ahistorical-cats

[ahistorical-cats]

“He had a decided propensity for bullying: derived no inconsiderable pleasure from the exercise of petty cruelty; and, consequently, was (it is needless to say) a coward. This is by no means a disparagement to his character; for many official personages, who are held in high respect and admiration, are the victims of similar infirmities. The remark is made, indeed, rather in his favour than otherwise, and with a view of impressing the reader with a just sense of his qualifications for political office.”

(Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist)

#growltiger #text: oliver twist #author: charles dickens

[ahistorical-cats]

Mistoffelees: But why do you want to marry me?

The Rum Tum Tugger: Why? Oh, well—I thought you'd be rather an attractive person to marry. That's all. I mean, I sort of took a fancy to you. I can't tell you why. There's no rule about it, you know.

#rum tum tugger #mistoffelees #tuggoffelees #author: dorothy sayers #text: strong poison

[ahistorical-cats]

Mistoffelees:  I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.

Rum Tum Tugger: In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart! If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.

Mistoffelees: Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.

#text: much ado about nothing #author: shakespeare #tuggoffelees #rum tum tugger #mistoffelees

[ahistorical-cats]

Mistoffelees: Let me know what hath passed between you and Alonzo?

Rum Tum Tugger: Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.

Mistoffelees: Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I will depart unkissed.

#text: much ado about nothing #author: shakespeare #tuggoffelees #mistoffelees #rum tum tugger

[ahistorical-cats]

Rumpleteazer: Do you know how to pick a lock? Victoria: Not in the least, I'm afraid. Rumpleteazer: I often wonder what we go to school for. We never seem to learn anything really useful. 

#text: strong poison #author: dorothy sayers #rumpleteazer #victoria

[ahistorical-cats]

Tantomile, to Coricopat: If anybody ever marries you, it will be for the pleasure of hearing you talk piffle. 

#author: dorothy sayers #text: strong poison #tantomile #coricopat

[ahistorical-cats]

Macavity:  My eyes are fully open to my awful situation, I shall go at once to Munkustrap and make him an oration, I shall tell him I've recovered my forgotten moral senses, and I don't care tuppence ha'penny for any consequences.

#macavity #author: w s gilbert #text: ruddigore

[ahistorical-cats]

Munkustrap: Well, it's no good jumping at conclusions. Alonzo: Jump? You don't even crawl distantly within sight of a conclusion. I believe if you caught Rumpleteazer with her head in the cream-jug you'd say it was conceivable that the jug was empty when she got there.

#alonzo #munkustrap #author: dorothy sayers #text: whose body

[ahistorical-cats]

Grizabella: You hold that I am not beautiful because my face is plain. But you know nothing; you are still unenlightened. Learn, then, that it is not in the face alone that beauty is to be sought. My face is unattractive! 

The Rum Tum Tugger: It is. 

Grizabella: But I have a left shoulder-blade that is a miracle of loveliness. People come miles to see it. My right elbow has a fascination that few can resist. 

The Rum Tum Tugger: Allow me! 

Grizabella: It is on view Tuesdays and Fridays, on presentation of visiting card. 

#text: mikado #author: w s gilbert #grizabella #rum tum tugger

[ahistorical-cats]

Deuteronomy: I forget the punishment for compassing the abduction of the Jellicle Leader.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: Punishment?!

Deuteronomy: Yes. Something lingering, with boiling oil in it, I fancy. Something of that sort. I think boiling oil occurs in it, but I’m not sure. I know it’s something humorous, but lingering, with either boiling oil or melted lead. Come, come, don’t fret – I’m not a bit angry. 

Mungojerrie: Sir, if you will accept our assurance, we had no  idea –

Rumpleteazer: I knew nothing about it. 

Mungojerrie: I wasn’t there!

Deuteronomy: That’s the pathetic part of it. Unfortunately, the fool of an Act says ‘compassing the abduction of the Jellicle Leader.’ There’s not a word about not knowing – 

Rumpleteazer: No! 

Deuteronomy: Or not being there – 

Mungojerrie: No! 

Deuteronomy: There should be, of course – 

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: Yes! 

Deuteronomy: But there isn’t. 

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: Oh.

Deuteronomy: That’s the slovenly way in which these Acts are always drawn. However, cheer up, it’ll be all right. I’ll have it altered next session. Now, let’s see about your execution – will after luncheon suit you? Can you wait till then? 

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: Oh, yes – we can wait till then! 

Deuteronomy: Then we’ll make it after luncheon. 

Mungojerrie: I don’t want any lunch.

#text: mikado #author: w s gilbert #mungojerrie #rumpleteazer #deuteronomy

[ahistorical-cats]

Electra: Well, whatever happens, I shall, of course, be a dutiful wife, but I can never love my husband. 

Alonzo: I don’t know. It’s extraordinary what unprepossessing people one can love if one gives one’s mind to it. 

Bombalurina: I loved your father. 

Alonzo: My love – that remark is a little hard, I think? Rather cruel, perhaps? Somewhat uncalled-for, I venture to believe? 

Bombalurina: It was very difficult, my dear; but I said to myself, ‘That cat is a Duke, and I will love him.’ Several of my relations bet me I couldn’t, but I did! 

#alonzo #electra #bombalurina #alonzo you're a duke now #congrats #text: gondoliers #author: w s gilbert

[ahistorical-cats]

Gus: In every Court there are distinctions that must be observed. 

Pouncival (puzzled): There are, are there? 

Gus: Why, of course. For instance, you wouldn’t have a Lord High Chancellor play leapfrog with his own cook. 

Tumblebrutus: Not even a Lord High Cook? 

Gus: My good friend, that is a rank that is not recognised at the Lord Chamberlain’s office. 

#pouncival #tumblebrutus #gus the theatre cat #text: gondoliers #author: w s gilbert

[ahistorical-cats]

Alonzo: At last we have arrived at our destination. As a Castilian hidalgo, I should have preferred to ride through the streets of Venice; but owing, I presume, to an unusually wet season, the streets are in such a condition that equestrian exercise is impracticable.

#alonzo #text: gondoliers #author: w s gilbert

[ahistorical-cats]

Mistoffelees teaches tugger to read

*hot for teacher plays softly in the background*

#author: joanna spyri #text: heidi #art #rum tum tugger #mistoffelees

[ahistorical-cats]

Fyodor Dostoevsky ― The Brothers Karamazov

[ahistorical-cats]

Dacia Maraini, tr. by Tim Vode, from “Dreams of Clytemnestra,” wr. c. 1994

#i mean this practically counts right #let's just assume cassandra is immortal #it's close enough to canon to be plausible

[ahistorical-cats]