bi-wolf-lotus-blog

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New crush

You ever look back to old relationships and just wonder wow they're all so alike now that you see all them from afar. Then there is this random person who comes in your life at the randomest time. They're from what you can see nothing like your old lovers. And you're not even sure when it was you noticed them or what made you notice them. They were simply always there and then one day your heart started racing near them. You began getting self conscious around them. You were more aware of how close they were to you. More aware of how they looked and just cant see why your mind is attracted. They're not your usual "type". Yet the refreshingness of their personality and looks is so alluring that you just go with it

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You ever fall in love and have it flow through your body. Through every limb, vein, artery and cell. That your felt like it was made of air and warmth. Colors seem brighter and clearer. Sounds are more sweet and mellow. Everything is smooth and soft. Smells are alluring and intoxicating. Food tastes just a little more savory and melts in your mouth. But then reality hits.....the mind is no longer blinded by other senses. The rose tinted glasses are knocked off by the brush offs leaving bright blinding lights, the bad taste in your mouth when their brisk words cut back at you. Food is sour,bitter and tart, sounds are like knives to the ears, touch is full of painful shocks. Pain fills your body wrecking every nerve like glass in your bloodstream. Your limbs are filled lead and you don't know what happened. Yet none of this is compared to how your mind is left. Questions of why, of what went wrong, what did you do wrong because they've convinced you its your fault. It just hurts all over. You cant move and you want to claw your own skin off so you can breathe. But in your mind you just see their face, full of disappointment and disgust. In the end, they don't care that you're in pain only that you are no longer able to dote over them so they tell you it's your fault and say you don't love them. It's just pain

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What did we do to deserve Bill Nye

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“Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life.” - Leo Buscaglia

via @quotemadness

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“We all are addicted to something that ruins us.”

— via The wrong side of right (via labierinth-cttn)

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via @rupikaurpoems

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THIS IS IMPORTANT

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I love tumblr. I can be as gay as I want, whenever I want.

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To both

You both taught me a lot about myself. Taught me how to love. Taught me how to deal with emotional and mental pain. She taught me how to ask for help and how to grow and move forward with it. He taught me how to pull myself up, to see the signs in myself to help myself. Both of you were broken by your past though never too broken that you couldn't love. Both are good people though you thought you weren't. Both wanted to become better and show others how great you were. I knew you were and are. One has moved on to another and I sincerely hope she fares better against your manipulation. The other I hope you haven't forgotten about me or us because I miss you. I care about both even though I shouldn't. I want to make sure you are eating ok, sleeping ok, got through your obstacles......but it is no longer my place to check....

So goodbye.

I love you,

Your ex girlfriend

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To her

You surprised me. Made me question myself. But you pulled me from a ledge that someone else would push me towards. So I thank you for that. You made me feel something I didnt think I'd feel for someone else especially not you. I'm sorry I didn't fight for you in the way you wanted. It was new to me and i just knew you wouldnt stay so i fought for you in a way that you could be free...... in the end you hurt me just like he did but I believe I love you more than i loved him. No matter how hard I try to forget you and hate you something happens that makes me remember our good times and miss you even more

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To him

You were my first. You taught me new things about myself. New emotions, new perspectives, new betrayals. I was your first as well though it seemed like you knew more than I did. I want to blame you for a lot but I can't. All I see now is a broken boy who managed to break a girl who knew nothing

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“the fact that I need you so much more than you need me fucks me over countless times…”

—

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a note on people who always say “i don’t mind” whenever you ask where they want to eat/what they want to watch/etc:

usually this is because they’ve been punished in the past for voicing their opinions, not because they’re out to annoy you specifically. depending on how much flack they used to receive, it can be very stressful for them if you try and force them to offer up an idea.

a lot of my friends who do this appreciate me giving out like… three options. pick three different things that you will be happy to do any of and ask which of those three options they’d prefer. it removes the fear of “what if they don’t like my suggestion” without erasing their option to chose and have preferences so, you know, good all around

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I watch both Supernatural and Lucifer and let me tell you, my grandparents really appreciate my knowledge on religion.