beterbarkerr

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I’m really funny

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“why can’t two guys just be friends” they have to be gay. i said so. not sorry

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Comic Peter: I must protect my identity at all costs. No one must ever know who I am. I will keep my mask on even in deep space just incase anyone may recognise me

Mcu Peter: *visibly vibrating* HI iM pEtER pArKER

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Peter at 3 am baking

Tony: what are you doing Peter?

Peter: bake great life decisions

Tony:...

Bucky pops up besides Peter with freshly made cupcakes: it works

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I am a Peter Parker still has GLASSES truther till I die. Spiders notoriously have the doggiest vision and you’re telling me it somehow healed his???? NUH-UH! It probably made it fucking WORSE! And I don’t care about the little spider geeks who’ll crawl up and say ‘rhhh well some spiders actually have really great—‘ or ‘maybe the spider which bit Peter is just—‘ BLEHHHHH I CANT HEAR YOU!

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Tony: Listen, I know I'm not your father-

Peter: I know.

Tony:

Peter: I know you're not my father Mr. Stark.

Tony: But-

Peter: Do you know?

Tony:

Peter: Do you know you're not my father?

Tony: Yes, I know.

Peter: You don't act like someone who is not my father, Mr. Stark.

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where is my friend, the smileyyyy <3

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Tony: Peter, why are there so many spiders in your room? Just because you’re part spider it doesn’t mean you don’t have to clean your room, I’m going to kill them.

Peter: No, these are my children!

Tony: Like…literally?

Peter: Adopted! I saved them from a burning building last week and know they’re mine.

Tony: Last week, wasn’t that the time you laid in the Med-Bay with second degree burns and a smoke poisoning, because you wouldn’t leave a burning building for reason you wouldn’t tell me?

Peter: Uh, I’ve gotta go

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Tony: Why are you ignoring Peter?

Harley: I’m playing hard to get

Tony: Why would you do that? You’re already hard to want-

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to be honest I’m really amazed to see when someone is saying "but this character is so ooc”..like okay? and what? this is how I interpreted a character, you may see him in another way and that’s okay. I may exaggerate some of their characteristics and that’s also okay. I can make headcanon that one of them has one or another disability and that’s also okay. I may make them gay, lesbian and that’s also okay. Because it’s a fictional character and it’s okay if it’s ooc. And I might even like ooc fics more than other fics and that’s okay!!!

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Peter: all right first question. are you the killer?

suspect: no

Peter: really?

suspect: yes

Peter:

Peter:

Peter: killersaywhat

suspect: what?

Peter: got em! we got em!

Tony, banging a gavel: guilty! guilty!

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Tony: Why would you give a knife to Underoos?

Bucky: *shrugging* Peter felt unsafe.

Tony: Now I feel unsafe!

Bucky: I'm sorry...

Bucky: Would you like a knife?

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Peter: Truth or dare?

Tony: truth

Peter: How many hours of sleep have you gotten in the past week?

Tony: dare

Peter: go to sleep

Tony: i no enjoy this game

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Peter: 11 year old me would think current me is insane

Harley: He'd be right

Harley: 11 year old me would call current me a slur

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Peter doesn’t think Harley likes him back because he’s always saying passive aggressive things about Spider-Man.

Harley says passive aggressive things about Spider-Man because he think Peter and Spider-Man are dating and is jealous.

Tony is just sitting there wondering how long it’ll take these two ‘geniuses’ to realize they like each other

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(endgame didnt happen AU)

peter parker field trip fic except it takes place after FFH, peters still very on guard about things not being what they seem to be, and things keep going well. The cheesiest, fluffiest, "thor eating pop tarts and clint is in the vents" fic, but peter absolutely cannot let himself believe anything is okay or safe.

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Peter: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'? Natasha: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated- Clint: Smad.