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Someone saw Jason Momoa and thought “I want to cast him in a movie where he’s soaking wet 90% of the time” and I respect that

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the lock jammed on the front door of my shitty prewar apartment building so i just spent twenty minutes forcing it open while my very drunk neighbor sat on the steps nodding at my efforts and going “this is fun. being locked out together. we should hang out more”

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Overwatch is a trash game because when Genji deflects Hanzo’s damage he doesn’t say “stop hitting yourself.”

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The day I met my solemate

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I can’t…

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Deep Space Missions

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who keeps giving her these things

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i wanna know wtf was up with the dude from ratatouille that this rat could just up and jaeger pilot his ass by pullin on his hair

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‪Essays I've written that had absolutely no business scoring as high as they did‬

- A literary analysis claiming that Jekyll was gay and strongly insinuating that Hyde was his drag persona‬ ‪- 500 words on how Despacito has changed the American music industry (in Spanish)‬ ‪- Literally didn’t even write an essay just turned in a picture of that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the cartoon angels are playing the trumpet w their asses - We were supposed to make a ‘diary’ from the pov of a character in Romeo and Juliet. I chose to write as a gay servant who was hopelessly in love w Romeo and plotting to murder Juliet. It’s entirely handwritten w my left hand and stg every single word is spelled wrong. One page just says ‘today I saw a geese’. There are no fewer than 6 thinly veiled sexual innuendos.

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i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.

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“you can’t make a lawful good character interesting and enjoyable”:

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i had a dream i went to nintendo and they revealed to me that all this time the real pokemon designer was this Russian guy named Vladimir Pokemondesigner and i asked him why he named jigglypuff that and he said “is puff. is jiggly. are you a jokester?” and crushed my head like an empty soda can

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Abandoned Hobbiton from Lord Of The Rings taken over by sheep.