broke through your bedroom windows, followed by a floor-shaking boom shortly thereafter. “You were always smarter than I was.”

“Not a chance. You just never tried hard enough.”

Silence fell between you two, and the only noise in the room turned into soft clicks and the droning of your music. It was nice being able to pretend like he wasn’t there, although you couldn’t help but wonder when you started feeling so…averse towards him. Maybe it was a product of the leftover hurt of his abandonment last year, or maybe it was because of how different his presence was.

When you were little, your mom always called him the sun and you the moon. He was bright and happy, always dressed in vibrant colors and ready to stand up for you whenever anyone did or said anything mean. He loved it when you and your mom took him to the beach, in the same way you loved it when he and his mom took you up into the countryside.

You were opposites as a kid, in the way that you were puzzle pieces that easily fit together. At some point, though, other pieces were added to that puzzle, and you both were torn apart by pieces that just fit better.

“[First]! Donghyuck!” Your mom called, her voice barely comprehensible above the pouring rain and the music. “Dinner!”

You picked up your phone, paused the music, and unplugged your phone from its charger. But, before you could stand up, Donghyuck put a hand on your knee, sending a shiver down your spine. You gave him a look, mentally saying “what the hell?” but he quickly explained himself.

“Can we talk? Just for a second.”

You gave him another look but complied. “One second, Mom!” you yelled, hoping she heard. “Just finishing up a game!”

He pushed himself off the floor, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. You spun around in your desk chair, pulling your knees up to your chest and chewing on the inside of your cheek. He cleared his throat as if he was nervous, which would be surprising given his personality.

You never thought you’d see the day when both you and Donghyuck were nervous to talk to each other.

“You don’t hate me or anything, right?”

You wished you knew the answer to that.

“What? No,” you replied, shaking your head. “Why would I hate you? We just grew apart, it’s not the end of the world. It was bound to happen.”

“Yeah, well,” he mumbled, looking off to the side. There was a pause in his sentence, then he cleared his throat again. “I’m in love with you.”

The whole room seemed to freeze over. You were utterly speechless.

“Pardon?”

“I love you. A lot. Like, love you.”

Letting your mind move faster than your mouth, you replied faster than you would’ve wanted to.

“No, you don’t.”

That seemed to stun him, as his eyes widened and his lips parted ever-so-slightly. You watched as hurt filled his expression, but you couldn’t help but stick with your response. He didn’t move to say anything else, so you stood up, stretching your arms into the air.

“Look, we’re friends and all, but you don’t love me, Hyuck. You can’t love someone when you barely know them.”

Saying that probably hurt you more than it hurt him, but you stood by it nonetheless. “How do I barely know you?” he asked, standing and walking to block your path. “Did I imagine the past fifteen years or something? I practically know everything there is to know about you.”

“I’m not sixteen anymore, dude. We’re practically eighteen. The last time we talked frequently was the end of our first year,” you said, crossing your arms. “If you told me you were in love with me back then, I might’ve believed you. But, as things stand right now, you are not.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” he replied, frowning at you. “A year isn’t going to change everything about you, [First]. I knew you were weird about this, but that’s—that’s just ridiculous. Don’t you realize how ridiculous that is?”

“It’s not very ridiculous when I spent three months wondering if we were even friends anymore. You realize it took you three months to even text me back? You ignored me, pretended like I wasn’t there, and now you expect me to think you’re in love with me? Give me a break.”

“Maybe I ignored you because I was trying to get rid of the part of me that was hopelessly in love with you because I didn’t want to destroy the decade and a half of friendship we’ve built. Ever consider that? I bet not because you’re always so goddamn unreasonable with this. God forbid anyone gets too close, huh? God forbid the one person who knows you best get too close.”

“I let you get close, Donghyuck,” you spat, narrowing your eyes. “I put my whole trust into you, my entire life was you. I was nothing if not yours, and then you threw me to the curb the moment you found better people. I’m not upset about that, it was bound to happen, but—”

“But what?”

“But you didn’t even apologize.”

He scoffed at that, crossing his arms. “Oh my god, it’s not like I told you to fuck off and never talk to me again, did I? Back then even looking at you was difficult, but, for the entire three months, my friends—who you so vehemently hate—kept telling me to reach out. I thought that if you disappeared, if I pretended like I never let my feelings go that far, things would go back to normal, but they didn’t. They still haven’t.”

“Why now, then? Why now, after I already decided that our friendship was pretty much over, huh? Why did you wait? Why not after those three months? Why not any time other than now?”

You side-stepped past him, opening the door to your bedroom and approaching the stairwell. You didn’t hear him follow, but you didn’t care to look back or check what he was doing. Instead, you ran downstairs, cringing when your mom’s face turned into one of confusion.

“Where’s Donghyuck, sweetie?”

“He’ll be down in a second,” you said nonchalantly, assuming your normal seat at the dinner table. “He just needed to deal with something quickly.”

The summer sun beamed down on you and your friends, and you lamented the lack of clouds, or really anything, blocking the sun. You sometimes wondered why you and your friends had decided to eat lunch at the very corner of the school’s soccer field, but, when the weird time between summer and autumn hit, you were sure to remember.

“It’s so god damn hot,” Sungchan panted, flopping onto the grass. The green seemed to cradle him in a way that made him look a bit majestic, even with your ugly uniforms. Chaewon hummed in agreement, shoveling noodles in her mouth; she, like you, always brought lunch from home.

“Where’s Gowon?” you asked, glancing down at him. He put a hand over his eyes, covering the painful gaze of the sun. “Did you see her in the lunch line?”

“She’s not walking over yet?” Sungchan asked, turning his head towards you. Chaewon waved away a fly that was getting too close to his uncovered lunch, mumbling something about how bugs in the summer were always so terrible. “She wasn’t too far behind me in line. I dunno where she would’ve gone.”

“Hm.”

You scanned the field, looking for any sign of her, but she was nowhere to be found. Chaewon turned her whole torso around to look as well, looking for any sign of her. “She might’ve gotten caught up with somebody. I’ll go check, just to make sure.”

She hopped up from the grass, running in the direction of the building’s doors. You looked at Sungchan, who didn’t move at all. “Dude, P.E. wrecked me today. I can barely feel my legs.”

“You wouldn’t have to take P.E. if you had taken a music course.”

“Oh, shut up, not everybody is as perfect and lovely as you, [First],” he huffed, pushing himself off the grass. You reached out and brushed a blade of grass out of his hair, but he didn’t thank you for the gesture at all. “You’re quiet today. Is everything good?”

No, my childhood best friend, who I didn’t think even liked me as a friend anymore, confessed his love for me, you thought.

“Yeah, just a bit tired. We had a big English test today.”

“Gross,” he replied, finally picking up his tray and beginning to eat. “Man, I can’t imagine having to start preparing for my CSATs. Do you ever go home?”

“I don’t study often. I’m gonna study enough to get into a college and get a degree.” You shrugged, taking a bite out of the fruit sandwich your mom had made you after you woke up incredibly late. Suddenly, in the distance, the doors to the school building burst open, revealing Chaewon, who was dragging Gowon behind her. Gowon barely had a steady handle on her lunch tray, keeping it balanced enough that it wouldn’t spill everywhere as they ran.

“Jesus,” Sungchan muttered, taking a bite of whatever they served for lunch that day.

Gowon and Chaewon made it to you both at record speeds, with Chaewon practically sliding into her previous sitting spot. “Dude,” she began, huffing and puffing from the running she did. Gowon practically crumbled onto the floor, taking three big swigs from her water bottle. “What in the world happened between you and Donghyuck?”

“What?”

“I found Gowon, like, surrounded by his little gang as he talked to her. She looked like she was going to faint, but he pretty clearly asked where you were,” she giggled, reaching out and slapping your shoulder. “So? What is it?”

“He told me he was in love with me yesterday.”

Chaewon practically shrieked with joy, to the point where it almost made you feel bad for the outcome of his stark leap. “And? And?”

“I told him that he didn’t love me and that he doesn’t know me very well anymore.”

Gowon choked on her water, covering her mouth and trying not to spit it all out. Instead, she just coughed to the side, barely able to swallow it all down. Sungchan stared at you in complete shock, and Chaewon’s excited face morphed into a sad and confused one.

“Excuse me?” Gowon breathed out. “You what? You, [First] [Last], known for your compassion and kindness, said what?”

“I mean, he doesn’t love me. He loves who he knew a year ago, when we were still attached at the hip and he still wore that stupid yellow bomber jacket that I bought him in middle school,” you sighed, taking another bite of the sandwich. “I’m not—I’m not the same, you know? I like different things, I do different things, and I hang out with different people. He’s not the same either. It wouldn’t…it just wouldn’t work.”

“Bullshit.” Sungchan laughed dryly, giving you a sour look. “You can’t just say that to someone confessing their love to you, no matter how well you know them. I mean, imagine if you worked up the courage to confess to someone and they immediately invalidated your feelings?”

“It’s not like I don’t know that my approach was bad, but it’s the truth. We just aren’t compatible as we are now.”

“But…but weren’t you two…? I mean don’t you still hang out?” Chaewon asked, frowning.

“When he can’t make it to his other friends, yes. Snow days, the flash flood yesterday, when we had that huge dry lightning storm and the power went out. I’m his backup entertainment, and, even when we do hang out, we usually just watch movies in silence or do our own things.”

“I agree with [First].” Gowon nodded, her voice hoarse from the coughing fit she just escaped. “She has a point. I mean, you guys remember what he was like first year…nothing like he is now, y’know?”

“But it was mean to do that,” Chaewon argued, crossing her arms. “You can’t just say stuff like that. You need to apologize, [First].”

“I’ll apologize when I feel like I need to. For now,” you paused, taking a final bite of your sandwich. “I am not going to talk to him about it.”

“[First], don’t be an asshole,” Sungchan replied.

“Oh, I’m the asshole? Shall I recount when he left me in the dust last year? Or when he forgot my birthday and skipped out on my birthday dinner, which both of his parents attended, because he was going to Incheon with Na Jaemin and Lee Jeno? Or when he blew me off every single time I tried to keep our friendship going?” you scoffed, turning towards him. Gowon, who’d been the first person to befriend you after you lost Donghyuck, kept quiet, but she placed a hand on your shoulder in support. “I don’t owe him anything for being a dick, and then deciding he wants to date me. It’s a miracle I even keep him around.”

Chaewon frowned, laying off, but Sungchan didn’t seem to like your answer. Instead, he picked up his tray, pushed himself off the ground, and began a tantrum-ish march to the school building. Nobody tried to stop him.

“I didn’t know,” Chaewon muttered, twiddling her thumbs. “Sorry.”

“No harm, no foul,” you hummed, packing up your lunch box. “Sungchan’ll get over himself.”

Once again, rain poured outside, trapping you and your classmates in your classroom while everyone waited for the principal to announce it was safe to leave. For the most part, it was quiet, with mostly everybody parked at their desk and studying or napping. You were watching some random Japanese drama from 2008, laying your head on a quasi-pillow (your bunched-up sweater) that rested on your desk.

Everyone was tired. Of course they were, as it was a Thursday, and nobody wanted to be at school past 4 pm on a Thursday.

The sound of the classroom door being thrown open seemed to grab everyone's attention. You glanced up, cringing when you saw who was invading your peaceful, little classroom. They instantly caused everyone (who was awake, that is) to start whispering back and forth as if the visitors were the president and his men.

You were lamenting the fact that the boy who sat in front of you wasn't at school today.

Donghyuck pulled the chair in front of you closer to your desk, taking a seat so that he’d be facing you rather than the chalkboard. You didn’t move, trying to focus on the subtitles of your new show. But, it seemed he wasn’t very deterred by your current activity, as he easily plucked your earbud from your ear.

Sighing, you paused your show, pushing yourself up from the uncomfortable position. Your back creaked as you did, causing a few sharp pains to travel up your spine.

“Did you need to bring your entire posse with you? you mumbled suppressing a yawn. He shrugged, leaning his elbow on your desk and putting his head in his hands.

“My birthday’s tomorrow,” he said, glancing down at your little setup before looking back up at you. “I’m having a party tonight, though. I’d like for you to come.”

Last year, you missed his birthday party, simply dropping off a gift with his mother before it began. You remember looking out your window, staring at the lights protruding from his house at the end of the street, the kids in the front yard, and the cars parked down the street. The neighborhood you lived in was a nice one—your house was one your mom inherited, which was the only reason you lived somewhere that nice—so houses were spread out to the point where he could get away with a party.

Plus, neither his mom nor his dad seemed to care what was happening. After you dropped the gift off, you watched them drive off together, and they didn’t seem to return until the next Sunday.

You remember thinking how much you would hate to go to a party like that.

“I’m not really into stuff like that,” you replied. “I’ll drop off your gift again and say hi, or something, but I’d rather not go to a party.”

“What if I said you could lock yourself in my room and hang out there the entire time?”

You scrunched your nose up, thinking about what your mom would do if she saw the party happening again while you lazed around in your bedroom. “No studying, no partying, just useless,” she’d tell you, pinching your cheek. “At least do something.”

“I guess,” you mumbled, looking around to see everybody staring at you. In the doorway stood Huang Renjun and Zhong Chenle, both watching you converse a little too intently.

At your response, a warm smile blossomed on Donghyuck’s face. “Great. See you tonight.”

He pushed himself up from the chair, leaving it where it was rather than tucking it in. He shoved his hands into his pockets, pushing past Renjun and Chenle, who stayed and stared at you for a second more. Chenle said something, but you couldn’t hear what it was; after that, he walked off, Renjun following.

You laid your head back down, putting your earbud back in your ear, but you didn’t go to play your drama. Instead, you sat there, staring at the rain pour, slamming into the window faster than you’d ever seen it go.

You hoped he’d leave you alone after this. Getting over the loss of the person you spent nearly your whole childhood with would be difficult, but you’d muscle through it—you always did.

Chaewon and Gowon sat on your couch, watching you fail at wrapping the gift you’d prepared for Donghyuck. They were dressed casually for the event so that you didn’t feel out of place as you walked in and beelined for the upstairs.

“So, you’re…regifting him something?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, ripping tape out of the dispenser. “It’s a little keychain he got me two years ago, along with a ring I put on a chain. He likes necklaces…I think. It’ll be a good way to say, ‘let’s not see each other for a while,’ you know?”

You ignored the tugging at your heart and the way your throat seemed to close at the thought, focusing on how best to wrap the small box in a way that didn’t look ugly. Because of your intense focus, you were lost on the way Chaewon and Gowon looked at each other as if they somehow picked up on the way you were feeling.

“You’re sure there’s no way you could be in love with him too, right?” Chaewon suddenly asked, causing you to perk up. You furrowed your brows at that, your heart lurching in your chest at the question. It made you nervous.

“What? No.” You shook your head, placing a final piece of tape on the gift. You held it up and examined the poor wrapping job you did, frowning at it. For a temporary-last gift, it sucked. “Not a chance.”

“Should we go then? It’s 8, we’re already an hour late.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, standing up with the box. “Now or never, I guess. Have you heard from Sungchan?”

“He’s probably there already. Heard he’s friends with Zhong Chenle and never told us,” Gowon said. You looked at her, eyes widened.

“Really? I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Yeah, well, now’s the time for learning, I guess,” she said. The three of you approached the door, slipping on shoes and putting on jackets. The moment you opened the door, you were hit with a blast of wet, hot air.

“I hate summer,” you mumbled, stepping outside. Your friends followed, and, together, you made the small trek to Donghyuck’s house. It was surrounded by cars and kids, and the sound of loud music accompanied by bright lighting filled the air. You were glad you didn’t live in a packed area, because, if you did, you were sure this would’ve gone a lot worse.

You pushed past all the already-drunk people outside, grabbing onto Chaewon’s hand for support. “This doesn’t look like a gift-giving party,” you whispered, to which Chaewon rolled her eyes, squeezing your hand.

“And you’re close to him, so you’re expected to get a gift.”

Gowon opened the door and, instantly, you were hit with the scent of alcohol and sweat, which wasn’t pleasant at all. Donghyuck’s house, having been renovated when you were kids, was the perfect location for a party like this one, with people roaming about and searching for something to do. The music drowned out anything you could hear, so you hoped Gowon would follow as you moved ahead, slipping past several people you knew (and, many people you didn’t).

The stairwell wasn’t far from the door, and you made it easily. Jaemin and Mark were lingering near it, seemingly making sure nobody tried to sneak up there and potentially steal something. You nodded your head at Jaemin the moment you made eye contact, but he didn’t step out of the way.

“I can take the gift,” he half-yelled, holding his hand out. Despite the volume of his voice, you could barely hear him and were a bit confused when he took the box out of your hands. You leaned closer to hear him, but you halfway wished you hadn’t. “Only you’re allowed up.”

You lurched back, looking at Chaewon and Gowon, who both nodded at you reassuringly. Chaewon released your hand, giving you a small smile before linking arms with Gowon. You sighed, running up the stairs as fast as you could. As promised, it was much quieter upstairs—as quiet as it could be given the surroundings—and much emptier. The upstairs looked just as you remembered it looking, with the only difference being a couple of newer pictures placed along the walls.

This felt like your childhood. A bit of nostalgia squeezed your heart as you walked down the hall, staring at pictures of the Lee family that you knew so well. Donghyuck’s parents were beautiful—unsurprising given how beautiful their son was—and that was made known by their wedding pictures, which sat framed at the edge of the hall.

You approached them, examining the bundles of photos they had put up. You remembered the several times you, as a small kid, told Donghyuck’s mother how you wanted to look just like her when she got married, with her gorgeous white gown and veil.

How ironic.

You turned the corner, approaching the final door in that section of the corridor. It was closed, and a small “do not enter!” sign was plastered on it. You blatantly ignored the directions, turning the knob and pushing inside.

His room looked different from the last time you were here.

It was darker, more mature, with more posters and less empty wall space. It looked like the teenage boy's room you’d see on a TV show, especially with the fancy computer and three monitors he had sitting on the desk. You shut the door behind you—it was kind of shocking how his room blocked out all the sound from downstairs—looking around at all he had up.

On his dresser were a few framed pictures, all of which were pictures of you two. The first one was one when you were little, two kids smiling on a playground with no worries in the world, dressed in matching sun and moon outfits. Then, there was a picture of you two at a class performance you had to do in second grade, dressed in tacky outfits that your parents had made together.

The third was a picture of you two in middle school, dressed in your uniforms roaming Lotte World, eating ice cream and laughing at whatever joke was shared between you two. You look back on that day fondly, remembering how much fun you’d had. That was where Donghyuck had gotten the keychain you were gifting back to him.

The final picture was one from your first year of high school. This one was much more robotic than the rest, both of you smiling for the picture and not just to smile. You stood far apart from each other, holding onto your school bags and looking mildly uncomfortable. Your hair was messy from a long day, and there were prevalent bags under Donghyuck’s eyes.

He looked unhappy, in a way. So did you.

Sighing, you approached his bed, taking a seat on the floor and leaning your back against it. You slid your phone from your jacket pocket, scrolling through various notifications you had. Most were from Chaewon, who was using her phone to have her and Gowon communicate with you.

“On an adventure to find a bathroom and lock ourselves insides,” read the first one, along with a couple of random emojis she tacked on.

“Sungchan is all up close and personal with some of Donghyuck’s posse. Who’d have thought they were friends when he’s such a loser lol.”

And, finally, a “Hiding in a non-crowded corner!! Only one bathroom was open, but we will survive by people watching!!”

You typed back a swift response, confirming you were in Donghyuck’s bedroom and feeling quite tired. If you had to guess, this night would end without you seeing Donghyuck at all, and you’d fall asleep on his bedroom floor, only to be woken up by Gowon and Chaewon, who’d snuck upstairs after everyone passed out drunk.

“Gowon here, and I think Donghyuck opened your gift. He doesn’t look pleased, I think. Storming towards the stairs. Fighting!”

Okay, so maybe you spoke too soon. You looked towards the door, wondering what he would have to say to you about it; maybe he’d reject it, giving it back to you and telling you to fuck off, or maybe he’d be reasonable about it, let you talk through things.

Considering the way the door opened, you assumed it to be the former.

Donghyuck practically slammed the door shut behind him, holding up the small white box that you’d put the ring-necklace and keychain in. He stared at you for a second, and you stared back, waiting for him to say something.

“What is this?”

You shrugged, looking at the box. “The sun keychain you got me a few years ago and—”

“The ring you liked to wear all the time in middle school. Yes, I know, I’m aware, but that’s not what I meant.”

You knew what he meant, but you didn’t want to. “Okay, then what did you mean?”

He narrowed his eyes, dropping to the floor in front of you. He stared at you, trying to gauge what exactly you were trying to accomplish by acting clueless. “Why are you giving it back?”

“Because I feel like we need to separate for a bit longer. Like, actually separate this time. Not the not-see-each-other-for-three-weeks routine anymore. A few months without being sun and moon, and just being two different people.”

He put the box down, crossing his legs. Donghyuck didn’t say anything, assuming the same hurt face he had when you told him he didn’t love you. “This is exactly why I never wanted to tell you,” he finally said, letting his head drop to the floor. “One chance your perfect bubble is disrupted and you’ll freak out and shut down.”

Your mouth dropped open, and you were a bit shocked at his response. You had nothing to say, nothing to defend yourself with other than the pitiful look you gave.

“But I’m going to say no to that, [First]. You can’t run every single time something doesn’t go your way. So we either figure this out right here and now, or I don’t think we’ll make it much farther as friends.”

You didn’t want to lose your friendship with him. He was the closest thing to you, the closest person to your secrets, the closest person to your happiness. You were okay with a break for a few months, maybe more, but you did not want to unfriend him for forever.

The way your heart hurt, the way your head spun, the way you found it hard to look him in the eyes and say “but we need this” was taking a toll on you. And, as you went through the motions, a little voice in your head began to say “Maybe you are in love with him, just a little bit. Maybe you have been for a while.”

“I’m sorry for ghosting you last year,” he continued, taking a deep, shaky breath. “I didn’t consider how you would feel and put myself first. I ejected you from a big change in my life, and I just assumed you’d be there to come back to after it was all said and done. You didn’t deserve it.”

You bit your lip in an attempt to keep your emotions squared off and invisible. Even hearing the apology made you want to fall apart, after waiting so long to hear anything of the sort. You remembered how lost you felt without him around, how hurt you felt when you sent text after text and yielded no response.

“Okay, I forgive you.”

It was short, but it got the point across without you bursting into tears at Lee Donghyuck actually apologizing to you. He took another deep breath, closing his hands into a fist.

“One more time, then. [First], I am in love with you.”

You sharply inhaled, looking down at the floor. “Okay. I could be, too. Maybe a little bit.”

It went silent between you, and you refused to look up from the ground. Gently, you reached out and began tracing little drawings on the floor, ones that you visualized in your mind. Saturn, the moon, the stars, the sun, you and Donghyuck, in constant orbit with each other, up in a boundless space you would never reach.

Suddenly, he got onto his knees, causing you to look up. Faster than you would’ve imagined, he shuffled over to you, encasing your face with his hands and pulling you into a soft yet heavy kiss. It left you stunned, but you didn’t seem to mind it that much.

Like the sun, Donghtuck was warm, from the way his hands managed to warm up your already burning cheeks or the way he practically emulated heat, as you felt from the close contact. He tasted like sour lemonade, perfect for a hot, summer day that had you trapped outside for the majority of the day. In a way, he was summer, carefree and bright, ready to ditch all responsibility and run off into the sunset.

When he pulled away from you, he seemed a bit embarrassed, sitting back on his feet and looking off to the side. “Sorry,” he mumbled, clearing his throat. “I didn’t ask if I could do that. Sorry.”

“I…didn’t mind too much,” you responded, looking down at the floor for the white box that held the keychain and the ring necklace. You opened it, picking up the chain and sliding the ring off it. You grabbed his hand, hoping it would at least fit on his pinky (which it did, thankfully). “Happy birthday.”

He looked down, a small scoff escaping his lips. “What, are you proposing? It hasn’t even been a minute, I mean, are you that obsessed with me?”

“Oh, yeah, For sure.” You rolled your eyes, dropping his hand so you could leave a small punch on his shoulder. “Let’s date, Lee Donghyuck.”

He repeated your idea with a high-pitched, mocking voice, and you could tell he was incredibly embarrassed. It made you giggle, and flick his forehead, to which he lurched back and gave you an incredulous look.

“Get over yourself.”

“If I do, will you take the keychain back?”

“Oh, shut up, loser.”

thank you for reading!

2K notes · View notes

bitchenderyy · 1 year

Text

mark — sex by the 1975

does he take care of you? could i easily fill his shoes but you say no you say no

ex!mark x reader, jaehyun x reader (feat. best friend yeji) 1.8k, angst, a bit of fluff, sad ending (for mark) a/n: was listening to sex by the 1975 and i couldn’t stop thinking about this line so… here this is

somehow, like it’s intuition, like it’s clockwork, mark is always at his window to see you when jaehyun drops you off.

Keep reading

360 notes · View notes

bitchenderyy · 1 year

Text

take my hand ﹒ ml

synopsis﹕ when you and mark parted ways, you took forever to heal from it. when you see mark onstage again, you're not sure if you ever recovered in the first place.

genre + ﹕ huge amount of angst, fluff at the end (i promise), fem reader, exes to lovers, non idol!reader, idol!mark, best friends johnny + jaehyun

wc ﹕ 6.7k

warnings ﹕ cursing

you always believed in true love.

as cheesy and immature as it sounds, ever since you were in high school, you had felt like you would eventually meet ‘the one’. your mind was set on the idea that through thick and thin, your soulmate would never leave you.

well, you believed that up until you broke up with mark lee.

it all happened seven months ago, when a perfect relationship was ripped to shreds. you had been dating for just over a year when it occurred, and you truly believed that you were meant to be together. the twenty-two year old knew you like the back of his hand, and underneath his socially awkward self, was someone who just wanted to make you happy.

a kpop idol dating a regular, non celebrity individual, was difficult to say the least; it was hard to match up your schedules, but in the end, you two made it work. you never complained about him being too busy, and you often encouraged him to continue doing what he loved. that’s what made you two work so well, the ability to understand each other.

mark was never the type to lash out. in fact, you don’t think you have ever seen him angry before the incident. he would get frustrated, but never angry. and he never took it out on you. with two upcoming comebacks, you knew he would be stressed out, but you tried your best to help him out. you would bring food for all the members at practice, clean up the dorm, and you gave him as much love as possible.

he loved any form of skinship with you, he found it comforting during his difficult times — so you didn’t think twice when you went to go hug him when he came back to the dorm after practice. he opened the door, no one behind him as he seemingly came home early from work that day.

you smiled when you heard the sound of the lock turning, switching your phone off as you ran to the front door to greet him. he looked so exhausted when you finally caught a glimpse of his face. he took off his shoes and hung up his jacket, but as soon as he was finished, you wrapped your arms around him. this time was different. he didn’t even bother hugging you back, instead he basically shrugged you off and walked straight to the dining table.

you didn’t think much of it at the time, you just thought that he had been working too much the past few days so it was fine if he didn’t want to hug you. yes, you were taken aback at first, but you got over it. you followed him, watching him sit down in silence as he ate the food you cooked.

“does it taste okay?” you asked, sitting down across from him. he replied with more silence, barely even sparing you a glance. that’s when you began suspecting something was wrong, and you weren’t sure if it was work or if it was something you did.

you decided not to say anything until he was finished eating, hoping that maybe he would actually respond to you with actual words when he was done. the time is filled with the sound of his chopsticks against his bowl and the car horns honking outside the dorm.

you watched him swallow his last bite and get up to wash his bowl. you take this opportunity to speak again, questioning, “are you okay?”

“fine,” he answered, in almost a snappy tone. he put his now clean bowl back in the cupboard.

“are you sure?” at this point you were beginning to worry a bit more, thoughts raced through your mind, trying to pinpoint the source of his irregular unpleasantness.

“yeah, i said i’m fine.”

what a liar, you thought to yourself as he placed both of his hands on the edge of the counter.

“we both know that isn’t true,” you knew what was coming. although it was rare, you always had a feeling of when you two would argue.

“holy shit, how many times do i need to say it? i’m fine!”

mark’s sudden outburst makes you flinch, and it made you wish that you had just left it alone the first time you asked. despite the volume change in his voice, you continued to speak.

“you know you can tell me anything.. that’s why we’re together.”

you realize your attempt to defuse the situation backfired on you when he turned to you, a nasty glare directed towards you upon his face.

“well maybe i don’t want to tell you everything, why can’t you leave me alone for one fucking second!” he fumed, moving his hands to emphasize his words.

in that moment, you’re scared. he had never yelled at you like that. you wouldn’t view yourself as a sensitive person, but it was mark. you were so afraid of disappointing him that having him raise his voice towards you made you feel like you did.

“d-did i do something wrong?” you managed to say quietly, which made him even more irritated than he already was.

“oh my god, you’re what’s wrong. i just wanted one day where i could come home and relax by myself, but here you are! you always think you’re playing the perfect girlfriend. well you’re wrong.”

you froze, choking back cries and holding back tears. you gripped at the hem of your shirt tightly, your knuckles becoming white, “i’m sorry. i didn’t realize that i was affecting you that much.”

he scoffs, clicking his tongue. “there’s a lot of things that you fail to realize.”

“if you truly feel that way, then maybe we shouldn’t be together at all,” although your reply seems argumentative, it's just you trying to make mark calm down. you’re trying to grasp at strings, you only said that statement in the heat of the moment. you knew, or at least you thought, mark wouldn’t end things just because of one argument.

“maybe we shouldn’t.”

your breathing stops for a single moment. you ask yourself, did i hear that right? but when you see the look on his face, you register that was exactly what he said. when that understanding hits, and it hits you hard, you can’t hold back your teardrops anymore. they fall from your eyes like rain, hitting the polished wooden floors.

you don’t say anything, you just stand up to gather your things and muster out a broken-hearted “okay.”

you feel pathetic seven months later for still thinking about him. he didn’t even bother contacting you after the incident, which makes you wonder how long he was actually thinking about breaking up with you.

of course the other members checked up on you a lot, but you somewhat drifted away from most of them. they always said you were always welcome to come over if mark wasn’t home, but you politely declined. you had been out with them a lot, but recently you have been trying to stay away.

the only people you talk to regularly were jaehyun and johnny, their company was always comforting and they never mentioned mark around you. whenever you hung around the dreamies they always tried to play matchmaker, making up reasons to get you and mark back together.

“should we order food or something?” johnny suggests as he lays on your black l-shaped couch. jaehyun is sitting on the ground, watching a random netflix movie intently with his feet under your coffee table.

“what do you feel like?” you ask, taking a seat next to jaehyun.

they always came over, knowing well that you weren’t comfortable in the dorm anymore. you appreciate how they always keep in mind your feelings and thoughts when it came to mark, they never try to push your boundaries and they wouldn’t bother you about your love life.

“actually i heard about this really good pork katsu place,” jaehyun chimes, turning his head to look at johnny.

“sounds good to me,” you chime.

a sudden noise from johnny’s phone makes you look in his direction. his eyes widen for a split second, but he gets up to answer it right after.

“i’ll order it right after this call,” he says, walking to your hallway. you can’t help but bitterly smile, knowing it was mark. otherwise johnny would have answered it in front of you.

“i’m at her house right now.. yeah she’s doing good,” you hear his voice say to mark on the phone. cute, he was still checking up on you.

jaehyun is fast to try and switch your attention to him, asking, “is it okay if we sleepover today? just need a break from the others.”

“sure, we can watch movies and you guys can sleep on my couch,” you nod your head, diving your hand into a bowl of popcorn that sat on your coffee table.

the night was still young — the moonlight creeping in and shining in your dimly lit living room. the dialogue of the movie is intriguing, but not interesting enough to overlap your desire to hear johnny’s conversation with mark.

“just call her..”

your anxiety can’t help but shoot up when the idea of mark calling you after seven long and hard months after your separation. you were sure he stopped caring the day you walked out the door, or even before that. in your mind, if he truly didn’t mean what he said that night, he would have tried to make contact with you earlier.

“do you have blankets?” jaehyun piped, his head turning in your direction.

“yeah one second, i’ll grab them!” you answer, standing up to get the faux wool sheets from your linen closet. almost right on time, johnny was just hanging up the phone when he saw you.

“you heard that?” he says to you, almost hoping you didn’t. you nod, although you haven’t completely healed from everything, you weren’t fragile. you could handle hearing mark’s name.

“don’t worry about it, he’s just being an idiot,” johnny consoles you. you shrug.

“it’s fine, he’s your friend! i get it,” you tell him, “but could you help me get the blankets and pillows from my closet?”

“of course.”

you reenter the living room with johnny, items for your sleepover in each other’s hands. jaehyun watches you two, specifically johnny as they exchange eye contact (probably due to his abrupt phone call).

you snicker, “you guys don’t have to baby me anymore. i swear i’m okay.”

“what do you mean? we aren’t babying you,” jaehyun clicks out of his movie, searching for a different one for the three of you to watch.

“you can talk about mark, c’mon you guys suck at hiding stuff,” you can’t help but laugh in your head. they could keep comebacks a secret for months but couldn’t keep quiet about one guy? you weren’t complaining, in reality you couldn’t blame them at all.

“sorry y/n,” jaehyun awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, and you pat his shoulder.

“don’t apologize! i’m okay, i promise,” you try to reassure them. by the looks on their faces, you can tell they still feel a bit bad. you quickly snatch the remote out of jaehyun’s hands, noticing that the glances between him and johnny was stopping him from deciding on a movie.

yes, the recovery for you after the separation was hard, and you understood why the two tall boys were wary about talking about him to you. after all, they pretty much had to watch you go through everything. not to mention how they also knew mark’s side of the story, which you chose not to ask about.

in the end, you felt like you had grown from most of the hurt you were put through. sure, there were still some flashing memories and multiple instances where you would ask yourself what led up to that moment, but you usually brushed it off with no other questions.

let’s just say a lot of the damage had already been dealt with and worked through, so now you just want to focus on yourself and your friends. but you knew for sure that if mark came back and asked to be with you again, you would never hesitate on saying yes.

—

you stretch your arms out with a yawn, a blanket strewn across your figure that you don’t remember putting on. you tiredly rub at your eyes, sun rays shining nicely onto your floor. you found yourself on the couch, head nearly touching johnny’s as he scrolled on his phone.

he was lying the opposite direction as you, a pillow on his chest and his eyes flashed to yours.

“you’re finally awake,” he teases, a dumb grin on his face at the sight of your bed hair. a strong scent of fried eggs fills your nostrils, which makes you sit up and peek to your left. it’s jaehyun, placing plates of food proudly onto your white dining table. there’s a satisfactory smile on his face as he does so.

he catches sight of you, patting the table. “hungry?”

you get up from your spot on the couch as johnny does the same. all three of you take seats at the dining table, happily munching on the arrangement of eggs, toast, and hashbrowns.

“should we do anything today?” you queried, covering your mouth with one hand as you chewed. you watch as your two friends exchange looks, like they both knew what to say.

“we have a performance later tonight.. we really want you to come and i’m sure the others would love to see you too. but of course we’ll respect your decision on whether or not you want to see it.”

they both await your response to jaehyun’s offer, almost nervous to see if you would react poorly. you love jaehyun and johnny, and you miss the rest of the boys too. you’re just unsure about how you would act after not seeing mark for so long.

“what kind of performance is it?” you inquire, and you see jaehyun exhale in relief. “it’s a 127 performance stage, and you’re always welcome to visit us backstage right after the song.”

you’re worried that all the hard work you did to lessen the hurt from months before will all be ruined after seeing mark. but then again, you can’t really say you’re over him if you can’t stand seeing his face. this was your opportunity to face your fears and your past — something you’re well aware of that you have been avoiding.

“but then again, you can just leave right after-”

you cut jaehyun off with a sweet smile, “i’ll be there.”

—

“shit, fuck!” you exclaim to yourself after hitting your hand on your bed frame. when jaehyun and johnny had left your house to go practice before the performance, you had covered your face in horror when you realized exactly what you agreed to.

you threw outfits around your room, anxiously holding up different pieces up to your body while checking the mirror. you don’t know what came over you, a surge of confidence or maybe it had been you overestimating your ability to keep your composure.

who were you kidding? you would never be getting over mark. as strong as you crave to be, you couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like if you were still together until this day.

there was way too much anxiety building up inside of you, constantly deciding if you should dress up nicely to show that you were fine without him, or just settling on sweatpants to make him think you didn’t care what he thought anymore.

your eyes are switching from both outfits rapidly, silently cursing yourself for getting into this situation in the first place. you throw your sweats on the ground, checking the time on your phone before putting on a brown skirt and white tshirt that suited your frame nicely.

johnny and jaehyun were sweet enough to get early access for you, so you could beat all the other fans and not deal with the craziness of being stepped on while rushing into the venue.

you threw on a cream oversized cardigan, slipping a brown bag over your shoulder, rushing to put your shoes on and get out of the door. of course your phone was blowing up, you knew that your two friends had told others in the 127 subunit about your sudden attendance.

donghyuck was going crazy, spamming you at every second saying he was so excited to see you again. his messages included questions of your arrival, plans after the show, and just random selfies and pictures of the other members. you would constantly smile at the goofy photos that he would take, and it made you less nervous to go to the venue.

the taxi ride on the way was quiet, with your mind full of possible scenarios that could occur and emotions that had a chance of erupting. clouds scattered around the blue sky, the sun shining brightly into the leather seated car. your hands are settled on your legs, eyes on the cars passing by. the driver sparks up small talk, probably in hopes of a generous tip as you respond with simple answers.

your heartbeat grows faster and louder when the building enters your line of sight. fans are already lining up, flashes of color from the adorable handmade signs that they clutched casually. you smile at a cute gigantic photo of jaehyun, directing the driver to a side entrance where you could enter quietly, and unseen.

you thank the driver, handing him cash before stepping out of the car. you look up at the building, putting a hand on your forehead to block out the sun. two bodyguards are placed at the entrance, standing intimidatingly as they stare at you. you reach into your bagt, taking out your phone to text jaehyun.

just then, the door opens. a man who you do not recognize has a headset on, a mask over his face as he motions for you to approach him. you quickly rush over to him, straightening out your outfit as the bodyguards make way for you to enter.

once you set foot inside, it’s quite dark compared to the brightness of the daylight outside. the air conditioning is soothing and the faint sound of music fills your ears, probably from the stage itself.

“hello,” you greet the man as soon as the door closes. he speaks into a walkie-talkie, before greeting you back. he ushers you to follow him, leading you to where you will be in the audience. he seems to be trying to move as quickly as possible, which is understandable.

he pushes open a door, revealing the stage and some of the members on it. he speaks to another worker briefly, before telling you to just stand in the front. you move awkwardly, watching as donghyuck and doyoung spoke to each other. they didn’t notice you in the dark, not until you reached the front of the stage.

their eyes shifted towards you, donghyuck’s eyes widening.

“y/n!” he ran to you like a little kid, climbing down the stairs with a smile on his face. doyoung followed closely behind him, also happy to see you.

before you’re able to react, hyuck is enveloping you in a huge hug, crushing you. he’s pretty much squealing while doyoung ruffles your hair. it had been months since you last saw them, saying you didn’t miss this would be a blatant lie. you happily wrap your arms around the boy, smiling back.

he pulls away, shaking your shoulders excitedly. “i can’t believe you’re here!”

“how have you been?” doyoung gushes.

“i’ve been good! i’m so glad i get to see you guys again, and i get to see you performing too!” you exclaim, a cheery look evident on your face when you admire the two. you take the time to soak in the venue, the scene set for the stage, the screens, and the countless number of cameras scattered about.

“you’re so cute y/n,” donghyuck coos, pinching your cheek. you squint in slight pain, rubbing your face after he let go.

“i’m sure the others will be happy to see you after,” doyoung mentions. he turns to hyuck, who is still babying you and clinging onto your arm. you forgot how much he loved to smother you, and how much you craved seeing the others again. you were always close to the boys — you just seemed to easily get along with them and grow comfortable in their presence.

“we should prepare before the fans are let in, we don’t want our y/n getting in trouble,” doyoung reminds the younget, patting your shoulder. the corners of your lips lift at the gesture, nodding along.

“no scandals, please,” you say jokingly, making hyuck roll his eyes.

“can’t we talk just a little longer?” he practically begs. doyoung pushes him away before he can protest, saying, “we’ll see her after the performance!”

you wave them goodbye, watching the staff run across the stage and pointing them where to go. they walk offstage, the pit of nervousness in your stomach beginning to grow larger.

right on time, the fans start pouring in, the chaos is relatively contained. a staff member was directing the fans who would be standing, while the people sitting in the upper sections found their seats on their own. lightsticks were basically in everyone’s hands, making you feel a bit guilty for not getting one for yourself.

the talking grows louder as people start taking places next to you. you were right against the barricade, and you’re grateful that everyone was polite enough to not push against each other that much. some people have signs, some wearing cute headbands with a member’s name or face, and some with pickets.

“i’m so excited,” a fan says to you, catching you off guard. you forgot that people at concerts were usually friendly, but that’s what makes you love them so much.

“me too,” you agree, which isn’t exactly the truth. you’re more uneasy than excited.

“who’s your bias?” she asks you, going on her tippy toes to see if she could catch a glimpse of a member offstage.

you purse your lips, “hm, not sure. i like them all. what about you?”

“definitely mark!” she beams happily, and you smile at her thrilled reaction. gosh, you always failed to remember how popular mark is with his fanbase. it makes sense, especially with the amount of talent he holds — and you can’t forget his attractiveness.

the screams grow louder as the lights begin to dim, shadows moving around the stage. the people surrounding you let out ear piercing screams, making your face scrunch up as you cover your ears for a moment.

finally, the shadows stop moving. they create a formation, standing completely still. that’s when the onstage lighting is cued, revealing none other than nct 127. the fans are going wild, doyoung standing in the middle as he scans the crowd.

when the music begins to fade in, you can’t help but adjust to your environment and join in to cheer for your friends. your eyes shift to all of them, just so overjoyed to see their faces again. you have no idea who knows you’re here and who doesn’t, so you’re hoping to give them a pleasant surprise if they are able to spot you amongst the sea of people.

your face immediately drops when mark comes to the middle for the choreography. although it’s not in a bad way, it was just a habit of yours. you can’t help but fixate on him, his movements, his rapping, everything about him is just so mesmerizing. the girl next to you, who biases mark, sounds like she’s going through all five stages of grief when he does his part.

his dancing is so sharp and precise, yet there are so many levels of fluidity involved in it. his stage presence is amazing, keeping your eyes on him. it makes your stomach churn, hands gripping on the black metal barricade in front of you. you paid no attention to the fanchants being cheered in unison, only focusing on mark.

his eyes are going through everyone standing in the front row. he offers small smiles and facials to fit the song, and when his stare lands on you, he has to do a double take. you watch when his eyes flash to the next fan, only to go back to you. when he realizes that it’s you, his eyebrows furrowed together, making you a little embarrassed.

maybe you shouldn’t have come, because just watching him perform sparks up emotions that you buried deep down. for the entire dance, you can only keep your attention to mark. he would look somewhere else throughout the comeback stage, but often his gaze would return to you.

the audience space wasn’t huge, so the lighting was perfect to see everyone who stands right in front of the stage. that’s why you’re sure mark had seen you, because when the entire thing ends, he makes sure to take one last glance over to you before walking off with his members.

—

you’re left waiting in the audience once the performance ends, patiently lingering about as everyone leaves. you’re quite thankful that no one found it suspicious, as an article about you visiting the members backstage is the last thing you wanted. once the last of the fans exit the building, a staff member politely guides you to the members’ whereabouts.

you hear loud laughter and talking, being greeted with white hallways and doors. there are stylists and other employees packing their belongings, the sounds of makeup bags zipping open and closed fills your ears. you wave at those you recognize, offering small smiles to those you don’t. finally, you reach a half open door with a couple of the boys joking around with each other.

the person who was escorting you parted ways with you, and you make sure to thank them as well. you take a peek inside, seeing donghyuck, doyoung, johnny, and jaehyun. you smile to yourself, gripping your bag tighter. you knock softly on the door, poking your head through the doorway.

their heads cock towards your direction, all four of their faces relaxing when they realize that it’s you.

“you’re back!” hyuck bubbles, running towards you once again. you’re half relieved that mark isn’t in the same room, but the other half is a mix of emotions that you aren’t quite sure of.

before you know it, donghyuck is dragging you farther inside the room. johnny is lying down on the black leather couch, jaehyun propped up in a chair by the mirrors, while doyoung sits on the floor.

“wow, you actually came,” johnny says, a hint of surprise in his voice.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” you ask playfully, glaring at him.

“nothing!”

“i missed you so much,” donghyuck exaggerates, unable to stop hugging you. he had always been the most clingy towards you, although in the past it had driven mark a little crazy, you didn’t mind at all.

“me too!” a voice chimed in from behind you. you turn your head, spotting yuta from the door you originally entered from. he has a huge grin on his face, acting just like donghyuck as he skips happily to hug you.

“did you enjoy the performance?” jaehyun asks, pointing to the chair next to him, indicating to you to sit next to him. you let go of donghyuck and yuta, which they weren’t so happy about. you smooth out the wrinkles in your outfit, nodding your head.

“it was amazing! it’s been so long since i’ve gotten to see you guys live and i almost forgot how talented you guys are,” you praise.

“we’re glad you liked it,” doyoung states, smiling. sitting around like this, around them, makes you reminisce on your past. all the dinners and hang outs, the visits to the dorm, the sleepovers, everything. you hope that everyday forward, you will be able to see them normally. they were quite literally your only friends you spent time with, and although you love johnny and jaehyun to death, you loved the others too.

“hey did you guys see my—”

your heart stops. you could recognize that voice from anywhere, even when you’re turned away from the entrance to the dressing room. the room falls silent, all eyes are on the person behind you. you turn your chair, only to be met with mark’s eyes. he’s standing still, already changed out of his stage outfit. you can see that the others are trying to find a way to lighten the mood or take the attention off you two, but no one says anything.

when donghyuck darts to leave the room, everyone follows him silently. the room is just left with the two of you, who are unable to say anything. all you do is look at each other, almost in disbelief. your face is heating up, with a strong urge to run away, hide. anything to get yourself away from here. mark’s lips are slightly parted, searching for the right words to say.

“i’m glad you came,” he blurts out, making you stare anywhere besides his brown orbs.

“oh,” you let out, “i didn’t think you would want to see me.”

your heart is shattering into a million pieces all over again, just by seeing his face. you’re reminded of what he said to you that night, how cruel he acted, the days you spent crying over the fact that you lost the love of your life.

“you look nice,” your head perks up, surprised to hear him say that. your heart thumps louder, legs pressed tightly together as the constant feeling of anxiousness begins to build up inside you once again.

“you too..”

“i-i wanted to talk to you actually,” mark manages to stutter out, his same old awkward self showing. “but not here though.”

you’re unsure of what is happening, questioning if this is even real, or if your mind is playing tricks on you.

“i’m not sure i’m comfortable with that.”

“please,” he basically pleads. his face has softened, eyes begging you to just hear what he has to say. it scares you so much, being sucked in like this again. he always had a way that made you melt into his hand, even if he was unaware of it. “i just want to talk about what happened..”

you were unsure if that was supposed to make you feel better. you didn’t know if you wanted to know what made him end your relationship, either way, you’re certain that it probably wouldn’t change anything. he would just be breaking your heart a little more.

“mark..”

“it’s not what you think,” he says, and for a moment, you can see a glimpse of hope. the glimmer that you want to deny, but the way he’s looking at you right now makes you want to say yes so badly.

he can’t stop staring at you as you get lost deep in thought. you’re eyeing him, full of contemplation as you have an internal battle with your own self. if anything, he owes you. even if it’s as little as an explanation, you deserve it.

you look to your hands again, which are sweating as they clasp together in your lap.

“okay.”

—

if someone had told you months ago, while you were recovering from the breakup, that you would be sitting in mark lee’s car months later, you would have laughed in their face. but as ironic as it sounds, here you were; overthinking every movement, sitting in quietness, incapable of speaking a single word to each other.

the radio isn’t on, the only sound is the engine and the passing cars that drove beside you. at times, you would find yourself glimpsing at his face, catching sight of him and how he still looked amazing.

you would quickly look back towards the window though, in fear of being caught. as much as you dreamt about this moment, you were still so scared. you didn’t want to have to go through what happened in the past twice.

you didn’t think of yourself as frail, in fact you believed you were someone who stood their ground. but when it came to mark, you could never say no. you classified it as a bad habit that you thought you got over, but your current situation proved to you that the habit still existed.

“we’re here,” mark breathes, placing the gear in park. he unbuckles his seatbelt, looking towards you. you’re nervous, but meet his eyes.

“are you okay?” he asks with concern. at this point, you don’t know what being okay means anymore. you had spent so much time in the past, convincing yourself that you were okay. but as you sit, next to the boy who you thought was your everything, you can’t tell if you had ever been okay in the first place.

“i think so,” you can’t help but mutter out in a small voice. he nods his head once, as you undo your own seatbelt as well. you both get out of the car at the same time, and you can’t lie that you’re taken aback when you realize he had parked right by a park, with a view of the water.

“why are we here?” you sound more irritated than you intended, causing mark to run a hand through his brown locks.

“so we could talk..”

“i didn’t think you would bring me someplace like this,” you reply back. although you’re a little confused, you follow mark to a picnic table that he guides you to.

you sit across from mark, hands placed on your thighs nervously. he’s looking at you the entire time, almost as if he’s studying your every movement.

“what is it?” you finally bring up. you needed to know why mark brought you here, and what this meant to him.

“is it okay if i explain myself?”

your heart basically sinks to your stomach. of course this is all he wanted, a chance to tell you the reasoning behind his decisions. you’re upset at yourself for making yourself vulnerable once again; putting your heart on your sleeve for mark to crush not once, but twice.

your legs are trembling under the table, your lip quivering ever so slightly. it isn’t noticeable to mark, and you’re praying that he doesn’t see your shakiness as you prepare yourself for his story. your posture isn’t the best, slightly hunched over only to relieve yourself of the intolerable twists your stomach was making. you nod your head, waiting for him to begin.

he takes a deep breath first, placing his hands on the table, “i’m going to begin with the obvious, the way i treated you wasn’t cool of me. as your boyfriend at the time, i wasn’t thinking straight.”

“okay,” is the only response you give.

“i fucked up badly. i’ll never forget what i said that night, and i’m sure you haven’t either. you were around me all the time, just taking care of me in general and making sure that i was healthy and going above and beyond. i didn’t deserve you. i just thought you were being clingy, and this isn’t an excuse but work was so stressful that i decided to mess up the one thing that kept me going.”

you’re beginning to zone out, processing his words. what was he trying to say? you’re so lost, numb almost, still in a wave of shock. your eyebrows are scrunched together, staring at his hands.

“when i brought it up with the other guys, they told me i wouldn’t realize what i lost until it was gone. until you were gone, and to be frank, they were right,” he places his elbows on the table, using both of his hands to hold either sides of his head.

“mark-”

“that’s not all i did wrong, i know. i didn’t even check up on you directly because i was so frustrated with what i did, i couldn’t face the shame. during the time we dated, i was always so caught up in my own business that i barely did anything for you, and i knew you would find someone better. someone who would treat you the way you’re meant to be treated, and i wasn’t ready to hear about that. but now i’m ready to face it, and i don’t have the right to ask you to forgive me, but i just need you to know how truly sorry i am.”

you don’t comprehend that mark is crying until his tears are dripping onto the paint chipped table. he looks at you with watery eyes, making you want to cry in return.

“you hurt me so badly,” you sniffle, wiping a tear from your face with your sleeve. he takes the chance to take your hand, holding it like he’s afraid to let go.

“i know i did, fuck, i’m so damn sorry,” he acknowledges, sucking in his bottom lip. “you were the best thing that ever happened to me, and i just needed to tell you that. i would never forgive myself if i didn’t, because everything i said to you when i was angry meant absolutely nothing. i don’t want this to affect you any longer, i don’t want you thinking you did anything wrong. you were, i mean are perfect.”

your fingers are intertwined so tightly, puffy eyes staring at each other. he gets up so swiftly, sitting next to you as he engulfs you in a secure hug. he buries his head in the crook of your neck while you grip at his sleeves.

“one more,” you whisper to him. he backs his head away, eyes red as he smiles sadly. he leans forward towards your lips, placing them on yours with shut eyes.

it’s full of passion, but not heat filled passion. it’s like you’re both trying to fill the holes in your heart that mark had created in the first place, mending your hearts back into one. it’s one of the things you missed most, being able to feel this again. the feeling of being safe in his arms, like there’s a whole world out there, but in the moment, the only things that mattered was you two.

everything that you suppressed is flowing back with one kiss, a kiss that you had been thinking about for quite a long time. he tucks your hair behind your ears as he pulls you closer, never wanting to stop. you both just want to live together, here in this very point in time.

he pulls away, wiping the tears from your eyes with his hand.

“mark,” you sigh, taking ahold of his face with both of your hands.

“i know,” he nods. “but you said one more.”

you smile at him, pecking his lips again. his eyes widen in surprise.

“i meant one more chance.”

his mouth opens, staring at you in disbelief. when he hears you say that, he can’t help but kiss every part of your face. by now, both of your teardrops had been turned into those of contentment.

“i will never hurt you like that again, and that’s a promise,” he states, “and i never intend to break it.”

you both rest your foreheads against each other, still so full of happiness to finally be brought back together. you hope mark is being truthful, because you know you can’t go through all of that pain again. but with that look on mark’s face, your trust starts to slowly build up again. paired with his apology, you know that he meant what he said.

you know that you found your best friend and the person you want to be with forever, especially when you watch the sunset together, just enjoying each others’ company. you’re sure that things will not end up like last time, and you’re certain that everything between you would be alright.

and from that point forward — it is.

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bitchenderyy · 1 year

Text

about you

Mark is 23 years old. He’s content, happy with his current life. He’s famous and couldn’t ask for much more.

But he was also 16.

Waiting in the pouring rain, smiling when you called his name and he saw your lively expression grow once your eyes met. He had just gotten his license, and it was like the two of you were always going someplace else whenever anyone asked.

“Jesus, Mark, aren’t you cold?” You ask when the two of you are in his car. His wet clothing left a large stain on the seat. “You’re gonna get sick,”

“I’ll be fine,” Mark says. He sits there, so calm and unbothered beneath the courtesy light. As you look over at him, you’re suddenly struck with an intense desire to kiss him.

But you don’t.

As Mark opens his mouth to say something, he’s stopped in his tracks as you burn holes into his eyes with that stare. That stare that made him fold every single time, and it was then that he realized he should be looking at the road, not you.

Yet when he looks back to the road, your face clouds his mind. Your beautiful face. You were unlike anybody he’d met before, unlike any girl he’d had a hopeless crush on. Maybe it’s because he really knew you, knew that you liked the color pink and hated mint chocolate chip ice cream. Maybe that’s why he felt so drawn to you.

He’d stare at you while you did such simple things like cleaning up after your friends and fawn over you after you did something like paying for the person behind you’s coffee.

You knew he stared, so you never quite understood why he couldn’t look you in the eye.

Then again, he was also 17.

Packing up the last 10 years to move to Korea to train at a company he wasn’t even exactly sure about joining in the first place. He’d make friends, he knows that. He’s a people person. Everybody loves him and he could do anything, that’s what you knew. So you didn’t have to worry, right?

That’s what you repeated in your head. He’d be ok on his own.

When you helped lift the last suitcase into the trunk of his parent’s car it was like your heart that was being held together by Elmer’s glue and cheap washi tape had taken its final blow and was falling apart inside your body.

Every time you watched him it leave made your heart ache, but this time was different. He’d leave without knowing how you felt and it was far too late to say something now because he was already a mile away and you would need an absolute miracle to catch up to him and tell him.

And like every relationship that’s holding on by a Skype call, the two of you grew apart. It shamed him to acknowledge that the two of you spoke once a month and it shamed him that he couldn’t remember your favorite season. It was autumn, or it was winter, or it was summer, no, you hated summer, it was autumn, but he could’ve sworn it was winter, though maybe it was spring, maybe you hated winter but loved summer. Those were the thoughts that swarmed his head and it was far too late to ask you because then he’d actually have to admit to himself that he didn’t really know you anymore.

Mark could be 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and every now and then it’d still cross his mind. What was your favorite season? Did you still hate mint chocolate chip ice cream? Were you still so generous? Was your favorite color still pink?

Maybe it was silly and he could’ve just called you and asked to hang out when he’s back in his hometown. It was silly. He was silly for thinking he still remembered your number or saved it when got a new phone. He couldn’t remember anything about you. The same things that made his heart surrender, he couldn’t remember. He admits it. You were just another hopeless crush and he had forgotten all about you.

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bitchenderyy · 2 years

Text

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