accidentallysociologically

[accidentallysociologically]

Things I want to remember

I don't really know what I’m doing...I read enough blogs but never thought I would be entertaining the idea of having one myself.  I initially set up the Tumblr so I could ruminate on teaching Sociology.  Instead, I am finding myself writing a week and a half after I asked my husband to leave our home.  A week and a half ago I decided that it wasn’t working and this would be it.  It’s not like he wasn’t ok with the decision; he was waiting on me to pull the trigger.  

In the week and a half that my husband stopped sleeping in the house, a lot of good things happened actually.  Most importantly, my amazing boss made a casual comment that I should write down the funny/quirky/cute things my daughter says and does.  She is 2 so really everything she does is funny/quirky/cute.  

I’ve had tons of tears in the last week and a half...no breakup is complete without rehashing petty shit that happened almost 10 years ago and how it made us feel and the resentment we hold as a result--thank goodness my work life exists from the waist up and I can blame internet issues on keeping my camera off.  

I want to remember the good things because its just too easy to remember the bad shit.  I’m finding the anger and resentment my husband and I hold onto is because we can’t remember the good stuff.

So here are the things I want to remember...I hope this list gets so long that the bad stuff never outweighs the good stuff

1) We celebrated R’s bday, separated at that point, and with both sides of the family--and no one fought

2) After getting an epidural shot for my back pain, I was able to take R to the park for the first time in weeks--this was a short term goal for back pain recovery and I did it

3) A consulting opportunity came up with people that I knew in a previous career track--this would bring be full circle in giving back to my community, something I truly value

4) A random guy I am FB friends reached out trying to flirt with me....the irony is that I’m not someone that gets flirted with or reached out to even in my single life, so this was a nice ego boost in the midst of crying about separating--it wont go anywhere with this guy, fwiw

5) My elderly, typical Russian grandfather style neighbor watched me trying to parallel park and came out and started to tell me how to turn the wheel and at what degree to make any turns/moves--it was a nice reminder of my own grandfather, with almost word for word directions that my grandfather would’ve given me

6) I watched my 17 year old sister walk into a surprise party that she totally knew all about and act super suprised...it was great!

7) At the same party, I got to listen to about 10 16-18 year olds sing along to WAP--the last sing along I did was “Don’t Stop Believing’” by Journey...clearly, we are no part of the same generation

8) Also at the same party, one of my sister’s friends happens to go to the same school I graduate from.  I mentioned a teacher I had and she also had him.  I reminisced about someone I hadn’t thought about in years--I feel like a lot of my career choices were shaped by the classes I took with this teacher.

9) R continues to take my mouse and put it to her ear to talk on the “phone” in her babble language--having to search the house for a mouse amidst piles of toys is a joyful experience in the mornings

10) R is now saying balloon, up, and down--those are the most recent words and they are added to the already growing list...soon she’ll be talking back lol

These 10 things happened in the midst of pain and heart break.  These 10 things have made it possible to not want to crawl under a rock.  These 10 things have helped me to see that I am not alone.  These 10 things are allowing me to shed my sense of grief emerge with a sense of happiness.