biolums

[biolums]

life update it still sucks but having beerus around has really helped and im beginning to finally feel like ill get past this time in my life.

my grandmas wake/get together is today, first time ill be seeing some people in years but i think i can make it through it. thinking about asking my sister if we can just take the cat with us for moral support. havent been to a funeral in years nor have i really understood this kind of thing but im going because i want to support my sister and others who do need this. just hope i can fade into the background a bit.

we got a harvest yesterday from the garden and will be making rhubarb snacks and sweets and such soon. saw a huge black ratsnake in the yard, luckily harmless because it was less than a foot from the chickens. chickens did not give a shit about it.

started watching a show to turn my brain off to. finished my crochet project. tried to call about my meds. no one picked up but its a start that i actually tried yesterday. hoping to email about college stuff today or tomorrow. need to talk to my mom about possibly staying home longer. i think i need more time. being home just helps so much

just feel like im always feeling so much all the time. new grief and new happiness and new nostalgia and loss and hope. not sure i could handle being pushed back into my previous life so quickly. we will see i guess

^my single saving grace

#sorry this period of time is akin to an egodeath for me i need to get this all out somehow #beerus has come to cuddle again even though i habe been considtently interupting his sleep tonight #gonna try and get some sleep i guess #sorry for leaving people on read or anything #i miss u all :( hopefully ill be normal enough to be stupid on tumblr soon

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reposting a favorite reddit moment of mine since god knows if ill ever see it again

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ngl i am straight having a bad time. i am suffering. i am stressed. my skin is oily and my room is messy and i sleep all day and i cant do anything and im sad and i have no clue what the fuck im supposed to do bc my adderall cant get fucking filled and then i cant afford name brand but the pharmacist said thats what i need to do but i think ill shoot myself before either having to get another fucking loan because i dont have the kind of money like that or making my mom pay $100 a month for it and its just so fucking exhausting. im so fucking tired.

#like genuinely. dont know if this was what life was like before adderall or not but like #if it was this is not fucking living #im like. weirdly paranoid and im randomly really fucking depressed and i have not done actual work in like weeks #havent raken a shower in like a week i didnt sleep and i have class in an hour and a half #been having like mostly nightmares and my night sweats are back so now im comvinced i have cancer again #feels like my life is falling apart!!!!! #jace.txt

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The TRANS flag color-picked from SAD ANT WITH BINDLE

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whatsso beautiful is i didnt evenknow taylor swif tdid something i thought we were all just hating because it feltright tonight

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#praying my houses wifi will go out so i can stop gaming w my family and fucking SMOKE #i lowkey cannot stand playing stardew w my siblings rheyre insane in two separate ways

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Falling Through Dreams.

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#ok dont get me wrong she is an idiot and all that #but pennsylvania.. yeah i get it

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no fucking way

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she bobbit on my worm til i

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humbolt squid hunting aka the most homosocial thing a fish can do ⁉️

#just hysterically spent 20 min searching for this post #anyways im rewatching our planet season two episode two the deep #as i do. very often #just thinking about this #i was so right #*its blue planet im stupid

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#one is set in the town i went to high school in but it was CERTAINLY not filmed there lmao

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i miss meine kleines glatzekätzchen :(

#my little man….. #jace.txt

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god is real and he is a drag king who took a banana out of his pants mid performance and started eating it

at a drag show but no ones here yet i will kill someone if this gets canceled i want to see save a horse ride a cowboy in its full glory

#i need to be friends with him so bad genuinely the best performance ever #jace.txt #(if any of my close friends wants a vid i will send it i just dont wanna doxx myself to strangers)

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people are showing up none of these bitches are ready for this. the blowup horse. the banana stuck in the pants. the fake nipples glued onto a binder. that is true camp

at a drag show but no ones here yet i will kill someone if this gets canceled i want to see save a horse ride a cowboy in its full glory

#I WOULD POST A VIDEO BUT IDK I DONT WANNA DOXX MYSELF #jace.txt

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at a drag show but no ones here yet i will kill someone if this gets canceled i want to see save a horse ride a cowboy in its full glory

#joining this club was so fun but i am STRESSED #literally no one has shown up and doors opened 10 min ago #OOH #they didnt say doors opened they just listened the time it starts #jace.txt