amirachanges

[amirachanges]

Notes from when I was in Turkey

Something resonated with what you said while we were in Turkey. I'm deeply sorry Nawel.

Yes I've changed. I wasn't aware of it, but I became bitter. As you said, I wasn't as kind anymore. I changed because of the abuse, corruption and ill intended people around me. Got too much on my plate to handle. Too much to deal with. Young me had a really hard time and I couldn't talk about it to anyone. I felt alone. My anxiety got worse with the time. I closed myself off other people. I felt empty. Something broke in me. A piece of my soul got scratched. The good news is I can still save the rest of my soul. Now I know.

I'll try my best to be like my old self again. But as the saying, forgive but never forget. I hope this period of my life teached me what I never want to be later. Life is hard enough as it is. We don't need to put more misery on others. I hope you'll never get to live this and do something you feel aligned with, fully. Wishing you all the best in this journey. Life is too short to be sad. As our prophet told us. Live this life as a passager, a traveler until your next home. Everything is temporary anyways. Only make space for the good and positive. Alhamdullilah.

You have all it takes to get there. You are enough. You are beautiful the way you are.

2022

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“But how do I reckon a desire to help the world with a need to not put so much pressure on myself to fix everything in the world immediately. I simultaneously want to hear, “you’re only one person” in the context of one person making a great difference, and one person shouldn’t carry all the burden of the world, there’s only so much you can do.”

— Lola James

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"When diet is wrong, medicine is of no use. When diet is correct, medicine is of no need."

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"Food can be the most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison."

[amirachanges]

Things I want to achieve in 2024

Career / Learning

pass my selor exam in Brussels

improve my social skills

reach B1 level / become conversationally fluent in Spanish

get involved in the esthetic / well being world

watching and listening to shows, podcasts in different languages

increasing vocabulary in dutch and french

Finances / Investing

increase income

make 3x 500 euros with my rental sidehustle

declutter more and sell -> minimalism

put 2.000 for a big holiday (Caribbean islands / Asian country)

put 3.000 aside for hair grafts

no impulse buys (creating wishlist)

maximum 1 buy / month

save up at least $20.000 as an emergency fund

Hobbies / Fun times / Happiness / Creativity

create my planner "Firdaous"

create flashcards "TheNurseList"

join more pottery classes 

learn how to cook basic dishes (mediterranean diet)

visit Luxembourg

travel three times in 2024

teach my little cousin english

have a spa day

Way of life / Minimalism / Essentialism/Organisation

have my residence in Brussels (30' from work)

write a letter to myself and open it in 10 years

find myself first (before searching for a husband)

be more confident

delete facebook

list out major doctors appointments for the coming year

Islam

pray

fast 6 days before Ramadan

be involved in the construction of a mosque / tree / water well

be involved for a humanitarian cause

adopt true tawakkul

speak in a manner that's pleasing to Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ

have better hygiene

be kinder to the creation

memorise at least x2 surah’s

read and finish Qur’an in translation of your language

plan your days around salah rather than the other way round

Health / Beauty

go minimum once a week to the gym / swimming

healthy toenails

get hair implants

clear skin with retinol

prp face injections

better posture : do some stretching and movements

no eating past 9:00pm

make an effort to eat more fruit

Mental health

go consistently to a therapist

work on my triggers

practice daily cardiac coherence exercices to lower stress levels

kick my people pleasing habits to the curb once and for all

spend more time alone, outside, and connected with nature

spend more time offline

Future ideal life

find a new country to live in (leave Belgium 2025-2026)

buy property with a swimming pool and vegetable garden

Age: 28 y old

24/12/2023

[amirachanges]

Two months left before 2023

Have a solid plan for my real estate sidehustle

Have 10 k saved in December 2023 (now 5,5k)

Reconnect w my bestfriend

Stand Up Comedy Show w Youssra

Pretpark w Nallie

Work on my agenda -> at least the content

Keep up beauty habits (toenail, hair, eyelash care ...)

Buy electronic toothbrush

[amirachanges]

Things I have achieved in 2023

Career

- Got my social rights after working 1 year

- Feeling a little more confident in my professional skills

- I'm getting along with my colleagues

Finances / Investing

- Have two incomes (9-5 nursing job and rental income)

- Got myself a second job on Fridays (Intérim /vaccinations)

- Rent my apartment for 1 year

- Put 10k aside

- Bought my first AirPods

Hobbies / Fun times / Happiness / Creativity

- Joined a pottery class

- Went 2 x to Nice

- Went to Morocco during the summer holidays

- First k-concert in Brussels

- Ate Mexican food for the 1st time & Korean BBQ chicken

- Went to Happiness Expo

- Went to Bubble Planet

- Went 2 x to CenterParks swimming

- Went to the Fair w my cousins

- Went to a Stand Up Comedy Show

Health / Beauty

- Did Facelift HiFu -> no results -> waste of money

[amirachanges]

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Sometimes I feel like I tend to exaggerate.

Alhamdullilah I'm feeling good. Love my job. Love my family. I couldn't ask for more.

InshaAllah the best for the future.

[amirachanges]

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Mentalement je me sens vraiment malade, ça dure depuis tellement d’années. Ce qui me fait le plus mal, c’est que ma mère a tout fait pour que je réussisse. Encore maintenant, c’est ma mère qui s’occupe de moi alors que cela devrait être l’inverse. 

Je suis toujours dans ma tête et j’ai tendance a avoir des moments de dissociation. C’est ce qui me permet de survivre, c’est mon méchanisme de défense dans des situations de stress (fight flight or freeze). Right now, I don’t feel at my place.

It hit me today, I forgot, but these moments make me remember the wounds I’m carrying with me. I feel broken, and hopeless, as if I will never be better. Since secondary school, I’ve lost my confidence. I realized life would be easier if I made myself small, if I didn’t make any noise, if I was invisible I wouldn’t cause any trouble or be seen. Being the only brown kid, especially when hearing people don’t like us, I felt like I had the responsability to give a good image of being a “foreigner”. But for me it seemed easier to make myself small and invisible, atleast I couldn’t do anything wrong doing that. 

As a kid, I often was alone, and found comfort on my barbies, toys computer and the television. Maybe it was my way of escaping reality, while not being a nuisance to my mum.

I can’t help but feel this way, especially while I see people of my age being engaged, having children, working and having a normal life.

Some days, I feel like I don’t deserve my job. I can’t even talk properly. I’ve lost all self esteem and self confidence. Life hasn’t been easy, I am scared of adults, I don’t consider myself as one.

My mum, who had good intentions, was overprotective. She used to take a lot of space of my life, not letting me express myself.

16/05/2023

[amirachanges]

Night thoughts

I found this recently in my old drive, guess I haven’t changed since then ...

Don’t you have those days when you absolutely feel irrelevant, 7 billion people on planet earth and then there’s you, a tiny individual.

The world never stops spinning around, 7 billion people chasing after what they think is what matters.  

Knowing that most people don’t know you or will never get the chance to meet you. Strange to know you’ll only meet some people, probably for a reason.  

Being afraid to have a lived a life without a purpose, maybe life isn’t about getting money and having a family after all.

We are all on this earth with a reason, a reason to do something extraordinary, help the community around us.

All the faces we see without even noticing in a whole lifetime. Blurry memories who used to be the best.

Don’t we all get born with a purpose, or does that vanish after late twenties ? Our dreams shrink years after years.

AMIRA : The imagination of becoming the person you always wanted to be in presence of other individuals. Be the best version of yourself , the closest version of your ideal self. Intense craving to be you.

9.12.2016

[amirachanges]

5 goals before 30

- Make and sell my agenda

- Pray 5 times a day

-  Fall in love and get engaged

- Having good cooking skills

- Find comfort in my home

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“All I’m seeking is a calm, simple and peaceful life surrounded by wonderful people”

4/03/2023

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Things I want to achieve in 2023

Career

- Get my social rights, work 1 year (started 5/12/2022)

- Feel more confident in my professional skills

- Get along with my colleagues

- Improve my social skills

Finances / Investing

- Buy my main residence in Brussels, 30′ from my work

- Have a third income: PRP hair injections

- Make 2200 a month net (right now 1850 euros for 30 hours / week with my nursing job)

Hobbies / Fun times / Happiness / Creativity

- Create my agenda/planner

- Join a pottery class 

- Learn how to cook basic dishes

Way of life / Islam / Minimalism / Essentialism

- Pray 5 times a day

Health / Beauty

- Go to the gym 1x/week

- Get PRP myself - hair growth (more and thicker hair)

- Clear skin

- Healthy toenails

20/02/2023

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I was grieving my past self, however I felt like I still wanted you in my future

[amirachanges]

1. Found a job as a school nurse (dream job), starting the 5/12/2022

2. Finished all the renovations 19/11/2022, the new tenant signed the papers 29/11/2022 and will start renting the 1/12/2022

3. We’re getting there <3 

I might be a late bloomer to some, however I’m pursuing my wildest dreams of this dunya one at a time, at my pace. At the end, the most important thing is to live the life I want to live. Proud of myself, Alhamdoullilah 

30.11.22 (age 27)

Last three months goals

To not get overwhelmed, here are my three main goals before this year ends:

1. Find a job

2. Finish apartment renovations and rent it

3. Improve my self worth & self esteem

22.09.22

[amirachanges]

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After some time, you get used to it

I need to let go of the pain

I need to stop holding on to the pain like I used to

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“Your higher self is awakening, which could be quite painful, but they are only growing pains. It tells you to look within yourself for answers and let go of all negativity surrounding you. You need to give up your limiting beliefs about life – any such ideas of scarcity, self-destructive perceptions of reality.“

23/11/2022