bisexual-cyborg

[bisexual-cyborg]

I'm a law abiding citizen but something about working six times harder than my grandparents for a sixth of what they had is persuasive

[bisexual-cyborg]

[bisexual-cyborg]

Miss Congeniality (2000) dir. Donald Petrie

[bisexual-cyborg]

spiders have got to figure out contracting I need to be able to call my local spiders union and be like "hey can you send a guy out for a few days the fruit flies are back" and then pay it in spider currency. I'll learn the conversion rates. I'll be generous with my rounding. please.

[bisexual-cyborg]

[bisexual-cyborg]

[bisexual-cyborg]

[bisexual-cyborg]

[bisexual-cyborg]

[bisexual-cyborg]

#I’m going with coffee shop aus #cause while they’re pure and escapist and all #there are other options for that #meanwhile the existence of the omegaverse is fucking hilarious to me

[bisexual-cyborg]

remembering the time i showed my dad knives out and he was like "i thought it was good up until that long explanation at the end" like bro how do you think murder mysteries work

[bisexual-cyborg]

Meet me at the hollow log

[bisexual-cyborg]

the "came back wrong" trope except like... they didnt. like this mad scientists wife died, and so he studied necromancy, brought her back, and she came back and it all worked. like she came back exactly the same as she was before with literally no difference. but the scientist guy is like "oh no... what have i done.... shes Different now!!!! she came back Wrong!!!!" and shes just like. chilling. reading a book. cooking dinner. shes just so so normal but in the guys mind hes like "oh shes soooo weird" but shes just normal

[bisexual-cyborg]

God, could you imagine if more of Gertrude’s assistants lived and worked together?

[bisexual-cyborg]

[bisexual-cyborg]

First you procrastinate on the task because it is not a big enough deal to get done urgently. Then you procrastinate on the task because it has become such a big deal that doing it is overwhelming. You would think that this implies a middle point where it is just big enough of a deal to get done easily, however the inherent perversity of the universe's causal geometry prevents this

[bisexual-cyborg]

when I was in high school my dad was speeding like crazy because I was running late to my job at the cemetery. and the cop who pulled him over gave him three whole tickets because who the hell goes 95 in a 25??? but then, when my dad went to court the cop didn’t show, and so the judge looked over at the charges and just couldn’t believe it. he thought the cop must’ve been so racist that he made it up because who the hell goes 95 in a 25? so my dad got all 3 tickets dismissed bc of racism. that he didn’t even experience because he was in fact going 95 in a 25.