astoriadia

[astoriadia]

Book #13/100: Angels Before Man, by rafael nicolás

Author: rafael nicolás Published: 2022 Genres: Fantasy, Queer, Romance Rating: 666/5 stars Ok.

This review is going to be a hot mess. I have so many feelings and thoughts, and thanks to this book I've decided to start doing reviews just to get the thoughts out about them because WOW.

When it comes to buying books, I often wait until I've finished reading a book checked out from a library before I buy it, likely off of Thriftbooks to save money; this is mainly because I want to be sure I'll enjoy the book I'm buying, and that I'll reread it. When it came to Angels Before Man, by rafael nicolás, I knew I wouldn't have read it before buying, because I was going to love this book. The premise is so simple: as eluded to in the title, Angels Before Man is a chronology of a time in Heaven before man. Of course, that scope is massive, and so it's narrowed down to (I believe) the span of a few million (or was it billion?) years. The story followers Lucifer, in a queer retelling of Satan's fall.

When I saw this off of TikTok looking for book recs, I was stunned. Gagged, one might say. The moment I could, I bought a copy. When it came, I was in my room, reading away. And before I even get too far in this review, let me just say it's incredibly ironic in my eyes that this was book number 13. While 13 is seen as an unlucky number, without a doubt, this is the single LUCKIEST book I will have a chance to read this year, no doubt, because of how incredible it is. Everything about ABM is polished and gorgeous. The first half stays relatively in frame with standard third-person but is just so wonderful to read I love it, and the second half has some of the most gorgeous prose I've ever read; I'm talking like To The Lighthouse levels of stunning with how it seemed to switch perspectives and every character's thoughts began bleeding into one another like some psychedelic fever dream. Of course, while this prose is fantastic, I had to pause at multiple points to take it in because of how dense (in a good way!) and layered it is. Speaking of the characters, they're fantastic. I loved all of them! Or rather all except one, which, IYKYK. If there's one thing I appreciated about the second half of the book (and I did not appreciate crying at 3 AM), I loved hearing from characters like Lucifer, Rosier, Uriel, Gabriel, Raphael, Asmodeus, Baal, Michael and Phanuel. So many distinct characters, and yet throughout, one of the things that unites each of the characters is the tragedy they undergo.

Lucifer, for instance, who the narration follows for the majority of the novel, is handled in such a delicate way that I was almost reminded of The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath, with how carefully nicholás brings you into his breakdown, to the point where it feels (and in some ways, is) justifiable. Although Lucifer is a great character, Rosier was my personal favorite throughout the novel (though in the past few days I have been switching my favorite on a nearly hourly basis). Throughout the novel, Rosier acts as a guiding force for Lucifer as he gets introduced to heaven, yet by the end of the novel, he faces immense tragedy, and while I won't go into specific spoilers, I'll just say it had me bawling my eyes out. Perhaps one of the biggest themes besides tragedy throughout the book is love. This is alluded to on the back cover, where it states that Lucifer learns to love himself through a growing friendship with another angel, Michael. Of course, I don't trust any description for this book anymore, since the Goodreads one called it "part cozy coming-of-age story" (I WAS LIED TO /J). Throughout the novel, love is depicted in a plethora of ways; I found examples of it in almost every scene, and though some of these situations showed positive love, there was also a number of scenes where love was shown in negative ways. The relationship between Lucifer and Michael, for example, borders on mutual glorification by the end of the novel; God's relationship with Lucifer as well is also a twisted form of love, one that acts as a strong force pushing Lucifer towards his breakdown.

Before I wrap up this already-long rant about what might be my new favorite book, I have talk about the ending. Heart? Gone. Where it went, I don't know. I break in my books' spines when I first get them, and while that normally doesn't spoil my reading (since I've already read them), with ABM, I hadn't read it. I saw, accidentally, the four words that end the novel. At that time, I didn't think too much of it, but by the time I had finished the novel, at 3 AM because I had started the second half a few hours ago and HAD to finish it because it felt like I was watching the slow implosion of a planet, I was actually dying. I'm serious. When I saw those four words something happened and all of the sudden I was just. Dead. Deceased. Crying my eyes out. I woke my cat up and he gave me a look but I kept crying.

Lastly just because I can't listen to a bunch of songs since I wrapped up the book without tearing up, I am sharing them here because if I can't listen to them without crying anymore then you shouldn't be able to either.

A&W, by Lana del Rey

The Archer, by Taylor Swift

I Know The End, by Phoebe Bridgers

Kyoto, by Phoebe Bridgers

What Was I Made For? by Billie Eilish

hoax, by Taylor Swift

Motion Sickness, by Phoebe Bridgers

Dear Reader, by Taylor Swift

You Missed My Heart, by Phoebe Bridgers

Love Is A Game, by Adele

Moon Song, by Phoebe Bridgers

Did you know that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd, by Lana del Rey

False God, by Taylor Swift

P.S: ABM is apparently a part of a trilogy, and the second book, Angels & Man is set to release sometime this year??? i fear you will not hear from me ever again if this book comes out and is as devasting as the first. rafael nicolás please write something nice im begging you JUST LIKE SOMETHING SET BEFORE ACT 2 OF ABM WHERE EVERYONE'S HAPPY

TLDR: My heart hurts from what I read and my head hurts from trying to process what I was reading and I think I can't listen to Phoebe Bridgers anymore without sobbing violently.

#book #books #book review #angels before man #abm