beaureguarde

[beaureguarde]

A FIST AND A HEART ARE SORT OF THE SAME THING ... SILENA BEAUREGARD OF THE RIORDANVERSE, BY ISA, SHE/HER, 20.

#hey <3 bringing this back for finals week of all times

[beaureguarde]

torture me with the memes if u would be so kind?

#one more call hehe #i'll be here tmrw to procrastinate on another paper prob

[beaureguarde]

i forget if this was ever fun. / jasmine

SHE OFFERS HER HAND, spotless and without a scratch of combat. her hair was tied up tight as if she planned to fight, but even if she'd felt like it, it's rarely expected of her or the rest of her cabin. ❛ it wasn't. ❜ honestly, the way some of these people walk away from the game — if they weren't surrounded by injuries of equal or less severity, maybe they'd reconsider at least some of the effort.

❛ come on, if we skip the celebrations, we can beat everyone to the showers. use up all the hot water. ❜ the earlier, the better, assuming her siblings might already be toying with the same idea.

↳ the tor/tured poets dep/artment : ( accepting. )

#lingeringscars #❦‚ i fell in love with the fire long ago. one. #❦‚ love enough to fill me up. ic. #q.

[beaureguarde]

" come close, i'll show you heaven. "

SHE LAUGHS AT HIM, A VOICE STILL LIKE SPRINGTIME, not yet burnt dry like the weather this time of year, like the wood left to spit out the night's last embers. it's dismissive, impudent of her, only because she knows better — if legends are to be believed, he is as much of his father as she is of her mother. perhaps innate to him as any good-looker, BORROWING HEARTS is just where they happen to intersect. they both know as much. silena follows in each footstep, catches his hand at a slightly steeper drop, grin just too genuine to be called quite wicked.

❛ watch it. i expect to be returned in one piece. ❜ she pretends the press on her fingers doesn't linger, like she won't still feel it in the morning when she's PATTING DOWN the natural flush of her cheeks. and she shoulder-checks him as she takes the lead, not so much as a spare glance behind; she doesn't need to make sure he's keeping up. ❛ that's a loaded offer. ❜

↳ the tor/tured poets dep/artment : ( accepting. )

#castell4n #❦‚ i fell in love with the fire long ago. one. #❦‚ love enough to fill me up. ic. #q. #u can't see it in this reply but there's steam coming out of my ears<3

[beaureguarde]

have to write an essay on por/trait of a la/dy on fire + hade/stown as modern works inspired by the orpheus+eurydice myth as my final paper for my greek myths class i am winning thank u very much

#❦‚ shut up‚ isa! ooc. #my exact niche!!!!

[beaureguarde]

i love unhinged women but i also love women who try so fucking hard to be hinged. clinging to those hinges by her fingernails.

#❦‚ maybe some faith would do me good. muse.

[beaureguarde]

endless edits of silena, 007 / ??

#* #scopo / #❦‚ got lovestruck‚ went straight to my head. vis. #we are so back

[beaureguarde]

torture me with the memes if u would be so kind?

#of the poet variety #❦‚ shut up‚ isa! ooc.

[beaureguarde]

#❦‚ maybe some faith would do me good. muse. #screaming crying

[beaureguarde]

it's almost like a weight lifted, that one word without anything rocky on its tail except maybe the few stumbled over that, though the discomfort could slice through celestial bronze, feels akin to progress. ❛ yeah, ❜ uncertainty seems contagious to a degree. she turns back to the mirror to finish the clouds of pinks and browns at the lift of her eyes, but eyes mikayla's reflection all the same.

❛ that's good. so you can tell drew where to stick it, if you want. you have my blessing, ❜ she quips. it's not for any disdain for drew, only reinforcement for a light heart on the odds mikayla hasn't already gotten around to it. a smile takes silena's face, subtle as it is impish, an attempted pick to plaster in this odd brick wall between them.

maybe this is just what it means to have siblings, their words getting under mikayla's skin no matter how much she doesn't want to let them. silena's right: this is just what drew does, and normally, it wouldn't bother mikayla, but even she has moments of insecurity, the underlying belief that there's something deeply wrong with her— more importantly, that it's his fault.

“ okay. ” silena's better at this than mikayla could hope to ever be, whether she's trying or not; comfort has never come naturally to her, not when she's rarely been shown it, and so it's no surprise that mikayla doesn't know how to show her appreciation, either. if they were closer, mikayla could trust that she doesn't have to, that silena would just know— but they're not, and that's her fault entirely. “ uh, thanks, i guess. ” uncomfortable but genuine. “ i mean— i'm fine with it, being different. for the record. ”

#manslaught #❦‚ i fell in love with the fire long ago. one. #❦‚ love enough to fill me up. ic.

[beaureguarde]

the tortured poets department: the anthology sentence starters.

i just don't understand how you don't miss me.

i may never open up the way i did for you.

do you hate me?

you knew the price goin' in.

i can tell when somebody still wants me.

whether i'm gonna curse you out or take you back to my house, i haven't decided yet.

you were never not mine.

even if it's handcuffed, i'm leaving here with you.

we broke all the pieces but still want to play the game.

told my friends i hate you, but i love you just the same.

pick your poison, babe. i'm poison either way.

they tried to warn you about me.

you're in terrible danger.

i tried to warn you about them.

if you want to break my cold, cold heart, just say "i loved you the way that you were."

you said some things that i can't unabsorb.

you needed me, but you needed drugs more.

if you want to tear my world apart, say you'll always wonder.

will i always wonder?

i can't pretend like i understand.

how did it end?

it's happening again.

tell me 'bout the first time you saw me.

are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?

no one's ever had me, not like you.

tell me something awful.

tell me all your secrets.

i don't believe in good luck now that i know what's what.

seems like it was never even fun back then.

i'm lonely, but i'm good.

i'm bitter, but i swear i'm fine.

this place made me feel worthless.

i can't forgive the way you made me feel.

there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you.

maybe you've reframed it and in your mind you didn't beat my spirit black and blue.

i don't think you've changed much.

everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman but she used to say she wished that you were dead.

does it feel alright to not know me?

i'm addicted to the "if only."

i guess a lesser woman would've lost hope.

i don't want money. i just want someone who wants my company.

do you believe me now?

they say what doesn't kill you makes you aware. what happens if it becomes who you are?

is it something i did?

i thought it was just goodbye for now.

you said you were gonna grow up then you were gonna come find me.

life was always easier on you than it was on me.

i didn't want to hang around.

we must stop meeting like this.

you are bloodthirsty.

you have no room in your dreams for regrets.

i'm not a donor but i'd give you my heart if you needed it.

the story isn't mine anymore.

#this + the other one GIMME #❦‚ i push it back‚ but it keeps on coming. inbox.

[beaureguarde]

the tortured poets department sentence starters.

i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me.

i love you, it's ruining my life.

my husband is cheating. i wanna kill him.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

who's gonna hold you like me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.

everyone we know understands why it's meant to be. 'cause we're crazy.

who else is gonna know me?

i should've known it was a matter of time.

we could've played for keeps this time.

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.

he told me i'm better off, but i'm not.

fuck it if i can't have him.

i might just die, it would make no difference.

fuck it if i can't have us.

'cause fuck it, i was in love.

i stopped trying to make him laugh.

how much sad did you think i had in me?

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.

just how low did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?

you swore you love me, but where were the clues?

i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place.

i forget if this was ever fun.

no, i'm not coming to my sense.

i know he's crazy, but he's the one i want.

i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.

i'll tell you something about me good name - it's mine alone to disgrace.

you ain't gotta pray for me.

no, you can't come to the wedding.

it's gonna be alright, i did my time.

i will never lose my baby again.

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up now that i know what's at stake.

they said i was a cheat. i guess it must be true.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

tell me i'm dispicable, say it's unforgivable.

am i allowed to cry?

i keep recalling things we never did.

someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts.

if it's make-believe, why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

they're gonna crucify me anyway.

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

you don't get to tell me about "sad."

if you wanted me dead, you should've just said.

who's afraid of little old me?

at all costs, keep your good name.

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?

say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did?

i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

i'm fearsome, and i'm wretched, and i'm wrong.

you caged me, and then you called me crazy.

i am what i am 'cause you trained me.

i can fix him. no really, i can.

come close, i'll show you heaven.

trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man.

you said i'm the love of your life.

well, you took me to hell, too.

what we thought was for all time was momentary.

are they second-hand embarrassed that i can't get out of bed 'cause something counterfeit's dead?

you're the loss of my life.

i can handle my shit.

he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short.

i can do it with a broken heart.

i'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague.

i cry a lot, but i am so productive. it's an art.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i'm sure i can pass this test.

they said, "babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and i did.

'cause i'm miserable! and nobody even knows!

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

they just ghosted you. now you know what it feels like.

i don't even want you back.

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.

i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside.

i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive.

i haven't come around in so long, but i'm making a comeback to where i belong.

this town is fake, but you're the real thing.

the crown is stained, but you're the real queen.

you're the new god we're worshipping.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

#❦‚ i push it back‚ but it keeps on coming. inbox. #amen

[beaureguarde]

"just how low did you think i'd go before 'fore i'd self-implode?" @kungkarlek log onto luke rn

#yes this is a callout. 😤😤😤 #tbd / #some of these lines have me Reeling to the floor

[beaureguarde]

it's that point of the semester where it's starting to feel like maybe i should try adderall once just to see if it works

#also wearing eyeliner every day as incentive not to cry in public #life tips from cabin ten? lmao #i have a speech this week. evil stuff #still haven't written it #seems it will have to get done tho. somehow #lol hope to be more active again after the home stretch!! #❦‚ shut up‚ isa! ooc.

[beaureguarde]

dab some rose oil on ur wrists and forget about it

#❦‚ maybe some faith would do me good. muse.

[beaureguarde]

❛ no. but no bad news is good news. ❜ as far as bad news goes, her father has never been too attractive to monsters on his own; if that were to change, then maybe she'd start letting her real worries get to her.

but either way, those are nothing to admit to the fire. she'll have to save them for later. still, she feels the need to fill the silence with something while she's still sitting here, not yet willing to go off and call forth another dawn. ❛ you been working on anything? ❜ she nods to his guitar.

He doesn't tell her not to be sorry, but he does say, "I like it here."

Campfire gatherings are older'n he is. To be here is to be part of something ancient, even when the spot is rowdy with teenagers. But especially at night. Whatever blessing the gods have granted the camp, it doesn't clean up all the light pollution of Long Island; but it helps.

"Any news from closer to home?" He means, homesick?

#whinedarksea #❦‚ i fell in love with the fire long ago. one. #❦‚ love enough to fill me up. ic. #q.

[beaureguarde]

silena can't always tell when annabeth is joking, but has witnessed her strategies time enough to know how seriously she takes this. ❛ well, i'm not afraid, ❜ she teases vaguely back, deciding it better not to lean too hard either way, and certainly not to say the less-than-enthusiastic part out loud. her fingers work deftly at a braid in her hair, imperative to tuck away from where flying spears and other weapons could find it, no matter what her actual role will be. ❛ what's your plan? ❜ she won't speak for her siblings, a number already sitting aside just to secure their armor in peace; but she doesn't need to bring attention to that, either.

𝗦𝗛𝗘  𝗗𝗜𝗗𝗡’𝗧  𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘  𝗖𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗨𝗥𝗘  𝗧𝗛𝗘  𝗙𝗟𝗔𝗚.      𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚐𝚒𝚎𝚜  were  ᵐᵃᵖᵖᵉᵈ  ᵒᵘᵗ ;      teammates  𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐝  to  their  𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴.      now  she  was  left  with  ᴄᴀʙɪɴ  ᴛᴇɴ.      𝑎  𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑟  𝑜𝑓  𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙  𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒.      they  knew  how  to  ᵘˢᵉ  their  ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛʏ  to  their  𝚊𝚍𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚎,    and  annabeth  𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒅  this  time  would  be  ⁿᵒ  𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵.      she  approached  silena  with  her  hands  𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚍  on  her  hips,            ❝    are  you  going  to  be  𝘢𝘯𝘺  𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥  today,    𝑜𝑟  𝑎𝑟𝑒  𝑦𝑜𝑢  𝑡𝑜𝑜  𝑎𝑓𝑟𝑎𝑖𝑑  𝑡𝑜  ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ  𝑎  ɴᴀɪʟ?    ❞            𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚏𝚞𝚕  𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈  with  only  an  ᴏᴜɴᴄᴇ  of  𝗯𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀.      she  had  𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨  against  the  cabin  counselor    —    but  that  didn’t  mean  she  could  ever  see  them  being  𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠. 

closed starter for @beaureguarde

#wr1tten #❦‚ i fell in love with the fire long ago. one. #❦‚ love enough to fill me up. ic. #unhinged of her. i luv it ty #silena vc: well ... i won't *not* help :) #q.