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This was a whole fucking mood lol.

Big Little Lies [2x01]

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This. This right here is it.

I have to treat my body better, not to attract a lover or an audience, but because my body is a conduit for the entire life experience. This body is a container for all possible consciousness. It deserves respect, kindness, and care, no matter its physical appearance. It is my job to live a life that this vessel can sustain with ease and joy. My body houses my soul. Any relationship that undermines this reality has to be let go. Build a good house.

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It’s been a while. 

I really need to get my life back in order. As I sit here, using my breasts to slap my face, I think “you really need to lose weight.” My GI tract is in shambles from ulcers and gallstones, and my joints have been killing me. 

Let’s take a step back. I graduated with my 3rd degree recently. I had an amazing year academically and finally have carved out exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life. Even then, I’m home with crippling depression, so much so it’s a struggle to leave my house every morning, save for attending church.

I’ve gone through a lot in the past couple years, from the time of my Aunt’s death, all the way down to writing this last paper for the LL.M., life has been hard and I haven’t caught a break. I’m praying that life can stabilize soon enough and that eventually I will. 

Idk anyways, I think it’s a step in the right direction, being able to lay it most on the table. 

TTYL

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A Slay

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Cuz y’all kept gassing me 💅🏽☺️ tehehe https://www.instagram.com/p/Broov7GAnOANgfo80BqC2Vt9GJIe_a8NlIslMs0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=yekqhes7413i

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Who tf be logging me out of this? Lol. Rude.

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30! And still ain’t shit. ☺️ https://www.instagram.com/p/BqfQ4Htgx-BgMB5D32E2xOHZFauTrMb_wamJBc0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8r8o0fxwvjig

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Sup y’all! 

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“You cyaa beat me dat ah number one”

Grace Hamilton

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There’s a picture on my wall of you getting your PhD, a few months before the accident. The beaming smile reminds me of our best times together and the smiles you brought to everyone, and I mostly reflect on that picture fondly. . . Today was different. I woke up angry, and honestly have been for days leading up to today. . . Pride is such an idiotic thing. I’m so angry that I missed out on the last year and a half of your life because of Pride. I’m angry that you’re not here for me to vent to you about my anger, as I always did. I’m so angry that our last phone call was a faint shadow of our relationship, and had I known it would be our last I would have ensured it was far more meaningful and happy. . . I’m so sorry. I was mad at you because our plans had fallen through that Sunday day in October. I was angry because I really wanted to stroll the Brooklyn bridge with you, and spend time with you because I missed my friend. I still really, really miss my friend, and I’m so sorry for being so angry with you for all that time. . . You’ve always understood me as a person more than most, and but for our pride, we missed out on entire eras in each others lives. And I’m livid about it.

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So much has changed, but miraculously, I’m still here. 

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I’ve never been as desperate to be your clone as I am right now.

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You would kill me for posting this picture. It’s been 3 weeks and life is already so much harder without you here protecting me. I don’t know what I’ll do without you but if nothing I’ll be strong, following your example. You won’t see me walk across the stage on Friday but I’m so blessed you were at least able to see me in regalia before you passed. Words can’t describe how much I miss you right now. You were always the only one on my corner and I feel incredibly alone now that you’re gone. My Gam Gam. The only mother I’ve ever known. My grumpy, cuddly hamster. My love for you is indescribable and I can only hope to be half the woman you were. You were home to me and now I’ll have to navigate the world without your love and prayers. Though you’re gone, the lessons and love you’ve imparted upon me will forever remain with me. I’ll always carry you in my heart.

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Look at my girl 💞💞💞

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I’m going to spend a week in the Maldives in the next 18 months.

Fave this.

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What every Monday should look like. (at Maiden Cay)