biblicallyaccurateopossum

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

*grabs both your hands in gesture of sincerity*

Don't let this die. Taylor Swift is the Pollution Queen now. We need meme edits with her photoshopped onto backgrounds of wildfire-ravaged landscapes and oil refineries chugging out black smoke.

Photo of smudgy black eye shadow? That's THE Taylor Swift-inspired look now, it represents fossil fuels.

We need parodies of Taylor Swift songs about pollution and killing polar bears.

Give her representatives a full-time job for the rest of their lives defending her from the phrase "Pollution Queen." Make this meme a the figurehead of an entire fleet of other celebrity-terrorizing memes.

"But this doesn't dismantle the system that—" Shut. Don't care. Isn't it great that such a huge portion of environmental damage is being done by human individuals with egos, whose feelings can be hurt when people are mean?

Money can save you from physical harm, but can it save you from looking ridiculous?

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

sometimes im like "wow holy shit im being really fucking annoying. i should stop talking" and then i pull out my magic 8 ball and it says "youve always been annoying and your friends chose to talk you anyways. youll be fine" and im like wow thanks magic 8 ball. and then the ogre attacks me

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

I am once again thinking about digging holes

It's so fucked up that digging a bunch of holes works so well at reversing desertification

I hate that so much discourse into fighting climate change is talking about bioenginerring a special kind of seaweed that removes microplastics or whatever other venture-capital-viable startup idea when we have known for forever about shit like digging crescent shaped holes to catch rainwater and turning barren land hospitable

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

Should I break up with my roommate? We’re not dating or anything but the friendship is getting a little homoerotic and I’m scared of intimacy

Get more homoerotic

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

i hate when i send someone a meme in another language and they're like "uhm... translate? 😒" fucker i sent you a meme where 90% of the words have an english cognate and/or you don't need to know what they're saying to find it funny. can you at least TRY

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

the Columbia University arrests are worse than they seem. They're arresting protesting students for trespassing. It goes without saying students cannot meaningfully "trespass" in the common areas of a university they attend. So Columbia University has suspended all student protestors from their institution, in the process revoking their access to housing, their belonging, and most crucially damaging their academic futures. We are witnessing full scale silencing and removal of anyone of conscience from the next generation of academia.

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

genuinely think i might stop reading the news entirely. this is so dire

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

I love those "asking cosplayers at a con what their day job is" videos because it's always like

*muffled voice issuing from a huge suit of armor* im a cybersecurity specialist

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

Bothering the beast

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

stop holding ya pee for so damn long

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

your parents just sold you as their firstborn to a fey. problem is you’re already an adult.

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

My one friend group can't stop saying, "See you in hell!" in a cheerful voice instead of, "Talk to you later!" and my other friend group can't stop calling things "penis" instead of "cool" or "good", so I just unironically uttered the phrase, "Sounds penis, see you in hell," as I got off the phone.

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

Is there a word that’s a mix between angry and sad

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

I hate the “open floor plan” that everyone is obsessed with in houses now. I want nooks and crannies and bizarre floor plans. I don’t need to be able to see what someone is doing on the other side of the house. I want places to hide and lurk and dwell in the shadows. I am the beast who awaits in the labyrinth

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

[biblicallyaccurateopossum]

its important to do this every time a museum or school thinks this is a good idea