bendywendy

[bendywendy]

Trigger warning: this contains mentions of domestic abuse

I probably shouldn't be writing this, but my truth needs to be heard. Next week will mark a year since I left my ex of 6 years. He was charming and said the right words but from the start something was off. It started with eliminating my friends for reasons I knew were untrue but eventually believed, one by one. Then it was alienating me from my family. I had no support system left but him. I began to believe his lies, as they were repeated so many times I started to doubt my own reality.

When the violence began, I believed his nice words about how bad he felt about it. I wanted to believe he could change, he could manage his anger better, he could just be better. His crocodile tears worked on me. I wanted him to be the man I thought I fell in love with, and I kept hoping to get that intelligent charismatic man back. I was in too deep, I loved and was so proud of his children and my part in their lives. I wanted protect those kids and my cats. I tried to absorb all the ugliness of the situation and make the best of it.

He proposed. He made me feel wanted but at the same time that I wasn't good enough, that I was over-reacting when I feared him after he would slam me against walls and scream an inch from my face. Towards the end one of our cats became incontinent, and to protect her from the rage I locked her in a room until we surrendered her to the humane society because we couldn't afford to take her to a vet. I will bear the guilt of that for the rest of my life.

That same week of surrendering a cat I love deeply, after busting my ass nanny-ing while sick and puking bile, I came home and tried to tell my partner that I was unhappy and couldn't be there anymore. His extreme reaction is nothing I'm ready to share. But I was deeply frightened for my life and hurt. While he was picking up his kids I quickly packed up my cats and medications and ran to somewhere he couldn't find me. And while the stress of it caused my body to fail, that decision I made that night has become something I'm proud of.

I've learned to move on from bad situations. I wish I could warn my younger self to not tolerate abuse. I now know the red flags of manipulation, gaslighting, and isolation. Next week instead of being sad for those 6 years, I will have pride for how far I've come and for the strength it took to go against the current and leave. I'm lucky to have made it out alive.

My mistakes don't define me and I'm stronger for having been through some fucked up shit. I'm back on my feet now, I have a wonderful boyfriend who I can trust and I am able to spoil my two remaining cats and have a secure life without fear.

I guess I wrote this because my friends and family should know what happened and why I lost touch. I'm thankful to have friends left and support from them and my family. I hope maybe I can inspire anyone who's in a bad situation to consider going against the current and making a change.

[bendywendy]

I'm that Wendy. Help me keep surviving and getting treatment, please share or donate if you can.

Hi everyone,  This is my friend Wendy, she had found out within the last few years that she had gastroparesis, Superior mesenteric artery syndrome, and EDS.  She has refused to do this for years, and it was her boyfriend who decided to make this gofundme.  She is not one to ask for money and the fact she is asking is a big deal.  Wendy is almost at the point where she can barely afford to get her medicine.  If you can help out either by sharing this and passing it on or donating, it would really mean a lot.

Thanks for reading this. -SweetDreamer215

#superior mesenteric artery syndrome #Chronic illness #Sma syndrome #Ehlers Danlos syndrome #Cipo