baystep

[baystep]

To be Persistent

I failed to persist in this program, the last day I wrote a post was 5 days ago. I don't know what I feel now. I feel nervous and uneasy. There is a lot of business I have to do, but I can't do it properly. I must evaluate myself in some aspects, significantly in using the time. I don't know how this thing happens. I think I crumble the program I have planned. Today is the third of Ramadhan. My expectation for this month is to do the program resolution in 2024. I have high expectations for this month, but in 3 days that have passed, I can't even do the activity better. The problem is I didn't write the exact plan for each day. The reason that I did it is because I am a procrastinator. I usually put the small task in "later, it's something easy", that habit unconsciously installed in my brain. That mindset makes me late in anything and resists my growth. This is the last semester in college, and I want to make a move to take another chance, but I can't cause I fear many things. I want to leave teaching stuff and try something new, but I admit that teaching is my prominent skill. There are options that I choose in the future such as voice-over, translator, or programmer. A voice-over can be a supporting skill in MC. The teacher also needs that skill. Translator, a profession that I have to improve my proficiency in all aspects, at least my CEFR in C1. If I reach that level, I will also be a teacher in EF. The last profession may I choose is a programmer. It will be too late to learn it because it's very logical. It's not even impossible, but I will struggle to learn it and I must invest my time. I like programming, but I don't have many skills in it. Maybe I should try it as an entertainment.

Overall, The next step that I must do now is to make a clear plan for the day, month, year, and next 5 years. I also have to deal with my procrastination, because it will crumble my plan if I don't fix it.

#Fifth day

[baystep]

Don't be afraid to fail

Fail can happen to anyone, like this time, I failed to consistently write one post in a day. If I evaluated, it is easy to write freely in 5-10 minutes. Just watching YouTube or scrolling social media, 5 minutes will insignificance the the whole time that have been wasting in look at the screen. The point is not to focus on the failure, but on how to step up based on the evaluation and motivate change for the better condition.

5 days I skipped the exercise in writing English. I only write on Tumblr and have not started yet writing in Cambridge Write and Improve. Duolingo also I haven't started exercising. To write these two paragraph, I need about 15-20 minutes. So, I think my level is still in A2. In the end, don't be hopeless when you're still consistent. No matter how many you fall down, the important thing is you must get up more than you fall.

#Fourth day

[baystep]

Quarter Life Crisis

Fidgetiness when life reaches the 20s is terrible. Sometimes you think what will happen to your life, especially to somebody who has nothing. You have a dream, but can't achieve the dream because you do not have a privilege. Sometimes you feel inferior to yourself cause you are only a mediocre who has no stand-out skill. For instance, intelligence, appearance, lack of social communication, and don't have good relations. The excesses that you have only good emotional and patient person who doesn't like conflict. The other excess is you have a good passion even though it isn't consistent. You need a partner who supports your passion and gives you guidance. You need to strengthen your leadership because you will become an Imam and leader in your own family. You can't just like now who anxious about yourself. How can you lead the future wife while you even can't govern yourself?

Stop comparing yourself to others on social media. You wasted your time facing the screen and didn't do productive activity. Stop it now, your future partner still waiting for you and do the best for herself and for the next step in her life. Do you expect to be her partner? Please wake up. She deserves a better person than you are now. It is good that you believe that a pair-couple was decided by destiny, but you must try to be a better person every second of your life. Like her life principle "Try to be a better person in every second of my life.". Actually, for a moslem to be productive is the application of a verse in the Quran. There is a chapter that is concerned about this issue. The chapter is "Al Ashr" that has means "time". In the other verse in the chapter Al hasyr who give instruction to a moslem pay attention to what they are going to do tomorrow. So, through this verse, Allah order to a mu'min to make a plan in their life.

In the end, in order to apply that verse, you have to make a plan for your life in the next 5 years (32), the next 10 years (38), and the next 20 years (48). What you want to do, and what you will do, will have direction and you won't confuse yourself. You have to grow and develop no matter what. You may not have a privilege, but you are a LEARNER who wants to grow and is eager to achieve a good condition to spread the benefits to fellow humans. Khoirunnas anfauhum linnas.

#Third day

[baystep]

Make a new habit

23 hours after I wrote the first post, I felt very tough to continue a new activity. I remembered the book that I read entitled "How to master your habits". That book explains that you can't change your habits because it's automatically done by humans. 90% of human do whatever in their life unconsciously. Therefore, there's no way to change a habit. It only can be replaced by a new habit.

Changing a habit is not easy, you must make a new activity and consist at it around 30 days. After that the new habits formed, and the past habit will disapeared. It is a lesson or hikmah of fasting in ramadhan. Allah want to reset the human both physically and mentally for 30 days. So, human will be back to fitrah when ramadhan finish and meets Eid el-fitr. It is also one of the reason why the name of celebrated day after ramadhon is Eid el-fitr.

#second day

[baystep]

Write in English

Monday, February 26, 2024. I'm starting to exercise writing in English. I try to commit and be consistent in doing this. (In previous sentence, Grammarly suggest to omit the phrase "try to" to make more confident haha.... I don't follow that suggestion because I know I am not perfect yet, and I want to grow and upgrade myself.). Furthermore, I will write one topic everyday and make sure I write it. I will spare my time at least 5-10 minutes every day to do it.

Tonight, I want to make some plans should I do. For instance, my language skills in writing, listening, speaking and reading. I will break down the plan for this session. At writing skils, besides free writing in Tumblr account, I will write in write&improve with Cambridge. On that web, I can see my progress and asses my writing based on CEFR level, and has some features that can develop my writing skill. The other exercise is doing the task in Betty Azzar grammar book. I think grammar is an important aspect when I write.

I think tonight is enough for me to exercise writing in english. Actually, this passage only for personal like a diary, but if anyone who read it, I won't to restrict you and I hope you can enjoy to read it.

#first day