actualriverdaleplots

[actualriverdaleplots]

It’s homecoming week at Riverdale High and everyone is getting ready for the big game. Archie is nervous because he needs to be there as the quarterback but he has a big math test the day before and he’s close to being put on academic probation and pulled from the team.

Meanwhile, Kevin runs into Cheryl at the mall as she’s picking out her homecoming dress. She comes out of the changing room in an bright scarlet dress and says “it’s serving glamour, is it not?” Instead of agreeing, Kevin makes a face and says “I like it, but it’s sort of giving me 2007 Jessica Simpson?” And Cheryl throws the hanger at him.

The next day Kevin and the rest of the Riverdale crew are sitting in the student lounge and Kevin mentions that he’s getting tested for STDs later. The show has an extended segment where it emphasizes how sex positive it is and serves as an in-episode PSA for safe sex in the homosexual community.

Cutting to the next scene, we see Kevin joyfully opening the results of his STD panel in the student lounge. His face falls as he reads that he’s tested positive for glamydia, an STD that has going around the homosexual community in Riverdale. There’s a surprisingly poignant scene between Kevin and his father where Kevin tells him the news, and Sheriff Keller embraces him and tells him that he’ll support him no matter what.

Just as Kevin comes to terms with his condition, it’s revealed that Cheryl, hearing that Kevin was going to be tested, snuck into the lab and contaminated his sample with glamydia positive blood in the middle of the night. Betty stumbles across her on the security footage while she’s investigating a case involving the falsification of records in medical charts at the clinic and tells Kevin what Cheryl did.

Kevin confronts Cheryl and Cheryl tells him that got his just desserts, and that he should’ve known better than to say that her her dress was anything but cutting edge fashion when she was wearing a favored Blossom semi formal look and bringing the only modicum of class that anyone at Riverdale high would have the pleasure to see that year. She storms out, heels clicking on the floors, perfectly vindicated as Kevin stares at her agape.

Archie, having spent the last 3 days being patiently tutored by Ethel, just barely passes his math test and leads the Bulldogs to victory on the field. The gang all go out for milkshakes at Pop’s to celebrate.

#actual riverdale plots #riverdale #kevin keller #cheryl blossom

[actualriverdaleplots]

After finding out that his palladium mines are contaminated with radioactive materials, Hiram Lodge decides to launch a new line of clothing with radioactive waste embedded in it in order to dispose of the waste and prevent his operation from being shut down by OSHA. He decides to capitalize on his status as a father to market himself as a feminist #girldad and sell the contaminated clothing as part of a multi level marketing scheme to the young women of Riverdale. The girls of Riverdale buy in immediately, and soon everyone is selling each other #girldad Hiram brand clothing. Polly Cooper is the top saleswoman in town and continually tries to convince Betty to buy in.

Veronica is mad that her father is using fake feminist clout to sell radioactive waste to the women of Riverdale, so she launches a counterattack with Toni. Toni starts a new clothing line that is ethically and sustainably sourced with #boymom branding and criticizes Hiram’s campaign for being facetiously feminist.

While all of this is happening, Jughead goes into the mines and tries to uncover the source of the radioactive waste to report to OSHA but ends up being poisoned himself. He experiences a hallucination where he walks through the wasteland of a nuclear bombing and makes several references to The Wasteland by TS Eliot.

At the end of the episode, all of the girls storm Hiram’s office with a Geiger counter while he meets with an OSHA agent and demonstrate that the clothing is radioactive. To finish putting him in his place, they all sing Hey Mama by David Guetta (ft. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha). Hiram is forced to cancel his fashion line, and he throws a bottle of rum at the wall in anger.

#riverdale #hiram lodge #veronica lodge #jughead jones #toni topaz #actual riverdale plots

[actualriverdaleplots]

Episode where Archie gets really into whaling and he’s like "Cheryl, I respect you as a friend but I think it was fucked up that when the Blossoms moved the town inland they ruined the whaler's livelihood and they couldn't provide for their families". Cheryl and Archie are both psychically connected to people from Riverdale’s past who were on opposite sides of the whale debate but Cheryl only gets visions from her bougie family while Archie gets visions of the whole proletariat town.

We learn that Fred Andrews was on a whaling ship in his youth and just as he was about to deliver the killing blow to a prized whale he looked it in the eye and freed it instead. Because of this the ship captain, Bartholomew Blossom, refused him his pay and he had to return home without his fortune to start Andrews Construction. In the present day, Archie starts his own whaling journey and is obsessed with catching a powerful young male orca. At the climax of the episode there’s a scene where he falls overboard and like wrestles with the whale, and it looks like Archie is going to drown, but then the whale drags him to the carcasses of his dead whale family and Archie understands that the whale is mourning its father just like he is.

Archie goes back to shore understanding more about himself and then decides to get back into high school wrestling.

#riverdale #actual riverdale plots