ariesque

[ariesque]

so we got married last week. officially.

but we were already married way before that.

we were married when you brought that extra pair of socks in case my feet got cold on our first trip. we were married when you came running to the park just to calm me down because i had a nasty fight with my dad. we were married when you walked all the way to my home just to see me through the window when no bus was working because of the pandemic. we were were married when you ordered your favorite food and gave it to me without even asking because you knew i liked it better just from the look on my face when i took a bite. when you always ordered a back up drink for me in case i didn't like the one i wanted to try. we were married when we argued about a specific type of bread for two hours and then some. when you bought those clementines, you know which ones. when you planted that flower behind our spot. when you made that strawberry birthday cake. when you surprised me in college when i needed it the most. when you wrote those songs and made those albums for me. we were married when things got messy and you chose to stay and figure it out again and again and again, and when you consantly proved that you were there for me day after day, and when you left absolutely no room for doubt that you were always going to put me first. we were married when you held my hand the first time and never let go since then.

we were married way before.

[ariesque]

[ariesque]

Grad school changes you.

[ariesque]

Oh my god

[ariesque]

I don’t mind it at all

Them ...

[ariesque]

Do you realize there are some people who don’t appreciate the bright pink hues of springtime flowers? How the sunlight turns clouds pink, or the way clouds leave shadows along the mountainside? How you notice these things when others don’t.

[ariesque]

[ariesque]

Bright lights in the early hours of morning, a shock to tired, sleepy eyes. The little space in the back of the room, ready for your attention. It’s 600am and there’s much to prepare before the actual work begins.

The unwieldy operating table, heavy and immovable and you have to maneuver around it to get to your machine and workstation.

The anesthesia machine in its usual place by the oxygen at the wall, the connections looping from the ceiling, heavy hoses you have to prop up against your computer so they don’t knock you in the face.

The pungent, now-familiar stench of Sevoflurane, when I struggle to refill the canister.

You will yourself awake. Rifling through memories of passwords to pyxis machines, computers. The colorful drug label stickers. 5 syringes--benzo, narc, numbing agent, sedative, and paralysis, in that order-- drawn up. A breathing tube, syringe, and stylet as one unit. A disposable handle preferred for its lighter weight compared to its heavier counterpart, and a blade of your choice, attached and at the ready. An oral airway, just in case, to ward off evil spirits. And a bougie you never really use, but always make sure you have, in the side pocket of your station. This, if the breathing circuit and machine are checked, complete “The Set-Up.” 

You have to see yourself in the operating room, the administrator had told me, a way to rattle me into some sort of motivation to be better, more secure practitioner. I think about that now, and wonder if this is what she meant.

#setting writingpractice prose

[ariesque]

― Ursula K. Le Guin, The Farthest Shore

[ariesque]

Emotions

I learn more about you from how you treat me.

MDAs hover and micro-manage because they are too afraid in themselves. Or don’t trust you enough.

When the surgeon looks over the drape and does not recognize me, and proceeds to question how the patient is doing with rapid-fire cadence, I recognize they might not be confident in what they see and seek evidence by pimping me.

When the doctor goes and complains about something I did or didn’t do to someone else, I recognize measures to protect himself.

[ariesque]

Favourite Designs: The Atelier Couture Spring 2022 Bridal Couture Collection Pt.1

[ariesque]

yesyesyes slayyyy

Kelly Marie Tran in the first Vietnamese áo dài ever worn on the Oscars Red Carpet, made by Thai Nguyen Atelier

[ariesque]

The utter relief and joy on my attending’s face when she’s looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow for Grand Rounds until you have to remind her that tomorrow is Thursday and Grand Rounds isn’t until Friday.

#sorrynotsorry

[ariesque]

Sometimes the things that are truly beautiful and worthy of our attention simply get forgotten for more trivial things.

[ariesque]

[ariesque]

[ariesque]

Sunlit dew in Finland (Photo: Tiina Törmänen) [OS] [1280x1280] - earthmoonsun