anyanpre

[anyanpre]

Nothing to see here, just boyfriends having a deep conversation.

[anyanpre]

Geraskier AU ideas, pain and suffering and more pain:

Jaskier ask Geralt why is he here? What Geralt ever wanted from him, because he now knows it wasn’t his friendship, it wasn’t him as a person

Jaskier asks if the only reason Geralt let him stick around is because Geralt wanted someone who loved him unconditionally, who was loyal to him until the end, but nothing else? Whom Geralt could cast aside any moment knowing he wouldn’t feel any guilt, any fear of being not immediately forgiven afterwards?

And when Geralt fails to respond, fails to find the right words — that yes, Jaskier’s loyalty, Jaskier’s acceptance was a part of why Geralt wanted him, but it was only a small part of it, that Geralt always loved Jaskier for who he is, all of him — and when Geralt fails to say that, Jaskier accepts his accusations as truth.

And then Jaskier drinks the potion that was with him, and there is chaos buzzing, a sudden change. There isn’t just pain in bard’s eyes when he looks at Geralt, there is fear and disgust. He calls Geralt a monster. He runs.

Geralt picks up an empty potion bottle dropped on the ground and tucks it away. He’ll ask Triss or Yenn when he meets either of them.

When Geralt gives the bottle to Triss a month or so later, she can identify it: it’s a potion that erases memories, but spelled to target only good parts, leaving all the painful ones in tact.

Triss asks Geralt if someone gave that to Ciri, but Geralt says no — Jaskier took it.

Triss is horrified. There are two names for that specific potion — “lover’s last tears” and “wife’s noose”, and for a good reason: if it targets recent relationships, it helps to move on from it even if in an unhealthy way, but if it erases years, decades of companionship, it can drive any person mad, mad enough to end their own life.

And it was a month since Jaskier took the potion.

#geraskier #geralt x jaskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #the witcher #today i woke up and chose violence

[anyanpre]

I raise you to

Jaskier can fight with a sword, but actively chooses not to because he's afraid to like it too much

It's easier to run, to succumb to fear than to face how violent - and monstrous in the most human way possible - he could be

Headcannon: Jaskier can actually fight quite effectively with a sword. However, he opts not to do so since, in his opinion, Geralt fighting is one of the most attractive things

[anyanpre]

Jaskier being just some sort of immortal/long-living being is fun, but Jaskier progressively acquiring more and more forms of longevity/eternal youth is even more fun.

Like, imagine.

Jaskier having some natural longevity due to elven blood, but then he’s also blessed by friendly fae as a baby.

A mage heals him a little too much when he’s a young child, with magically prolonged live as a consequence.

As a teen he finds a magical ring that was spelled to slow down wearer’s aging — Jaskier has no idea about that, the ring is pretty.

At least two mages he fucks bless him with longevity spell.

He accidentally drinks a youth potion when he stays with a noble who get it from themselves, but oh well.

Jaskier is already several flavors of immortal youth by the time he meets Geralt and it keeps happening.

Neither he nor Geralt actually notice.

Yennefer does and she’s just… She’s too confused by this whole thing, because HOW THE FUCK YOU COULD GET ETERNAL YOUTH SPELLED ONTO YOU MORE THAN ONCE AND NOT FUCKING NOTICE IT.

#the witcher #jaskier #JASKIER THE DISASTER OF A BARD

[anyanpre]

Nah, listen, modern!Jaskier is 100% doing comedic with a mix of existential crisis stuff like Bo Burnham, Bill Wurtz or BDG.

Jaskier is a storyteller first and foremost, and I’m sorry, but you just can’t tell that many good stories with TS-style pop. It gets repetitive excruciatingly quickly. Jaskier would never make a career out of this, he’d be bored.

But he 100% has the energy and lack of giving a shit to sing a catchy song about having anxiety from needing to prune a houseplant.

As much as we all wish that modern! jaskier would make TAD type music he reality is that it definitely wouldn’t. Man’s is like the Taylor swift of his century. Modern au jaskier would be a pop singer and we just have to live with that fact

#Jaskier WOULD make a career out of musical equivalent of shitposting #HE WOULD

[anyanpre]

Bad Geraskier ideas my brain decides to present me with, take #3, still pain:

What if Jaskier’s family, finding out how Geralt fucked up their Julek left him on the mountain alone after 22 YEARS OF “FRIENDSHIP”, decided to enact revenge on the witcher.

Geralt taking contract in Lettenhove and being utterly confused why local noble Pankratz hates him beyond usual anti-witcher bigotry and why said noble feels familiar, while Geralt is sure he never met them — he never even been in Lettenhove before. Because yeah, Geralt is that kind of an idiot to forget Jaskier’s birth name and title, and he doesn’t realize that familiarity he feels is family fucking resemblance.

Geralt, returning from a contract, only to be ambushed, locked up and tortured — and not even knowing why, because his captor explicitly said he isn’t interested in selling him to Nilfgaard and won’t get an innocent child involved.

Geralt, being rescued by Jaskier, who’s extremely crossed with his family now, because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. No, really, what the actual fuck.

Jaskier, caring for Geralt’s wounds, helping him to get back on his feet, but also being outwardly detached and cold. Because he’s still hurt, because he doesn’t want to be hurt again, because he can’t even truly accept Geralt’s apology — he can’t be sure if it’s sincere, or if Geralt’s mind still a little bit fucked up after whole torture dungeon bullshit and Geralt is just latching onto the first kind anything he had in weeks.

Geralt, wanting nothing more but get his the bard back, but not knowing what to do, thinking that he fucked it all up beyond repair and that the only reason Jaskier is even here is that he feels responsible for actions of his family. Geralt, thinking that Jaskier truly hates him, but is too good of a man to just leave him like that, weak, injured and defenseless.

Geralt, thinking that he truly deserved that torture, and Jaskier being utterly terrified of this.

Jaskier, getting ready to leave Geralt for good when he thinks the witcher recovered enough and Geralt desperately asking him to stay.

#geraskeir #jaskier #geralt of rivia #geralt x jaskier #the witcher #IM SORRY I HAD TO #i MIIIIIIGHT even turn it into an actual fic #keyword MIGHT #don’t expect much

[anyanpre]

Lambert, seeing Jaskier shirtless for the first time: Geralt what the fuck, I knew your bard was pretty but what the fuck why is he that hot thats not fucking fair

Look we all know Jaskier is basically the same size as Geralt, and very much made of muscle. He'd have to be because Geralt gets hurt more times than Jaskier is pleased or comfortable with, and well someone has to pick Geralt up off the ground and carry him to Roach/Camp/Town.

Geralt knows this of course, he just forgets because Jaskier tailors his clothes to hide the muscle.

But... but his brothers don't know.

Geralt takes extreme pleasure in watching a very reluctant Jaskier tossing Lambert with barely any effort...

[anyanpre]

Oooooh, I like your spin on "Geralt wishes Jaskier away" too!

I feel like it's simpler in a way that there is no moral dilemma for the idiot witcher, but the pain of loosing Jaskier like this is sharper, it's more raw. Geralt basically killed him, while also denying him one single thing that the bard would want the most -- to be remembered by people, if not himself than his songs.

If Geralt's fails to undo his wish, he won't even be able to end his own life as an escape from immense guilt, because he's the only one who remembers, so he has to keep living, he's obligated to do so.

And OUCH, yeah, this hurts.

Geraskier ideas #2, pain edition:

What if instead of wishing for "peace and quiet", Geralt fucks it up with the djinn even more and goes "I wish we've never met" on Jaskier and accidentally retcons Jaskier out of his life.

And he either wastes his other two wishes before realizing what really happened, or doesn't have the wishes anymore due to timey-wimey shenanigans.

So Geralt is stuck, miserable and alone and without Jaskier.

He does think about finding Jaskier, but decides against it -- without him Jaskier is safe and happy and Geralt never deserved him anyway.

He can't stay in taverns when there's a bard, because it hurts too much. He barely cares about his wounds, because no one yells at him for getting too reckless. He's alone, as he should be.

He's fine, except he isn't.

And then the winter comes. And when Geralt gets to Kaer Morhen, Jaskier is there, with one of Geralt's brothers. Because of fucking course he is.

And, worst if all, Jaskier perfectly happy.

Geralt always knew that out of all of the wolves he was the worst one for Jaskier to get stuck with. He's an asshole and not the fun kind like Lambert. He isn't as nice and kind and fucking perfect like Eskel. And there is a proof of this right in front of him.

Jaskier is better off without him.

And it hurts.

He's a stranger to Jaskier, and it hurts so fucking much when Jaskier is right there.

And Geralt knows he can't undo his stupid wish, because he can't destroy this, even if he had the means to.

Everybody got what they deserved and Geralt truly believes in that moment that he deserves to be alone, that he never deserved Jaskier in the first place. That this is right, even if it hurts.

#geraskeir

[anyanpre]

Okay, listen

Geralt pining really fucking hard, and it’s so obvious he’s in love that Jaskier notices. However, what Jaskier doesn’t realize is that Geralt pining after him.

When Jaskier friendly confronts Geralt about him being so clearly in love and asks who was the lucky person to get the witcher’s attention, Geralt panics — he can’t let Jaskier know about his stupid unwanted affections that would definitely make the bard leave, or worse, pretend that he loves Geralt back and then, when it’s too much for him to keep the charade, leave — so Geralt says that he’s in love with /insert literally any character here/.

So Jaskier being a good friend, tries to help Geralt to court his “beloved”.

Jaskier quietly dying inside from a heartbreak, but he’s a good friend damn it! He will be the best wingman possible for Geralt, even if it kills him.

Geralt is extremely uncomfortable, because he’s kind of forced to court a person he isn’t interesting in, and also completely heartbroken over how eager Jaskier in helping him to “get the girl”.

They both idiots.

#geralt x jaskier #geraskeir #the witcher #jaskier #geralt of rivia #MUTUAL PINING IS THE BEST TROPE #also we need more Geralt helplessly pining over his bard

[anyanpre]

I keep thinking about this and about which of Geralt’s brothers would be more interesting in this scenario

On the one hand we have Eskel, who is most well-adjusted of the wolves, but is also possibly the loneliest one. He and Jaskier would be incredibly soft and good for each other no matter platonically or romantically. They would be terribly affectionate, but not outright flirty. They would be so, so good. And this would hurt Geralt a lot because he knows he should be happy for his brother to finally find someone who loves him, but he also terribly fucking jealous — which would make him feel even more like shit. And Eskel being good brother would try to comfort Geralt without actually knowing what the hell is going on and it’s just. It’s pain.

On the other hand we have Lambert, who is an ass. With whom Jaskier would definitely be in sexual relationship — just friends with benefits or eventually more — and they would be very open about it. Too open. They would fucking parade their sexual life for all to see — well, mostly hear — because they are both menaces looking for troubles on purpose. And this would make Geralt more jealous, but also being angry at Lambert, being angry at this is easy. And it is more likely than not to lead to open confrontation and for Geralt to either spill the beans or start fighting for Jaskier’s attention.

So yeah, both can be an interesting dynamic, but with a very different vibes.

Geraskier ideas #2, pain edition:

What if instead of wishing for "peace and quiet", Geralt fucks it up with the djinn even more and goes "I wish we've never met" on Jaskier and accidentally retcons Jaskier out of his life.

And he either wastes his other two wishes before realizing what really happened, or doesn't have the wishes anymore due to timey-wimey shenanigans.

So Geralt is stuck, miserable and alone and without Jaskier.

He does think about finding Jaskier, but decides against it -- without him Jaskier is safe and happy and Geralt never deserved him anyway.

He can't stay in taverns when there's a bard, because it hurts too much. He barely cares about his wounds, because no one yells at him for getting too reckless. He's alone, as he should be.

He's fine, except he isn't.

And then the winter comes. And when Geralt gets to Kaer Morhen, Jaskier is there, with one of Geralt's brothers. Because of fucking course he is.

And, worst if all, Jaskier perfectly happy.

Geralt always knew that out of all of the wolves he was the worst one for Jaskier to get stuck with. He's an asshole and not the fun kind like Lambert. He isn't as nice and kind and fucking perfect like Eskel. And there is a proof of this right in front of him.

Jaskier is better off without him.

And it hurts.

He's a stranger to Jaskier, and it hurts so fucking much when Jaskier is right there.

And Geralt knows he can't undo his stupid wish, because he can't destroy this, even if he had the means to.

Everybody got what they deserved and Geralt truly believes in that moment that he deserves to be alone, that he never deserved Jaskier in the first place. That this is right, even if it hurts.

#geraskier #geralt x jaskier #the witcher

[anyanpre]

Geraskier ideas #2, pain edition:

What if instead of wishing for "peace and quiet", Geralt fucks it up with the djinn even more and goes "I wish we've never met" on Jaskier and accidentally retcons Jaskier out of his life.

And he either wastes his other two wishes before realizing what really happened, or doesn't have the wishes anymore due to timey-wimey shenanigans.

So Geralt is stuck, miserable and alone and without Jaskier.

He does think about finding Jaskier, but decides against it -- without him Jaskier is safe and happy and Geralt never deserved him anyway.

He can't stay in taverns when there's a bard, because it hurts too much. He barely cares about his wounds, because no one yells at him for getting too reckless. He's alone, as he should be.

He's fine, except he isn't.

And then the winter comes. And when Geralt gets to Kaer Morhen, Jaskier is there, with one of Geralt's brothers. Because of fucking course he is.

And, worst if all, Jaskier perfectly happy.

Geralt always knew that out of all of the wolves he was the worst one for Jaskier to get stuck with. He's an asshole and not the fun kind like Lambert. He isn't as nice and kind and fucking perfect like Eskel. And there is a proof of this right in front of him.

Jaskier is better off without him.

And it hurts.

He's a stranger to Jaskier, and it hurts so fucking much when Jaskier is right there.

And Geralt knows he can't undo his stupid wish, because he can't destroy this, even if he had the means to.

Everybody got what they deserved and Geralt truly believes in that moment that he deserves to be alone, that he never deserved Jaskier in the first place. That this is right, even if it hurts.

#geraskier #the witcher #geralt x jaskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #sorry but MY BRAIN IS LIKE THIS

[anyanpre]

Currently having a big damn brainrot about why Jaskier introduces himself as Julian Pankratz SPECIFICALLY to dwarves

Like, from the basic writing perspective this does make sense, it's a comedic bit of "showing off your titles to people who don't give a fuck", but

BUT DOES IT HAVE ANY OTHER IMPLICATIONS

#jaskier #the witcher

[anyanpre]

Time to start shitposting my geraskier ideas, starting with

Higher vampire!Jaskier AU

Jaskier getting totally devastated after The Mountain Bullshit and he wants to drunk his heartbreak away, but there is tiny caveat — since he’s a higher vampire he can’t really get drunk on alcohol, only on human blood. Oh well.

A month and something after The Mountain Bullshit Geralt gets a contract from a relatively small town — people fainting at night, feeling drained and weak, no one’s dead yet, but it was getting worse. Geralt strongly suspects a vampire and goes hunting.

Geralt didn’t manage to catch vampire mid feeding, but follows their trail — smell of blood, alcohol and something disturbingly familiar — to the cemetery, but instead of a dangerous beast Geralt finds a very drunk, very pissed off bard screaming at the night sky.

Jaskier thinks that Geralt is there to kill him, obviously, and goes all “well, what the fuck you waiting for, witcher?! Go finish this already!”, to which Geralt can only reply “what the fuck Jaskier, I’m not gonna kill you”

And then they kiss

#geraskier #geralt x jaskier #listen i have THOUGHTS but i can’t write fics #the witcher

[anyanpre]

Back on tumblr w my shitposting IG

[anyanpre]

You know what, now Jaskier has to be part-elf or at least not entirely human

Because it would be extremely fucked up for a human to be the one chosen to tell a story of non-humans that is meant to unite them in their struggles against human oppression and racism. Like, I’m not the only one who sees the gigantic problem with this if Jaskier is just a human, right???? RIGHT??????

#jaskier #the witcher #witcher blood origin

[anyanpre]

We made a little thing, to celebrate 30 years of Good Omens, and to cheer people up. I hope you like it. Feel free to reblog...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quSXoj8Kob0&feature=youtu.be

[anyanpre]

They did that

#is it bi to be influenced by your nemesis' fashion choices