ange1spitt

[ange1spitt]

I think im being dramatic thats what my life is is checking myself when a dramatic thought comes in my brain i have to be like no no that is not true and rewire my thinking for years before i be mean on accident or before something someone says that wasnt meant to be mean or passive aggressive but i took it that way and it pisses me off i have to be like wait wait wait before i go onto my angry rant

And no i do not want to post with tags i wish that notification would stop popping up bc i hate unnecessary notifications

The commebt that irritated me and im so sleepy the sun makes me sleepy so im agitated mildly but it was ‘at least u came to help’ like ok but i can take critiques of my behavior idk y i even get so mad at my job bc everything is like fine then i love it then it makes me mad then i love it again

[ange1spitt]

Nobody even does the job but me too like y is so much silverware put away unpolished i always polish all my silverware before i put it away bc im supposed to and that annoys me when other ppl dont wanan do the job

[ange1spitt]

I need to go home lol i keep embarrassing myself

[ange1spitt]

Lol instances like these r what my therapist n psych r missing out on when i try to explain like bpd and y i think. I am bpd is bc of these intense reactions to something so dumb or wellio back to work ,,

Literally stupid that i embarrassed myself so bad to give me whiplash for like ten minutes then it made me mad now im normal again and so sleeepy but i slept a good more than 8 hours n drank redbull n coffee so sleepiness shoukdbt be in me so badly

Also this stupid thing you can never makea post without the prompt of adding tags like ok maybe i never want to add tags and i hate the button popping up to remind me everytime to add tags

I dont even talk to or communicate that much w the guy whose name i thought it was which is y its irritating me now that i would do something like that bc its like can be interpreted in only one way so d*mb ugh whatever its ruined my mood to do this inventory after embarrassing in front of my newish coworker who i want to think im like cool as my friend but in two days he wont even remember it so its ok 🥹

[ange1spitt]

Literally stupid that i embarrassed myself so bad to give me whiplash for like ten minutes then it made me mad now im normal again and so sleeepy but i slept a good more than 8 hours n drank redbull n coffee so sleepiness shoukdbt be in me so badly

Also this stupid thing you can never makea post without the prompt of adding tags like ok maybe i never want to add tags and i hate the button popping up to remind me everytime to add tags

I dont even talk to or communicate that much w the guy whose name i thought it was which is y its irritating me now that i would do something like that bc its like can be interpreted in only one way so d*mb ugh whatever its ruined my mood to do this inventory after embarrassing in front of my newish coworker who i want to think im like cool as my friend but in two days he wont even remember it so its ok 🥹

[ange1spitt]

And i havent been the best at self care lately everything is so sickening i even told the psych that since i was 8 years old (bc thats as far as my memories kind of go) i was numb n dissociated and as a child i thought it wss so normal to either feel nothing or everything with no in between that it makes me think if the psych says i exhibit symptoms of borderline why she doesnt just say i have it?

And sometimes im good at articulating my feelings only in writing and then when the moment comes to say how i feel i just blank it and cnat articulate it well at all i just forget

[ange1spitt]

Not only that i can switch so quickly from rage to depression to being happy wnd nbody would know thats going on inside bc i am so good at masking i could be 1000% pissed off n it not be known and in the past i have had black out rage episodes like even as a child screaming top of my lungs hyperventilating crying like bipolar just doesnt seem to track with my symptoms at all

Sometimes i really know im asexual and just fucked in the head bc i dont rly like the swx acts w myself or my partner all the time but i love the closeness and sometimes i do like it (demisexual, but wout like sexual attraction still) and i would enjoy it pre-t too but ya its a complicated experience and hard to separate from mental illness symptoms and also everyone says i have a strong sense of identity but i nwver felt that exactly but w/ever the psych i saw is nice but i think she just assumes all my stuff is bc of testosterone when the symptoms pre dates the testosterone 🥴 like i say i have memory issues and she will say when youre stressed and im like no the problems exist when im perfectly balanced and feeling fine but huge chunks of memory are missing and im dissociating to the ethers 24/7 im just gonna see another psych whos hopefully queer that way they wont suggest im not asexual or imply its bc of the testosterone and won’t tell me to go masturbate when i say im struggling with being hypersexual and i say its bc i want to bond and thats a good way to get the attention i want from my partner in a like. I really want attention from them all the time ugh im also not good at articulating my feelings at all and so when i do express them it feels like everyone argues with my feelings instead of listening to me and thats how i felt like from the psych when i didnt really agree with the bp2 diagnosis because i feel like the hypersexualness is just me trying to get attention in relationships the only way i know how kinda way snd ill go to someone who specializes in personality disorders and trauma too i just need a second opinion

[ange1spitt]

Sometimes i really know im asexual and just fucked in the head bc i dont rly like the swx acts w myself or my partner all the time but i love the closeness and sometimes i do like it (demisexual, but wout like sexual attraction still) and i would enjoy it pre-t too but ya its a complicated experience and hard to separate from mental illness symptoms and also everyone says i have a strong sense of identity but i nwver felt that exactly but w/ever the psych i saw is nice but i think she just assumes all my stuff is bc of testosterone when the symptoms pre dates the testosterone 🥴 like i say i have memory issues and she will say when youre stressed and im like no the problems exist when im perfectly balanced and feeling fine but huge chunks of memory are missing and im dissociating to the ethers 24/7 im just gonna see another psych whos hopefully queer that way they wont suggest im not asexual or imply its bc of the testosterone and won’t tell me to go masturbate when i say im struggling with being hypersexual and i say its bc i want to bond and thats a good way to get the attention i want from my partner in a like. I really want attention from them all the time ugh im also not good at articulating my feelings at all and so when i do express them it feels like everyone argues with my feelings instead of listening to me and thats how i felt like from the psych when i didnt really agree with the bp2 diagnosis because i feel like the hypersexualness is just me trying to get attention in relationships the only way i know how kinda way snd ill go to someone who specializes in personality disorders and trauma too i just need a second opinion

[ange1spitt]

[ange1spitt]

[ange1spitt]

more some content for the people who hate talking, are selectively mute, nonverbal/semiverbal, have verbal loss, etc

[ange1spitt]

ೀ accurate photo of me | not my art idk who

[ange1spitt]

i cant wait til i go to a psychiatrist and ask for a full psych eval and find out what is wrong with me lol

[ange1spitt]

breathing organism

[ange1spitt]

I dont even knkw y am i turning crazy and agitated

[ange1spitt]

[ange1spitt]