ask-calico-jack

[ask-calico-jack]

How would he kiss without a mouth?

Roach be honest. Do you want to fuck the man with a hook head

Oh absolutely 100%.

[ask-calico-jack]

no like... Stede... you've gotta play with us in the space man. Imagine if Eddie had sharp teeth and fucked up claws and gills and from the waist down was that fish like a mermaid tail. Smash or pass?

The qualification to be a monsterfucker is just wanting to fuck a monster. Any kind of monster counts- werewolves, ghosts, evil tentacle creatures, etc. The less human the thing you want to fuck is, the greater your monsterfucking reputation is

I guess I've never thought about it. I mean I've thought about mermaids but that's a pretty tame one, for pirates anyway. Not to say I'm not open to it.

Maybe you can show me some monsters and I'll say whether or not I'd fuck em.

[ask-calico-jack]

oh come on don't act like you wouldn't fuck the vampire squid if it was also a guy.

The qualification to be a monsterfucker is just wanting to fuck a monster. Any kind of monster counts- werewolves, ghosts, evil tentacle creatures, etc. The less human the thing you want to fuck is, the greater your monsterfucking reputation is

I guess I've never thought about it. I mean I've thought about mermaids but that's a pretty tame one, for pirates anyway. Not to say I'm not open to it.

Maybe you can show me some monsters and I'll say whether or not I'd fuck em.

[ask-calico-jack]

do you want stede to tell you you're pretty? do you like the fact that he thinks you're pretty?

I don't need Stede to think I'm hot. most people think I'm hot. I just think he should stop lying so blatantly it makes him look thirsty.

[ask-calico-jack]

Would you say the words "you're pretty" to me or are you gonna keep complimenting me and the pretending I'm ugly like a brat? also I know it's been a while so you've probably forgotten but I didn't accuse you of taking care of your skin I accused you of having 12 different products. One of em probably has glitter in it somehow.

you about stede

It ain't just having blonde hair it's also about the way it curls.

[ask-calico-jack]

We'll see about that

who has more pullable hair: ed or jack??

They're pullable for entirely different purposes. Ed's hair is good to pull for fun in the bedroom. Jack's hair is good to pull to rip it out of his stupid head :)

Ed's is more pullable, though, obviously. I'm done letting Jack drag me into adolescent fist fights.

[ask-calico-jack]

Damn Bonnet you're thick as pig shit. What do you think talking about my shiny hair and my nice skin and then talking about how you can tell when a guy is pretty or ugly without being attracted to him when I accuse you of thinking I'm hot implies.

you about stede

It ain't just having blonde hair it's also about the way it curls.

[ask-calico-jack]

[ask-calico-jack]

I'm not accusing you of finding every other man attractive I'm accusing you of saying gay shit about me specifically. And in order to be desperate I'd have to be trying to fuck you. You're just calling me desperate and sad to distract from the fact that you also just called me pretty.

And if you must know. I wear sunscreen and put lotion on my burn scar but that's about it. I've shared my hair care routine before so that's not an allegation I'm trying to beat

you about stede

It ain't just having blonde hair it's also about the way it curls.

[ask-calico-jack]

And yet you keep talking about my soft shiny waves and my face being less rough than you would expect. What is that if it ain't calling me hot?

you about stede

It ain't just having blonde hair it's also about the way it curls.

[ask-calico-jack]

Still trying to beat the fruitcake allegations by calling me hot.

you about stede

It ain't just having blonde hair it's also about the way it curls.

[ask-calico-jack]

I think I'm gonna have to pass because I want to make it promise not to bite my dick off and it can't do that if it can't speak. If it could speak I would accept a tentacle job

The way that the monsterfucking community defines "monster" is pretty vague to be honest. Some people will consider someone like this to be a monster:

While other people believe a REAL monster has to look more like this:

And of course there's a whole range of possible monsters in between. That being said, I think that you could make the argument that both mermaids and hook-men are monsters, purely because neither of them are 100% human.

Also smash or pass the two lovely lads I've included here plz <3

Ok. The first guy is a smash. He looks familiar but I can't figure out why. Having trouble figuring out what's monstery about him but I guess his teeth are weirdly sharp.

Second ... Thing. It depends. What does the hole look like, where am I sticking my dick? Is it smart enough to have sex with? How does it talk? Is it going to try to lay eggs in my asshole? Is it a cephalopod or a hermit crab with tentacles and a weird eye? Is it casting some sort of nefarious magic with those black wisps coming off of its tentacles? Is it friends with Buttons? I'm not saying no I just have questions.

[ask-calico-jack]

Jack I hate to tell you this but there are so many people who get horny over fish girls who eat people. A lot of folks really want to be swallowed whole (literally) (sexually) for reasons that I still cannot figure out

Yeah, I know. But I'm talking about what the average sailor finds hot vs what might get you into the monster fucker club. Obviously people who are into that want to fuck monsters and ain't normal.

[ask-calico-jack]

Smash

The qualification to be a monsterfucker is just wanting to fuck a monster. Any kind of monster counts- werewolves, ghosts, evil tentacle creatures, etc. The less human the thing you want to fuck is, the greater your monsterfucking reputation is

I guess I've never thought about it. I mean I've thought about mermaids but that's a pretty tame one, for pirates anyway. Not to say I'm not open to it.

Maybe you can show me some monsters and I'll say whether or not I'd fuck em.

[ask-calico-jack]

Greasy mug coming from the man who puts 12 different hydrating products on in the morning and still has the same wrinkles as everybody else

you about stede

It ain't just having blonde hair it's also about the way it curls.

[ask-calico-jack]

You've got a lot to say about my hair there, buckaroo. Y'ain't beating the fruitcake allegations with that one.

you about stede

It ain't just having blonde hair it's also about the way it curls.

[ask-calico-jack]

I guess. I just wasn't counting mermaids the same way that you don't count fucking pussy as a kink because that's normal. Like every sailor gets horny about fish girls that's a sacred pass time. But I suppose they ain't usually getting horny about squid girls or anglerfish girls or people eating fish girls?

The qualification to be a monsterfucker is just wanting to fuck a monster. Any kind of monster counts- werewolves, ghosts, evil tentacle creatures, etc. The less human the thing you want to fuck is, the greater your monsterfucking reputation is

I guess I've never thought about it. I mean I've thought about mermaids but that's a pretty tame one, for pirates anyway. Not to say I'm not open to it.

Maybe you can show me some monsters and I'll say whether or not I'd fuck em.