alternativegradschool
Self Taught.
Name: Kayla Emma.
Age: 21. (+1)
Origin: North Shore, Hawaii, USA.
College: SJSU - Masters of Library and Information Science (BA: Smith College).
Location: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.
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Doing the Swisse Color Run in February! So stoked!
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US history can really just be summarized in “white people being scared of things.”
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This is, seriously, my EXACT before picture. Not "fat"... but not skinny, either. I'll get to the after photo, yet!
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The Heartbreak Kid.
This is going to be an emotional posting.
My father and I have a rocky history. And by that I don't mean 'he didn't by me the car I wanted.' I mean he was the reason my baby sister's life was so hard, the reason my big sister feels os bad about everything she does and the reason I once lived in my car. And you know what? I've forgiven him. I can't hold onto this grudge forever and I don't really want to.
But today has been a rollercoaster - one good thing followed by one bad thing, over and over again - and I just heard a voice that made it all better: my best friend's dad. You know, I get really upset when I think about my relationship with my father and how horrible I always felt as a child. But then I think of all the other, wonderful men I've had in my life and it all becomes okay. My grandfather was amazing - the best guy I know. My pastor and another man I knew form church were always so good to me and gave me advice when I needed direction. My band teacher was also such a huge part of my life. And my friend's fathers - there are two in particular that... well, I don't know if I would have made it without them. It wasn't that I was really close with them and it wasn't as though they "took care of me" per se. It was that they were always around form my friends and as a result, I felt like they were there for me too. Even now, I have a great rapport with them that I wouldn't trade. So yes, it's unfortunate that my father is a bad person (I wish he wasn't) but I'm so thankful that I have been able to build relationships with these other father-figures that I wouldn't have otherwise.
That was emotion 1... now onto emotion 2...
Today, I found out my ex got married. I could feel part of my heart break. He's not the ex-love of my life (that would be Keoki) but he was... him (deep exhale). He was the last boy I dated in high school - the one that carried over to college. I was never in love with him, so that's not the issue... the issue is that there are so many things I remember. Like... the way he used to growl before he kissed me. How he used to wear his Nike pants backwards (I still don't understand this). How he'd sing to me on the phone. He was the sweetest guy I've ever dated and I wish it could have worked out. We used to stay up so, so, SO late on the phone talking dirty to each other while my roommate slept. I'm so incredibly happy for him, I really am. But it makes me reexamine my relationship which, trust me, is never a good thing. He and I were never going to end up together... but I was his first real baby girl. And I always used to call him "mine." His name, as everyone knew was 'My Z' (except that I'd use his full name, not an initial). People would says, 'how is Z?' They would say, "How's YOUR Z?" He was mine... and now he's not. And I feel my past slipping away and I'm not sure that I'm okay with it all.
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Hi Trent. If you could get in my bed... that would be cool. Just don't tell the boyfriend - I can't admit to being in love with you because he's already jealous. :)
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The 30 Day Weight Loss Challenge. (10)
Day #11: Your favourite thinspo blog and why?
I don't think I have a favourite. But there are ones I like...
-s-k-i-n-n-y-b-i-t-c-h-e-s
-peaveloveandhealthy
-fatt-cheerleaders-suck
Because they're all real humans. Not supermodels (they come up occassionally, but no big deal). And they all promote healthy eating and healthy weight loss.
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