adayofsun

[adayofsun]

What is self-love..?

[adayofsun]

“I hope you look for me in everyone you meet.”

— Because I Look For You (#206: February 27, 2014)

[adayofsun]

“Even if you slit my throat, I’d thank you for touching my skin.”

— Julia Pollacco (via itisallbrokennow)

[adayofsun]

“Won’t we be quite the pair?—you with your bad heart, me with my bad head. Together, though, we might have something worthwhile.”

— Zelda Fitzgerald, “Letter to F. Scott Fitzgerald,” 20 Dec. 1940 (via thelovejournals)

[adayofsun]

“She’s the kind of woman you lose while chasing others– and spend a lifetime finding a replacement.”

— Mansi (via wnq-writers)

[adayofsun]

BOOK OF THE DAY:

Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira

“A brilliant story about the courage it takes to keep living after your world falls apart. A heart-wrenching celebration of love and friendship and family.”  – (Laurie Halse Anderson, author of Speak)

For an English class assignment, Laurel is asked to write a letter to a dead person. She naturally chooses to write to Kurt Cobain because her sister, May, loved him. Also, May died young like he did. Throughout time, Laurel compiles a series of written letters in her notebook to Amy Winehouse, Amelia Earhart, Heath Ledger and more. Although she never hands her assignment into her teacher, she opens up starting high school, falling in love and her crumbling family life on paper. Through her letters, she begins to rediscover May. May failed her as a sister when she was suffering, but she eventually accepts that May was as human as she is now.

If you enjoyed The Perks of Being a Wallflower, you will revel in Love Letters to the Dead’s sentimentality. Dellaira’s prose urges you to stop and ingest every word. Love Letters to the Dead will make you cry with the tenderness that Dellaira weaves in each page. The book contains an anguished beauty, which is difficult to find, but an anguish, which fills you rather than leaving you empty.

Read excerpts from the book here!

[img src: 1, 2-6]

[adayofsun]

[adayofsun]

[adayofsun]

But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.

Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters - via ohproserpine (via perfect)

[adayofsun]

I like to believe that I am a storm, That I am wind shattering windows And knocking down doors. I’ve spent twenty years with my chest puffed out As much as I can, Never trying to admit that There are days when the metal of my frame Gets a little too rusted. We are told that Our strength is what makes us human, Makes us invincible, But sometimes it is the quiet, crying surrender To warm sheets and pillows That say so much more about The ways our hearts beat. Maybe all of us are not Lions roaring across endless expanses Of African brush. Maybe we will never be Conquerors of fear, vanquishers of the dark. Maybe our courage doesn’t all come With red capes as an accessory But that’s okay. We don’t all have to be steel-minded And fearless in the face of all the things that Have eight eyes and bloody fangs. Sometimes we’re allowed to quake, Even if the trembling makes us feel weak. Sometimes we’re allowed to pray, Even if we don’t believe in anything. Sometimes we’re allowed to cry Even when they say that tears are something to hide. Sometimes at night when my bed frame groans Or the wood floors creak too loud I jump, My heart reaching into my bones for the shotgun it keeps Hidden behind my second rib. Sometimes I am not the thunder, But the quiet whimper of the newborn after.

“Sometimes The Bravest Thing To Do Is Call For Your Mom” - Nishat Ahmed (via sickwithsyllables)

[adayofsun]

I have been afraid to look at the dark clouds and cry to you. I've wanted nothing more than to hold your hand in friendship and beg you for the answers I've been searching for. You were so kind, but still so raw. In the flesh you were somebody who I knew I would miss forever. I just want to look for your name in the clouds and find the books you never wrote in the libraries. I need your help more than ever, and I have tried so hard to not scream at the blue above. You left me with a future of open hearted love, yet I'm more scared than ever now that my heart is once again full. Lately all I have been thinking about is dealth. Dealing with it all isn't the issue, it's dealing with my life obstacles that excite me. But being afraid, god I can't be afraid. - If I believed in god I'd ask him how you were. If your arms were full of muscle and voice rugged. I have so much love in my heart that I'm slowly killing myself trying to issue it out to him. Sun I'm scared, I want so much to love him with all my being but I need him to take it. I've been holding on by a string sense you left and I'm afraid he thinks is his fault that I'm slipping. This kindness in my heart is being confused for attachment and I worry that will make him leave. I know I have a lot to offer and a lot that will scare him. It scares me so much and I need you to let me know that I'm not insane for loving him through fear. For wanting to scream at the top of my lungs because when my throat can't take it anymore his arms feel best. I hate fighting but my fragile bones can't take being stepped on. I only know how to be soft and fragile or cold as ice. There is no in between and I fear that will be not only our downfall but my own as well. This isn't what I want, and I know you're looking down from wherever you are hating me. I hate me too, I hate it all for going the way it all has. He is good for me and toxic in every way possible and I just don't believe that I am the same for him. I can't receive his love, it's nearly impossible for me to accept it. Yet I crave it more than anything. I love him until I'm rung dry and have to recharge with eight hours of sleep. I love him until my mind gets tired of day dreaming. My journals have been empty and I'm so angry with myself for losing that sense of myself. I will always have love for you but I think it's time to let it all go. I have to. My heart is swollen with worry and saddened by all the effort he has put in trying to pour his soul into mine. I know you're gone but I need your help. I want to love him more than I've wanted to love anything, anyone. But how am I supposed to let go of it all? How am I supposed to stop being angry, hating everything and losing the battles with myself? How do I let him love me the way his heart wants

#sun

[adayofsun]

Someone asked me how I would describe love… Simply put I believe when you know you just know. When you wake up and that person is your first thought before “holy shit I have to pee.” Or you remember to actually text them when you’re drunk and on your way home. Or it’s when you struggle with one eye closed just to send them coherent drunk texts cause they’re all that’s on your mind. It’s when you want to defend them in every fight Even if it’s a fight against a 200 pound bouncer who will probably throw you down the stairs if you try. It’s 4 am mornings spent talking about her grandparents and what she did on New Years last year. And you never remind her that you’re an hour ahead of her and the sun is already up and you have work in 2 hours. It’s bowling a 30 with her and not even being embarrassed and laughing and kissing the whole while. Love is wanting to see her In your clothes. And letting her steal your clothes, Even though clothes are your favorite thing. Love is letting yourself cry in front of her Even if it’s just while watching the fault in our stars. Or every episode of Greys Anatomy. Love is the way your stomach flipped the first time you laid in bed with her. and the way you laid on her lap trying not to touch her too much. while also wanting to touch her all over because she was so beautiful even in baggy sweatpants and a tshirt. Love is the way that first night is engrained in your mind so vividly. From how cold her apartment was and the way you sat exactly three feet from her in the living room so that her roommate would think your intentions were pure. To the way your heart hammered so loudly each time she touched your face that you swear your insides were black and blue. It’s her catching you staring at her every time you’re out together because God damn it if your aren’t the luckiest motherfucker alive to have that girl on your arm. Love is something as small as a two hour subway ride to pick her up from the airport. So she doesn’t have to navigate alone. And seeing her around the corner and knowing it’s her just by the perpetually chipped dark nail polish on her fingernails. It’s the way she clings to you in her sleep. as if you’re filled with helium and could float away at any moment. Love is “please don’t pee with me on the phone.” “Oh my god you’re peeing with me on the phone.” Now we pee together on the phone. It’s knowing she likes her coffee black But her knowing you like yours to be half milk. Love is like that build up in a song that brings chills you can’t explain, And it’s that smell that only she has on her breath. Nothing can quite describe it but it cuts through alcohol and food and smoke and it just… Is. It’s letting the pups sleep between the two of you Even though You want her pressed firmly against you all night. It’s knowing she hates Mexican food but she took you to get enchiladas on your first date anyway. Love is a series of small things and it comes with knowing that not every love story starts out beautifully. No sometimes it starts with a drunken kiss or asking her out on a napkin at a bar (It seemed romantic at the time). But you know fields of flowers can bloom from the ashes of forest fires. And the world started with a bang At least that’s what some people say. She’s my world, so why shouldn’t we have begun with a crash? Like the ones that halt traffic for miles, The ones you can’t tear your eyes away from. I’ve always been a disaster anyway but she never shielded her eyes from me. It was seeing her look at me without flinching that made me certain. Love is saying you’ll never ever do long distance again. and finding yourself on flights home to see her face because miles can’t measure up to how much you miss her. Home is where the heart is after all And love is knowing there’s an inevitability when you fall. Love is knowing that you’ll probably end up broken into a trillion pieces when it’s all said and done, But as long as her fingertips craft each and every shard then it’ll still be a masterpiece.

The Big Bang by c.r. (via seethestarsablaze)

Perfect

[adayofsun]

1. When he starts distancing himself from you, do not restring bridges with your own sinew. You will find yourself two months later coming unraveled, coming undone. You will find he has left you in the places he has visited and in the hair of the girls he has imagined kissing. You will find yourself splatterpainted on the walls where while drunk he confessed all of your secrets to his college friends. You will be crying on the floor, surrounded by the parts of you he has stepped on, and he will look you in the eyes and ask you to clean up the mess. 2. When she cannot get through the words “I love you” without her eyes flicking to the side or her tongue slurring or her mouth pressing in at the edges: do not assume it is your fault. Do not think that you have yet again pushed away someone amazing. You have not. Sometimes people knock on their bones and find themselves hollow. You were the only way they felt momentarily whole, do not empty yourself to fill up their soul. Do not shatter into pieces trying to perfect yourself. You do not need to be glass to turn light into rainbows. You are a person, not their prism. 3. Do not let them hold you against their body if you know they do not cherish every second they are in contact with your skin. I know it feels as if you are breaking your own spine, but tear yourself away from them. Know that the something beautiful you had was already fading. Know that in the end you did the only thing you could. Sometimes people grow apart. Even trees do it. 4. Cry. Want them back. 5. Cry. Do not take them back. 6. In the following months, you will rediscover what it means to be alone. You will sit and stare at a ceiling and hate yourself and hate the world and cry about everything because everything hurts. You will wonder if it could have gotten better if you’d just been a little different, if the timing had worked out, if if if. Do not worry about this. Nothing would have changed the reality that the person you were in love with had stopped loving you somewhere along the line, whether it was in the middle of a conversation or while driving under a bridge or when they made eye contact with someone new and wonderful. It doesn’t matter. Stop wasting your time on them. You don’t need to stop your story just because they are no longer a main character. Do not take back what has already poisoned you. Instead start healing and start healing soon. 7. Take yourself back. Bring out the mop, the broom, the magic wand. Glue where needs to be glued, put up new paint, turn off the lights in places that are too hot to touch. Touch your toes. Touch your hair. Touch a dog. Touch the grass, touch the telephone, do not call him. Touch base with your mom. Touch another person with no love in your heart, touch another person and mean every second of it. Believe in yourself even if you don’t believe in love. It’s okay. There is nothing wrong with being alone. You are the best company you’ll ever know. It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay and none of this was ever your fault. Sometimes people just fall out of love. It’s okay. It’s okay. You’ll one day discover you didn’t need them anyway.

"How to stop loving someone who does not love you." /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

[adayofsun]

The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please.

Transgender teen Leelah Alcorn in heartbreaking farewell note left on her Tumblr (via funeral)

[adayofsun]

Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

[adayofsun]

I will never forget the way you looked at me.

I swear, I never will // R.R. (via missinyouiskillingme)

[adayofsun]

"People ask why I still look for him in a crowded room," she said. "And I tell them I don’t know why." "But maybe it’s because he was my light." "And maybe I am tired of feeling blind."

(via im-sad-lets-have-sex)