anonofseasons

[anonofseasons]

I know my work disappeared off AO3 - it's actually in a locked collection, some of it pending inevitable deletion - but please please please do not hunt my account down to a comment I left on someone else's work. I can only fathom the disappointment someone might feel when they see an inbox comment for their story... and it has nothing to do with the fic the comment is left on. I don't want someone to be like "oh, a comment!" and it turns out it's not really one at all... I understand some people are concerned about me, and that's very kind that anyone would care about me so much and ask if I'm okay, but I'm kind of horrified this happened because it involved someone else. Luckily I know the author IRL so I was able to talk to them and apologize about them getting a comment that has nothing to do with their fic. I don't even know if I should respond to it in case they can't see this on tumblr, but... yeah, please come to my DMs or my inbox on main or whatever or look for "mcalhen" elsewhere bc you'll often find me under that name. As for answering the actual question of "are you okay": Nope, but I'm sure people who hated my writing and kept insisting it should disappear must be absolutely thrilled right now (I could give names, btw, this isn't some "in my head" shit)

[anonofseasons]

Cal's commissions

Due to financial circumstances, I will be opening up commissions. I can proofread at $2 per 100 words I can write short stories at $2 per 100 words, 5000 word limit. I will not write others' OCs or fanfiction for legal reasons. I will make up OCs specifically for a brief scenario. (Example: "A short story about an automaton cat that carries messages for disabled people." Oh shit, that's a cute idea...) I mostly write consensual situations, and all smut must be between adult characters. I retain rights to the writing itself and the characters within, I'll name them and develop the story. I will not post these on AO3 for legal reasons. All stuff on AO3 is free. (This is mostly a tipping system. Alternatively, once my banking situation in this state is all figured out, I'll be opening tip jars if you prefer that. I'll also be selling books so hey! Lots of goodies there.) I can do sketches, generally pencil and paper, and can mail it. Prices will range $15-25 (you've seen my art), not including S&H to send it to you. For this, no sexual content, but I'll happily draw OCs. Love to draw others' OCs! \o/ I'm also kind of bitterly gonna have to take crochet commissions, but I'd prefer not to. This is desperation, though. I will only take small commissions (amigurumi, hats, etc), and this is $20/hour, NOT INCLUDING material costs or S&H. (I have fibro, I'd rather write, if you've been around before 2019 you also know crochet is an actual trauma trigger for me these days, and I'm barely getting over it. So tread carefully if you ask for this. Did I mention disabilities make this harder?) And depending on the fandom, I will not crochet anything from certain IPs. I reserve all rights to refuse a commission for any reason, be it the fear of getting sued, content I'm not comfortable with, shipping restrictions, etc. Thank you! Payment is via paypal invoice. Examples:

[anonofseasons]

Cal's commissions

Due to financial circumstances, I will be opening up commissions. I can proofread at $2 per 100 words I can write short stories at $2 per 100 words, 5000 word limit. I will not write others' OCs or fanfiction for legal reasons. I will make up OCs specifically for a brief scenario. (Example: "A short story about an automaton cat that carries messages for disabled people." Oh shit, that's a cute idea...) I mostly write consensual situations, and all smut must be between adult characters. I retain rights to the writing itself and the characters within, I'll name them and develop the story. I will not post these on AO3 for legal reasons. All stuff on AO3 is free. (This is mostly a tipping system. Alternatively, once my banking situation in this state is all figured out, I'll be opening tip jars if you prefer that. I'll also be selling books so hey! Lots of goodies there.) I can do sketches, generally pencil and paper, and can mail it. Prices will range $15-25 (you've seen my art), not including S&H to send it to you. For this, no sexual content, but I'll happily draw OCs. Love to draw others' OCs! \o/ I'm also kind of bitterly gonna have to take crochet commissions, but I'd prefer not to. This is desperation, though. I will only take small commissions (amigurumi, hats, etc), and this is $20/hour, NOT INCLUDING material costs or S&H. (I have fibro, I'd rather write, if you've been around before 2019 you also know crochet is an actual trauma trigger for me these days, and I'm barely getting over it. So tread carefully if you ask for this. Did I mention disabilities make this harder?) And depending on the fandom, I will not crochet anything from certain IPs. I reserve all rights to refuse a commission for any reason, be it the fear of getting sued, content I'm not comfortable with, shipping restrictions, etc. Thank you! Payment is via paypal invoice. Examples:

#reblogging this here bc why not #anyone want to commission me? #it was meant to be since one of the drawings and one of the dolls is my icon on this account #she's the most important Kingdom Hearts character :D

[anonofseasons]

Ask box is closed, thank you for all your asks! I'll be active over at @mcalhenwrites now

It was a lot of fun, and feel free to send asks about Seasons or any of my other stories to that account! :D

[anonofseasons]

Just a reminder that the ask box closes Saturday, and I've already been posting some post-Seasons content over on my main account (alongside other stories, if anyone is interested in them).

I'm going to close my ask box permanently on Sept 30 and go back to using @mcalhenwrites (and the side blogs stemming from that account) exclusively. Seasons' main story is finished, and I don't want to be bouncing between two accounts forever. You can ask Seasons questions at that account, ultimately, and if I get back to sharing anything, updates about side stories for it will be posted there, as will art and details that maybe never got into the final draft. Or changes the story made. Who knows? Right now, I'm focusing on just writing and IRL stuff for a bit, since I'm feeling weird about sharing again. But I want to give people time to ask final questions if they want, so: Sept 30 is the deadline, but feel free to always ask any questions over at @mcalhenwrites instead! This blog was created to remain anonymous, but that hasn't been necessary since April. :)

[anonofseasons]

Some additional details in case you might want to know more about each one: Dragon universe is the story with dragons building planets, it is lore-heavy and spans several books that range from horror to scifi to fantasy. They include The Hostile Credence, Planetary Boundaries, The Dragons' Cosmos, etc. Pleasure Seekers series is about Xavier, an asexual Incubus who doesn't follow the "Incubi and Succubi usually do sex work for a living" plan, because he is sex-repulsed. He lives with his human boyfriend, although he does later end up in a polycule. Also, his boyfriend spanks him for domestic discipline, and it's not sexual for Xavier, but he is a bit of a spoiled brat. ;) Seasons is about immortal characters and abuse, and if you're familiar with the story, you might want to hear more about it. But the whole thing is already posted on AO3 Rascal is on AO3, as are some chapters of Stargazers' Hill (SGH), but if anyone wants more of that... here's your chance to ask! Name the Frogs is a new story about a traumatized man who is trying to carve out a life despite his father being an infamous villain whose reputation kind of ruins Irving's poor life. The monster extracting demons story is self-explanatory, but I did make a recent post yesterday about it if you feel like hunting it down. Where the Lanterns Glow is a kinky romance between Nolwen, a witch with PTSD, and Evander, a farmer's kid who wants to learn magic from Nolwen. The Elephants Always Come Back is a horror story where my main character, Mirza, is determined to find out what happened to his mother and brother. It overlaps with Boris's exorcism work. (Horror.) Geckos, Automata starts with a homeless man on the run, a sorceror searching for that homeless man and for signs that his likely-deceased husband is still alive after all, and a little girl automaton who seems to have her own thoughts. Serrated Petals is just really fucked up kinky stuff with plot. Roland is obsessed with an immortal villain, his brother wants to help him, and Luther is one of the villain's prisoners. Skin from the River is about a river that takes human form using the bones of humans he has killed in his waters, and his three father rivers have to chase him down and get him to take water form again.

[anonofseasons]

Has the season spirits had any conflicts with other beings or spirits besides humans?

Seasons and Cosmos usually don't mingle with Merfolk, who are technically just ocean nature spirits, but they don't fight, either. There's not really any reason for conflict when they're on the same page. They're just doing their own thing is all. But the oceans do have some pretty treacherous and sometimes clever monsters. Not enough to mean crossing it is going to be guaranteed dangerous, but the potential for danger is rather high. I'd say "they'd definitely never be stupid enough to make cruise ships in this world when that'd be far too risky to stay out on the water for longer than necessary to travel from x to z" but no that could still happen. Still most spirits are going to stay on land where it's safe, minding their own business. Most of them. :') So yeah, most nature spirits won't know conflict outside of dealing with humans (and wildlife too), but sometimes they'll be uncomfortably close to some of the creatures of the water. (As for Merfolk, they can't avoid what they live with in the waters as easily, but they definitely try, the same way one would keep away from wolves and bears on land.)

[anonofseasons]

I have had a love and hate feelings for Graham throughout the story buttt I wanted to know does he find a new partner throughout the next couple of centuries?

He's got his own growing to do, so it's understandable to love and hate him :') All right, so confession: I have not given this much thought and intentionally left some of the ending ambiguous. I like leaving "potential", so to speak? And that potential could be that Graham finds someone else or stays single or gets back with Vivian. Honestly, though, while they did officially marry, they've probably been assumed legally dead. There's no reason to get an official divorce. So even though they both saw a separation as different than a full divorce... they can move on. Graham is more likely to do that than Vivian. Despite how difficult it is to draw Graham, he's attractive! (Honestly, I've come to realize that he truly is just a beefier brown-haired version of Noctis Lucis Caelum at 30 from FFXV, and that wasn't intentional and his hair is def more like that one dude from Supernatural with the fluffy hair whose name I keep forgetting.) So y'know. He could get some. ;) (eventually) That said, Viv and Graham never quite fully leave each other's lives. Not even "just for the kids" but they genuinely do manage a friendship after a long while. There's some trust between them after a while. I really don't want to imagine how Viv would react to Graham dating someone tho...

#Seasons Spoilers #ask already has a spoiler so I'm not sure it's worth putting up a read more so I'll tag and hope for the best :')

[anonofseasons]

I'm going to close my ask box permanently on Sept 30 and go back to using @mcalhenwrites (and the side blogs stemming from that account) exclusively. Seasons' main story is finished, and I don't want to be bouncing between two accounts forever. You can ask Seasons questions at that account, ultimately, and if I get back to sharing anything, updates about side stories for it will be posted there, as will art and details that maybe never got into the final draft. Or changes the story made. Who knows? Right now, I'm focusing on just writing and IRL stuff for a bit, since I'm feeling weird about sharing again. But I want to give people time to ask final questions if they want, so: Sept 30 is the deadline, but feel free to always ask any questions over at @mcalhenwrites instead! This blog was created to remain anonymous, but that hasn't been necessary since April. :)

#Just a head's up

[anonofseasons]

I'm going to close my ask box permanently on Sept 30 and go back to using @mcalhenwrites (and the side blogs stemming from that account) exclusively. Seasons' main story is finished, and I don't want to be bouncing between two accounts forever. You can ask Seasons questions at that account, ultimately, and if I get back to sharing anything, updates about side stories for it will be posted there, as will art and details that maybe never got into the final draft. Or changes the story made. Who knows? Right now, I'm focusing on just writing and IRL stuff for a bit, since I'm feeling weird about sharing again. But I want to give people time to ask final questions if they want, so: Sept 30 is the deadline, but feel free to always ask any questions over at @mcalhenwrites instead! This blog was created to remain anonymous, but that hasn't been necessary since April. :)

[anonofseasons]

I'm going to close my ask box permanently on Sept 30 and go back to using @mcalhenwrites (and the side blogs stemming from that account) exclusively. Seasons' main story is finished, and I don't want to be bouncing between two accounts forever. You can ask Seasons questions at that account, ultimately, and if I get back to sharing anything, updates about side stories for it will be posted there, as will art and details that maybe never got into the final draft. Or changes the story made. Who knows? Right now, I'm focusing on just writing and IRL stuff for a bit, since I'm feeling weird about sharing again. But I want to give people time to ask final questions if they want, so: Sept 30 is the deadline, but feel free to always ask any questions over at @mcalhenwrites instead! This blog was created to remain anonymous, but that hasn't been necessary since April. :)

#will try to reblog this a few times to get the word out #ehhh fuck did I reopen asks on that account I gotta go check now

[anonofseasons]

Happy Autumn Equinox, I would be insulting Howie if I didn't at least make this post. :')

#Gunther and Edmund too #...also Phineas is a pumpkin spice and apple cinnamon fanatic this is his time of year to be excessive with all of it #Mir: DAD! back away from the cloves! #okay going away again have a good autumn it's way too hot for autumn where I am tho!

[anonofseasons]

Your writing style is so unique and captivating!! I love the way you develop your characters.

Thank you for all your kind words. Right now, I admit, it really helps to hear this, and I appreciate you taking the time to say it. (That goes for everyone who has said anything, not just anon, so if you're someone who said it in a comment or DM or ask... thank you so much.)

[anonofseasons]

The reason the rest of Seasons went up is that I figured I'd better just do it before I lost all drive to share ever again and didn't at least complete Seasons for the remaining readers. It's the only thing I've written (outside of fandom) that has gotten much attention. It was nice, and I really appreciate that anyone would read it. But outside of that, I cannot get more than the tiniest handful of people to care about what I write, and it has been that way for years. It's discouraging, I'll be honest. My already-low confidence keeps taking beatings. I used to be more active with fandoms and posting fics, but one fandom/ship soured the experience for me. (Long story short, a lot of that ship's writers were bullied out by much more prominent writers. One of those popular writers mocked content from my fics in vaguetweets every time I posted, and I couldn't keep calling it a coincidence after a while.) I'd hear "you only write manbabies" (yeah more than once) and "you write too much of this" or be told my characterization wasn't realistic. But mostly? It just goes ignored. So I think, "I have to work harder and be better so people will be interested in reading it."

I don't know how other people manage to get word out about their writing. AO3 is great for sharing what I don't plan to publish/what can't be published, but what about what I do want published? I want to be a career author. And I struggle bc I'm dealing with problems that have a hand in worsening each other: financial struggles, living with my shitty parents, and bad health/disabilities. I need something in my life to work out for once. The pressure is on to be successful at something, but I just keep getting older and physically worse. My friend is willing to take me in when they find a place, we hope that's this year, but I can't live off of them, and I can't just sometimes cook and clean when I have spoons to make up for that. I need an income. I want writing to work out. But it just dies on my social media, with very few interactions, if any at all. I had a ton of stuff I wanted to finish for Seasons this month and into October to share with everyone in my excitement. But I'm losing my will to share anything. I only feel foolish when I try. Everything I do only proves my critics right, so it's embarrassing. Why even bother to try? It's been fourteen years of trying to get anything I write seen. I don't plan to stop writing btw, it's the sharing that's so difficult. I've been told countless times to write for myself when I express my despair, and guess what? That's good advice I've been taking this entire time! Who else could I be trying to please at this point? I have no one to please lmao, it's just me doing stuff I wanna do! The reaction to the ending of Seasons has me hesitant to give up on sharing, bc clearly lots of people connected to it in different ways, and that's wonderful. It makes me think sharing isn't so bad! But I just don't know if - at my age and health - if I can keep trying. I have two books I want to self-publish soon, and they feel like they'll just end up like everything else I post over at @mcalhenwrites - 6 notes and 5 of them are my reblogs! (And it's the same across all social media platforms - or it's even worse.) I'm really thankful that sharing Seasons gave me a taste of what it was like to connect with people through my writing, though. I don't think any of the people who commented or sent me asks realize how much it really helped me through this year, but it did. I started to have a little hope that maybe it wasn't a skill issue on my part, at least? ;A; And here's the thing: I don't really hate my writing all that much. I just fear it's got things wrong with it that I can't recognize, and that's what's putting potential readers off. I do believe my hard work shows, but hard work =/= good enough. My style is getting closer to the skill level I dreamed of having. I'm proud of my characters. But what's missing? I know that being a creator of any kind - even professional - is extremely tough, especially right now. I know this is a struggle for a lot of authors, artists, etc. :'( I just... I want to write as a career so I can keep doing more of it. I rarely have the spoons to keep up with anything. Writing is flexible. I love doing it! I just want to explain how I feel and what I'm dealing with, and why I'm so desperate. If you read this, know that it really helps creators to have our work recommended, boosted, etc. Authors matter as much as artists. I've been trying to train myself for the nth time to not be online and talk about my writing in any capacity. It hasn't worked before - I'm always too stupid to commit to giving up - but at what point in 14 years of complete failure with a side of humiliation does one just learn to give up? And to give some further insight into my thinking process: when I uploaded the remaining chapters, I put Seasons in my private collection (which holds 87 of my works out-of-bounds to anyone but me) so I could upload all the chapters without risking annoying my subscribers. Since 11 chapters in one night is a bit much, eh? :') Ugh, idk why tumblr won't let me edit anything or post long stuff. So I'm cutting this short I guess!

#I wanted to post this here and not on my other blog even though I need to shut this one down now that seasons is over with #sorry to reblog again but it's still not showing up that I posted this unless I go directly to my blog #but my reblog is showing up on my dash on my other thing so maybe if I reblog it here it'll actually appear! #idk here goes and then I'm taking my ass to bed #edit: yes it does appear now finally on my dash (both of them bc i just checked)

[anonofseasons]

The reason the rest of Seasons went up is that I figured I'd better just do it before I lost all drive to share ever again and didn't at least complete Seasons for the remaining readers. It's the only thing I've written (outside of fandom) that has gotten much attention. It was nice, and I really appreciate that anyone would read it. But outside of that, I cannot get more than the tiniest handful of people to care about what I write, and it has been that way for years. It's discouraging, I'll be honest. My already-low confidence keeps taking beatings. I used to be more active with fandoms and posting fics, but one fandom/ship soured the experience for me. (Long story short, a lot of that ship's writers were bullied out by much more prominent writers. One of those popular writers mocked content from my fics in vaguetweets every time I posted, and I couldn't keep calling it a coincidence after a while.) I'd hear "you only write manbabies" (yeah more than once) and "you write too much of this" or be told my characterization wasn't realistic. But mostly? It just goes ignored. So I think, "I have to work harder and be better so people will be interested in reading it."

I don't know how other people manage to get word out about their writing. AO3 is great for sharing what I don't plan to publish/what can't be published, but what about what I do want published? I want to be a career author. And I struggle bc I'm dealing with problems that have a hand in worsening each other: financial struggles, living with my shitty parents, and bad health/disabilities. I need something in my life to work out for once. The pressure is on to be successful at something, but I just keep getting older and physically worse. My friend is willing to take me in when they find a place, we hope that's this year, but I can't live off of them, and I can't just sometimes cook and clean when I have spoons to make up for that. I need an income. I want writing to work out. But it just dies on my social media, with very few interactions, if any at all. I had a ton of stuff I wanted to finish for Seasons this month and into October to share with everyone in my excitement. But I'm losing my will to share anything. I only feel foolish when I try. Everything I do only proves my critics right, so it's embarrassing. Why even bother to try? It's been fourteen years of trying to get anything I write seen. I don't plan to stop writing btw, it's the sharing that's so difficult. I've been told countless times to write for myself when I express my despair, and guess what? That's good advice I've been taking this entire time! Who else could I be trying to please at this point? I have no one to please lmao, it's just me doing stuff I wanna do! The reaction to the ending of Seasons has me hesitant to give up on sharing, bc clearly lots of people connected to it in different ways, and that's wonderful. It makes me think sharing isn't so bad! But I just don't know if - at my age and health - if I can keep trying. I have two books I want to self-publish soon, and they feel like they'll just end up like everything else I post over at @mcalhenwrites - 6 notes and 5 of them are my reblogs! (And it's the same across all social media platforms - or it's even worse.) I'm really thankful that sharing Seasons gave me a taste of what it was like to connect with people through my writing, though. I don't think any of the people who commented or sent me asks realize how much it really helped me through this year, but it did. I started to have a little hope that maybe it wasn't a skill issue on my part, at least? ;A; And here's the thing: I don't really hate my writing all that much. I just fear it's got things wrong with it that I can't recognize, and that's what's putting potential readers off. I do believe my hard work shows, but hard work =/= good enough. My style is getting closer to the skill level I dreamed of having. I'm proud of my characters. But what's missing? I know that being a creator of any kind - even professional - is extremely tough, especially right now. I know this is a struggle for a lot of authors, artists, etc. :'( I just... I want to write as a career so I can keep doing more of it. I rarely have the spoons to keep up with anything. Writing is flexible. I love doing it! I just want to explain how I feel and what I'm dealing with, and why I'm so desperate. If you read this, know that it really helps creators to have our work recommended, boosted, etc. Authors matter as much as artists. I've been trying to train myself for the nth time to not be online and talk about my writing in any capacity. It hasn't worked before - I'm always too stupid to commit to giving up - but at what point in 14 years of complete failure with a side of humiliation does one just learn to give up? And to give some further insight into my thinking process: when I uploaded the remaining chapters, I put Seasons in my private collection (which holds 87 of my works out-of-bounds to anyone but me) so I could upload all the chapters without risking annoying my subscribers. Since 11 chapters in one night is a bit much, eh? :') Ugh, idk why tumblr won't let me edit anything or post long stuff. So I'm cutting this short I guess!

#this is a bit of a long post sorry

[anonofseasons]

Goodbye!

[anonofseasons]

I'm sharing a lot of the playlist I listened to while writing Seasons! :) One of the most important tracks for this is The Past by Yasunori Mitsuda This is a beautiful track that has an edge of sadness to it. (The original version is called Tanjou) I don't know if it was the prolonged winter in Seasons, but both of these winter tracks from Story of Seasons: Pioneers of Olive Town and My Time at Portia played frequently while I typed this story. I know I linked this in one of my author's notes, but Future Awaits - yes, another Mitsuda track, vocals by Joanne Hogg - really reminds me of Graham and Vivian struggling. Though the song is far more hopeful. :') (This song dropped with the DLC when I was typing up some emotional parts of their relationship, and... I don't know. It reminded me a lot of Graham especially, regarding his human life.) Annnnd I discovered this soundtrack existed recently, and The Devil is just a very beautiful song by... Yasunori Mitsuda... As usual, my works are written to Mitsuda, mainly. BUT! Also, Yoko Shimomura, because Prayer de Luna is just such a sad song that feels... isolating and final. And I wouldn't be me without some songs that featured in KHUX, like Tears of the Light (I wrote Howie's running away to this song) and the final staff roll of Dearly Beloved (BEST DB, don't talk to me) Lastly, Doubt by John Graham (lol just realized that name) from Kingsglaive is short but feels so... sad and haunting. This came up with Howie's running away chapters too.