artsysisters

[artsysisters]

today might be a bad day for you but just remember 

jensen ackles beat the shit out of three guys in a bar because they fucked with jared and jared broke one guys nose when they tried to hurt jensen 

[artsysisters]

lost phineas and ferb episode where perry is called to investigate what dr doofenshmirtz is up to because carl the intern got ahold of some intel that doof has been seen speaking to lawyers and looking up the endangered species act at internet cafes and as major monogram says, “something fishy is going on”

meanwhile phineas and ferb’s subplot of “i know what we’re gonna do today!” is that isabella needs her environmentalist fireside girls badge so they start researching which species are in urgent need of help in the tri-state area so that they can use new cloning and gene therapy technologies to bring at-risk animals back from extinction

(yes there is a c-plot where buford and baljeet argue the ethics of this idea, i don’t have time to explain it all for you rn)

we cut back to🎵doofenshmirtz evil incorporated🎵where we see perry carefully maneuvering around doofenshmirtz’s lab scared he might fall into a trap but he hasn’t set off a single booby trap and it’s clear something is off

he runs into doofenshmirtz and goes to kick him in the gut action movie style but doof steps back one overly confident and says, “nuh uh uh, you see perry the platypus, you are TRAPPED! by the danville section of the endangered species act of 1973!”

doof goes on to explain his tragic backstory: “you see, perry the platypus, when i was a child my parents did not show up for my own birth! but you know that already, yadda yadda yadda they did not love me and then they loved roger more, ANYways i was raised by ocelots! i had a lovely foster mother who took me in and made me one of the pride, and so you see, perry the platypus, i am still legally considered an ocelot. did you know that there are only 50 recorded ocelots still alive in the continental united states? very sad for me as a member of a near-extinct species. it would be immoral for you to hurt someone critically endangered… in fact, you have made many attempts on my life this summer”

[montage of doof’s security camera footage of their battles]

“which is why i have decided to bring you… TO COURT!” we cut back to phineas and ferb’s back yard where they’ve decided to start cloning ocelots in their kiddie pool

candace storms outside enraged and says, “phineas and ferb are you cloning ocelots in my duckie momo kiddie pool!?”

ferb’s one line of the episode is “well, i guess it’s more of a kitty pool, now”

candace storms away saying, “i’m going to tell mom!” and isabella turns to phineas and says, “oh, does your mom have experience in wildlife conservation?”

we cut back to the doof and perry plotline where the two are now in the danville hall of justice and we learn that doof has spent his monthly alimony check on a defense lawyer and perry turns and sees the lawyer and then vanessa helping her organize her briefcase and perry chitters at her and vanessa shrugs and says, “i’m thinking about going into legal defense. sorry perry.”

the rest of the doof and perry b-plot is spent in court and perry is about to ask for a public defense lawyer when carl runs into the room and explains that he’s owca’s official legal defense and perry looks at him like, “uhhh is that even allowed?”

it doesn’t matter because apparently the judge is out sick today but because it’s danville roger’s the judge now because he’s the mayor and everyone loves him.

the court case continues.

meanwhile phineas and ferb have successfully cloned multiple ocelots from the original ocelot dna they had on hand and isabella asks phineas if these clones will experience health problems like premature aging, phineas casually explains that ferb figured out the problem while they were experimenting with stem cell harvesting.

back in the courtroom, doof’s ocelot foster mother has been brought to the stand along with an ocelot to english translator. doof gets emotional seeing her after so long. she says that he was one of her favorite child and he was as strong a hunter as anyone else in the family. it’s incredibly sweet. the jury’s in tears.

meanwhile, isabella has established connections with a group in texas who are going to release the ocelots back into their natural habitat and, using the cloned ocelots to prevent inbreeding, help establish an ocelot breeding program. the group explains that they are going to send a helicopter to retrieve the cloned ocelots from danville and bring them to texas soon.

isabella gets her fireside girls badge.

candace manages to get mom to see the backyard only after the ocelots have been helicoptered off to coastal texas, their primary habitat.

mom makes it into the backyard as phineas stares wistfully over the fence and says, “if you love something, you have to let it go.” candace goes, “look mom look look look!” and points at the ducky momo kiddie pool, devoid of cloned ocelots, where baljeet and buford are now chilling out, having settled their philosophical debate about the ethics of animal cloning.

back in the courtroom drama, doof looks like he’s about to win when an attendant walks into the courtroom and whispers something in roger’s ear.

roger looks up, grinning, and says, “good news, everyone! my attendant here has just enlightened me that ocelots are no longer considered critically endangered!”

this settles the case, with perry being decreed not guilty and the entire affair being called off. the courtroom cheers, roger walks over to doof and personally congratulates him on his species’ return from the brink of extinction.

doof shouts, “curse you endangered species classification system!” at the ceiling of the danville hall of justice.

perry arrives back home just in time for mom to say, “who wants pie?”

the end.

[artsysisters]

Well well well if it isn't the consequences (dishes) of my own actions (baking)

[artsysisters]

something I’ve picked up on originally and now in the second watch of midnight mass are these hints of resentment john pruitt has for the island— he brings up the mental health of monsignor in accusatory tones (why didn’t you care for me?) uncomfortable when Riley speaks of the community center (“some legacy”) when he asks why people don’t come every sunday? (how can I help you if you’re not here?) when he shouts for the angel on his knees on the porch of the rectory (“where are you?”) the island just corrodes and takes— Millie, his daughter, the faith of his flock— he’s just truly scrambling under the weight of what he knows he has to do (renewing hope, absolution, salvation) but doesn’t know how other than what he’s always done— trust God but his control is slipping and hunger growing

So now I have the image of a grumpy old man returning to Crockett island like you dumb fucks fucked up so bad I had to be eaten and made young and drag this angel all the way back here to fix all this bullshit — which is a teeny teeny fraction of his righteous burden but a fun new angle to it that I want to exploit

[artsysisters]

You can’t just call the “don’t stop me now” essay writing method the second worst essay method you’ve heard of and not tell us the story of the worst one 👀

i know a guy whose patented essay writing method is to, on the eve of the due date, set an alarm so early it should count as an atrocity, open an empty word doc on his computer and then placing it on his bed,

he then goes to sleep, presumably after drinking a full can of coke, as his immunity to caffeine, adderall, and the general life choices about to be described prove that (1) this man almost certainly is a colossal case of adhd and (2) that is the least of what's wrong with him

when the alarm goes off he immediately starts typing into the word document whilst in a sleep adjacent fugue state. once he hits the required word count, he turns over and goes back to sleep, without ever having fully woken up

he awakens in the morning with however many pages of essay typed up and ready to submit, with no memory of what content is actually contained, as if he'd been visited by santa or a mystical essay delivering fairy or a demon that engaged in a brief bout of possession and then peaced out after rightfully deducing that inhabitation of this particular body and its life was a task said demon was not equal to, nor would continuation of this possession constitute as a desirable state

all of this so that he can have the benefits of an essay, whilst completely avoiding a mental state in which he is at any point fully present in experiencing the pain of writing an essay.

This man is now in graduate school.

[artsysisters]

you're laughing, they've turned the golden guard irreversibly into a marketable plush and you're laughing

[artsysisters]

sometimes i think about the night destiel went canon and how everyone on the internet, whether they were in the fandom or not, just went down the line shaking hands like good game good game. that's the closest we'll ever get to world peace

[artsysisters]

Once when the gaang visits the Fire Nation, they’re all just on the side of too tipsy when Zuko leans in with the most grave expression imaginable.

“Aang,” Zuko says, “This has been… haunting me…. Why did your friends need to suck on those frogs?”

And Aang just gasps, and does not explain the frogs, because he has suddenly remembered that Miyuki is still wanted by the Fire Nation and that just won’t do. So Aang demands that Zuko pardon Miyuki for her crimes, which then gets the rest of the gaang to dogpile on and also demand justice for Miyuki. 

Zuko is willing to hear him out. 

…Zuko is significantly less willing to hear him out when Aang mentions that Miyuki is a cat.

(Zuko finds it difficult to believe that a cat is legitimately wanted by the Fire Nation)

But because they are all the worst, he relents and they all drunkenly stumble down to go find the records of Miyuki’s crimes and write her up a pardon, much to the chagrin of the night-shift archivist.

[artsysisters]

i love you air dried hair i love you no makeup i love you comfortable clothes made out of soft fabrics i love you short nails

[artsysisters]

Shoutout to Eda who steals and pickpockets and talks about stealing all the time but won’t just steal her elixirs if she doesn’t have the money because poor Morton has to make a living somehow.

[artsysisters]

why must life have a grand purpose? is it not enough to have some basil, and mozzarella?

[artsysisters]

:)  More Behind the GIFs. 

[artsysisters]

I will have what she is having

[artsysisters]

SADIE SINK for Coveteur (July 2022)

[artsysisters]

marvel stop ITTTTTTTT. STOP making movies. like for real stoppppp

[artsysisters]

the normalization of being able to take photos of random people without their consent and just post it online without care for their feelings or privacy being violated for who knows to see makes me literally murderous

[artsysisters]