bible-facts-i-just-made-up
Bible Facts I Just Made Up
Jesus hates George Lucas, personally
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Nobody knows what god looks like, because similarly to a vampire, he doesn’t show up in mirrors or photographs. Jesus however, is known to show up very well in photographs, sometimes he even shows up in pictures taken when he wasn’t there.
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Screws are more holy than nails, although both are still perfectly fine tools.
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If you pray to god while you’re in the car, he can’t hear you. God really does not like cars. You can speak to god on a train, however.
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The soul of an octopus is usually about the same size as the soul of a human.
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God can commune with anybody in the whole entire world, except French people. God doesn’t know French.
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You cannot drink pool water because it’s the opposite of holy water. It’s cursed by god.
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He vacations there, but the commute is rough.
Gods apartment building is on the sun
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Lying is not a sin if it’s for the bit
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Gods apartment building is on the sun
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God can see everyone everywhere all at once, except in the basement. He can’t see down there. You can do anything you want in there.
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Sometimes, at crowded late-night concerts, for really obscure bands that come from towns no one’s ever heard of, if you look very closely, you can see Jesus at the front of the mosh pit with his eyes closed and his head way back, waving his arms in the air.
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All dreams are divine visions, most of them just aren’t very important. You can ignore them
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If your child receives a laced candy on Halloween, god wants you to know he did it.
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Getting up too early on Sundays to go to church is a sin. god wants you to rest.
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Lady Gaga is an integral part of gods plan.
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Hey, don’t feel bad. There has never been a single saint who knew how to tie their shoes. All of them had to use Velcro. And god loved them anyway.
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It’s a sin to use your phone on the toilet
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