ask-the-tf2-mercs

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

Merasmus,

Hibbity hop, hibbity hoo

I cast INSTANTANEOUS GOO!!

*the liquid in his cup turns to a thick, green goo*

-The shitty frog wizard

Merasmus: [looks into his mug and then starts to pour it out onto the floor, watching the goo with a displeased look] ..Merasmus simply wanted to enjoy a warm cup of tea and look at his mail.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 merasmus

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

To Heavy: I am here to give you S A N D V I C H . you deserve it.

To Medic: how did you even get organs from exotic animals like a baboon kidney?????

To Scout: How many cans of Bonk! can you drink before you pass out or some other side effects happen?

Heavy: [chuckles nervously] Ah.. thank you. Sentiment is appreciated.. but I do not think it would be safe to eat sandvich that has been sent through mail. I will just make one, to make up for it.

Medic: A question I answer often, it seems. I have my sources. Humane sources.

Scout: Uh.. well, I mean one. If you count the fact they make me impossible to hit.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

*it’s a very carefully wrapped box for Spy with an unlabelled bottle of red wine inside of it. A letter can also be found* Dear Spy, we just finished picking season and the family vineyard! I found a spare bottle of pope we weren’t selling from a few years ago that I thought I’d send you! I hope you enjoy the wine and I’ll keep an eye out for any more spares. -🍇

Spy: [takes the bottle out carefully and looks it over with a small smirk] Merci. I might have to open it tonight and try it.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 spy

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

Bidwell, I am really sorry for what you will, or have, faced answering our questions about your relationship with Saxton. Here's an espresso with cream and sugar for your problems

Bidwell: [sighs, rubbing his temples] Oh, I am quite sure it will be a spectacle. But I'd been preparing myself for this day. I was almost hopeful it wasn't coming.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 bidwell #saxtonbidwell #//shipping ask

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

Hey Scout, what are you giving to your mom for mother's day next month?

Scout: All she ever asks is I send her a new picture of me and some flowers. So that.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

Hey pyro, how do you feel about your teammates? Also, because you're my favorite, *hug*.

Pyro: [draws a picture of them and their coworkers with a giant heart about them all]

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 pyro

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

Medic!

Does anyone on the team have extra bones or organs?

Medic: Sniper. Quite often after he goes on some of his long drives out into the desert and doesn't come back until morning. Either extra.. or missing.. or sometimes with something completely foreign in his body that I send to Engineer to look at.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 medic

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

okay demoman I AM BACK and i got more flowers

[theres another letter taped to this one, and once opened, an absurdly large rose bouquet pops out]

and yes you are still very pretty

Demoman: [chuckles and takes the flowers] I appreciate it! Lots of flowers being sent to the base lately.. it's a nice change!

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 demoman

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

*A box for Soldier! It has little breathing holes in the sides and once opened reveals a cat with fur markings to make it look like a raccoon*

Soldier: [picks it up out if the box, looking it over] ..weirdest looking raccoon I've ever seen..

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 soldier

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

Have you ever thought about taking the asks that aren't directed at anyone and answering them as your fursona/you/the intern?

That's not a bad idea.

However, I also don't want to encourage people to do so either. I'd rather it feel more like those letters are tossed out, than send them and they'll still be answered.

- Daniel

#//mundeez nuts

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

Dear soldier,

You are really cool and I'd like to give you a big hug.

Soldier: [salutes, grinning] Thank you, private!

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 soldier

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

Demo, do you think from the amount of alcohol in your blood, that's you or it is flammable?

Demoman: Oh, aye. I'm very flammable, very explosive too. Which.. [chuckles] ..is very risky with my line of work.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 demoman #//I hope I answered this right I was a bit confused what the question was supposed to be

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

*gives scout a lemon.*

Welp, when life give's you lemons, you know what they say!

Scout: ..uh.. thanks? [takes the lemon to the kitchen to put in the fridge, visibly confused]

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

[Sends scout a statue display and another life sized statue of him. The inside is hollowed out, so it wouldn't be so heavy and wouldn't trap him]

A replacement if you broke the other one.

Scout: Nah, didn't break it.. it just broke damn near all'a me..

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

dear engineer and demoman,

this is really random but do you like horchata

Engineer: I do! Quite a lot, actually.

Demoman: It depends on who made it. Can't have it from just anyone.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

Dear sniper

Fucking try me

Also sure, I'll give you a discount off your next two orders

The not-so-anoymous shop owner

(Its Martin, to be clear. Not mary, she takes over the shop on tuesdays)

Sniper: I already figured it wasn't Mary, she can't spell to save her life. Sweet lady, though. Was handing out homemade cookies last I saw her.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 sniper

[ask-the-tf2-mercs]

Since Bidwell isn't answering our letters.... Saxton! What's your relationship with Bidwell????

Saxton Hale: Why, he's my most trusted employee! And my-

Bidwell: [shoves his clipboard into Saxton's face, shushing him] Sir, they don't need to-

Saxton Hale: [moves the clipboard aside] And my fiancé!

Bidwell: Oh no..

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 saxton hale #tf2 bidwell #saxtonbidwell #//shipping ask