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The Testimonial of the Beautifully Imperfect
There (in my opinion) is no better example and testimonial than my Grandmother’s. My grandmother was so beautifully imperfect and she would have told you so herself. Grandma Jay (or more commonly known around the church community, Momma Jay), was abandoned by her birth-mother at the tender age of 3. Her father was then left to raise her and her alone, as dear ol’ mother took her older 2 sisters and left. Yes, that’s correct; she took 2 out of 3 kids. If that doesn’t scar a person than I don’t think they’re truly human. Her father remarried and she was left to the care of her grandparents (Grandma Jay’s father traveled for work, why stepmom didn’t take care of her, well you’re guess is as good as mine.) In her young teenage years her grandparents became too old to care for her properly and her father fell ill of cancer. Her stepmother lived in a different state then her. So, she found herself caring for her elderly grandparents and ailing father. She was shortly after all this chaos taken in by the nice lady down the street.
You’re probably wondering at this point why I’m giving you so much information on Grandma Jay’s childhood. Well friend, research shows that childhood trauma (and the absence of a relationship with God—no research needed here) leads to risky and unhealthy behaviors as an adult. Risky and unhealthy behavior??? Yes, risky and unhealthy behavior my friend. Grandma Jay definitely wanted to prove researchers right. (Yes, I am aware the following all took place many years before the statistics came out. I mean the statistics could very well be based on her—they’re not, but they could have been.) Grandma Jay married her first husband in her late teen and had a blissful marriage for entire 2 years, before divorcing because she decided she was not ready to settle down. Believe me nothing could settle Grandma Jay down, not even the first 3 kids she had. I mean the second marriage and last 3 kids helped a little; but, only a little. By the time she had her sixth child; Grandma Jay had put her motorcycle gang, Go-Go dancing and nymphomaniac life style behind her. She also drank less, I mean a lot less. She was now a methamphetamine addict, and sold narcotics occasionally. But let us not forget that this side of Grandma Jay was the settled down a bit side.
Remember when I stated that having your mother abandon you would scar a person. I failed to mention that it would also leave a person ill equipped to be a parent themselves (I’m not saying it can’t be done, I’m just saying the person wouldn’t really be equipped going into it.) Grandma Jay was definitely not equipped to be a mother and proved time and time again she lacked good parenting skills. Most her children experienced their own childhood traumas, and the family curses continued (I’ll explain those later, probably much later.)
Grandma Jay’s life style was definitely not godly and definitely not healthy. When you stand alone and without the righteousness of God, you are inviting a lot of demons into your life. Many wonder why bad things happen. There are many reasons to be honest, but one is because you have stepped out of the protection of God, as we walk further away from the things of God, the more we invite the devil to take hold of our lives. Grandma Jay had never known Christ or the agape love of Christ. Now, you’re probably wondering why I would say Grandma Jay was so far away from Christ, even going so far as to mention her not knowing the agape love of Christ. I say it because she had opportunity to come to know him. My mother witnessed to Grandma quite often and she ignored every last word of it. (Please note, I didn’t say she didn’t hear it. She just chose to ignore it.)
Therefore, I think it’s safe to say, she did not walk in God’s righteousness. So when one of her closest (and regular narcotic customers) stole her husband it came as no real surprise. Well maybe a little to Grandma Jay. What did come as a huge surprise is Grandma Jay’s attempt to take her own life with prescription medication and ending up in a mental health house. The mental health part not really a big surprise, as mental health is in fact one of our family curses. (We interrupt your reading to bring you this broadcast- there will be more post on mental health, particularly mine, just a little something to look forward to.) It was at this moment of my Grandmother’s life. Where she was forced to be sober, and really evaluate her life style and choices that she stopped ignoring my mother’s words. She began attending church and formed a real relationship with Christ.
It was here that my Grandmother experienced that agape love. To be honest, I think that was the first time Grandma Jay ever truly felt loved. I don’t believe that she ever felt like she deserved love. That may have a lot to do with her childhood. (If you have children make sure to hug them and tell them how loved they are.) My grandma truly found her place within the church and would go on to be a dedicated member of the congregation for 25 years. My grandma taught me a lot. She taught me how to love those in need, to care and reach out to them. My grandma had such a giving heart; she gave what little she had to anyone in need. She was notorious for taking in strays; humans and animals alike. There was no such thing as having no place to go for the holidays, oh no, not with Momma Jay around.
I do believe wholeheartedly that it was my grandma’s never ceasing prayers for me that brought me back to Christ. It was her prayers that got me through a lot of ill thought-out choices in life and her prayers that helped me find all the blessings Christ had in store for me. In addition, it was her prayers that protect all of us in the family; including my uncle who beat cancer and an array of other health issues on top of it.
You see God uses the beautifully imperfect to perform his works. My grandmother was far from perfect and had a very spotty past. But she helped so many in need, including family in need of a bucket ton of prayers. So remember to never get down on yourself, fall a victim for those lies the enemy is whispering in your ear. You are the child of the most high, and are beautiful and unique, through all your imperfections.
Good bye world, may God’s grace, love and mercy be with you. May you experience nothing but an abundance of joy!
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Life, That Sticky Icky Mess
There is no such thing as a perfect life. Nor should we want life to be perfect. You see beauty, strength and growth all come from imperfection. I remember a time, (I would like to say not too long ago, for age purposes, but that would be a lie), when perfection is what I sought after; so much so, that I tried to delude myself into believing I could obtain it. I just had to be everything that I wasn’t. Looking back, even that sad moment in my adolescence was needed. God used those memories and feelings to teach me and build me, to get me to where I am today.
Through life’s messy situations, and all-around ugliness; beauty, strength and growth have come from it. So when you’re going through it, remember (no matter how difficult) to praise God and thank him for the blessing of strength and growth you are being given through your experience. I know it’s easier said than done, believe me, I’ve been there too. It’s hard when you don’t know God’s plan and the purpose of your struggle. But there is always a purpose, you don’t believe me? Just think back to a time when you felt as if you were drowning, you were overwhelmed and felt hopeless. What came of that situation? How much stronger, wiser, and closer to God are you? Sometimes, God uses our crazy lives and roller coaster moments; our beautiful imperfections and moments of despair to win souls. To help others grow and heal. So maybe what you’re going through right now. That sticky icky mess is God’s glory being built up in your testimony. Remember the individuals that God used to his glory, those amazing biblical heroes. None were perfect and none lived perfect lives.
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Providing a peace of God
Hello All! I hope to soon post about my life experiences/ testimonials and share how the Lord has been there through it all. In addition, uplifting pieces, life lessons and things I feel moved to say. If you find yourself in need of an ear to listen or a much needed prayer request, feel free to message me. (Please no negativity. Thanks!)
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