amy-oswin-lovegood

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

Your sister who you love so much (even though you’ve never shown it) asks you to be her sister again, her true sister, in deed not just in name. And yes, of course that’s what you want. That’s what you’ve always wanted and now that she’s shattered your defenses and destroyed the ones who would pit you against each other and died right before your eyes, how could you refuse? How could your answer be anything but yes?

So you go home with her, not the ruins of your perfectly posh prison, but a new home which provides love and care and bunk beds and it’s so so nice. Ridiculously nice. Sickeningly nice. And a small, sick part of you almost misses your old home (if you can even call it a home) because yes, it was cruel and awful and you hated every second of it but you knew where you fit. You knew what your role was. You don’t fit in here. Everyone accepts you because they’re all so nice, but they don’t know how to volley back your sharp words or find a hidden, “I love you” within an offhanded insult. 

And then your sister leaves to save the world again because that’s who she is. She’s the kind of person who goes out to save the world with her friends when she’s needed and you’re not. You’re not, not, not. Not on any count. You don’t save things, you destroy them. And friends? You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable for friends so of course that’s out. Your sister is 16 and she’s out saving the world for the third time and you, fully grown at 18, are a wanted criminal who hasn’t even properly graduated from high school. You can’t stop thinking about it and, without your sister and her friends occupying the house as a buffer, the ones who are left try to get you to talk about it so you make a rash decision, as you are wont to do. You leave, like a thief in the night. You can make your own way. You can. You’ll prove it.

You find a shitty apartment and pay for it with the ill-gotten spoils from one of your many exploits. You could probably pawn some treasure for more luxurious  accommodations–there is that chest of rubies just lying around–but you don’t. That’s not what you deserve. And what if your sister needs help later? You don’t have access to your parental funds anymore which means she doesn’t either. You know she won’t ask anyone for help–you wouldn’t. But someone has to look after her. You’re an abjuration wizard. You protect people. You protect her. No, that’s a lie. But you want to make it not a lie. You want to start now.

If you’re saving the rubies then you need a source of income. You narrow down your least villainous talents to try and find a suitable job and hit on teacher. You’re good at magic, right? So how hard can teaching it be? Hopefully not as hard as securing the job, which proves trickier than expected because, oh right, you’re a wanted criminal who hasn’t graduated high school. But you dip into your villainous talents once more and tell yourself it’s for a good cause. You secure the job. You’re doing it. You’re making your own way. 

You want to text your sister to see if she’s doing alright but you don’t want to intrude and you don’t want to answer any questions about what you’ve been doing because then either you’ll have to lie or explain that you’ve left again, right after you promised you’d be there. Both options make your heart ache, especially since it’s her birthday. So you wait until the house is empty (mostly empty–you’re never really alone in a haunted house) and enter the room you and your sister shared for too brief a time. You paint her walls with carefully rendered runes, filled with all your abjuration magic and stamped with your arcane mark. It’s a possessive bit of spellcraft. A selfish claiming of a climactic kill. You mean to make a different kind of claim. You are claiming your sister, as she asked you to months ago. You are telling the world that she will not be fucked with while you live. Your rooms were so close before. You could hear her. You knew every night she went to bed in the grips of a panic attack with no one to console her. She won’t have to feel unsafe in her own room again. You can make sure of that at least. 

The sun rises one morning and you know that means your sister is alive and well and coming home. You teleport to Falinel to make sure she returns to her favorite dessert. It’s worth the spell slot and the chance of being recognized. The tower where they kept you is long destroyed and you know that this time, if you were ever captured or even killed, rescue wouldn’t be measured in a matter of months. It would be days. Hours even if your clever sister and her powerful divination magic put things together faster. The thought fills you with more emotion than you know what to do with. You leave a note. “I love you,” you think. “Enjoy the nemesis ward,” you write. 

Practicing magic, as it turns out, is a very different skill than teaching magic. The children are loud and obnoxious and you don’t quite realize that maybe your expectations are too high between the hothouse you grew up in and your sister being the world’s greatest diviner, fullstop. You know you can always go back to the manor, but that somehow makes it easier to stick it out. You’ve always been taught that pressure provides the best results but there’s something about the security of a safety net that makes everything a bit more bearable. And so what if you have to take a second job involving a light criminal element. You’re only smuggling–that’s barely even a real crime.

Your sister who has saved the world thrice now, texts you and she wants help. She is looking to you for help. And you do your best to oblige. You offer your knowledge, you offer your rubies, you invite her over again and again. She sends you a text and deletes it. You’re not the diviner in the family but you drain your spell slots scrying for information you already know. Information that you'll hear from her own lips in just a few hours. “I love you.”

She finally visits and you’re not unaware of the state of your apartment. You know you’ve been too exhausted for an Unseen Servant or even a round of Prestidigitations but you know that your sister has seen your mind and there’s nothing messier about you than that. She teases you and you tease her back. She’s the only one who understands how to deliver a complement with a backhand so you can receive it without your skin crawling. The only one who knows how much tartness you need with your sweetness. 

Later, she visits again. She sits in your filthy apartment and you watch trash TV and it’s the highlight of your week. Your month even. That should feel pathetic but, somehow it doesn’t. You want to tell her. She deserves to hear it from time to time without having to filter out the layers of prickliness that you add as second nature, a layer of armor as ever present as your abjurer’s ward. You may not be able to handle naked sentiment but she can. You’ve seen her with her friends. How affectionate they are. You’ve always been taught that loose lips sink ships but you have experience with ship sinking and this prospect fills you with much less dread. You tell her and it’s awkward and fumbling but you manage. Maybe loving people isn’t so different from loving cats.

You have a new job which is perfect because the school year is almost over and, blackmail or no, you aren’t sure how many times you’ll be able to get away with casting Sleep on your class to give yourself a break. Honestly, you should have applied for jobs in Leviathan from the start. Why would pirates care about your sketchy history and lack of credentials? You could teleport yourself to Leviathan every day but that would be a waste of a spell slot when the door to Leviathan is right there in the manor (and if your sister happens to be there too then hey, happy coincidence). While you’re there, you might as well do your laundry. And stay for dinner from time to time. And spend time with your sister in your her room where your runes stand sentinel and your old bunk lays untouched. You don’t think you’re staring but later, as you go to grab a snack from the kitchen your sister throws you a casual, over the shoulder glance. 

“You can just move back in, if you want.”

And would it really be that easy? Just like that? After a year of trying to make a point or a plan or a better version of yourself or whatever? Just like that? 

You remember a year ago. You and your sister and words that will be burned into your mind forever. 

“Despite the fact that you have not earned it, I do love you.”

Just like that. 

You say yes. You stay. 

#fantasy high

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

even + looking at isak when isak’s not looking

#skam

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

whoever edited siobhan smoking a fake joint and added smoke you are a hero and a genius and i salute you

#fantasy high

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

ayda leaving a geocache for adaine bc there’s no institutional fix to her money troubles which is a problem but she loves her best friend so much

#fantasy high

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

it's just really funny to me to imagine Fabian actually being a great big brother honorable nemesis.

like, putting a nemesis ward on the nursery with aelwyn's help since "it won't do if they die before their eighteenth birthday, will it?" (aelwyn, deeply sarcastic: "well of course, that is exactly why I put the ward on adaine's room." fabian, too deep in denial for sarcasm: "see? you get it")

gifting them a battle sheet baby blanket since they should start preparing for their battle early on (and yes it's extra fluffy, it's for a baby stop laughing everybody)

generally trying to teach them everything he knows "so their battle to the death will be a fair one"

giving their adventuring party the same lecture on tactics that the bad kids got from his papa

hunting down chungledown bim and any other nemesis so his sibling is the only one who could get a piece of his fund (he just wants it to stay in the family, shut up)

just. fabian being an amazing big brother but also if you call him that to his face he will cut you

#fantasy high

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

saw someone on tiktok make the comparison of kristen using the name 'phtosynthekids' because it meant something to riz, the same way lucy used 'the high five heroes' for kipperlilly.

A rogue and their cleric :(

#fantasy high

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

gorgug getting so genuinely infuriated at telemaine’s inability to correctly say most words will never not be absolutely hilarious to me

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

Yeah i have a dark past (being 13). Just an absolutely horrible backstory (being 13). It would keep you up at night if i told you about it (i was 13 one time)

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

4:10 / #SKAM Season 3

#skam

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

Reminder that research (especially medical research) can be very slow. I just got a notification that a paper is being published on a project that I did data collection for in... 2017. I was pregnant at the time with my now seven-year-old.

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

Scars on your body show that you have lived; scars on your heart show that you have loved.

Nina Dul

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

my figayda crumbs? acquired in the fucking funniest way possible

#fantasy high

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

fabian saying this about kristen is so earnest and based in a place of such true deep friendship and understanding, and in a way I feel like it applies to ally as a player as well - which kinda makes sense if you think about how kristen was their first PC and in the way of first PCs probably manifests a lot of aspects of themself. so if you think about it, this is also lou saying this about ally and that just makes me wanna cry THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH

(also ally making those insane faces as lou says all this really heartfelt stuff is just... exactly this lmao)

#fantasy high

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

petition to bring back saying "huzzah!" when something goes your way and "alas." when it doesn't

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

in all seriousness it's very alienating knowing theres Something Wrong With You. like seeing your mental illness come through in your behaviour and thought processes and knowing it's irrational and unhealthy, knowing other people are reading you as weird or stupid, and not being able to do anything about it is such a lonely experience

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

genuinely so much happened this episode that no one’s talking about the most important part: Second Kristen

#fantasy high

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

#skam