agadjel - Tumblr blog

agadjel · 4 months

Text

unsent love letters

*inspired by the notebook*

pairing: miguel o'hara x fem reader

contents: dry-humping and some angst

author's note: since i keep writing angst, i figured i might as well share my sad playlist lol (i’m not ignoring requests, i promise 😓 just wanted to write this while the movie was still fresh)

word count: 6.3K (🫣)

The small breeze of the Nueva York air hit your skin as soon as you stepped out of the car, the disgusting stench of the streets filling up your nostrils as well. Your parents had sent you out of town to enjoy your last summer before college started in Nueva York where your favorite cousin was located. Your expectations for this summer were low, at most, you'd expected for you and your cousin to just bounce around a couple clubs or explore some of Nueva York’s landmarks. Despite those expectations, you couldn't help but feel a sense of opportunity up in the air combined with the smell of garbage on the streets.

"Come in, you're gonna get ran over if you just stand there," your cousin called out to you, snapping you out of your thoughts. You gave her a polite smile and grabbed your suitcase out of the car, setting it down before rolling it inside the house. Your aunt came out of the kitchen, her clothes smelling like chocolate as she embraced you in a tight hug. "Hey, it's been too long. Did you find the trip okay? Is the temperature up to your liking? Do you need someth-?" You aunt rambled once she pulled away, looking you up and down in awe before your cousin interrupted. "Mom, let the girl relax, she just got here."

"Sorry about that, I just got so overwhelmed seeing you again. Last time I saw you was at that christmas four years ago," your aunt spoke, her eyes directly locked on yours as she did. "You're fine, you don't have anything to apologize for. Everything on the way was alright and everything's good here," you responded, hoping to alleviate the earlier concerns that she'd had. "Well I'm making chocolate cookies if you want to come downstairs later," she told you before your cousin grabbed onto your hand and pulled you up the staircase up to her room.

You laid back on the bed as you watched your cousin move around in her room, watching her be in her natural element making you realize just how little you actually knew about her. She was sitting down at her computer desk scrolling through her phone, the notification sound seeming never ending as she typed away. "Me and my friend MJ are heading out to the club tonight if you want to come. It's one of Nueva York's elusive clubs," she spoke up, her chair rolling around to face you as she looked up from her phone screen. While you'd been looking forward to spending time with your cousin alone, you couldn't deny that the idea of going out and branching out with people you wouldn't see after the summer seemed enticing.

"Bitch!" A girl who you assumed was MJ yelled as she saw your cousin, enveloping her into a tight hug before she even had the chance to respond. "Hey girl, I hope you don't mind I brought my cousin over. She's from out of state and I figured she might enjoy being out the house," your cousin responded, embracing MJ in the hug as well. "I don't mind! It's so nice to finally meet you!" MJ exclaimed, her red hair bouncing as she walked over to you. "Finally?" You asked, getting engulfed into a hug as well. your arms awkwardly flailed by your sides for a few seconds before you embraced her as well, your hands resting on her back.

"Oh yeah, your cousin talks really highly about you. how you're going to Stanford in the fall and just in general," MJ responded to your question after she pulled away from the hug, leading the two of you into the club. You stayed quiet as the loud music welcomed you into the club, your mind wandering back to what MJ had said. You'd thought that your cousin didn't care for you as much as she did when you were kids, that the distance had drifted the two of you apart, but it felt.. nice to hear that she still thought about you highly. Your eyes struggled to get adjusted to the darkness, your cousin coming into view with a couple glow sticks in her hand.

After taking a glow stick from her, the three of you made your way to the bar at the further end of the building. "So, which one of your boyfriends did you invite for tonight?" Your cousin asked MJ, your eyes widening slightly. "First of all, neither Harry or Peter are my boyfriends. We're simply sleeping around, but it's peter this time. He's bringing his friend ned and miguel," she responded, motioning for the bartender to come over with one movement of her manicured finger. "Please, Peter looks at you like you could move the earth if you wanted to. You don't think it's cruel stringing him along?" your cousin retorted, ordering herself a margarita.

"How about you, do you have a boyfriend back home?" MJ asked, the attention of the two drifting back towards you. "No, nothing of the sort. Few flings at most, but that's really it," you responded, thanking the bartender after they came over with the drinks. You took a sip from your whiskey as mj went back to talking with your cousin, shifting the focus from her love life to your cousin's. Your ears perked up slightly, wanting to get more of a insight on how her life had changed. "I told you I don't date. The selection in Nueva York is really slim in case you haven't noticed," your cousin simply responded, three figures appearing behind MJ a couple seconds later.

You watched as peter and mj interacted with one another, surprised that she'd been able to diminish the relationship to just 'sleeping together.' They seemed comfortable with one another, their movements in tune with each other. "Hey," you heard from beside you, your hand instinctively bringing up the glow stick to try to make out the person talking to you. You couldn't make out much of his figure in the dark, but just the sound of his voice was enough to get anyone weak in the knees. "Hey," you offered, taking a sip from your drink for a bit of liquid courage. You weren't necessarily too shy by any means, but you did get a bit anxious speaking around new people.

"So, it seems that our friends have left us to our devices," he started off and you were about to contradict him, before you turned around. While MJ talked to peter, your cousin had started to make conversation with who you presumed was Ned. "I suppose so. Do you want to go outside?" You returned your gaze back to him, barely making out his nod with the withering light of your glow stick. He guided you out to the balcony, the pale moonlight illuminating the area. You were able to get a much clear of the man who'd approached you, the sight almost rendering you speechless.

He was easily one of the most attractive men you've ever encountered, his dark brown eyes almost appeared to be a shade of red that pulled you in with no effort. His sharp cheekbones accentuated every feature of his face, his hair slicked back as it slightly curled at the ends. Not only was he attractive, but he was fucking huge. He easily towered over you, his frame imposing with the amount of muscles that were bulging out of the thin shirt that he'd decided to wear. You forced yourself to look away from him, clearing your throat as you tried to gain some aspect of your composure back. "I'm Miguel, nice to meet you," he told you, breaking you out of your trance as he extended his hand.

His hand felt warm as you shook it, giving him your name after a couple seconds of shaking absentmindedly. "I haven't seen you around before. Do you live outside of Nueva York?" He asked as he leaned against the railing of the balcony, his eyes meeting with yours. "I do, I'm just here for the summer. Were you born here?" You responded, hoping to keep the conversation going with the questions that you were asking him. Luckily for you, not a dry beat passed between the two of you as the night progressed. You found yourself getting more intrigued with every detail that he revealed about himself, almost missing the buzzing coming from your pocket.

"I've been calling you for the past five minutes," your cousin told you as she opened up the door to the balcony, a small smile creeping up on her face as she opened the door wider to spot Miguel standing there. "Sorry, I'll let you finish up your conversation. I'll meet you outside, okay?" She added, shutting the door and stepping away. before you had the chance to say anything, Miguel had already grabbed your hands and was holding them in between his own. "Go on a date with me," he requested of you, unable to move your hands too much as he held them. "Are you gonna keep my hands hostage until i say yes?" You inquired, raising a brow. "I might be tempted to."

"No," you responded to his request, the cool facade that he was putting on slipping off for a couple seconds before the smirk returned onto his face. "And why's that?" He asked you, his gaze unwavering as he waited for some kind of reasoning behind your decision. "Because who knows how many girls you've taken to this same balcony and asked that question while looking in their eyes all dreamy and shit," you told him, your explanation sounding weak to your own ears. "Just a little over half of Nueva York city. I’m planning to expand, hence why I'm asking you," he quipped back, an involuntary smile on your face as he did. "Take some time to think about it, hermosa. Though, you can't help the connection that you feel with me."

You hated the way that he was right, your body shifting on your bed as you tried to fall asleep. Every time that you closed your eyes all you could see was Miguel’s eyes piercing into you, almost like he was seeing you in a way that nobody else had done before. You allowed yourself to daydream about the prospect of the date that he'd mentioned, wondering what would happen and where it would happen. The more that you gave thought to the idea, the more that you actually wanted to say yes to him. You were awoken by your cousin a couple hours later, her reasoning simply being that there was someone outside looking for you.

"How'd you find out where my cousin lives?" You asked as you closed the front door behind you, looking up at Miguel. "Una chingadera lo mas de dificíl. First I had to ask Peter to ask MJ for your cousin's address and then I had to deal with his teasing about how I was down bad for a stranger from the club," he responded, folding his arms across his chest as he looked at you as well. "Sounds so tough. Is your ego okay?" you mused, slightly entertained by the struggle that he'd gone through. "It'll live. Though, it might heal faster if you agree to go on that date with me," he requested of you once more, stepping a bit closer to you as the scent of his cologne invaded your senses.

You let silence linger in the air for a couple seconds, wanting to build up the suspense before you finally agreed to it. "I'll see you tonight, then," Miguel told you, his shoulders seeming to relax as he heard your approval. "Do you want my number so it's easier to get in contact?" You asked him before he had the chance to walk away, your hand lightly wrapping around his arm. He took his phone out of his pocket, extending it out to you. You took it from him, surprised that he wouldn't have a passcode with how private he was. Though, you couldn't imagine anyone that would actually be stupid enough to try to take his phone.

You'd ended up dressing up in a pair of jeans and a borrowed shirt from your cousin, making a mental note to return it to her closet before she took notice of it. Miguel was already standing outside when you opened the door, his eyes scanning your appearance as he extended his hand towards you. You grabbed the bouquet of flowers he was holding, bringing them up to your nose as the aroma wafted through your nostrils. "Let me just get them in a vase with some water before we go," you told him, stepping back into the house to put them in some water. Your aunt observed as you made your way throughout the kitchen with the flowers in hand in silence, simply observing.

Miguel ended up taking you to a fair that was in town for the week near the pier, the faint smell of the water filling your nose as the two of you walked to get your tickets. "Wouldn't have taken you for a fair date type of guy," you spoke up first, the line moving too agonizingly slow for your liking. "Oh? And what type of guy do you take me for?" He entertained your idea, his fingers gently grazing against yours as he moved closer. "I dunno, you don't really seem like the type of guy that needs to go on dates to maintain a relationship," you simply offered, letting out a small sigh of relief as another worker appeared in the ticket booth. "I haven't been on a date for a while now, if I’m being honest. but I couldn't waste the opportunity to get to know you better."

The date proved to be more fun than you'd expected, Miguel joining you on most of the rides before stopping you when the two of you approached a pendulum ride. "No. I’m not coming out of here in a coroner's van," he told you firmly despite the puppy eyes that you were looking up at him with. "Come on, Miguelito. It'll be fun, I promise!" You pleaded with him, the screams elicited from the people on the ride doing nothing to assure his fears. "Absolutely not. I wouldn't get on there even if you paid me," he responded, though he could feel his resolve slowly crumbling the more that you looked at him that way. "If you come with me on the ride, I'll consider giving you a kiss after."

He let out a small groan as the worker strapped him into the ride, the cotton candy that he'd eaten earlier starting to make its way up his throat. "You're a very evil woman, I hope you know that," he mumbled into your ear, a small chuckle coming out of you as a response. The ride started up a couple seconds later, the two of you immediately making your ascent. "Padre nuestro que estás en el cielo, por favor no me dejes morir. i swear, i'll even stop bullying gabriel so much," you heard from beside you, seeing Miguel’s hands pressed together as he prayed. (our father who art in heaven. please don’t let me die) "I thought you didn't practice anymore," you noted, remembering the small detail that he told you on the balcony at the bar. "I practice when I'm on the verge of dying."

You watched as Miguel struggled to stand up straight after the ride, his legs wobbling as the two of you made it out of the gate. "Thank you for doing that with me," you told him innocently, his face slowly starting to return back to its natural color as the fear drained out of him. "I'm never doing that shit again, I don't care how much you pout," he mumbled, the sound of your laughter filling up his ears. You leaned in, pressing your lips against his cheek. "Give me a proper kiss for the heart attack I almost had on there," he spoke after you pulled away, his hand holding onto yours as he brought you back to him. You playfully rolled your eyes before standing up on the tips of your toes, leaning into kiss him.

As his lips made contact with yours, you couldn't help but wonder how you've managed to live without the taste of him. Everything about the gesture was intoxicating, from the way he held your waist to keep you close to the way his mouth just moved in perfect sync with yours. You wrapped your hands around his neck, unable to think about anything else but the moment that the two of you were sharing. His hand gently started rubbing circles on your waist, the whole experience making you feel like you were floating on cloud nine. Pulling away for air proved to be more difficult than you'd expected, wanting nothing but to keep exploring what he liked and the different ways that he liked to be kissed.

"Thank for the date and for the ride, I had a lot of fun," you told him before you made your way out of his car, leaning into peck his lips quickly. "Thank you for letting me take you out. I hope that means that it's not the last time I'll be seeing you," he told you, his lips swollen as he pulled away from the peck that'd turned into a full blown kiss. "Maybe I'll consider it, Miguelito. Very tempted towards a yes right now, though," you replied, grabbing the plushie that he'd won you at the last minute before making your way out the car. You couldn't help but smile as you made your way up the stairs, realizing that Miguel was waiting for you to make your way back up before he left.

Miguel’s heartbeat increased as he saw the lights of the living room come on, taking a deep breath once his eyes focused on Gabriel sitting in front of him. "Ay Dios mio, you almost gave me a heart attack. Pinche idiota," Miguel mumbled, taking his coat off before placing it up on the hook up on the wall. "Can you tell me where you were out this late? Esta no es hora para andar llegando, ¿Que te crees?" Gabriel asked him, his expression stern bringing him back to the days where they both still used to live with Conchata. (this isn’t a time to be arriving. who do you think you are) "Vete a la verga, no mames. I was out," Miguel responded, not offering his brother any details as he sat down on the couch. Gabriel’s eyes felt like little lasers, scanning his behavior to try to decipher where he was at.

"You were out with a girl, weren't you? You look so pussy-whipped right now, it's actually insane," Gabriel teased him as he noticed the small mark from your lip gloss on his cheek. Miguel rolled his eyes, keeping his mouth quiet. Mostly because he was wrong, you hadn't needed to have sex with him to keep him this obsessed. Gabriel’s eyes widened at the silence, the grin on his face widening. "Oh shit, you're whipped-whipped," Miguel could've sworn his eyes almost came out his skull as his brother spoke, his glare unrelenting as he looked up at Gabriel. "I'm not explaining myself to you. good night," he finally spoke up, ignoring Gabriel’s jeers as he headed up the stairs to his bedroom.

The relationship between the two of you was anything but simple, arguments ignited over the simplest things that ended up turning volatile. You were one of the few people that didn't tolerate Miguel’s shit, calling him out on his attitude whenever he blew things out of proportion. Despite the troubles that the two of you faced, you couldn't help but feel a strong pull towards him. Almost like you weren't meant to be with anyone else other than him. You'd only heard about this kind of things in movies, most of the people surrounding you in unhappy marriages or in no-strings relationships. Every date, every kiss, and every embrace that he gave you resulted in butterflies taking flight in your stomach, feeling like you were finally alive.

"So, where are we going tonight?" You asked him as he pulled out of your aunt's house, waving at her before he drove off. "I was thinking that we could go out and eat something before going out to watch the sunset. It's a bit corny, but I found this spot recently that I want to share with you," he replied, handing you the aux cord out of instinct. He'd been slowly opening up to your music taste despite the fact that he preferred some of the old stuff, old rock bands or old reggaeton. You watched as the city's buildings disappeared behind the two of you, your gaze retuning back to Miguel as you watched him drive. "You're not taking me out to the woods and killing me, are you?" You asked him tentatively, gauging for his reaction. "Maybe I am, who knows."

The two of you ultimately decided on a taco truck nearby, with him getting tacos de lengua and you getting tacos de chicharron. "Wait, what's this drink called again?" You asked, taking a sip from what he'd ordered for you. "It's horchata, it's basically rice with milk and cinnamon. It's better than jamaica, in my opinion," he responded, taking a sip from his own drink as the two of you sat in his car. The two of you ate in a comfortable silence, the sound of the music on the radio filling up the atmosphere. You stole a couple pieces of his taco, receiving no signs of protest as you did. You'd never thought his presence would be so soothing to you, but just being next to him in silence was enough to calm your mind.

After the two of you cleaned up, Miguel started the drive over to the spot where he wanted to take you. The sun was barely starting to set as he pulled the car over, the sky painted in tints of orange and pink. "Do you wanna head to the backseat? It's more comfortable than being here," he suggested once the sky was completely devoid of any color, the light pollution from the city blocking out any opportunity of stars peering out. You slid into his backseat a couple seconds later, him following afterwards. "Sorry if it was a little underwhelming. I thought it would take longer for it to set," he mumbled, getting interrupted as you moved on to his lap.

"Don't be, I liked it regardless," you responded, leaning into kiss him. The kiss felt more intense, more passionate than the previous ones that the two of you shared. Your hands moved down to his shirt, slowly unbuttoning the top as your lips moved against his in a perfect tandem. His fingers dug into your hips as he held you close to him, the slight feeling of pain morphing into pleasure as the kiss lingered. His mouth made its way down to your neck, his tongue running across your pulse point as he claimed his spot. Not that he needed to, every part of you belonged to him as much as his heart belonged to you.

You'd always thought that your first time would be more special, but as you sat here, you couldn't think of anything better than exchanging the amount of love you felt towards Miguel than now. "I love you," you whispered into his ear, your hips slightly moving against his lap as you felt his cock harden underneath the constraint of his jeans. "I love you too. You came into my life when I really needed you," he spoke quietly, the words remaining just between the two of you. His hips rolled back against yours involuntarily, his cock twitching underneath you. "Shouldn't we get a condom first?" You suggested, watching as his eyes slightly widened. "Right, no, yeah. Thanks for the reminder. There's a gas station nearby."

"6.99," the cashier spoke up before the two of you even uttered a word, your brows furrowing slightly in confusion. "What for? We haven't said anything," miguel asked, wondering what exactly it was that the two of you were getting charged for. "Guessing by the disheveled hair and your unbuttoned shirt and her smeared lip gloss, you're here for condoms. Am I wrong?" the cashier responded, leaning against the counter with a tired look on his face. You wondered just how many condoms he'd had to sell before he started to take note of the little signs, your head nodding in response but Miguel grabbed a candy bar as a silent rebellion. “Well yes, but I also wanted to get this candy bar,” his words elicited an eye roll from the cashier, his arms folded. "What type do you want?"

"What type would you say is the best?" Miguel asked him, eyes flickering through the vast majority of boxes hanging on the shelf. "I’m a gas station clerk not a condom connoisseur. Most people that come through here usually get trojan though," he responded, grabbing the box after miguel shrugged. miguel got his wallet out, giving him a ten dollar bill after he ringed up the two items and told him to keep the change. "Thank you for the two dollars, truly an American hero. Come again soon for all your condom needs."

The two of you walked out of the gas station, a stifled giggle that you'd been suppressing coming out. "What's so funny?" Miguel asked from beside you, trying to sound stern but failing. "Can't believe you fueled onto that poor boy's trauma by asking what type you should get," you mused, watching as his upper lip curled into a small smile. "There's nothing wrong with asking questions, querida. And I'm sure we're not half as bad as the drunks that stumble in," he responded, opening the passenger side of the car for you before going to the driver's side. You grabbed the aux cord before he had the chance to, a small smirk on your face as you scrolled through your playlist to find a song.

Your hips grinded against Miguel's clothed crotch once he pulled the car over, the zipper of his jeans stimulating your clit every time that you moved forward. He brought your face closer to his, his hand resting on your cheek before he leaned into kiss you. He was craving the proximity as much as you were, the need to be practically consumed in one another. Your eyes fluttered shut as you let yourself be overtaken by pleasure, your hands coming up to his hair while your fingers tangled into the curls on the nape of his neck. You were surprised to feel him pull away, his heavy breathing fogging up the window next to him. "Your phone's ringing," he told you with a dry chuckle, the sound of your ringtone finally making its way through your ears.

"Where the hell are you?" Your mom's voice through the other end felt like a bucket of ice cold water poured over you, the arousal that had been slowly building up for Miguel extinguishing like a flame. "I’m at the house. Why are you calling at two in the morning?" You asked her, getting off Miguel's lap as you sat down next to him. "Don't lie to me, I took a flight and i'm at the house right now. I don't care what the hell you're up to right now, get your ass back home," she answered, the click of the line ending as she finished speaking. You didn't need to say anything to Miguel, his body shifting up to the front seat after your phone call had ended.

"Your aunt told me all about the little boy you've been seeing and I just had to make my way back into town to meet him," your mom started off when you got back home, waiting for you in the living room. Miguel came in after you, extending his hand out towards your mother as he gave his name. She looked at his hand in disgust, her face doing nothing to feign it before he reluctantly pulled it back. "So what exactly is it that you do?" She asked him, tapping her foot on the floor as she waited for a response. "I work at a small manufacturing company at the moment, though I'm planning on going to college for genetics," he told her, her coldness unwavering.

"I'm sorry, but this relationship is completely unacceptable. Do you seriously think he's going to be able to sustain you?" Your mom spoke once more, facing you as the conversation turned into a scolding. "What are you gonna do? Pop out his kids and live in some flat in the woods? Be serious with yourself, this was nothing but a fling. Get it through your damn head," she continued, not giving you the opportunity to get a word in. Miguel looked uncomfortable as she spoke, pointing back to the door with his thumb before stepping out of the room. "What is your problem? You didn't offer him one ounce of respect while you talked to him."

You hated the way that your mom talked about him, speaking of him like he was someone who wouldn't be able to make something for himself. "You don't even know him and you're making these wild assumptions!" You exclaimed, looking over at your aunt as you expected her to speak up about the matter. Your frustrations only rose as she stayed quiet, her lips pursing like she was deep into thought. "Say something, don't just stand there," you practically pleaded your aunt but she simply walked away, leaving you to deal with your mother alone. "I'm doing this for your own good, this is just a stupid summer fling you'll get over in a few month's time," she dismissed your feelings with her words and a flick of her hand, indicating the conversation was over.

You went outside to check if Miguel was still there, seeing him sitting down on the front door steps. You sat down next to him, your head resting on his shoulder as his arm wrapped around you. "Your mom's right, y'know? This whole thing was just a summer fling, I'm not good enough for you in the long term," he told you after a couple seconds, the pit in your stomach growing after he finished speaking. "No she's not, don't say that. I love you Miguel, that has to count for something. right?" You asked him, looking up to him for some kind of reassurance. The silence lingering between the two of you felt deafening, a small scoff escaping from your lips as you stood up to be far away from him.

"So what, you're gonna break up with me?" You asked him, knowing that it was exactly where this conversation was spiraling to. "Well, let's just wait until you start with college. Then, we can figure out what to do from that point. Though I think it would just be avoiding the inevitable," he responded, the burning sensation in your chest increasing. The way that he spoke so nonchalantly about the love you two had towards one another, speaking of it like it was something from the past when you were so terribly haunted from the memories of the two of you only deepening the aching feeling coursing through you. "The inevitable? Are you fucking serious right now?"

"You just told me that you loved me! Does that not fucking mean anything to you?!" Your voice raised involuntarily, wanting some kind of response from him other than the bullshit responses he'd been giving you. "Of course it does. But it's stupid to entertain the idea that the two of us can continue being like this," his voice came out lighter than you expected, the wind carrying his words as you looked at him in silence. "Then what the fuck are you still doing here? Leave!" You screamed at him, unable to take how relaxed he seemed to be. "No, don't tell me to leave right now. I don't want us to end like this, please."

"Get out, get out, get out! I hate you! I wish I never fucking met you!" You screamed at his face as he stood close to you, his face dropping as tears streamed down his face. "I’ m sorry for hurting you like this, I didn't mean to it to happen," he murmured quietly, his hands letting go of you as he made his way back to the car. "That's right! Fucking leave! I hate you, I hate you!" You told him as he got into the car, your own ears burning at the lies you were spouting at him. You expected him him to get out of the car, tell you that it was a cruel joke but you only heard the sound of his engine roaring to life. It was only when he pulled out of the street that you allowed for yourself to break down, your knees hitting the pavement in an instant.

You got up the next morning to find your mother at the kitchen table, eating her breakfast like nothing had happened last night. "We're leaving today. It'll be good for you to take the trip to California early and explore the coast," she told you as you sat down, your eyes bloodshot from the tears that soaked your pillowcase last night. "What? I thought I had until the end of the summer," you spoke up, your voice coming out raspy. "That was before I found out just deep this summer fling is to you. It's not good for you to torture yourself any longer by being here," she responded, wiping the corner of her lips with a white napkin before she set it back on her lap.

You knew that you would resent yourself if the last words you'd spoken to him were that you hated him, that you never wanted to see him again. "Please just let me see him again and then we can go," you pleaded with your mother, her expression softening the slightest bit before she nodded. "The car keys are on the kitchen table. I expect you to be back in thirty minutes, not one second after," she told you, her voice carrying that same sternness it always did. You nodded and grabbed the car keys, rushing out of the door since you knew that every second was crucial in this moment. Your regard towards the speed limit went out the window, simply carrying a tunnel vision of needing to see Miguel once more.

The breath from your lungs escaped as you went up the stairs, your hands practically pounding on the door as you waited for a response. You were expecting to see Miguel's figure looming over you upon hearing the click of the doorknob, instead getting gabriel's sleep dazed eyes staring at you. "Is Miguel home now? I need to speak with him," you asked, desperation slowly creeping its way into your speech. "No, he's out right now in Jersey for some geneticist convention. He won't be back until tomorrow," Gabriel responded, running a hand through his hair as he tried to fix the unruly curls.

"Can you tell him that I didn't mean what I said to him? I love him, Gabri. Just tell him that, please," even though you'd resigned to the fact you wouldn't be seeing Miguel anytime soon, you couldn't help but let the request escape from your lips. Gabriel's throat bobbed as he stepped outside, maintaining eye contact with you. "He knows, he knows that you didn't mean it. Pero no le puedo decir eso, he was miserable when he came home last night," his words felt like a dagger being stabbed through your chest, your heart feeling it was bleeding solely for Miguel in this moment. (but i can’t tell him that) You simply nodded, walking away before you headed back to your aunt's house.

The breeze of the Nueva York air hit you at all once, grounding you to the moment. What once had seemed like an opportunity now dissolved and paved its way for heartbreak. "Hurry up, we don't have all day," your mom's voice snapped you out of your trance, the tears in your eyes left unshed. You put your suitcase in the trunk of the car before shutting it with more force than necessary, forcing yourself to say goodbye to Nueva York once and for all as you got in the car. The buildings of the city slowly disappeared as you and your mom made your way back home, your eyes shutting in an attempt to make the time go by faster.

Your time at college had proven to be mostly uneventful, a frat party here and there. The texts that you'd sent to Miguel remained unanswered, the texts eventually turning green after a while. You gave up on trying to maintain contact with him after a year of consistent messaging, despite the fact that your mind still lingered on that summer. He was more than a summer fling to you, the first man that you'd allowed yourself to love. Your dating life could be described as a dry vast land, though you could at least resonate that with the fact that you hadn't put that much effort into meeting someone. You still held out hope that Miguel felt the same way that you did, that it wasn't just a summer adventure for him too.

You were home from the volunteering gig you'd taken up in order to gain some kind of experience before you got out of college, stopping by the mailbox before you went inside. At the top of the stack of countless bills and advertisements laid a wedding invitation, the returning address belonging to MJ. You opened up the envelope once you were in the comfort of your couch, seeing that she was getting married to Peter. You'd sent her a text to rsvp for the wedding, a part of you hoping that there would be the slightest chance you would run into Miguel during your time there. All you had now were the memories of someone that you'd known, the knowledge of his favorite things without the ability to do anything about it.

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