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Paladin: I'm not going to sell the only thing I have left of my father!

Ranger: But I thought you hated your father?

Paladin: I hate my step-father. My father's bitch-ass husband.

Ranger: Oh man, you had two dads too? That's so cool.

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Answers that question then I suppose

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Scorpion in Your Tent 

One day, the US military decided to take a poll to see how the different branches handle a specific situation, in this case a scorpion in a service member’s tent. One representative from each major branch is selected, and each answers privately.

The question was a simple one: “There is a scorpion in your tent. What do you do?”

Army: “I would crush it with my boot and throw it outside.”

Navy: “I would pick it up by the tail and throw it outside.”

Marines: “I’d bite its head off before cooking and eating it.”

Air Force: “I’d call down to the front desk and ask why there’s a tent in my hotel room.”

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Amazing work from @mimles on insta

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TIL In 1926 the famous pianist Fats Waller (then 21) was kidnapped by Al Capone’s gang to play piano for his birthday. He basically went missing for 3 days and was returned unharmed but drunk.

via reddit.com

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i think we should hit him with hammers

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Orton heard that terrible pun and immediately decided that Dakota's character wasn't gonna talk

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these bitches got bad luck ions out the wazoo

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Time machine

(Source)

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laios in ep 15

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Godzilla had a gender reveal party

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As with the horse poll, please regard these options as sliders. The extent to which each one deviates from 1/6th of the total will determine the amount that canine aspect deviates from the "average."

I will draw the dog we make. :)

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They see happy white people just minding their own business and they instantly think it's white supremacy. They hate you for being White.

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"if you ship this thing it's because you're too naïve to understand that it's toxic and that you wouldn't like a relationship like this" actually it's because I see one of them as a mentos drop and the other as a bottle of coke zero and I want to watch the mess they'll be together