best-habsburg-monarch

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Archduke Karl:

The man who handed Napoleon his first significant defeat at Aspern, which has to be sexy to someone. His equestrian portrait and the statue on the Heldenplatz are both very cool. He also the unenviable task of trying to talk about reform to Franz II/I and Metternich, so you have to feel for the guy a bit. Had seven children, so a sexyman to his wife at the very least. Definitely a much sexier man than Franz II/I, but that might not be saying very much.

Admin note: the equestrian portrait:

And him with his five of those seven children:

Władysław Franciszek Jabłonowski:

[no propaganda submitted]

#one more reminder to vote for our guy here

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Archduke Karl:

The man who handed Napoleon his first significant defeat at Aspern, which has to be sexy to someone. His equestrian portrait and the statue on the Heldenplatz are both very cool. He also the unenviable task of trying to talk about reform to Franz II/I and Metternich, so you have to feel for the guy a bit. Had seven children, so a sexyman to his wife at the very least. Definitely a much sexier man than Franz II/I, but that might not be saying very much.

Admin note: the equestrian portrait:

And him with his five of those seven children:

Władysław Franciszek Jabłonowski:

[no propaganda submitted]

#vote for our guy #as archdukes go #he hits the requirements of doing interesting things and having a good reasonably good marriage

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Klemens von Metternich

"Have you seen him?“

"Look, this one is for the villainfuckers out there. Is he morally good? Who cares. He is slippery and pretty and has a silver tongue. And famously had so much sex. If you've ever wanted to fuck a flamboyant, suave villain, he should be your pick."

Ippolit Kuragin

“he canonically gets bitches”

#vote for our guy #we don't care whether he is “good” #he is very sexy

[best-habsburg-monarch]

@best-hohenzollern-ruler I believe this one is one of yours, Liebling (though he has already lost in your bracket).

Friedrich Wilhelm III

Propaganda:

"He managed to make someone as pretty as his wife genuinely fall in love with him and led a happy marriage; that must count for something.”

(admin note: for a Hohenzollern, "had a happy marriage" is an outlier)

Pius VII

Propaganda:

“I mean, for a pope, not the worst looking. The potential direct line though could be valuable”

#napoleonic sexyman tournament

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Franz II/I, Emperor of Austria

Propaganda:

"Cheekbones mate. Cheekbones sharper than Napoleons sword and higher than the alps. Slutty little waist. Snappable. Delicate. Lots of head, pun intended. Twinks are so delicious." - @master-of-the-opera-house

Étienne Jacques-Joseph-Alexandre Macdonald:

Propaganda:

“Scots are really cool (and so is the Scottish accent). Cross that with a French (special interest) nationality and you get a sexyman. Frankness is very attractive and so is loyalty to a cause. Had PTSD after Russia. Also all three of his wives successively died for the TragedyTM. That makes him a bit of a wet cat sexyman.”

#sigh....I suppose this one is ours #and we should put in a good word for him #but of his brothers #he's probably the least attractive #so uh.....he had the sense to promote notorious sexyman Metternich??

[best-habsburg-monarch]

"what could possibly be sexier than a prussian uniform and a lasting impact on military theory?”

well, we couldn't agree more.

We mean *clears throat* vote for the Russian or something....

Carl von Clausewitz

Author of some of Prussia's most famous military strategy:

Propaganda:

"what could possibly be sexier than a prussian uniform and a lasting impact on military theory?”

Barclay de Tolly

Military commander responsible for some sensible but controversial decisions

Propaganda:

“he has the prettiest little face i want to smooch he doesnt look at the camera in his portrait cause hes a shy little slut love him him dearly i love his head”

#rping as a whole dynasty

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Adam Jerzy Czartoryski

(admin note: even if you don't vote for him, reading about his life is a wild ride)

Propaganda:

"Decided that the way to free Poland was by having a threesome with Alexander and his wife.”

Lefebvre:

Propaganda:

“Total DILF material, and the fiery passion in his eyes was matched only by his fiery personality! This contest may be based on looks (and Lefebvre is a strong candidate on this metric alone); but it's hard not to fall in love with his spicy takes and saucy language. He told Napoleon, "Let us throw the lawyers into the river” after agreeing to help overthrow the Directory (quoted in David G. Chandler, ed., Napoleon's Marshals), and from his English Wikipedia article: When a friend expressed envy of his estate, Lefebvre said, "Come down in the courtyard, and I'll have ten shots at you with a musket at 30 paces. If I miss, the whole estate is yours." After the friend declined this offer, Lefebvre added, "I had a thousand bullets shot at me from much closer range before I got all this." In response to a clueless young man demanding his identity at a social event, he answered, ''Je viens de la lune, où je n'ai jamais vu un Jean-Foutre de ton espèce: Je m'appelle le Général Lefebvre!” [“I come from the moon, where I’ve never seen such a #*$& as you. My name is General Lefevre!”] Quoted in The Secret History of the Cabinet of Bonaparte by Lewis Goldsmith, 1810, which is also hilarious because the author clearly hates Lefebvre, but makes him sound like a cool badass. He earns additional sexy points by sticking by his ex-washerwoman wife, who had a mouth of her own. (tbh Catherine Lefebvre, “Madame Sans-Gêne,” deserves her own Napoleonic Sexyman [gender neutral] nomination).”

#not saying you should vote for the Pole #but we did support him after he got in trouble with the tsar #and hes pretty

[best-habsburg-monarch]

i think if you told mozart that he put his whole amadeussy into composing he'd love that. he'd say thank you.

#ok this is a meme blog now

[best-habsburg-monarch]

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Alright, no roleplay, no pretense here. We reblogged it because it had to do with the results of our bracket. If you did not want anyone to reblog it, you could have reached out to either of our admins or indicated that in the post. Had you reached out to us, this could have even been collaborative. Alas, that won't be an option.

As for the "electorate," it is perfectly possible that people following this blog didn't agree with the outcome and would like another chance to vote. It was not an uncontested final. Plenty of people agreed with the anti-propaganda on Maria Theresa.

It is rather unfortunate that you are reacting in this way when reblogging each other's polls has been a pretty normal part of how the bracket blogs have interacted with each other up to now. We assumed that everything was operating with a shared sense of collegiality. It's disheartening to see that is not the case.

Final Result(s)

The time has come, lads and lasses! It's been a number of weeks, but we finally have our Ultimate King of Hungary (before Mohács). And who is that amazing, unparalleled ruled that has absolutely trounced every opponent (in these polls, that is)?

It's him. Of course it's him, who did you think was going to win this one, III.András?!

Anyway, we also had two bonus polls, and we'd be remiss if we didn't also mention their winners.

First off, there was the Anti-Habsburg Antiking contest. We decided to do away with the Bethlens and Bosckais (sorry to all the Bethlen, Bocskai, the other Rákoczi and Thököly stans out there) and instead just straight up pit the two most iconic candidates against each other. As a result, Rákoczi Ferenc and his moustache trounced Szapolyai János - and I don't suppose any of the others would fare better, though it would be funny to see Thököly get, like, zero votes. Anyway, we might do something with that somewhere down the line. For now, congrats, Ferenc, you're the best alternative we ever had to the Habsburgs.

The second poll was in our opinion more well-constructed, and also asked better questions: namely, who is the TRUE father of the Hungarian nation? That one was pretty decisively won by Árpád (other options included Levedi, Álmos, I.István, "nationalism wasn't invented yet, dumbass", and Other). Painting by Feszty Árpád, from around 1900, just to rub it in that "nationalism wasn't invented yet" was in fact the correct option. (Kidding. Unlike the Hungarian government of the 19th century, we are not in fact in the business of dictating people their national identities - if y'all say Árpád is the Father of the Nation, I believe you.)

But to be honest, I am not quite ready to part with this sideblog quite yet. So before I send you on your merry way, I have one last question for y'all...

#this is....unfortunate #truly #that's all I am saying on this #the admins have enough stress in their lives without having to fight over the silly little tumblr polls

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Friedrich der Große (r. 1740 - 1786)

'Old Fritz'

Friedrich and Catherine grasped that universal truth: Poland is a mess. They saw a kingdom fracturing apart at the seams - never you mind who helped to unstitch it - and their hearts wept for the plight of the Poles. In such a state of disarray, what were good neighbors to do but forcefully open the door and invite themselves in? Polnische Wirtschaft was replaced with Preußentum and our people have gotten along swimmingly since.

But that is enough of war, isn't it? No, such a man as Old Fritz was defined by many talents and interests. He prided himself on being more a philosopher than warrior and his creative pursuits attest to this capacity. Before ascending to the throne, he "anonymously" published a treatise titled The Anti-Machiavel. In it, he took a bold stance against prince's limitless pursuit of ambition and power were detrimental to the state and that the best way to rule was with a just mind and heart. While some argue vociferously about what this reveals about the king in light of his wars with Austria, I believe a man should be allowed to say whatever he so chooses and not be held to it. And that is the height of philosophy. (Note: Was your mother a Frenchwoman? -L)

Friedrich, like a dragon, could have hoarded all the brilliance of the lands for himself. But that was not his style, not the color of his soul. Prussia was not to be Sparta alone, but Athens as well. The Academies of Art and Science were revitalized, having fallen into a state of negligence during his father's reign. The Berlin Academy under his reign attracted enlightenment heavyweights such as Maupertius, Francesco Algarotti, Le Mettrie, and others we simply can't afford the space to print. It was under his reign that Berlin began to attract the intellectual prestige it has increasingly been known for.

Albrecht (r. 1525 - 1568)

Duke of Prussia

Albrecht was the first ruler within European with the courage to throw off the yoke of Catholic tyranny. He embraced Lutheranism with open arms, a choice that would echo down from the Hohenzollerns to people of Prussia. Indeed, the wealth he stole reappropriated from papal purses enriched the livelihoods of his nobles. How does this benefit the peasant class? Well, as Herr Reagan was explaining to me one night in Hell, [the rest is scribbled out, followed by 'NO -L' and underlined three times]

Albrecht took a keen interest in the development of schools throughout ducal Prussia. His crowning achievement in this regard was the establishment of Königsberg University, which was intended to rival the Catholic Krakow Academy.

#we feel obliged to tell you to vote against Friedrich II

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Greetings, descendants!

It seems this month is unfortunately full of farewells. First you, now Best Romanov Monarch, and soon, we, @rulers-of-hungary-tournament will conclude our tournament as well. The final round of our tournament is between I.István (Štefan I.), also known as Saint Stephen, and I.Mátyás (Matej Korvín) also known as Matthias Corvinus (who, if we are not mistaken, doesn't have the best record when it comes to relations with you). We cordially invite you and everyone else who might see this message to the final showdown, which takes place here:

https://www.tumblr.com/rulers-of-hungary-tournament/740246869349924864/final-round

signed Duchess of Nyitra

As always, we encourage everyone to go engage with the Hungarian tournament as well.

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Thought I'd do a thing for @best-habsburg-monarch since they'd just finished their polls and someone i rooted for on my own always nonsense reasons actually clawed his way into the top three

#best habsburg bracket #i hope you know that you made my day

[best-habsburg-monarch]

@best-habsburg-monarch @best-bourbon-monarch thank you for the help we figured something out <3

#best habsburg bracket

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Then perhaps I ought not add that we will also campaign for Bohemia, since it is an important part of our realm as well.

@best-habsburg-monarch @best-bourbon-monarch thank you for the help we figured something out <3

#best habsburg bracket #we can support many people at once #we have that much love in our hearts #if both austria and bavaria are voted out this blog will become a Bohemian loyalist #you have been warned

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Glad to help!

*sees who Austria is up against in the first round* How dare you?

@best-habsburg-monarch @best-bourbon-monarch thank you for the help we figured something out <3

#best habsburg bracket #why are you setting both us and the Prussians up for fratricide like this

[best-habsburg-monarch]

Joseph II in Amadeus: I will say first and foremost that this is not a judgement on Amadeus as a movie generally. Rather, it is because renowned historian and biographer of Joseph II, Derek Beales took a long tangent in a serious historical article to complain that Amadeus got the look right and everything about his personality wrong. His assessment was that the only positive of the portrayal was that people knew who he was talking about when he discussed his research, provided that he call Joseph "Mozart's Emperor"

Charles V in The Tudors: When I was looking for an image, Google asked if I'd rather be looking at Carlos, rey emperador, and yeah...I really would. The Spanish in The Tudors are all universally swarthy, zealous, and flamboyant. Charles appears relatively shortly in the first season and then never again for some reason. He has an...interesting prosthetic chin.

Maximilian of Mexico in Die Kaiserin: Here's a puzzle for you: You, a writer of a TV show, have decided to include a (probably) queer liberal prince who was known for his romantic tendencies, friendship with his sister-in-law, interest in botany, and progressive politics. How do you portray him? If your answer is flamboyant villain whose goal seems to be sleeping with his sister-in-law and overthrowing his brother, you are the writers of Die Kaiserin. As @archduchessofnowhere succinctly put it "probably the biggest character assassination he suffered since his actual death."

Admin 1 would like to add:

Franz Joseph in Sisi (2022): So, this may be more or less a stand-in for every portrayal of Franz Joseph that is fixated on him being a bad husband and father for the sake of his wife's character. But this one gets a special mention though for the creative new implication that He, Sisi, and Andrassy should have a threesome to solve all their tension.

#best habsburg bracket #bonus round #if you can hear admin 1's incoherent rage at Maxi's portrayal in Die Kaiserin #there is a good reason for that